Chapter 23
Silas
After counting to five in my head, I slip out of Junie’s arms. It actually took twenty minutes, but we are going to pretend I was able to leave her that quickly.
Everything between us is even more complicated than before we agreed to keep our deal. I’m fucking stupid. I knew it would be a bad idea, that I’d get more attached, but I couldn’t help myself. She’s my mate, after all, and I’m having to deny her.
I won’t reject her.
Not yet at least.
I hope as time passes, the bond between us will feel… I don’t know, lighter? Less intense? I have no idea if that’s possible. But I do know that I won’t chain her to this life as an Alpha’s mate when she has her own life in full swing.
There might have been a timeline where I’d consider it, but after seeing what it means to have a target on her head yesterday, I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something worse happened to her.
So, even though I gave in yesterday, I need to push her away today. The snow is bound to clear soon, and she will go home. I can’t have her staying with me, in my room, pretending like we are anything more than friends.
I lace on my running shoes and throw on a thermal, heading outside where I know I’ll find Jake.
Sure enough, I find him outside Mauve’s house, stuffing a cinnamon roll in his face.
“Are there more of those, or did you eat them all?” I raise my brows.
Jake grins and pulls me into a hug. “She made an extra batch. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with your mate?”
I growl.
“Sorry—” Jake holds up his hands. “Got it. Tough subject.”
“I thought I’d run the perimeter with you.”
He knits his brows together. “You want to run the perimeter?”
“Did I fucking stutter?”
“Damn, Silas, the sun isn’t up yet. Tone down the attitude. Fine. But I don’t want to hear you complaining.”
I shove his shoulder, and he almost drops his breakfast. “I won’t complain.”
I need a distraction, and I thought this would be the perfect one. It’s something that will take most of the day and will give me a chance to check for any more signs of rogue groups.
Jake grumbles under his breath but beckons me to follow him as he walks away from Mauve’s house and toward the edge of the forest.
“Did you talk to Fran?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet. Has she heard anything from the other packs?”
“From most of them, yes. They are going to form teams to help root out the rogue packs. We are also accelerating pack consolidation. It’ll be next month during the full moon.”
“Good.”
The consolidation will be a gathering of the packs where I give a speech, then we shift for our first pack run. It’s going to be giant, and it’s going to be so much fun. I try to think about that instead of the looming heartbreak of Junie going back to Starview.
I don’t want to think about that, because if I do, then I’ll start to wonder when I’ll be able to see her next. But I know this isn’t something that just needs time. I won’t let myself see her again. I wouldn’t be strong enough to walk away twice.
For the next few hours, I follow Jake around the perimeter, ignoring any knocks on the wall in my mind.
We run the route twice, making sure to double-check the hidden outposts where we have additional wolves stationed.
It’s similar to Kyrian’s position, but we’ve added additional men since they were ambushed.
I don’t want any more blood on my hands if I can prevent it. We are lucky everyone survived that ambush to begin with.
“Silas.” Jake stops running, folding over to place his hands on his knees. “You have to talk to Fran. She won’t stop yelling at me to yell at you to answer.”
“I know what she’s going to say.”
“She’s infiltrating my mind, Silas.”
I shrug. “Block her out?”
“I don’t want to block her out, Silas. I want you to answer your Second.”
I grumble, but I can’t be mad at him. He’s only trying to help. I don’t want to answer Fran because I know she’s going to say something about Junie. I’m sure that after Junie woke up and realized I was gone this morning, she went to Fran’s house again to check for me.
She’s likely confused, again, since we mostly reconciled yesterday.
And I will talk to her, eventually.
“Fran.”
Fuck, Silas. It’s about time you answered. What are you doing? And don’t tell me you’re with Jake, because I already know that.
“Why are you asking if you already know what I’m doing? I’m checking the perimeter.”
You never check the perimeter.
“I am right now.”
Silas. Junie is asking where you are. Did you two complete the bond?
“You know the answer to that, Fran. No.”
It’s silent over our mind connection when Jake and I start back up running. We have a little while longer to go before I get back.
Are you going to tell her? Fran asks.
“No. If I tell her how to break it, I wouldn’t be able to tell her no. It’s the only way, Fran.”
But you need to—
“I don’t need to do anything. I’m the Alpha. I have responsibilities. You cannot tell her.”
But—
“You cannot tell her. That’s a command. Understand?” I rarely command my seconds, or anyone in our pack, because that’s not the way I want to lead, but I can’t let her do this. A command isn’t binding by any means, so she could still go against my wishes, but I trust she won’t.
Understood, Alpha.
I close off my mind connection again, not wanting anyone else to talk to me.
After we finish running the perimeter, I leave Jake and head back to my cabin. I hope I don’t run into Junie, but I know that’s unlikely since she’s still staying with me.
I’ve just now come into sight of the cabin, and I can already feel her emotions, her sadness, and it’s grating on me. It’s wearing me down to the point where I’m worried that if I don’t keep actively pushing her away, I’ll go back on everything I’ve said.
So, when I enter the cabin and see her sitting on the couch waiting for me, I resist the pull to go toward her.
I don’t answer as she calls for me.
I don’t turn around.
I keep walking to my room, then shut and lock the door behind me.
She follows. I knew she would. Junie twists the knob, trying to open the door, then yells when she finds it locked.
“Silas. You can’t do this.”
There are no words for me to explain how little I want to do this, but I have to.
Junie says a few more things, mostly calling me her favorite word, asshole, and telling me I’m going to have to talk to her at some point.
She must get tired after a few minutes, or maybe just realizes I won’t open the door, because I hear her footsteps as she walks away, then the sound of her door shutting.
My wolf isn’t happy, but we can’t seal this bond.
We can’t.