Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Lyam
I roll over and feel something warm and bright hit my face.
I open one eye.
Sun. It’s sunlight hitting my face.
It’s been so damn long since I actually slept—in a bed, like a normal human instead of catnapping on a couch or in my car or on a pull-out sofa in one of the offices—that I forgot what it felt like to wake to sun on my pillow.
It isn’t that I hate sleep. I hate what happens when I close my eyes.
But I won’t think of that now.
Right now, I’ve got a warm, gorgeous, absolutely perfect angel curled up beside me. Her golden hair, strewn over the pillow, frames her face like a halo. She’s curled up facing me, her soft breaths like the gentle patter of rain on a rooftop.
It’s soothing.
I watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest. The way she’s perfectly at peace in her sleep, her hand beside her gently curled.
I take in every detail while she sleeps.
The half-moons of her fingers and soft slope of her hands.
Her bare skin is smooth and unblemished, with a few freckles here and there because she’s so fair.
And I imagine I can already see the gentle swell of her belly.
A baby.
The enormity of the responsibility—of taking care of, protecting, and raising another human—astounds me.
Excites me. I wonder if it’ll be a boy or girl.
Or twins? Do they know that stuff yet or is it too early?
If it’s a boy, will he be like me—fiery and passionate, headstrong and impulsive?
I’m not afraid of a boy like that. I know exactly how he’d think and feel, and I’d be a good father to him.
Or is it a girl? God, a girl who looks like her mama with soft blonde curls and those green eyes that would only have to plead with me once to get me to do damn near anything she wanted.
And I don’t need to see her with children to know Cosette will be an amazing mother.
Already, she’s pushed aside her own needs to make sure our baby’s safe and healthy.
I’ve known Cosette long enough to understand part of her comes alive when she has someone to take care of and serve.
I ought to know.
At Le Luxe, they jokingly called her the team mother, because she was the one that would take care of everyone’s needs, whether it was emotional support or practical advice. She’s empathetic and compassionate, and I love that about her.
God, it must’ve killed her to be forced to betray the people she cares about. The only thing worse would’ve been forcing her to hurt her own child.
Bastards.
But why does she run when she gets close to someone?
What is it that she fears?
“Good morning, handsome.”
I won’t ever get over waking to those earnest green eyes and that gentle voice. I don’t deserve a woman like her but now that I’ve got her, I’ll do anything, literally anything, to keep her safe.
“Morning.”
“Mmm,” she says softly. “I love that groggy voice of yours. Wait. Lyam, did you actually sleep?”
I’ve laid with her in bed. I’ve had little naps here and there, but I’ve never actually spent the entire night—or early morning, as it is—sleeping beside her.
“I did. Did you enchant me?” I tug a soft strand of blonde hair.
She reaches for my face and gently strokes my cheek. “Of course I did,” she says in that soft voice that makes my heart turn over. “I waved my magic wand and took away all the thoughts that keep you awake at night.”
If only.
Wordlessly, she snuggles up to me so her head is on my chest. I drape my arms around her and hold her there. I love the comfortable weight of her on me and sigh contentedly. Her hands are as small as a child’s, gently resting on my bare chest.
“Lyam.”
“Mmm?”
“Why don’t you sleep?”
I comb my fingers through her soft blonde hair. “Gorgeous,” I say softly. “You’re so beautiful, Cosette.”
“Are you changing the subject?”
“No, I just don’t want to take this for granted.”
“What?”
“Me. You. Us. But I’ll answer your question.”
She looks up at me and waits patiently.
“What do you remember about when Fabien and Nicolette were first together?” She’s known Nicolette longer than I have, from when they worked together back at our former establishment, La Maison.
“I knew that he bought her for the weekend,” she says. “I know that she was attacked by someone and Fabien killed him. I know that after the weekend, the two of them were a couple and they haven’t been separated since.”
“Right. But do you know anything about what they did or where I was at the time?”
A little line between her brows deepens. “No.”
Nicolette hasn’t told her then.
“Fabien hired Nicolette. I was held hostage and he had to retrieve something to set me free.”
“You’ve never told me this.”
I never wanted to.
I take a deep breath to quell the anger that rises when I remember this.
“I’ve never told anyone the details. I didn’t want my brothers to fuck things up and lose their minds, so I told them I was okay. And they rescued me. They killed the people who held me captive, but I knew then and I know now that whoever did it were only pawns in a bigger game.”
