Chapter 10 #2
“Will you still think that when my belly’s bigger?
” I ask teasingly, but there’s a thread of real concern underlying the question.
My body will change, I know it will. I’ll be carrying a whole human inside me.
And even though I think pregnant women are beautiful, I fear change.
If I’m honest, I fear a lot more than that.
“Cosette,” he says, shaking his head, his brows drawn together almost as if he’s angry. “Are you serious right now?”
“Of course I am. I’m going to change. My body will.”
The thought of him not being attracted to me—the thought of being rejected—
When he laces his fingers around the back of my head and dips his forehead to mine, I know he’s serious.
“What?” I whisper.
“You’re carrying my baby inside you. Mine. We made a child. How could I not see you as the most beautiful woman in the world?”
My cheeks feel hot, and not because of the warmth of this bath. It’s hard to imagine he really thinks that, after all we’ve been through.
“Pregnant women show us new life. They glow with that knowledge and yeah, sometimes they may get curvier. But you already love our baby, and that makes you beautiful to me. Now give me those breasts.” I lean back so my torso’s above the water, giving him a full presentation of my perky, full breasts.
My nipples are larger with the pregnancy hormones, deep pink in sharp contrast to my pale, ivory skin.
With one lap of his tongue, he sends a spasm of pleasure through my whole body.
I lay my head in the water, floating, as he braces his hands against my back and kisses my breasts. He tongues the undersides and groans. I reach for him and thread my fingers through his thick hair, bringing him closer to me. The air is warm and my heart is light, but my body’s on fire.
I want him in me. All of him. I ache to feel his thick cock deep within me. I want to be closer to him, in the only way I know how. I want him to take me.
He holds my hips and drags me closer to him. My legs wrap around his powerful, muscled back. I hold my breath as he glides his cock to my core.
I’ve never had sex fully submerged in a bath like this and It. Is. Divine.
Divine.
He glides into me with effortless ease. We’re weightless and warm.
“Guess we don’t have to worry about birth control, eh?” I ask him, earning me a devilish grin that’s all Lyam.
“Not this time,” he says with a groan as he enters me again. I easily lift up and bring myself down on him. Lying beneath the surface, our bodies intertwine.
I relish the groans that he makes.
I crave the feel of his cock.
Somehow, the knowledge that I’m carrying his baby makes me crave a nearness so deep that our very cells are knit together.
Like this.
His mouth meets mine with a masculine groan that makes a warmth of pleasure flood my senses. I want him. Fuck, I want him so damn bad.
I lick his tongue and he licks mine. I sink into the power of this moment, forgiveness and understanding wrapped into every touch, every kiss, every moan.
We explore each other’s bodies, hands and mouths sliding over skin that’s slick and hot.
We indulge in lingering, sensual kisses, our bodies joined in the blissful stillness of the water.
He thrusts his powerful hips and liquid pleasure trickles down my spine and between my legs. A moan echoes in the bathroom and it takes me a moment to realize it’s mine.
Every protest I have—he’s too dangerous, I’m too broken, he’s mafia and I’m not—and the deeper secrets I hold still, that I can’t share with anyone, become muted and inconsequential in the perfection of this moment.
I wanted him back. And here we are.
“You’re fucking perfect,” he says as he lifts me and thrusts, lifts and thrusts. Rose petals cling to our skin like swaths of satin, fragrant and erotic. The pattern of his breathing accelerates with mine. I cling to his shoulders and he holds me to his chest as he lifts and thrusts.
We ride the blissful perfection of this moment as we climax together. I moan when a spasm of pleasure rocks me. He groans in my ear as his own orgasm claims him.
My limbs are boneless when we’re done. I’m slumped against him, still submerged in the water, his cock still in me. I breathe heavily and nestle my head against his damp, warm chest. I close my eyes.
I want to hold onto this moment. I want to let myself believe that what I want—dare I say what we both want? —is possible.
I’ve told myself that Lyam is unfeeling and cruel, and at times… I may not be too far from the truth.
But he’s loyal to the people he loves. Dedicated and fierce, and I want that kind of love.
What if I gave in to the temptation to… actually… let him in?
My heart races at the thought. I look away, but not for long, because he takes my chin and turns me back to him.
“What are you thinking?”
I’ve got nothing to lose. I’m bearing his child.
