Chapter 10 #2
“Honestly, no. But it’s the truth, Avalon.
I suffered postpartum depression after Ellie was born, and didn’t think I could handle another child.
I went to a therapist for almost a year after her birth, and my conclusion from spending six figures on therapy, in addition to hundreds of hours of time, was that I couldn’t handle another child. But now, I’m having a third.”
Avalon squints at me.
“You had postpartum depression as a guy? How does that even happen? I know new moms can get it, but the dad? Really?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“Having two children just got to be too much. You know that I have two companies, and that I’m CEO of both.
I have a difficult schedule, and yet I prioritize my family too.
I’m present in both of my daughters’ lives, and I don’t want my kids raised by nannies.
That’s why I was at the cabin when I met you.
Ellie’s mom took a week-long vacation, and instead of passing my daughter off to a nanny, I decided to do it myself.
I was with Ellie almost 24/7 for seven days, and exhausted from the effort.
So I sought solace in the cabin afterwards, except that bastard Rick Purdy decided to send you along. ”
Avalon squints at me, her posture relaxing a bit.
“So you really are hands-on with your kids.”
“Yes, absolutely,” I say in a fervent voice.
“I didn’t think I could handle more, either.
Again, I’m the CEO of two companies, and I already have two daughters whom I’m invested in.
The news of a third child sent me into a tailspin and I freaked out.
I absolutely was a nervous mess when I spoke with Jimmy Warren the next morning, and I think he took things into his own hands and reached out to you.
But he was wrong on the offer,” I say in a forceful tone.
“I’m not asking you to relocate, and I’m not asking you to move out of my home.
If anything, I want a real relationship with you, Avalon, and I want us to raise this child together under one roof.
I love you, Avalon, and I’m so sorry that shit has gone off the rails like this.
I would take it back if I could, but I freaked out and ran when I should have stayed. ”
The gorgeous blonde stares at me, speechless. Is it my imagination, or does her belly pooch out a bit already? But it can’t be because it’s far too early for her to be showing.
Still, I know how silly male postpartum depression sounds, and try to explain myself again, this time a bit desperate.
“I know how far-fetched this sounds given that postpartum depression is almost uniformly confined to new mothers. In fact, ninety-nine percent of cases affect women, and the depression can even deepen into a psychosis because postpartum women are undergoing vast hormonal changes during this time. But postpartum depression can affect men too, and after Ellie was born, I fell into a deep funk. I managed to go into work each day, but I was only about seventy-five percent present, and saw a therapist twice a week for a year. It was that serious. So when I discovered I was going to have a third child, I went a little crazy. But this is the good part, Avalon. The work I’ve done on myself these past couple years has taken hold, and I feel much more secure and confident.
I know I can handle a third child, and in fact, I very much want this baby.
With you as the mommy. If you’ll have me, that is. ”
The gorgeous blonde is still staring at me, the vee of her robe a bit distracting seeing that there’s a dark shadow between those big breasts.
But I force myself to stare at Avalon’s delicate features because I want this woman.
I crave her, and need her in my life, and because of my stupid knee-jerk reaction, I may have lost her before we’ve even begun.
Desperate, I try again.
“I’m a coward,” I say in a low tone. “I’ve faced a lot of adversity in my life, but nothing has thrown me like fatherhood.
I realize it’s not very masculine to admit, nor does it make me feel great about myself.
But I’ve been working on my issues, and I can say wholeheartedly that I want this child, Avalon.
I want you. I love you, and I’d like us to be a family together. ”
The gorgeous girl’s lips are pursed together, her expression still skeptical, and my heart drops because I know Avalon’s going to turn me away.
The idea of the breeding project, not to mention the fact that I do own an estate where my daughters live with their mothers, is too much to overcome.
Any kind of victory now is too much to hope for.
But then tears begin to leak from Avalon’s eyes and immediately, I’m alarmed.
“What did I say wrong?” I ask in a desperate tone. “I know everything’s been wrong this week, and I’m so sorry—”
But I never get a chance to finish because Avalon’s thrown herself into my arms, her face buried against my shoulder.
“I thought you were manipulating us,” she sobs into my shirt. “I thought I was caught in some kind of sick-o sci-fi movie where I was being used for my womb, and I didn’t want that!”
I run one big hand down the narrowness of her spine, marveling at its steep, feminine curvature.
“No, never,” I breathe, holding the curvy girl close.
“I would never use you for your womb, and in fact, it’s the opposite.
I was deathly afraid of having a third child because of my past problems. But now that he or she is here, I want them,” I clarify forcefully, pulling away to stare into Avalon’s eyes.
“I want to have this baby, and for us to raise him together as loving parents. I want us to live together, and you won’t need a fifteen million dollar payout because I’ll always take care of you.
I mean, you can have the payout if you want, or even more money,” I add hastily.
“I wasn’t trying to keep that from you.”
Now, Avalon’s a mixture of laughing and crying, her cheeks wet with either sadness or joy.
“No, it’s not the money,” she says. “Well, it is, but it was the thought that you didn’t feel anything for me.
That I was just a cog in some grand scheme, and once I was impregnated, you let your lawyer deal with the messy parts.
But that’s the thing because children and relationships are by nature messy, and you can’t lawyer up just to escape it.
It requires you, Liam. Your presence, your buy-in, and your time. There’s no other way.”
“Of course,” I say fervently. “I absolutely agree, which is why I was so terrified to have a third child. I spend a lot of time with my two daughters already, and juggling two CEO positions on top of that drove me crazy. Something has to change,” I say in a deep voice, before gazing into Avalon’s eyes.
“But we’ll figure that out later. For now, please just say that you forgive me, and that you want to be together.
Again, none of this should have happened because I want this baby with you.
I want us to be a family, and if you’ll have me, I swear to make your life sweet, Avalon—”
I never get a chance to finish my litany of promises because the curvy girl has fused her lips to mine, our souls joining as our tongues twine.
Avalon’s cheeks are still wet with tears, and I can feel the moisture against my skin as we commune wordlessly.
But her tears only cement my commitment to this relationship because everything I said was true.
I do want her. I want the child that we’ve made, and even more children if the curvy girl’s on board.
I want a life together, wrapped in the arms of my sweet Avalon because the girl in the cabin was always mine …
and now, our future continues, full of promise and love.