Chapter 23
23
Nikki
H e lied.
Mateo actually lied to her.
Nikki’s whole body buzzed with frustration and an ache that she’d unsuccessfully attempted to bury. She’d seen him with Caroline. Why would he lie about it?
She wanted to believe that if he’d told her the truth right up front, she wouldn’t have been hurt, but that would have been a lie. She knew it down to her toes that simply seeing them meet up had done something to her. It had shaken her so badly that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to come back from it.
The irony of the whole situation was that she’d never been cheated on, but Mateo had. He should have known better than to keep something from her. They were together.
Unless they weren’t.
Nikki looked up to the sky, the burning in her eyes refusing to remain caged behind her lids. She couldn’t cry right now. That wouldn’t work—not when she was with Paxton. All he had to do was mention that she was sad to Mateo, and he’d come ask her what was wrong.
Then what?
She couldn’t tell him that she knew he’d lied. If she did, he would think she was spying on him.
Technically, she had been. She’d stood there and watched them from the window without confronting them in the moment. Perhaps that had been her major mistake. Nikki should have marched into that coffee shop and demanded to know what was happening. Then, at least she wouldn’t be walking along this trail while her son had the time of his life collecting leaves and interesting stones.
Never had she thought she could feel so down and alone before this moment. All she wanted to do was give up—tell Mateo to go after the girl he clearly liked.
Because that was the only thing that made sense.
She had to believe that Mateo wasn’t trying to be deceptive to hurt her. He wasn’t the type to get a thrill out of destroying others. No, this whole situation had to run deeper. On some level, Mateo likely still cared for Caroline. And why wouldn’t he? They had been engaged. He’d proposed to her once. If she was throwing herself at him again, it wasn’t a stretch to believe that he’d give her another chance.
A whimper slipped past her defenses, but thankfully her son didn’t hear it. His boots crunched against the dirt and rocks that lined their path. Every few feet, he’d stoop to pick something up and place it in a small satchel he had at his waist. Paxton was completely oblivious to her pain and sorrow, and that was how it had to be.
As Nikki watched him, her heart sank even deeper into despair. Paxton had started to really care for Mateo. He’d opened up to the man after staying more reserved around Dennis. It had to have taken a lot of courage for him to let Mateo into his life.
Her steps slowed as the reality of it all settled on her. If Mateo left them for Caroline, he’d be hurting Paxton, too.
Her legs went weak. She’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t let Paxton become a casualty in her future relationships. Dennis hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He’d tolerated him, and they’d had some fun together, but he didn’t want to adopt him or claim him as his own.
Nikki had been a fool to believe that Mateo had wanted something more with Paxton. And now her son would pay the price.
She was going to be sick. What had she done? She’d let her heart rule that logical side of her for too long. This wasn’t just about her feelings. Mateo was messing with Paxton’s too.
Her hands curled tightly into fists at her sides. She wasn’t going to let that happen. If Mateo wanted to spend his time in the company of a woman who had destroyed him, that was his decision.
If he was going to keep it from her, then he could live with the repercussions that came from that dishonesty.
But in no way would she allow him to spend time with her son, getting closer to him and making him feel like there was a future with the three of them together.
Maybe it was time she found somewhere else to live.
Her stomach knotted so tightly she fought the instinct to gasp. Just the thought of trying to find something with the salary she had sounded like an impossible feat.
But as her gaze followed her son, she had to accept that was where they were at. It hadn’t been smart to live under the same roof as Mateo in the first place. She brought her fingers up to her temples and rubbed them. Something told her that there would be a fight when she told Mateo her plans. He might not be firmly rooted in whatever relationship he had with her, but he was definitely stubborn.
“Are you okay, Mom?” Paxton’s voice tore her to the present, and she opened her eyes to find him frowning up at her, a stone in his outstretched hand, apparently forgotten.
She pushed a smile to the surface and nodded. “I just have a headache. It’ll go away after I get some rest.”
Her son tilted his head, peering up at her with that gaze that could rip right past her defenses. “Do you want to go home?”
Nikki shook her head. “No. I promised you a nature walk, and that’s what we’re going to do.”
He didn’t look convinced. Her sweet boy was too aware for his own good. She took a step toward him and ruffled his hair. “Come on, kiddo. We’re not even halfway there. You wanted to see the creek, right? It has the best rocks, from what I hear.”
“I told you that.” He laughed, scampering after her.
Nikki glanced over her shoulder at him and allowed herself the little bit of joy she had in watching him grow up. One day he wouldn’t want to take nature walks with his mother. He’d find friends or a girlfriend, and he’d be too busy to entertain her. She couldn’t let her fears and doubts over Mateo ruin these precious moments she had with her son.
