40. I love you, too
i love you, too
—SAGE
Icarry Eden through the house as quietly as I can, her body warm against my chest. She’s breathing steadily now, her heart rate is normal, and there’s color back in her cheeks.
She’s fine, and I nearly lost my mind thinking otherwise.
She’s fine, Ashán echoes quietly in the back of my mind.
It’s the first thing he’s said since we landed and made our reluctant truce.
I know, I murmur.
But knowing doesn’t erase the terror, or undo the ten minutes I spent trying to wake her while her pulse grew fainter and fainter beneath my fingertips. Her pale face keeps flashing in my head.
I push the bedroom door open with my shoulder and lay her down as gently as I can. She doesn’t stir, exhausted and wrung out from hours of—
I swallow hard and step back. She needs rest. I should leave her alone. But one look at her makes my chest ache. Lavásia and splotches of mud cling to her skin.
Clean her up, Ashán murmurs. She’ll be more comfortable.
When I get to the bathroom, Nook already has warm water running and a large wooden bowl on the counter.
I add some chamomile, lavender, and arnica to the water to help with her soreness.
I sit on the edge of the bed and start wiping over her shoulder.
My pollen comes away easily, leaving clean, freckled skin behind.
I work slowly over her collarbone, the hollow of her throat, down her arm.
She sighs my name under her breath, and that’s all it takes.
Easy, Ashán warns.
I’m fine, I snap.
But every inch of skin I reveal, and every soft exhale she makes…
My hand stills on her hip.
Sage
I said I’m fine.
I am not fine.
The rut only paused out of my worry for her. The low simmer in my blood starts to boil. I grit my teeth and keep cleaning. My hand moves from her stomach, along the curve of her waist, over the swell of her breast where pollen had settled.
Vresh. I have to stop.
My hand is shaking, and I’m achingly hard.
This is a bad idea, Ashán mutters.
You were literally the one who told me to clean her.
She’s clean enough, he grumbles. And you need to back away before you trigger a full rut.
He’s right. I know he’s right. But my body won’t cooperate.
I finish wiping the last traces of lavásia from her skin, pull the blanket over her, and force myself to stand. I make it three steps before I have to brace myself against the wall.
Maybe if I just lay with her, that’ll be enough.
Absolutely not. That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.
I take a step toward the bed.
Sage, Ashán growls. You need to deal with this.
I’m fine, I grit out, even though my legs are shaking and my vék is straining against the vines slithering around my pelvis.
You’re not fine, he says. Your rut didn’t end; it paused. And now that the adrenaline is wearing off and your body knows she’s safe…
I can handle it.
No, you can’t, he says flatly. And the longer you try to suppress it, the worse it’s going to be when she wakes up.
I close my eyes and press my forehead against the cool wall.
I’m not waking her, I say firmly. She’s exhausted, and she needs rest.
I’m not telling you to wake her, Ashán replies. I’m telling you to take care of this before you lose control.
I won’t lose control.
Sage. I can feel what you’re feeling. I know how close you are to snapping. So either you handle this now, or you’re going to end up rutting into her while she’s unconscious.
The image sends a bolt of shame and arousal through me.
I would never—
Not on purpose, he agrees. But your nature doesn’t care about your morals right now. It only cares about one thing.
I ignore him. Minutes tick by, and I stay frozen against the wall, trying to will away the desperate throbbing between my legs.
It doesn’t work. If anything, it gets worse.
Sage, Ashán whispers. Let me help.
What? How are you going to help?
The familiar sensation of skin evaporating on my left side begins.
What are you doing?
What you’re too stubborn to do yourself, he answers.
His skeletal hand wraps around my shaft.
Ashán!
Shut up, he growls, stroking the length of me. You’re going to wake her up.
The sensation overwhelms me. I brace harder against the wall, trying to pull back control.
Stop fighting me, he snaps. You need this. WE need this. Or you’re going to lose your mind and hurt her.
I wouldn’t, I protest.
You would, he says coldly, stroking rougher this time. So let me handle this before you do something we’ll both regret.
