Chapter 11
Acouple hours later, and Hedwig was still… displeased.
“…and allowed me to appear as some stuffy, uptight old man!” the flamboyant fifty-year old said with a toss of his head and a sniff.
He’d found the magical closet. At least…
I hoped he had, and that bright purple boa wasn’t made from one of the peacocks.
My best friend liked to hide his more murderous qualities under a veneer of queer glam.
It was terrifying how often that ended in death and maiming.
“Over here, please Heddy,” Melvin said with an impatient gesture. Hedwig crossed his arms and flounced into position, his perfectly manicured silver brows still canted at a bitchy angle.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, quit your bitching, you drama queen.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, and if looks could kill, I’d be dead about a hundred times over already.
“I am a queen. And I’m never going to let you live this down, Mary.
Never. That bitch gave me wrinkles!” He patted a hand over his now flawlessly smooth, ageless skin as if he was reliving the nightmare.
I suppressed a grin. “Good to know you’re feeling more like yourself, Hedwig.”
He lifted his nose in the air. “See if I do the gossip rounds for you ever again.”
I patted the old owl shifter on the shoulder in sympathy. “I know. It was awful. But Heddy, we’ve all suffered. She made me wear pink.”
He arched a perfectly plucked gray brow at me. “Heavens forbid. We both need a stiff drink. Or a stiff cock. Maybe both.”
I shrugged. “Let’s just focus on one thing at a time, maybe? Like getting out of this fucking pocket dimension.”
He sighed dramatically, but finally shut up.
“Okay,” Mel said, gesturing for me and Cass to join him.
Linking arms with the others, the magic users in the group put our hands on the little piece of crystal Melvin had found in his explorations of the mansion.
The final bit of anchoring magic, or so we hoped.
“Count of three,” he said in a cheery voice.
I shook my head. He might sound all chipper, but his eyes were wild and skittish. We were probably about to blow ourselves up.
“Remember,” he reminded me and Cass. “We have to wait until the last possible second to push, when the spell is almost completely gone.” It would give us the ability to force our way through the thin magic barrier and out of the pocket world.
But if we timed it wrong…we’d get stuck in the ever-imploding vortex between worlds as it collapsed.
“Tally-ho.” Cass said, his mouth stretching into a grim smile.
Melvin started chanting, unweaving what was left of the magic that had created the pocket dimension and trapped us all. “Steady,” he muttered. Then he sucked in a breath. “Now!”
Traveling through time, and space, and dimensions hurt like a motherfucking bitch.
I felt the essence of my entire being stretch, pulled atom-thin and scattered among the stars, before it snapped back into place like an over-stretched rubber band, the sting of it crawling over every nerve in my body.
“Troll shit!” I muttered, writhing on the ground while I gasped for air, all my systems kicking back on and struggling to operate in ordinary reality.
A puff of fairy dust rained down on my face and a tiny, glittering gold glow hurtled down to land on my chest with a thump.
I gingerly reached up and cupped Cassius in my hand, relieved to feel the mad buzz of his delicate wings against my hand and hear the high-pitched whine of his tiny, pissed-off voice.
“Well, we’ll have to re-do all our personal magic, looks like,” Melvin muttered, pushing himself to his feet.
He was rather more used to being blown up in weird magical explosions than the rest of us, so he bounced back quicker.
Tires squealed and a car horn blared. “Get out of the damned road, lunatics!”
I sat up and blinked. Yeah, of course we were all sprawled in the middle of the damned street. I can’t imagine what hairbrained luck had kept us from getting runover. That was usually how things went for me.
I gently tucked a protesting Cassius into the pocket of my gray men’s button-up and stood, dusting off my wide ass. “Okay. Next up, let’s go do some murder.”
I took a look around to get my bearings. Then I strode off toward the sidewalk that led into oldtown, where most of the nicer magic shops were located. A bit of grumbling followed me, along with a disgruntled bear shifter and a worn-out sorcerer.
They didn’t ask me if this could wait until we had all recovered. They knew better. Someone had fucked with me and with the people I loved. I wouldn’t rest until they were punished.
The bells above the overly-cute sex shop door jangled merrily as I threw the door open and stormed inside. “Hickeybottom!” I called out, my voice echoing like doom.
The few customers skittered away as my hair lifted in the non-existent wind.
They knew a pissed-off witch when they saw one.
And…I might have a reputation for being a bit unpredictable.
A little gasp came from behind the counter and I grinned.
“Stop hiding, you disgusting little cupcake. I know it was you.”
Belinda Hickinbottom slowly appeared from behind the glossy wood counter. As usual, she was perfectly primped and manicured, and everything matched, from the polka-dot hairclip in her perfect blonde ringlets to the fuzzy pink sweater, to her pink lip gloss.
“Oh, hello Mary,” she said, trying to sound calm as she inched her fingers along the bottom of the counter for the panic button. “So good to see you! Have you been away? On vacation maybe?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Of all the petty, stupid shit. This was because of the anal beads, wasn’t it?
You locked me and my entire family in a fucking pocket universe because I turned you in for making illegally spelled anal beads?
What the fuck is wrong with you? Did all that pink rot your brain? ”
She pressed her lips together and flushed, her cheeks a glaring red that clashed with her current color scheme.
“That!” she said shrilly, stomping one little foot as she glared up at me.
“That right there! You’re always so smug.
Like you’re better than everyone else. Someone needed to take you down a notch.
” She lifted her nose in a little sniff.
“You’re not even a fully licensed witch. ”
I let my arms drop to my sides. “You’re right.
I do think I’m better than most people. Definitely better than you.
And I don’t need some piece of paper or some stodgy school’s approval to tell me how to use my magic.
” I shrugged. “Besides. I don’t have to be the best witch in the room, Bubblebottom. I just have to be the most prepared.”
She lifted her hand to cast a spell, but it was too late.
Cass darted down from his pre-arranged hiding spot in the rafters and upended the vial he carried, right over her head.
Belinda seemed to forget what she was doing as she fell under the spell of one of her own questionably legal passion charms. “Oh,” she said, blinking like a drunken pink lollypop, as she leaned her curvy figure against the counter.
“When did you get so…alluring, Mary Sue?”
I snorted. Then I hauled her out from behind the counter.
She didn’t resist, too lust soaked to care.
And that was why these passion charms should be banned.
It was way too easy to lower a person’s inhibitions too much.
But right now…I had absolutely no problem with the fact that we’d just dosed Belinda in enough of the stuff to give thirty people a boner.
“Found it!” Melvin crowed with glee, holding up another crystal like the one we’d just deactivated in the pocket world.
I had no idea why she’d purchased a small case of the damned things, but for once, my weak premonition skills had come through.
Apparently, Belinda held onto a grudge. I should probably warn her rivals.
I didn’t even fight my grin as we stuffed Belinda into the little pocket prison. I had no idea how the world in there was designed, but she had clearly planned to use it on someone else. Let her stew for a while.
“Seems a little cruel,” Draven said as he watched me take a hemp necklace from a display and tie the crystal around my neck for safe keeping.
I shrugged. “Adversity builds character,” I told him firmly. “Maybe she’ll come out of it all with a personality.”
Dusting off my hands, I went to peruse the shelves for any ingredients I might need back home.
After all, Belinda owed me for all the jobs and potential income she’d cost us however long we were locked away.
Then I turned and herded my guys out the door, flipping the “closed” sign and locking the door on my way out.