Chapter 12
ELIZABETH
I sit at my new desk, and get out my personal things. My pens, my own notebook. My cell phone, which I set to vibrate mode.
I hate that my desk is right outside Matteo’s office. Luckily, I have my back to him which I’m thankful for because I'd hate to be facing him. I wonder if that was intentional, because surely it can't be a coincidence.
People pass by and introduce themselves. They all seem like a friendly bunch, though I don't know. First impressions rarely give away the truth and also, people tend to be more guarded, especially in a work environment.
I'm the only woman down here, and though I'm used to being in the minority wherever I work, and with the few clients I've had, I still feel like the odd one out.
I’m sure some of these guys must think I'm weak, or a walkover, and I look forward to having them mansplain things to me. I get it wherever I go.
Sonny seems sweet and friendly. I like him already. I get good vibes from him. Safe, nice vibes, which is nothing like the ones I get from Joel. I shiver when I think of the way his eyes roved hungrily all over me.
Alex comes over. He was one of the first to introduce himself to me, and I find myself warming to him. He seems quiet and reserved, possibly a little shy, which is surprising given his title and position.
“Did Matteo show you the kitchen?”
“He did. He showed me around the entire floor.”
“He doesn’t usually do that.”
Goosebumps erupt all over my spine at hearing that.
“Just know that we have tea, coffee and herbal teas here. There are cold drinks in the fridge, and cookies, donuts and fruit all day,” he says. “And cakes, if someone has a birthday. Most people around here bring in their lunch and have it at their desks, but I wouldn’t make a habit of that.”
“Noted.” I don’t plan to sit at my desk much, if I can help it. I like getting out to get some fresh air, especially being stuck down here in the basement.
“He spoke very highly of you.”
“Who?”
“Matteo.”
I swipe a hand across the back of my neck, suddenly feeling hot. “Did he? I don’t know why,” I say, suddenly feeling shy and coy.
“Matteo is not one to throw compliments around. He said your presentation was remarkable.”
I feel myself blushing. “He said that?”
“He did.”
I’m stunned into silence because I don't know what to make of that. I don't know whether to believe it or dismiss it. I'm still confused about how Matteo sees me after everything that's happened in the elevator and the interview.
I have a feeling he’s as confused as me. Still, my heart pitter patters at the thought of him saying something nice about me without him knowing it would get back to me.
I'm inclined to almost believe it.
“You don’t brag about yourself, do you?” Alex continues.
“There’s nothing to brag about,” I say with a smile. “This is what I know. What I do.”
A pregnant pause ensues, and I feel like Alex is waiting for me to elaborate, but I don’t.
“We need more women down here. If you were a guy, you’d be bragging away.”
I shift in my seat, feeling uncomfortable. I would never brag about myself, or my skills.
He scratches his beard. “We should go out to lunch one day, just to get to know one another better.”
My initial reaction is to be wary. To know that smiles and friendliness mean that someone wants something, but Alex seems different. Affable and friendly, but not in an overbearing way. My gut doesn't harden in warning.
“Sure. I'd like that.”
“I'll get Sonny and Joel to come as well.”
“That would be nice.”
This is slightly unfamiliar territory for me, and the idea of workplace connection is new to me, but getting invited to lunch is a good thing, I tell myself, especially the idea that Alex is doing this for me as a way of introducing me to the team.
He’s just trying to make me feel welcome, and I should be grateful for it, not paranoid.
I've become so used to moving through foster homes and people without settling anywhere, without belonging, that this idea of people wanting to get to know me better, wanting to spend time with me and make me feel welcome, is alien to me.
“Maybe not today, because I'm sure the boss is keeping tabs on you and you've got work to do. A security audit, from what I understand.”
“To start with, yes.”
“Let me know if you need anything. I’m always happy to help. I have an open-door policy, so don’t hesitate to pop in if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Alex. I appreciate that.” My heart feels all soft and gooey. He reminds me a little bit of a young Arthur.
“Let's go to lunch on Friday. It'll be a nice end to the week.”
“Sure.” I like the idea of that. I like it very much.
“And, Elizabeth. Don’t make a habit of always having your lunch in the lab. Go out. Get some fresh air. Get some sun into your eyes. Meet people.”
“I won’t,” I promise, feeling more relaxed and happier.
It does beat working all alone from home.
It’s not so bad being around other people.
Having company, not feeling isolated. I’m starting to feel not so bad about coming here.
And also, Alex has been so welcoming. He has a caring ease about him, and I’ve taken a shine to him already.
He’s such a stark contrast to Matteo, who is cold and controlled.
“I’d better get on with it. Nice meeting you, and remember, if you need anything, I'm over there.” He points to his office. “Welcome to the tech lab, Elizabeth.”
He gives me a reassuring smile, and I feel so much better. Uplifted. I think I'm going to like it here.
Unfortunately I end up having lunch at my desk.
It's my first day, and I'm still getting my bearings.
I'm not going to make a habit of this. I pull out my homemade cheese sandwich, a small, bruised apple, and a small bag of nuts.
I also have my stainless steel insulated water bottle that I keep topped up throughout the day.
I take my sandwich out of the plastic container when I hear someone behind me.
“You're eating at your desk.”
Matteo’s voice makes me jolt, and when he steps in front of me. I suddenly feel self-conscious, more self-conscious than is normal. “I thought I'd soak in the ambiance of the lab,” I manage to say, feeling grateful that I haven’t yet started eating my lunch.
Resorting to humor has always been my go-to, but my uneasiness grows heavy as when Matteo’s eyes examine my lunch.
“I had to rush out this morning, so I quickly put this together,” I explain, lying through my teeth. Food is functional for me, not something I particularly indulge in. It was fuel to stay alive.
“I'm going out. Want me to grab you something?” he offers.
Humiliation sparks inside me. He's judging me and he clearly feels sorry for me. But I don't want his pity.
“I've got something to eat, thanks.” But my little sandwich looks even more pathetic as I hold it between my hands.
Matteo's eyes meet mine. “I know you are. I'm just saying, since you rushed this morning, maybe I can get you something else ... if you want.”
It's there once again. Tenderness in his eyes. I catch a glimpse of that man again, the one who seemed so caring. I soften. “Thanks, but I'm good.”
I watch as he walks away, noting the slight swagger of his hips, and the way everyone glances at him, like he has their utmost respect.
I'm curious as to how he got this role. He obviously got it because he's a Knight. Too bad the rest of us must work hard to get where we want.