Chapter 27
27
Nikki
N ikki could have been a ghost floating through the house for how she felt. Nothing felt solid anymore. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t even hear the thump, thump of her heart anymore.
She wanted to be mad. She had wanted to throw Mateo’s phone at him and demand that he ask her who the guy was and why she was sitting with him, but she couldn’t. The second she saw who the message had come from, she’d lost her will to fight.
Mateo had lied about Caroline—about seeing her, about giving her flowers.
Not only that, but he had also been in contact with her even when he insisted he didn’t want anything to do with her. He wouldn’t even talk about her when Nikki tried to bring her up. It was as if Mateo had compartmentalized everything in his life.
The person he was with Nikki wasn’t the man who still held feelings for Caroline.
She didn’t know how she managed to get to her room without stumbling or falling down the stairs. Thankfully, Paxton appeared to be engrossed enough in the movie he was watching that he hadn’t seemed to notice her slip by the living room.
Nikki needed to think. She needed to regroup. Meeting Caroline had backfired so miserably that there was no coming back from it. That much was clear. Not only had Caroline figured out how to get to Mateo, but she’d also managed to make Mateo believe that Nikki wasn’t worth his time.
A sob racked her body as she crumpled against the door and slid to the ground. The lies and deception had become too much. It probably wouldn’t have even helped if she’d told Mateo or Sophia where she was going today. Based on everything she’d experienced, Mateo had already been long gone.
So what was the point in any of it? Why should she explain that the man who sat across from her at the table had only been the bartender, and he’d only been wanting to check on her? Why should she admit to visiting with Caroline if only to tell her to back off?
None of it would have changed the outcome of their argument. They’d been on the path to destruction from the moment Mateo had lied about visiting with Caroline at that coffee shop.
A knock sounded at the door to her back and Nikki gasped, quieting her sobs. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to him, to see him. She didn’t want him to know how much his betrayal had hurt her. The next several weeks were already going to be the worst of her life. She’d have to find another job. She’d have to get a new place to stay. She’d been saving every spare penny she had from working here, so maybe she had enough to pay for rent, but what about furnishings and food? Those had been included in this position. If she left, would she end up back where she started from? With nothing?
Another knock, then Sophia’s voice came through the door. “Nikki? You okay?”
Panic swirled around Nikki like a tornado. Had she talked to Mateo? Of course, she had. Those two were the closest out of the siblings. And if Nikki knew them like she thought she did, there was zero chance that Mateo kept the picture from Sophia.
But if that was true, Sophia wouldn’t sound as concerned, would she? Where was the anger? The accusation? Where was the sister who stuck up for her brother to the point where she wouldn’t think twice about kicking Nikki to the curb?
Was it Paxton?
Sophia wouldn’t kick Nikki out if it meant Paxton would suffer.
Nikki closed her eyes and took a deep breath before wiping at her face with her fingertips. “I’m fine,” she called out shakily.
“No, you’re not,” she said through the door. “I heard you crying.”
“Yeah, well,” Nikki said and let out a blubbering laugh, “maybe they’re happy tears.”
Sophia sighed. “I’m coming in.”
Nikki stiffened, pressing her back to the door. “No. I don’t want you to.”
“Nikki, whatever it is, you need to talk about it. Mateo is upset too. So maybe the two of you just need to cool off and talk some more later.”
She shook her head even though Sophia had no chance of seeing it. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Sophia attempted to push the door open. “Nikki, I mean it. Let me in. Whatever happened, we can figure it out.”
“What if I don’t want to figure it out?” Nikki felt like she’d shattered into a thousand pieces. The thought of picking through each one was about as appealing as picking through shards of broken glass. She didn’t want to be comforted. She didn’t need assurances that everything was going to be okay because it wasn’t. There was no coming back from this. They were each guilty of deception, and neither one of them had the strength to get through it alone. “It’s better this way,” she grunted as Sophia really put her shoulder into her attempts at entering the room.
