Chapter 57 Taera
Taera
His mask is perfect. There’s no doubt left in my mind: I’m still pretending to be his. My insides tighten with shock, horror, and twisted enjoyment. I despise him for it.
“You’re finished early.” Annie beams. “Scootch over, there’s room.”
“Taera learns quickly,” Omi says, taking the spot that shuffles into existence. I fiddle awkwardly in place, unsure where I’ll fit, when Nikolai tugs at my fingers.
“Come here,” he purrs.
He pulls me onto his lap, and my mind experiences complete failure. I make a small sound. Then my cheeks flush until my entire face is on fire. Beside us, Annie laughs.
“You hungry?” His lips brush past my ear. My breath catches, and my heart thrums like the wings of a hummingbird. Nikolai chuckles, the sound rumbling through his chest.
When I recover, remembering to be mortified, I spot Jezebel glaring at me as though trying to kill me with her eyes. I jerk my gaze away.
“Then,” Annie is chattering, “Nya told me to talk to Gwen, but then Gwen told me to talk to Nya. So guess what I did…”
None of what she says even registers. All I do register is the heat of Nikolai’s chest behind me, his legs beneath me. One of his arms casually looped around my waist. My hand tingles inside his, and I try to think about anything except how the closeness of his body is affecting me.
It’s just an act.
He’s a lying bastard who threw a tantrum just yesterday and kicked me out of his room for something he asked me to do. I refuse to be consoled by a few thumb strokes to the back of my hand, even if my magic responds to it.
“You hungry, gorgeous?” Nikolai murmurs to me again.
To my horror, he picks up a cube of bread from his plate and lifts it up to my lips. I stare at it, unwilling to comprehend.
“For you.” His affectionate tone is laced with amusement. His chest quivers, and it takes me a moment to realize he’s suppressing laughter. He’s toying with me.
Heat sears through me, anger this time, bright and unforgiving. Nikolai chuckles. I won’t let him get away with this. My eyes dart around, but everyone—and I mean everyone—is watching us. Am I willing to humiliate myself, to give in, to maintain this facade?
Give up my dignity?
Months, not years.
Trying to smile, I snatch the piece of bread between my teeth. My mouth is too dry to properly moisten it, so it goes down in a thick lump. His fingers brush my lips, sending a lightning bolt across my skin—which I ignore.
Nikolai picks up another piece.
This time, I accidentally bite his thumb. He stops feeding me after that, and I stiffly remain on his lap for the rest of lunch.
The rest of the meal passes without incident, although I don’t eat anything more. When the group gets up to leave, Nikolai grins wickedly. That’s the only warning I get before he scoops me up, bridal-style, and carries me out of the dining hall—leaving a trail of giggling whispers in our wake.
I wrap my arms around his neck, digging my nails in.
Once we’re two corners out of sight, he places me on my feet.
“What do you think you’re—” I snap.
“Shh.” He touches his finger to my lips, sending another irritating jolt through me. He leans in and whispers, “We’re not alone yet.”
I snap my mouth closed so fast my teeth clack. Glancing around, I don’t see anyone, but just in case, I try to keep my face pleasant. Judging by Nikolai’s snort, my forced smile must look deranged. He places a hand on my back, and with a charming half-smirk of his own, he leads me to his chambers.
The moment the door closes, everything about him shifts. His hand drops from me, his expression hardens, and he crosses to his desk without a word. The Nikolai who carried me laughing through the halls evaporates as if he were nothing more than—well, an illusion.
I’m left standing next to the door, bewildered. Seconds earlier I was furious and annoyingly flustered. Now, I’m not even sure if I’m looking at the same person.
“Don’t play games with me,” I hiss.
“You’re the one who wanted to play this game.”
I try to think of a reply—something clever—but come up with nothing.
“I’ll be back late,” he says. Then, he’s brushing past me and out the door again, leaving me alone and worked up.
I slam my hands against the closed door, cursing. When Nikolai told me I wasn’t ready for this, I assumed he would still play nice. Now it’s like he’s goading me into sabotaging our arrangement, provoking me to see if I’ll break character.
Sweet sands, do I want to.
I’ll show him he’s underestimated me.
Huffing, I take a seat on my mat and cross my legs. I shut my eyes and slowly, breath after breath, clear my mind.
I still don’t know whether I can trust Nikolai to fulfill his end of the bargain and get me through exams. But I also haven’t fulfilled my side of the deal, seeing as he hasn’t accepted any of my magic. He could use that against me, to back out, unless I give him what I promised.
But after all his talk, he doesn’t even seem to want magic. He’s just obsessed with his books—with his stupid shards of mirror.
I open my eyes with another terrible plan.