She stares at me with wide eyes and does that thing she does, stroking my chin as if she cherishes me. It soothes me.
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “But I haven’t forgotten it.”
“My God, how could you?”
I shake my head and give her a squeeze. She knows. She gets it. She understands me.
“When I close my eyes and fall asleep, I’m there again. I was chained in a dark room. I knew that some of the men who came and went wore uniforms—they were part of the police force.”
She draws in a sharp breath but doesn’t say anything else, not yet.
“They hurt me, but that wasn’t the worst of it.
I’m a big guy. You’ve seen the scars. They knew that if I ever got out of those chains, I’d kill them.
So they used mental tactics, too.” I clench my jaw.
“They kept me isolated and gave me no food or water until I thought I’d die.
They told me my mother was endangered, threatened to torture my brothers, and kept me awake for days on end.
I can’t sleep now because that’s how they tortured me best. They showed me pictures of children and entire cities they’d destroy if I didn’t tell them everything. ”
“Oh my God,” she says. “Lyam. God, I had no idea.”
How would she? I haven’t told her.
“I don’t like to talk about it.”
“I can see why.”
Her hand comes to rest gently on my chest again.
“When I close my eyes, I go back there. It takes different forms, but I’m helpless. Chained. Tortured. Only this time, the person they have is you.”
Her voice is choked. “Lyam—”
“But not when I’m with you. When I’m with you, I close my eyes and I sleep.”
She pushes herself up and slides herself on top of me.
I hold her to me when she dips her mouth to mine and kisses me.
We stay like that for a while, kissing and exploring, holding each other, until I can’t stand it anymore.
I roll her over and spread her legs, and while we kiss each other, I slide into her and we make love.
We say with our bodies the words we can’t say any other way.
I hold her in the quiet aftermath. Then she says literally the last thing I expect.
“I think you should make plans to get Princess back."
“What?” I look at her in surprise, a little amused. “I thought you hated Princess.”
“Well,” she says thoughtfully. “No, I don’t hate snakes. I actually really like Princess. She’s the nicest snake I’ve ever met.”
She nearly jumps off my chest from the bark of laughter that bursts out of me. “No, I’m serious,” she says. “I’ve never seen a snake that was trained so well. She’s very docile, actually. But that’s not my point.”
Sobering, she holds my face in her hand.
“She soothes you. I think a part of you likes that you’ve tamed this wild, dangerous animal and that she practically purrs in your hand.
She’s… kind of like your dog. Some people pet their dogs, you pet your snakes.
Knowing what I know about you, that’s not terribly surprising.
” Her eyes grow a little heated. “You like submissives, don’t you? ”
I run my fingers through her hair. “You know I do. And yeah, baby. Thanks for that. I like having Princess with me. I like having you with me, too. How are you feeling today?”
“Oh, Lyam.” I blink in surprise when her eyes water. “You care? You’re asking me how I’m feeling? No one asks me how I’m feeling!” And then she starts crying, right then and there, actual fat tears streaming down her cheeks. I wipe away a tear with my thumb and stare at her.
“You’re crying because I asked you how you’re feeling?” I shake my head and hold her to me while her shoulders heave and she cries harder. “Sweet Cossie. Pretty girl. God, I had no idea.”
“Well. I mean, keep in mind these pregnancy hormones are gonna fuck me up.”
I smile into her mass of golden hair that’s all over me.
“I cry over everything. I was imagining our baby growing up and going away to college and I just sobbed. Like, would they ever even come home again?”
“Okay, so our baby isn’t even here yet. Maybe we can… table that fear for now?”
Jesus.
She nods and swipes at her eyes. “Good point. Okay, so I’m not feeling great. I need to pee, I want a shower, and I could eat a family dinner for four right about now.”
I give her ass a playful swat. “What do you want for breakfast?”
Ten minutes later she’s singing away in the shower and I’m waiting on a tray of croissants, fried eggs, and sliced apples. I sit in the quiet and listen to her. She doesn’t exactly have a stage voice, but that doesn’t stop her and I love that it doesn’t.
I place a call to the bakery again just in case. The baker assures me that he can get whatever she wants whenever she wants it and has specially prepared a new shipment of palmier. I smile to myself when I hear her hit a high note that’s way out of her range.
Fucking adorable.
I stretch and hit the floor. I haven’t been to the gym in a few days and I’m feeling it, but I don’t need a gym to stay in shape. On my hundredth push-up, my phone rings.