“I…” I draw in a breath and let it out again. “I don’t like to get close to people,” I admit. I think it might be the first time I’ve said it out loud.
He doesn’t look away or dismiss me but holds my gaze earnestly. “Good. I’m glad you’ve admitted that. Now tell me why.”
I look down at the water. “The water’s getting cold,” I say, even though it’s not, but my attempt at diversion doesn’t work.
“Right. I’ve got it set to stay at the right temperature, which matters when you’re pregnant, so it won’t be getting too hot or too cold.”
Of course his billion-dollar tub can do that.
I bite my lip.
Tender fingers on my cheek. Piercing eyes with a furrowed brow that split me wide open. “There’s nowhere to hide, baby,” he whispers. "Tu peux me faire confiance.”
You can trust me.
Still, I find it hard to speak. I don’t have the words.
He stares into my eyes. “When I was twelve years old, I killed my first traitor.”
I blink and stare back. For cultured men like the Gerards, I sometimes forget that they’re as brutally violent as they are when they have to be. The stories I’ve heard…
“Why?” I whisper.
“Why did I do it or why did they have to die?”
Oh, God.
I swallow but don’t look away. “Both.”
Still staring at me, he gives me the bald truth.
“I did it because he was my first hired hit. To this day, I have no idea what he did. My family was just beginning to get into organized crime. I was really, really good at shooting. We needed the money, and I’d found a way to get it, a lot of it, quickly. ”
Wow.
Shit.
I lick my lips and swallow, trying to get up the courage again. “How many?” I whisper.
“I’ve lost count.”
I stare at him.
I’ve forgotten we’re still joined together. He’s still in me.
It feels strangely right.
He was a hired assassin. He killed for money because his family needed it.
“I never miss,” he says quietly. “Ever. If I shoot to kill, my target dies.”
He’s given me a glimpse into the deepest, darkest part of his soul no one but me ever sees.
“Now do you want to run?” he asks me.
I don’t want to give him anything but honesty. “A part of me? Yes. But a bigger part of me wants to stay.”
His brow softens with the hint of a smile. “You think you can fix me?”
I give him a smile back. “I don’t think I need to.”
He continues his story.
“We wanted control. People put their faith in bullshit lies and promises, but in the end, we know the people they trust are untrustworthy. Politicians line their own pockets. My family at least owns who we are.”
I nod. “Right,” I whisper. “I get it. I understand.”
Maybe he never needs to know who I truly am. Maybe he’ll understand that my affiliation with the man who’s rejected me my entire life has nothing to do with who I am today.
“Let’s get to bed,” he says, looking over his shoulder. “The sun is beginning to rise.”
“Are you actually going to sleep this time?” I tease.
I stand and rinse myself off, then take the plush towel he hands me.
I let him help me out of the tub so I don’t slip, then slide into a fluffy white robe waiting for me on a hook.
“Oh my God, I’d pay you a million dollars to wear one of your own. ”
He snorts. “I’m gonna try to sleep, and if one of those damn things actually fits me, I’ll pay you a million dollars.”
“Deal.”
He literally rips the seam on the first arm of the robe he tries to put on and sighs. I sometimes forget he isn’t the size of an average human.
“I guess I owe you a million dollars,” I say with a grimace.
With a shrug, he makes me an offer. “We can settle this debt with a kiss.”
I tie my robe and smile at him. “Whoa. I’m impressed. A kiss from me is worth a million dollars?”
“No, baby,” he says with that fire in his eyes I’ve come to crave. “No one can put a price on a kiss from you.”
I think I melt a little then.
I sidle up to him and lay my hand against his cheek.
We kiss in the small pool of moonlight next to the tub, as the sun and moon gradually take each other’s places, beckoning the light of day.
We kiss in the doorway, with him wrapped up in a towel knotted around his waist and me completely engulfed in the fluffy white robe.
We kiss in bed as we pull up the covers, the robe and towel discarded on the floor, next to the bed. And as the sun begins to rise, my mind begins to drift.
Maybe Lyam could protect me and maybe I’ll be the one that makes him see the goodness in people again.
Maybe… I don’t run this time. Maybe I don’t look for a reason to leave and force myself to raise this child as a single mom, when the father of my child is sitting right here in front of me, ready to take care of both of us, in his own fierce and unique way.
Maybe…