Chapter 13
ELIZABETH
Friday comes around and we all go to lunch. All of us, except for Matteo.
The sandwich bar is busy but not crowded. With wooden panels, wooden tables and chairs, it's a welcome change from the artificial glow of the tech lab. We grab food and end up at a long bench.
Joel and Sonny sit facing me and Alex.
“Where did you work before?” Sonny asks.
I feel a dryness in my throat, and reach for a sip of water.
I’m not sure I want to talk about my past, because there isn’t a version of that story that doesn’t raise more questions than I’m willing to answer.
I cough lightly, feeling my stomach churn as I struggle to answer.
“I’ve got a small company that I set up.”
“You formed a company? Already?” Alex sounds impressed.
“It's not that big a deal.” I hold my sandwich in both hands, wondering how to tackle it without making a mess.
“You're the only female we've ever had in the tech,” Joel states.
Alex chuckles. “Don't mind him. You'd think he'd never seen a woman before, the way he's behaving.”
“It's true. She's the first one,” Joel replies, indignant.
Alex rolls his eyes. “Steady, boy. Ignore him, Elizabeth. Sometimes he’s so feral he shouldn’t be let loose.”
“Thanks.” Joel huffs loudly, but still good-naturedly.
Alex lifts his bottle of water to his lips. “My niece is interested in tech. I’m always encouraging her because we need more women in this industry.”
I turn to him in interest. “That’s great. How old is she?”
“Fourteen.” A tiny smile tugs at his mouth. “She's already building little apps and breaking things she shouldn’t be able to break.”
Those words hit so hard. She sounds just like I was at that age.
“That’s amazing,” I cry, liking her already.
“Why cybersecurity?” Sonny asks. “And why did you set up your own firm instead of going to work for someone? You're obviously smart, not just from what we've seen but you clearly impressed Paul Knight.”
“I had some experience,” I say, carefully, struggling to come up with a coherent story. Why didn't I think of this before? I should have been prepared.
“But where did you work before, to get that experience?” Sonny is like a pitbull with a bone he doesn't want to give up, and suddenly I feel like I’m being interrogated all over again. “Nobody just sets up a cybersecurity firm for no reason.”
Sonny’s watching me diligently now, a sharpness and curiosity in his gaze that suddenly feels too intense. So many questions. I was hoping this would be a getting-to-know-you lunch, but it feels more like an interrogation.
I find Joel’s questioning easier to deal with, even though he seems more interested in discovering whether I have a boyfriend or not. And Alex… Alex is just smiling and watching. He reminds me a little of Vlad, in how he is around me.
“Will you guys quit harassing her so much? Let the poor girl eat her lunch in peace,” he says.
I exhale quietly, grateful for his interjection.
“I did freelance work,” I say, keeping it vague but steady. “Pen-testing, mostly, and reviewing cybersecurity and testing for vulnerabilities. I worked for small businesses, startups mostly. People who couldn’t afford the big firms but still needed to know where they were exposed.”
That part, at least, isn’t a lie.
“And what are your hobbies?” Joel asks. “What do you like to do after work?”
“I don’t really have many hobbies. I like coding and baking.” I relax a little with the questioning moving away from my work experience. I remind myself that they’re just being friendly. It’s something I'm not used to, and I tend to always think of the worst-case scenario.
“Coding and baking?” Joel cocks his head, like he doesn’t understand.
“The tech lab must feel like home, with the coding part, at least,” adds Sonny.
I laugh. “I don’t have a basement. I live in an apartment, and sometimes I help at a local senior center.”
“A senior center?” Alex asks, suddenly perking up.
“A what?” says Joel, like he misheard.
“It’s not a nursing home,” I say quickly. “It’s a senior center. People come in during the day and have coffee, play cards, get out of the house for a while. I bake sometimes and bring things in.”
I smile to myself remembering how Arthur likes the blueberry muffins and how Irene forgets she’s already had one and asks for another.
“Don’t you two need to be in a meeting?” Alex glances at his watch.
Sonny bolts to standing. “Damn it, yes.”
“Now?” Joel wails, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
They both scramble up, gathering their things. The moment they’re gone, it turns quiet. I dig into my egg salad sandwich with vigor.