“We might not have been close in high school, but we’re close now. And if you think I’m going to let you sit in here and pretend that you’re not broken up about whatever happened, then you don’t know me at all.”
The door pushed at Nikki’s back again and again as Sophia continued her attempts at entry. There was no running from this. Nikki could let her in now, or she could get cornered by Sophia later. She might as well get it over with when her wounds were open and bleeding rather than tearing them open to let them fester down the road.
“Fine,” she snapped.
The door stilled. “You’re going to let me in?”
Nikki brushed at her wet face again. “Yeah. Just… wait a sec, okay?” She got to her feet and moved over to her dresser before pulling out some makeup wipes so she could swipe them over her cheeks. She wasn’t even sure she was prepared to talk to Sophia about why the argument had started in the first place. Sophia had indicated on more than one occasion how much she hated Caroline, and Nikki didn’t want to be the reason a rift came between the two siblings.
She took a deep, unsettled breath, then called out, “You can come in.”
Sophia pushed the door open. The hesitant way she did was almost humorous compared to how insistent she’d been on entering only seconds ago. Her eyes connected with Nikki, and she sighed. “What did he do?”
A sad laugh bubbled out of Nikki’s chest, and she shook her head. “What makes you think it was him?”
Sophia pushed the door shut with her back, then placed her hands on her hips. “Because I know you.”
“And he’s your brother.”
Her friend shrugged. “I guess I figure that guys have a tendency to be dumber when it comes to relationships.”
Nikki winced. They both knew that wasn’t a correct statement when it came to Caroline. And now, Nikki could be thrown into that net as well.
“Hey,” Sophia said, softer this time, moving forward. “What happened? He wouldn’t tell me. He just said it was over.”
A fresh slice of sharp pain dragged through Nikki. It was unexpected. Hadn’t Nikki realized it was over the second she walked away from Mateo? Wasn’t she already planning on leaving the ranch in search of a new job and a place to live?
Even still, the heavy ache that came from Sophia’s words stole the breath from her lungs.
Sophia pulled Nikki in for a hug. “Tell me what he did, and I’ll make sure he apologizes. Then we can get the two of you back on track.”
Nikki shook her head, tears already starting to spill. “There’s no going back. He doesn’t want me. And why would he? I’m not exactly the kind of girl?—”
Sophia pushed her back but kept her hands clutching at Nikki’s upper arms. “What? He didn’t say that.”
It was hard to maintain the searching stare that Sophia kept her pinned with. The urge to tear herself away from her friend and demand that she leave was more than crushing. But Nikki stood firm. “Technically…” she hedged.
Sophia frowned. “I know he wouldn’t say that. Nikki, no one has made him as happy as you have. I’ve seen it. The last ten years? He was a shell of himself. When he was with Caroline, he wasn’t as happy as he has been with you. And I’m not just saying that because you’re my favorite person. I’m saying that because I can tell you’re good for him.” She gave Nikki a little shake. “Whatever is happening isn’t the end. You have to believe that.”
Nikki wanted to tell her. She wanted to spill all of Mateo’s secrets—that he’d been speaking to Caroline. That he’d been sneaking around to see her. But she couldn’t. That would make her a hypocrite for doing the exact same thing. She shut her eyes, letting the pooling tears fall. “We’re not good for each other, Sophia. We’re just… not. He wants something else, and I’m not going to stand in his way. He can have her back. It’s clearly what he wants.”
Sophia’s eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth, but someone downstairs hollered her name. At first, all she did was turn her head to the door. Then she turned back to Nikki, but they called for her again. She let out a sigh. “I’m going to see what that is all about, and then we’re going to continue this conversation.”
Nikki shook her head. “Just drop it, okay? If you care for me and your brother, you won’t meddle in what’s going on. Let things end the way they are. It’s already too messy, and I don’t want you to get caught up in the middle of it.”
A look of pain crossed over Sophia’s features as she pulled away. Then she sighed and nodded. “Fine. But if you decide you want to talk about it?—”
“I know,” Nikki whispered. “Thanks, Sophia.”