Chapter 21
Silas
Istir awake, half expecting to be in the middle of the snowy field where I left all the wolves, but I’m in my bed. Not only that, but I would have expected blistering pain from the wounds, not only a slight headache. The light shines in from the window, so it must be the next day.
Jake must have found more of the healing salve and used it on me.
I aimlessly let my hand wander down my torso, nervous that I’ll find the gash in my stomach still open, but in addition to the relief I feel at hardly finding a scar, my heart soars when I realize there’s a small arm wrapped around me.
Why didn’t I notice this before?
My head turns to the left to see Junie, my mate, lying next to me. Her curly hair is everywhere, and her eyes are closed, but she is whole. They must have healed her too. There’s a small scar on her forehead, but her lip isn’t split anymore.
I lift my hand and cup her cheek.
Slowly, her eyes blink open. My mouth turns into a thin smile, and the last thing I expect to see is fear. Junie’s eyes widen, and she blinks more furiously, then tries to scramble out of bed.
“No, stay,” I croak, my throat dry as hell. I grip the wrist she still has on my torso and pull her back toward me, wanting her to fill the space again.
“Are you sure?”
I nod.
Her brows knit together.
“I promise. Stay. Please. I—” My hand grips hers, and I sigh. “I need you next to me. Your smell calms me.”
“My smell calms you?” Junie asks.
“It does. I thought I lost you,” I whisper, letting some of my vulnerability show.
Junie nestles back into my chest, and I breathe her scent deep, already feeling more like myself.
“Can you tell me what it feels like for you?” she asks, and I know she’s asking about the mate bond.
“It’s… It’s like I can feel everything you’re feeling. It’s almost like what you’re feeling, I’m feeling.”
“Hm.”
“What? Did you expect a different answer?”
“No. But I kind of expected you not to answer me.”
“Why?” I ask, rubbing small circles on her back.
“Well,” Junie leans back so she can look at my face. “I’d be lying if I said I hope you had changed your mind, but I didn’t expect it to actually happen.”
“Junie, I—”
“You didn’t change your mind. Did you?” Junie asks, her eyes brimming with tears.
I sigh and push to sit up. “It’s complicated.”
“I told you I can handle complicated, Silas.”
“Your life is in Starview, Junie. Not here. Not with me.”
“You can’t make that decision for me.”
“Yes, I can.”
“You’re not my fucking Alpha, Silas. You can’t command me to do anything.”
I nod and take her hand in mine.
“No, no. I can’t. But I never expected to find my fated mate, Junie. I’m sorry for how I handled things yesterday, and I do care about you, but I can’t bond with anyone.”
“Can’t? What do you mean you can’t, Silas?”
I don’t want to tell her about being spellbound. She would be too quick to break the spell, and I’m not ready for that. “After what happened yesterday, it’s clear I can’t protect you. You need to go home, Junie.”
“I am home, Silas.”
My heart pounds as I stare at Junie, wishing that she’d understand why I’m pushing her away.
It’s not safe. I won’t let her give up her dreams for me.
There are too many unknowns, and although we could work through them, I don’t want to risk her choosing me over something she loves and later regretting it.
Junie must realize she’s not getting more out of me and decides to change the subject. “What happened to forgetting about everything and being whatever this—” she gestures between us, “is until I leave?”
“What about it?”
“Is the snow gone? Are you telling me I can go home now?”
I knit my brows together, confused. “Uh, I don’t think so? It wouldn’t have changed that much since yesterday.”
“Then our deal still stands, yes?” she asks, her eyes glimmering with hope.
I should tell her no.
Won’t this only strengthen our bond?
She’s lucky I’m not strong enough to deny her, not when all my body wants to do is be around her.
Being around Junie is the most alive I’ve ever felt.
“If you take too long, I might assume your answer is,” she clucks her mouth, and I have to bite back a chuckle, “no.” She can’t hold back her smirk.
“You’re such a fucking brat.”
“Am I?”
I growl, my wolf enjoying the playful banter between us. You know, what? Fuck it. If she wants to keep the deal we made before we discovered we were fated, who am I to tell her no? She’s a grown ass adult. She knows what she’s doing.
If we are fated, let our heartbreak be worth it.
“You are. A brat and a pain in my ass.”
“Sounds like a you problem.” She lifts her arms above her head, which I’m sure is purely for stretching purposes, but her shirt lifts the smallest bit and lets me see the patch of skin above a pair of leggings. I have to grit my teeth to stop myself from slamming my mouth against hers.
“You’re looking for trouble after we almost died yesterday?” I ask.
“What better way to prove we are alive, Silas?”
I chuckle. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not hurt?”
Junie rolls her eyes. “Oh, just fuck me, Silas, before I change my mind.”
“Ask me nicely.”
“Silas. Be a good mate and fuck me, please.”