“Hungry, huh?” Alex leans back slightly, studying me.
“I left home without having breakfast.”
Again.
Because I tend not to eat well, I’ve tried to force myself to have porridge first thing, with nuts and blueberries. Healthier fuel.
“So,” he says lightly, “how’s the audit going?”
I take a sip of my water, buying myself a second. What I say matters. What I don’t say matters more.
“It’s early,” I reply. “I'm still mapping things out.”
“Sure. It takes a while to get used to a new place.”
I see Matteo walk through the door just as I'm about to bite into my sandwich. I stop, stare. Heat flickers low in my stomach. I didn’t think he was coming.
“Are you okay?” Alex seems to be always so aware of my every move. He rests his hand on my arm lightly.
“Yes.” I nod, but I catch the way Matteo’s gaze drops to Alex's hand on my arm. I take a bite of my sandwich and pray that I don't end up with egg salad smeared across my mouth. I watch as he walks to the counter and places his order.
“Found anything interesting?” Alex asks again.
“Oh, uh … nothing conclusive yet.”
Alex turns to see what caught my attention. “It’s the boss,” he murmurs. I quickly chew and reach for my water again just as Matteo appears directly in front of me. He sits across the table from me.
“Thought I’d join you guys.” He’s holding what looks like a panini wrapped in paper.
“We’re honored,” Alex says. “What’s that?”
“Steak, arugula, and horseradish mayo.”
“I should have had that. It looks good.” He watches as Matteo unwraps his panini. “Shoot,” he cries, suddenly. “I need to be somewhere.” He pushes his chair back, already standing. “Catch you later.” His eyes flick briefly to mine, giving me an apologetic nod.
He leaves a big gaping hole in his absence; one that's filled by the noise of the sandwich bar. I feel slightly self-conscious, left here with Matteo.
“You managed to clear everybody away fast. Don’t they like you?” I quip, feeling a need to fill the silence between us.
He shrugs. “They like me, I think. And we do this often, have lunch as a team. I’m not that kind of a boss.”
“What kind of a boss are you?” Now I'm intrigued.
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t look at myself subjectively like that.”
This guy has perfected the art of speaking in sentences without giving anything away.
More silence follows and I focus on my sandwich, and take the last bite.
Then I take another sip of water. Then I glance around the place.
I do anything to distract me from the fact that I’m suddenly hyper-aware of him, of the way he sits and eats, and how his dark green-or-brown eyes sometimes meet mine.
“You can leave if you want,” he offers. “I’d hate to force you to stay here and watch me eat.”
I can’t tell if he’s also feeling uncomfortable with it just being the two of us.
Being trapped together, being vulnerable, before I discovered who he was, has made it uneasy for me to work for him.
If I hadn’t gotten into that elevator, if I hadn’t examined his tattoos, if he hadn’t stroked my skin to calm me down, things would be a lot different.
Maybe.
I’m not so sure now, because the way he looks, the way he dresses, the way he is, I can’t help but think of him long after I’ve left work. It’s hard enough trying to block him out at work, but what I’m finding in my audit is interesting enough that I can usually manage it.
I’m drawn to him, no doubt about it, but I can’t let it get in the way of my work.
Sometimes I wish we hadn’t gotten trapped together.
I wish I’d just met him as a stranger because it would have been easier coming from a place of not knowing, whereas now that I know what it’s like to touch his skin, to have him be concerned about me, and to take care of me and soothe me, I have a whole different version of the man in my head, one I can’t quite dislodge.
One who is different to this one sitting before me.
I resort to having digs. “It would be rude to leave you here all by yourself. People would think you don’t have any friends.”
“I don’t care what people think.”
I dig deeper. “It’s true then? You don’t have any friends?”
“I’m used to being alone,” he says, casually. He sounds like me. I am, too. I don't have a social life. My work is my life. Arthur and Irene are my family.
I don't have friends, not close friends. But I have Vlad. The team split up and we lost touch, but Vlad has always been there for me. Which reminds me—I need to get back to him about his wedding. I’m going, I just need to let him know when.
I’ve been fixated on the interviews, that I’ve not given him a definitive answer.
But now that I have this job, I just want to prove myself.
Get a few weeks of work under me, and impress them all, before I’ll allow myself to take time off for a vacation.
