Chapter 6 #2
I shot a glance at Ida Belle, who had also caught a glimpse of the ring and raised her eyebrows.
Gertie’s habit had rolled around her body during the fall, binding her like the Michelin Man around the waist. Thankfully, her holster was covered, but her underclothes were on full display.
She wore biking shorts in lime green and on top of them was the dreaded butt floss in fuchsia.
Lettering down the front of the shorts read It’s Party Time.
Zion was draped across Gertie’s legs, and his hand was currently resting in an awkward-to-explain location on Gertie’s chest. At first, he didn’t respond to the woman’s demands, and I wondered if he’d knocked himself unconscious, then he finally stirred and glanced around, confused.
When the situation all clicked, he sprang up like a cat.
Unfortunately, his pants were still wrapped around his knees, so he went right back down.
At least this time, he wasn’t draped across Gertie in some weird R-rated movie scenario.
He landed face-first in about a foot of water, and I waded in to right him before he drowned, while the woman on the bank just stood there, arms crossed, and clearly disapproving of whatever all this was.
“Your pants,” I said as he sputtered, sending water everywhere.
He looked down and then clearly panicked, yanked the pants up so hard and fast that he gave himself a wedgie, which elicited a yelp. He bolted up again, this time managing to stay upright, and pulled at the legs of his pants to get them out of his nethers, then leaned over and peered at Gertie.
“Are you all right, Sister?” he asked. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t maintain balance for both of us on the slope.”
Gertie, who’d sat up to watch the whole pants debacle, said, “I don’t recall seeing ‘baptism’ on the itinerary. You really need to brush up on your religion.”
Zion looked so perturbed that I struggled not to smile.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice low. “Let’s get you up, Sister Gerianne.”
“Let me handle it this time,” Ida Belle said, wading in. “I think you’ve got bigger fish to fry,” she said to Zion.
The angry woman on the bank glanced at the three Barbies then back at Gertie as she tapped her fingers on her arm. Zion hurried over to explain.
“The sister has bad knees. I was trying to assist her with rising when she lost her balance and fell into me. We were just on the edge of the bank and took a tumble down into the bayou.”
“And you just happened to lose your pants as you went?” she asked.
“Yes.”
When the woman gave him a disbelieving look, he threw his hands in the air. “She’s a nun, for Christ’s sake!”
Ida Belle and Gertie both automatically made the sign of the cross, and he gave them an apologetic look as the woman spun around and stomped off toward the office, shooting the three Barbies an angry glare as she went.
“I apologize,” Zion said. “My wife has clearly gotten the wrong impression, although how she could…never mind. Let’s push smoothies back half an hour. Some of us need to shower and change.”
“And apparently pick pants with a tighter waistband,” Ida Belle said and looked over at Gertie. “Let’s go before you flash any more of God’s children with those completely inappropriate underclothes.”
“They’re not inappropriate if no one sees them,” Gertie argued.
“God sees everything,” Ida Belle said and gave Zion another withering glance.
I looked over at the Barbies, who still stood there not uttering a word. “I’m so sorry we’ve disrupted your peace,” I said.
One of them laughed. “This is the most entertainment we’ve had on a mini-vacation since that time we got on a boat with randos in Florida and ended up in Cuba. Thought they weren’t going to let us out—the Cuban government I mean, not the randos.”
The other two perked up at the memory and nodded.
I gave them a smile and a half wave and we set off for our cabin.
“Are you trying to blow this?” Ida Belle asked. “Zion might have to cut this whole thing short if he can’t sort out his wife.”
Gertie laughed. “I would say it’s clear who wears the pants in the family, but that setup was just too easy.”
“She didn’t look pleased at the other guests either,” Ida Belle said.
“Probably because they were staring at Zion like he’s a prime cut of beef and he was flashing his sexy underwear around,” Gertie said.
“The flashing was all your fault,” Ida Belle said, “but I have a feeling she’s still not going to like it.”
I nodded. “I wonder if she knows about Eleanor. Obviously she knows about her if Zion was in business with her, but does she know about her?”
“Women always know,” Gertie said. “They might not admit it if they’re not wanting to subject themselves to pressure from others to bail, but they know. Probably why she jumped straight to mad instead of concern for him physically.”
“She looked young,” I said. “Midtwenties maybe?”
Ida Belle nodded. “A good ten younger than him or better and at that age, it’s a huge difference.”
“And Eleanor was ten plus years older than him,” Gertie said. “I mean, does he really think people don’t see what’s going on?”
“I guess as long as his targets are willing to stick their heads in the sand, he can still work the situation,” Ida Belle said.
We headed into the cabin and Gertie went to hop in the shower. I was hanging our habits out the window to dry when Ida Belle’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and frowned at the display.
“It’s Mildred,” she said before answering.
“Oh, Ida Belle,” Mildred wailed. “It’s just too awful.”
“What’s happened?” Ida Belle asked and put her on speaker.
The bathroom door flew open and Gertie stood there, towel wrapped around her and dripping on the wood floor.
“Carter was just here. He was asking me all these questions about Eleanor and drug use. I told him my sister didn’t use drugs.
She rarely even had a drink. And if she was going to use something, why on earth would she take barbiturates?
Eleanor was pessimistic enough as it was.
She didn’t need chemicals to bring her down even further. ”
“Drugs showed in her tox screen?” Ida Belle asked.
“That’s what Carter said. And she’d taken them recently, probably right before she went into the sauna. There’s just no way she’d do something that foolish.”
“Mildred, this is Fortune. Did Eleanor have anything to eat or drink before she went into the sauna?”
