Chapter 49 Taera
Taera
“Are you threatening me?” he murmurs, low and delicious. The kind of voice that sends shivers down my spine whether I want it to or not.
I suck in a breath, feeling suddenly cold. I think of Ezran, and how he needs me… but then I think of Nikolai’s sister, Hazel, and how she needs him. I will not act like a magician and use his secrets against him.
“No,” I declare. “I gave you my word that I will never endanger your sister. I’m not going to, no matter what.”
His brow creases. “So you’re just asking for my help? For nothing in return?”
I nod, hoping I haven’t made a terrible mistake.
He cocks his head. “With what?”
“I don’t want to be sent down to first year,” I say, more confidently than I feel. “If you helped me get through exams, it wouldn’t take years to learn magic.”
He raises his brows. “Very clever.”
I exhale shakily. So he lied to me, the night of the labyrinth. Then again, after I was almost drained, when I asked if there was any other way out.
My voice shakes. “You made me think I wouldn’t see my family again for years, that it wasn’t even possible.”
“It isn’t possible,” he replies.
I blink. “But—”
“Not without me.”
“You omitted that part.” I glare at him.
His face is impassive. “I believe you were requesting my help.”
I snarl. “You—”
“Why,” he interrupts, “would I go to all the work of personally training a reckless sandstorm of a source, risking my own place in the Halls of Glass, for a chance at what—being stuck with you for longer?” Nikolai’s tone is infuriatingly calm.
I clench my fists, trying to control my roiling anger. He’s always been a liar and always will be a liar. I can’t change that. But I still need his help.
“I have magic,” I say.
“You do.”
“And you need a lot of magic. For your sister.”
He watches me. “I can get magic from any source I please. What makes you think yours is worth all the effort?”
“I’m powerful,” I reply.
“You are,” he says, smiling. “And bad at negotiating.”
I bite my tongue hard enough to taste iron.
“Helping you has to outweigh the cost of keeping you here,” he says, “and you’ve racked up quite the score.”
“I won’t get in your way,” I say blandly.
He chuckles. “Your actions say otherwise.”
He’s not wrong. I grow progressively more tense. “How can I convince you?”
“If you want me to take you seriously, you could apologize.”
I gape at him. When his face remains neutral, I realize he isn’t joking.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter between my teeth.
“For what?”
I rack my brain for what he could be angry about. “For searching your desk.”
“Why?”
The question throws me off balance. “What?”
“Why are you sorry?”
I scoff. “Because you want me to be.”
“Not good enough.” He turns away.
“Wait,” I cry out. “I am sorry.”
He glances back, and my chest constricts. This is my last chance.
I make myself hold his gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t respect your privacy. You… you didn’t ask to be stuck with some source you hate.”
Nikolai is silent for a long time.
“That’s not true,” he says quietly.
The lump in my throat forms so quickly that I struggle to speak. “I swear on the sands, I’m speaking the truth.”
“I don’t hate you.”
I’m weightless for a moment.
“You’re right,” he says. “Your magic is valuable. That’s the problem.”
“But isn’t that what you want?” I frown.
“If I work with you, really work with you, everyone will know I’m doing it in exchange for power.”
“They already know we’re paired together.”
“As a joke.” His eyes darken. “That was to get you to safety. I can’t have anyone suspecting why I need so much magic that I would work with an untrained source.”
“It’s not believable for you to just… want to work with me?” My voice comes out smaller than intended.
“It would be believable…” He flashes a devilish smile. “If the two of us were together.”
I stare at him until realization hits. Then heat blossoms up my cheeks and I have trouble meeting his eyes.
“Exactly.” He chuckles. “The idea is laughable.”
Baffled hurt prickles my stomach. This same magician kissed me.
“What?” Nikolai smirks.
“Is it that impossible,” I choke on the words, “that you would find me attractive?”
Nikolai appears astonished. Then he tips his head back and laughs—actually laughs. I can only watch, glued to the spot, wishing I could fall through the floor. When he looks down at me again, his eyes glitter.
“No, Taera.” He grins. “That is not the problem.”
“What—”
“You blush when I just look at you. It’s adorable.” Nikolai smiles at me, stepping closer. He lifts his fingers and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You hold your breath when I touch you.”
“I breathe,” I say, trying, and failing, to remember how to do exactly that.
He chuckles. “If I were pretending to be obsessed with you, you’d need to be comfortable with a lot more than that. I’m not exactly subtle.”
The concept of speaking is forgotten to me as I try to process what he’s saying—how close he is.
With his eyes fixed on mine, he adds, more gently, “I don’t want to take those experiences from you. Not for a lie. They aren’t something you get back.” His mouth curves. “Besides, you could barely cuddle me when you tried.”
I make a strangled noise. “Right.”
He steps back, and I feel dizzy, at a loss.
“That’s why I can’t work with you, Taera,” he says, his voice low. “I don’t think you’re ready to put on that kind of show.”
His words… they do things to me. Magical things along my skin. A tightening in my core. I don’t know whether I want this so I can finally go home, or—desert forbid—because I want the magician in front of me.
Maybe both?
I meet the challenge in his emerald eyes. “I’m ready.”