Chapter 13
Tavi
My heart was in my throat as I heard the car pull into the driveway.
Mari was out with Lani and Bane, to give us time to talk.
Van was happily sleeping away in front of the TV with cartoons on.
Once the door opened, and he filled the frame, I felt as if my entire body was going to shudder and tense, like I was going to break apart if he came closer.
“Maverick.”
He quickly closed the door, checking on Van on the couch, a slight smile on his face as he smoothed Van’s hair out of his eyes and headed toward me. That act alone had my chest squeezing tight.
“Want to talk outside?” he asked me, his voice low.
I nodded, and led him outside to the backyard, in the pool area. I sat on the edge of the pool, dangling my feet into the water. Maverick sat on the chairs behind me, and I think that action alone made me understand this wasn’t going to be a conversation I wanted to have.
Mari told me he would want me back, but I could feel the tension radiating off him. Closing my eyes to battle against the dangerous emotions teetering on the edge, I waited for him to speak.
“Thank you for telling Lani to come and see me.”
His voice was dark and dangerous, deeper than it ought to be.
“She needs her dad.”
“Agreed.”
My heart was breaking in two before we could even get to the stuff I wanted to talk about. I should have answered those texts, I should have told him how much I missed him, his touch, the way he would kiss me and make the world disappear, how safe I felt with him.
“Stuff has come up with the club, and the Ironborne, but my initial fear for my family remains. I also need to get you out of here before Mari’s husband comes home. He’s not too fond of me, or the club.”
I was well aware. The conversations I’d had with Mari about it had been a toll on her. I could tell.
“Fine,” I said, pulling my feet up and heading out of the pool area. I was out of the gate before he could grab me. He called out to me, but I could already feel the tears burning my eyes, threatening to unleash.
Moving to the bedroom, I started to pack my bag. I didn’t own much, but Mari had been gifting me clothes that she no longer wore. I suspected they were clothes she still wore, but she felt bad for me. Either way, I hoped we could remain friends after this.
The door to the bedroom closed behind him, his heavy boots on the timber floorboards were loud.
I could feel my pulse spike with every move he made toward me.
His hands slid over my hips, gripping tight, before he spun me to look at him.
When I looked up through teary eyes, I saw his own watery ones looking back at me.
How could he do this if he was hurting too?
“Tavi,” his voice was cracked with his emotion, which only set more tears tumbling over my cheeks. “I don’t want this to be hard. We both knew this would have an expiration date.”
“So let me go,” I said, pushing him away from me. I didn’t want his soft touch when I wanted to be angry at him. “I’ll find my own place, away from here, away from you and your family. I’ll be gone, and you’ll never have to see me again.”
“Let me help you,” he replied. “I promised to keep you safe, and I will. I’ve got a place for you. It won’t be linked to me, my family, the club or you. It’s safe. I promise.”
“And then?”
“Then what?”
“I’ll always be indebted to you. I don’t think so. You’ll never be crawling back between my thighs for payment of all that you did for us.”
Maverick recoiled, as if I’d slapped him. “You think I would do that to you?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “That's all I’ve known.”
“Fuck that cunt,” he ground out. “I’m not him. I would never do that to you. I care about you, Tavi, more than I should, even after everything. I want to be with you, but I just…can’t.”
More tears ran down my cheeks, my sobs were becoming harder and harder to contain as I felt my entire body shake with what I could only assume was an anxiety attack.
He was my safe place.
He was meant to be the one who came home from work to me and Van, the one to give me my dream. Maverick was killing everything inside of me.
“Take me there then. I can’t promise I’ll stay.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll get Van into the car while you pack.”
He left the room without a second glance at me, and I felt my knees go weak, hitting the floorboards as I clutched onto the bed for support as I silently cried into it, feeling every good feeling tear away from me in the most dramatic way.
I had no one left.
Nothing to go to.
I was alone.
I let the cries absorb into the quilt, silent crying as I’d taught myself to do so Van didn’t hear it.
Was it better to be here, having my heart torn out by someone who I knew was a good person, someone who was messed up with decision making or to be back in the house, safe from everything, except for my husband’s vicious words and actions?
At least I didn't feel anything for him.
I only cried for the physical pain, not the emotional and mental pain I was currently going through.
Slowly, I picked myself up, splashed some cold water onto my face and dabbed the towel over it.
My eyes were red and puffy, but my tears had stopped.
Finishing my packing, I opened the door to the room, giving it one last look around and I left, heading down the stairs and past Maverick who held my sleeping son in his arms. I didn’t want to look, I didn’t want to see how much it made my heart swell, or how right it looked.
I pushed out of the door, and toward the car, keeping my back to him. If Van woke, he’d see my puffy eyes and he’d start crying and I didn’t want him to feel that ever again.
Maverick put Van in the back, in a car seat I only just noticed was in there. When he grabbed my bag, I hauled it to my chest, not letting him. It was my safety blanket right now. The only thing I could say was mine, aside from my son.
He got the picture, and he backed up, heading over to the driver’s seat. I got in the passenger seat, stuffing my bag between my legs and buckling myself in. The tension between us was thick, but we didn’t speak.