“You don’t have to be alone,” I remark.
The words slip out before I can stop them.
I freeze for half a second as his gaze lifts to mine.
He frowns, signaling his disapproval, and I’m left feeling doubly stupid.
Sometimes, my mouth takes on a personality of its own.
It happens when I'm feeling anxious, or when I like someone.
I have a double dose of this problem now, with Matteo.
“You don’t know anything about me,” he says quietly.
“Maybe not.” I force my voice to be steady. “But I know what it looks like when someone isolates themselves.” Because I've done that myself, and I recognize it in him, but did I have to go and spell it out to him?
His expression changes, just slightly, and I almost miss it. “Careful,” he cautions. “You’re starting to sound like you’ve already figured me out.”
“Trust me,” I say lightly, “if I had, I’d be charging you double.”
He laughs. “Double?”
“For therapy.” I hold my breath. Why can’t I just stop? Why must I keep on rambling on? Digging a deeper hole for myself. His mouth almost, almost, curves. I decide to have some fun, because I’m in, here at Knight Enterprises, and that’s one big, important check box ticked.
I deserve some fun. After all, I’m not a permanent fixture, and I’m only here to do the security audit as well as figure out and fix the security issues. I still don’t see Matteo as my boss. I never can. So, I should enjoy my time here.
We fall silent again but this time it’s different. Less awkward. The tension releases like a leaky balloon. He leans back slightly, studying me.
“How are you settling in?”
That’s an easy, not-so-personal question. “I like it here. The guys are nice.”
He nods, agreeing. “We have a good bunch of people in the tech lab.”
“They’re sweet.”
“I don’t know if sweet is the word I’d use to describe them.”
“Alex is nice. He’s been good to me, and Sonny is smart and observant. Joel is … well, Joel.”
He bites into his panini, chews it slowly. After a while, “He’s thrilled we finally have a woman working with us.”
“Are you used to it, yet?” I couldn’t help myself.
“I can work with anyone.”
“That’s not the impression I got, before I did my presentation.”
He pauses, then, “How's the security audit coming along?” He ignored my comment.
“It’s coming along.” I wonder if I should tell him what I’ve found. “Your father wants an update.”
His eyes widen. “Does he now?”
“It was supposed to be this afternoon, but he went home early. That’s what his assistant told me. So now I must email him some bullet points regarding where I’m at.”
“Anything I should be worried about?”
I hold his gaze, then decide that I need to do some more digging around before I present him with my findings. I say the same thing I said to Alex. “Nothing conclusive yet.”
***
MATTEO
The old man has gone home. I know that because he canceled on me, too. Given his health, it’s probably a good thing. I haven’t seen him lately, but Rio did and he said he looked bad.
I mull over what Elizabeth has just told me. Nothing conclusive yet. She says it with a finality. She might as well have told me to mind my own business.
I hadn't meant to come to this lunch, but for some reason I found it impossible to stay away. Alex asked me earlier, but I had a meeting with the old man. When that got canceled, I came here.
With Elizabeth sitting directly outside my office it's a miracle I've managed to be productive this week, because my gaze keeps drifting to her. My thoughts are filled with her.
I blame it on the way we met.
But there's something more.
Something that would have brought her to my attention had I not met her before the old man hired her. There's something slow and steady about her. In the way she gets absorbed in her work, and how she shuts out everything around her. It starts to unsettle me in ways I'm not prepared for.
That first day when I saw her eating a sad lunch at the desk, it bothered me more than it should have. She elicits a protectiveness in me, and I feel responsible for her in a way I'm not supposed to.
It's impossible trying to keep my distance and stay focused, and I find myself looking for excuses to pass her desk or catch her when she isn’t paying attention.
She's someone I can’t quite read or ignore, and that's why I'm here, now, sitting opposite her, eating a panini I have no real appetite for.
“So, there’s nothing else?” I ask. I’ve never trusted the old man, but my current dilemma is such that every instinct tells me to be wary of Elizabeth, while every other part of me seems determined to ignore those instincts entirely.
She lifts a shoulder. “Not unless you want me to invent problems so you can keep talking to me over lunch.”
A laugh slips out before I can stop it. “Good to know that's all it takes.”
Is she flirting with me?