“Not at the office. When she grabbed her keys after that fight with Zion, she headed straight for her cabin. If she had anything when she got there, the ME would know that too, right?”
“Anything she consumed would be in her stomach, yes, but they might not have finished the autopsy yet. The drugs would show in her bloodstream.”
“I just don’t believe it. I don’t care what that test says. My sister was not some junkie.”
“No one is saying that,” Ida Belle said. “Are you sure there wasn’t anything bothering Eleanor? Something she might have self-medicated over? If she wasn’t really familiar with drugs, she could have made a bad choice.”
“And then gone into a sauna and killed herself?” Mildred started to cry. “That doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense.”
“I don’t want to upset you any more than you already are,” I said, “but did Eleanor own a gun?”
“Of course. Doesn’t everyone in these parts?”
“Did she have a .357 Sig?”
“I don’t know. She carried a nine, like me. I never knew her or Father to own one and Mother never would touch one, but who knows what either of them acquired while I was gone, and then Jasper would have had his own preferences… Is that…?”
“Yes. Carter didn’t ask you about it?”
“No. I guess maybe he didn’t think it mattered since it had to be her that…you know. And surely it would have been registered to her, Father, or Jasper.”
“I’m sure you’re right. Did Carter give you any more information?”
“No. And I was too flustered to ask anything. He did his best not to upset me, but I couldn’t help it with what he was asking.”
“Of course you were upset,” Ida Belle said. “No one is expecting you not to be.”
“And then that parasite Zion called me this morning, asking about the bookings for the retreat and if I’d run the credit cards. Like I’m going to charge people who were staying at a crime scene.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ida Belle said. “Is there anything we can do to help?”
She sniffed. “I know what you girls get up to…what Fortune does for a living. I need you to figure out what happened to my sister. Find out who gave her those drugs, because none of this was like her. Doing drugs, making deals with that snake Zion. I know I haven’t been around for a long time, but I still say she wasn’t herself. Something was off.”
“I agree it all sounds strange,” Ida Belle said. “We’re out of town overnight but will be back later tomorrow.”
“Do you think Carter will tell you guys something? Because I get the feeling he’s not leveling with me.”
“Carter would tell you before he told me,” I said.
“He can’t talk about an ongoing investigation, especially now as he’s being audited by the state police.
Not like he would have talked before, but he’s not going to give an inch on anything.
The investigation will be strictly by the book.
He can’t afford to deviate, even a little, if he wants to win the election. ”
“Is that who that fool with him was? I was afraid he was a new deputy. Strolled in my house like he owned the place and never introduced himself. Rude is what he was. I’m sorry Carter’s dealing with that but glad that guy won’t be sticking around to police in these parts. We don’t need any of that.”
“Mildred, I hate to ask,” I began, “but do you know what Eleanor’s agreement with Zion was? I assume you signed the contract, right?”
“Ha! I didn’t even see the contract. Mildred was the executor of the trust. She didn’t have to get my permission for anything.”
“But surely, as a beneficiary, you had some input into how your inheritance was being used,” I said.
“Wasn’t my inheritance. I get a small monthly draw and that’s it. The bottom line is Father rewarded Eleanor for sticking around and punished me for leaving. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I wouldn’t have stuck around for Rockefeller’s money.”
“So what happens to the assets in the trust now?” I asked.
“To be honest, I’m not sure. I never saw all the paperwork. The lawyer explained to me what my part was, and that was that. I didn’t ask to see anything. Wouldn’t be able to decipher that legalese even if I did.”
“I think you should call the lawyer and ask him these questions,” I said. “And see if you can find the contract between Zion and Eleanor. You need to know what the legal obligations are now.”
“Do you think he did something to her—you know, got his hands on the cabins but didn’t want what came with it?”
“I’m not saying that. I just think you need to get your lawyer on this right away. Let us work on what happened to Eleanor.”
She sniffed again. “Okay. I can do that. At least I’ll feel like I’m doing something. Just sitting here stewing has my back in spasms.”
“Put your heating pad on it and try to relax,” Ida Belle said. “Maybe a shot of that expensive scotch will take the edge off.”
“I’ll try it. I’m so sorry to burden you with this, but I didn’t know who else to call. I don’t have much, but I can pay you.”
“We’ll worry about that later,” I said. “I’ll bring over some client paperwork so that you have confidentiality, but let’s not worry about the money right now. You’ve got enough going on.”
“Thank you.”
She choked on the last words, then disconnected.
Ida Belle shook her head. “I have to agree with Mildred on this one. I just don’t see Eleanor taking downers. She’d already lost her mother and her husband and not only held everything together but took Mildred in and started her own business. None of that spells weak to me.”
“But if Zion dumped her after inking a deal, that changes things,” Gertie asked. “Maybe it was the final straw of loss that sent her over the edge.”
“We’ve seen stranger things,” I said.
“He’s supposed to be the expert on all that mind-body stuff, right?” Gertie asked. “Shouldn’t he have been able to see if she was at risk and tried to help her?”
I nodded. “Unless he was the one putting her there deliberately.”
“Which moves beyond scamming and into downright evil.”
“Get back in the shower and stop dripping on the floor,” Ida Belle said. “What reason would Zion have to want her dead? The retreat just opened, and if he’s asking about running credit cards, then he clearly needs the money. Why kill the golden goose when you’ve barely gotten the doors open?”
Gertie shrugged. “Maybe that goose was going to start honking to his wife.”
She disappeared back into the bathroom and Ida Belle looked over at me, her expression grim.
“It looks like Gertie might have been right about this after all.”