* * *
She could feel his eyes on her as she brought the food out to the serving table. He wasn’t in line for supper, but he was in the room. There, on the far side of the space, he leaned against the wall with arms crossed. Mateo hadn’t moved from that spot since he’d arrived. She’d come out of the kitchen, taking three trips to get everything set out the way she liked. And each time, he’d been there.
Watching.
She refused to accept that he was feeling guilty over his meeting with Caroline. No, when she allowed herself to steal a look at him, she could read that much. If he wasn’t feeling guilty, then what was it? Anger wasn’t apparent, either. Nor was the joy she’d become so used to seeing. Something was up, but she couldn’t figure it out—at least not from this distance.
Nikki wiped her hands on her apron and heaved a sigh. She’d avoided seeing him when she’d returned from her walk. Before she spoke to him, she had to figure out how she was going to break the news to him—that she wanted to move out.
Her job was important, and she could see a scenario where she ended up saying the wrong thing after he chose to leave her. Right now, she needed to prepare. She had to remain professional.
Pain rippled through her hands, and she stared down at them, finding that she was wringing them so tightly that they’d turned white. If she was honest with herself, she’d say she was scared—truly scared—that she wouldn’t be able to follow through with her plan.
She spun on her heel, listening to the sounds of the hungry and appreciative cowboys getting their food. Nikki had insisted that Mark and Jason get their fill early so she could have their company in the back. Mateo might very well come back here to speak to her, and she needed any excuse she could find to not be alone with him.
Not today.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she tossed a look at Mark, who was currently washing the dishes from the meal prep that had taken place. Jason was in the midst of putting what they didn’t use into the fridge or the large pantry. Then he would set to work cleaning their counters and sweeping their floors. If she moved slowly enough, she’d have them shielding her for the remainder of the evening.
Mateo couldn’t outlast her. Not if he wanted to get to bed at his usual time.
The kitchen door swung open, and Nikki wasn’t the only one to glance in that direction.
“Oh, hey, boss. Can I get you something?” Jason paused his work.
Nikki dropped her attention to the binder she was working through. They’d have to put in another order soon, and she needed to make her list.
Mateo’s eyes burned into the side of her face, but she refused to look up at him. If she did, she knew she wouldn’t be strong enough not to crumble. She’d have to tell him what she saw. The fallout wasn’t something she was prepared for.
Her face flushed as she continued going through the binder, her finger tracing down the page before her. She had to read the same thing three times before she glanced up at him again, hoping her expression was innocent enough to make him leave.
Mateo stared at her hard and then glanced at the others in the kitchen briefly before turning to her again. “Dinner looks good.”
Mark chuckled, not reading the room at all. “It tastes even better than it looks, boss.”
Mateo cleared his throat, shuffled his feet, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sophia was looking for you.”
Nikki frowned. “She was?” What did Sophia need? They rarely spoke unless there was something important going on.
He nodded. “I think I saw her heading for the house. Maybe you should see what that’s about before you head to bed.”
She nodded, her stomach swirling. She wouldn’t be leaving right now, though. That would open her up for a conversation she wasn’t prepared to have—one where Mateo demanded answers. They stared at each other expectantly for a few moments until Mateo gave her a curt nod and strode from the kitchen.
Jason gave her a concerned look, but he knew better than to ask her what was going on. By now, most everyone on the premises knew that she and Mateo were an item. The last thing she wanted was for any of them to get involved in her relationship. The whole situation was messy enough as it was without people sticking their noses where they didn’t belong.
Nikki forcibly turned her attention to the binder and let out a sigh of relief. It was clear she’d been avoiding Mateo all day today. And it was just as clear that he’d been trying to start up a conversation. What if he needed to tell her that they were breaking up, and she was just prolonging the inevitable?
She let a groan slip and dropped her elbows to the counter before placing her head in her hands.
“Everything alright, Nikki?” Jason asked quietly—so quiet that Mark must not have heard over the sound of the running water at the sink because he didn’t stop his work.
“Yeah,” she rasped. “Just peachy.” Today wasn’t a good day. Other than her little walk with Paxton, she didn’t have anything good to show for it.
Trusting Caroline would be a mistake, but Nikki believed what she’d said. Caroline was interested in getting back together with her ex, and she was willing to do whatever it took to do so. Was Mateo on the same page?
That one was harder to tell.
“Well, if you need anything…” Jason mumbled.
She smiled and lifted her head, hoping she could reassure him enough that he didn’t spread any rumors as to what might be happening. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Now she just had to deal with whatever it was Sophia wanted to discuss before she could hide away behind her bedroom door and finally get some peace.