As we headed out of Jordan Springs, I could see we were heading toward the Hills district. Ironborne had very little to do with property out this way so it was probably the perfect place to put me.
We pulled into a cute little house in a quiet street, the driveway came all the way up to a path that led from it to the porch. Two steps led up to the front door.
Maverick pulled the car up, turning off the ignition. We both just sat there, no words, just something reaching between us that we couldn’t give in to.
I noticed his hands were bruised and had a few cuts over his knuckles. It looked like he’d gotten into a fight.
My chest ached for him, the redness told me how sore it would be, but I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to know what he’d been up to.
I pushed the door open and pulled the bag out, moving to get Van out, but Maverick was already there, undoing the belts off him and slowly pulling him out of the seat. I hated that I loved how Van cuddled into him, his head falling into the crook of his neck, like he was his safe place too.
It just felt so right.
Maverick handed me the keys and I moved up to the front door, annoyed that I was accepting his help when he was breaking my heart.
Putting the key in the lock, I turned it and walked through, trying to put some distance between us and looked around.
The house was decorated, but sparsely. There was no colour on the walls, the furniture looked straight out of an Ikea catalog and the house smelled new.
“Bedrooms are down the hall, the kitchen is through that alcove and the doors to the backyard too.”
I nodded, not wanting to speak to him.
“I’m just going to put Van down in his room, okay?”
I followed him down the hall, watching him deposit my son onto a single bed with a wall full of cars and books. My breath caught when I realised he’d done this with Van in mind. Photos of motorcycles lined the walls and the quilt set was of Harley Davidson.
I rolled my eyes and headed to the next door which was a large bedroom. The quilt was a deep green colour, the curtains matching the linen. A large table with a chair sat by the wall, and an ensuite bathroom was perfectly matching the towels to the green theme.
It was perfect.
But I didn’t want to tell him that.
“He’s out still,” Maverick said from the doorway. I continued to give him my back. “This place is yours. When Hardy is taken care of, I’ll put it in your name.”
I felt the sob start. From the window, I could see the playset outside in the backyard, the little garden off to the side.
This was a dream home for me.
The kind I wanted with him, when he took me as his, and became the dad Van desperately needed.
The dream that was now shattered into pieces under my feet, along with my heart.
“Do you want me to thank you?” I asked, surprised at how bitter my own voice sounded.
Maverick closed the distance between us, pulling me into his arms. I hated how easy it would be to wrap mine around him, hold him to me, and make all the pain go away.
What would it take to change his mind?
“I’m sorry, Tavi. I’m not mad at you for hiding who you are. You did what you thought you had to. I know what that feels like, believe me. I just…can’t risk you, or Van. I can’t risk my own kids. I need to be a Shackled Son. It’s who I am.”
Even though I understood him, in a way at least, it still burned me like I’d touched an open flame.
“Then go and be one, Dane.”
“Fuck I love it when you call me by my name,” he whispered into my hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make this work, but I’ll make sure you’re safe. I promise. I just…can’t be with you.”
Fresh tears ran down my cheeks, silent as always. Maverick tipped my chin up, wiping the fresh tears from my face with his thumbs, as he cupped my face. His own tears fell down his cheeks, silent as well, as if he were trained in keeping his emotions quiet.
“Dane…”
“Yeah?”
“One last kiss,” I begged him. “Please…”
He didn’t need to be asked twice. His lips crashed down onto mine, brutal, solid, our tongues lashing together relentlessly, almost as if we were in a battle of our minds. We probably were, our hearts trying to latch onto each other, to stop this madness from ending.
I hated how right it felt in his arms, how warm and welcoming his body was against mine. I hated how much we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.
I especially hated how I could moan into his mouth and feel him press his hard cock against me, as if I had as much effect on him as he did me.
Why the hell couldn’t this be it?
Why couldn’t we make it work?
I held onto him as hard as I could, but slowly, he pulled from my lips, leaning his forehead against mine. Our breaths were loud, mingling together.
“Be safe, Tavi. Please.”
He was gone before I could protest, leaving me quivering with need, and a sob wracking in my chest, causing physical pain as I listened to him leave the house he’d hidden us away in, and left without a second glance.
I finally let out a guttural cry, but I hadn’t blocked it this time. The sound of Van calling out to me had my feet running to his room. He’d just woken up in a new room, completely unknown to him.
“Mama, cry!”
He pointed at my tears and I nodded, coming to sit down on the floor next to his bed. “Come give me a cuddle. I need it.”
He dutifully did as I asked, wrapping his little arms around my neck and giving me one of the best cuddles I could have asked for.
“Mama, can we play with cars?”
I let out a chuckle, even though it sounded a little off. “Yeah, bud. We can play with cars.”
He pulled away from me with a big grin, and moved over to the wall with the cars, choosing a couple of cars and bringing me one.
For the next thirty minutes, I played with cars with my boy, the only one I had left in this horrible world, and I made a promise to myself.
I would never fall in love with an unavailable man again.
Maybe any man.
Going down on pussy can’t be that hard, can it? I’m sure I could get into it. So long as I didn’t have to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of a man’s male PMS.
Fuck you, Dane Hart.