Everything in my body is screaming this is wrong, but vresh it feels so good.
There, he purrs. Stop thinking and let me help you.
This is…
Necessary, he supplies, his fingers tightening. You’re already leaking on my hand, Sage.
I hate you, I grit out.
No, you don’t, he says, almost amused. You hate that I’m right, you hate that this feels good, but more than anything, you hate that you need this.
His smooth thumb drags over the head of my cock, and I have to bite back a groan.
Quiet, he warns, unless you want to explain to Eden why you’re moaning against the wall while she sleeps.
Vresh you, I snarl.
Later, maybe, he quips, increasing the pace.
I press my forehead harder against the wall, my right hand bracing beside my head while his left hand works my shaft with maddening precision.
Is that what you do all day, I groan. Just sit in the back of my head and jack off?
No? He guffaws.
Well, you seem to know exactly h-how I like it, I accuse breathlessly.
Of course I do, he growls. I’m YOU. Same body. Same nerve endings. I know every spot that makes us fall apart.
As if to prove his point, his grip shifts, thumb pressing just beneath my head while his fingers squeeze.
My knees buckle.
Shá, I choke out.
That’s it, flowerboy, he murmurs, fingers moving relentlessly. Stop thinking. Just let me make this good for us.
I still hate you, I groan.
Yeah. I can feel just how much, he quips.
I bite down on my lower lip so hard, his fang draws blood.
Close already? He taunts. We haven’t even been at this for two minutes.
Shut up. My hips jerk forward involuntarily. The wall scrapes against my forehead as I thrust. Eden’s soft snores carry from the bed.
There we go, he purrs. Fuck my hand, Sage. His thumb swipes through the precome at my tip, spreading it down my length. So wet for me, he groans.
Heat floods my face.
Just finish it.
Oh, I will, he promises darkly. But you’re going to remember that I’m the one who took care of you when you were too stubborn to take care of yourself. Aren’t you?
Ashán.
Say it, he demands. His grip shifts, fingers wrapping tighter as he strokes from base to top. Say you need me.
I—I can’t. I won’t.
His skeletal fingers pause mid-stroke.
You stubborn little shit, he growls. Fine. Have it your way.
Ashán, I growl, my hips trying to thrust, chasing the sensation he’s withholding.
He gathers moisture in our mouth, and spits directly on the head of my cock. The warm saliva slides down my shaft, mixing with the precome already coating his fingers, creating a slick, filthy sound as he resumes stroking,
Say it, he demands again, his thumb dragging through the mess he’s made. Say you need me, or I’ll keep you like this all night. Edging you until you’re crying for it.
You’re— I choke on the words. —an asshole.
Yes, he agrees. And you need this asshole to finish you off.
Fine! I snarl. I need you. Happy?
Ecstatic, he purrs. Was that so hard?
V-Vresh you, I gasp.
Maybe if you’re a good boy, he muses, though I’m not really sure how that would work?
His pace increases.
Ashán! I choke out.
Feel that? His fingers skim over the base of our shaft, where it’s starting to swell. Your knot is trying to form. Even without being inside her.
Lavásia streams from the tip of my cock.
Touch it, he commands.
What?
Your right hand. Wrap it around your knot and squeeze.
I’m not—I’m not doing that, I protest.
Do it, he growls. Or I stop.
My hand moves of its own volition, wrapping around the swollen base of petals
Harder, Ashán instructs, his fingers still working my shaft. Squeeze like you’re locked inside her, like you’re trying to make sure every drop stays as deep as possible.
Nghh.
That’s my good boy, he purrs. Both hands now. Mine and yours. Working together, doesn’t that feel right?
I hate that it does.
Ashán, I’m going to—
Come for me, Sage, he rasps.
I—vresh—I can’t, I gasp. I need to finish inside her.
“Don’t stop!”
We both freeze. Our heads snap toward the bed, where Eden’s sitting up wide awake. Ashán’s hand doesn’t stop moving.
She said don’t stop, he growls. So we’re not stopping.
“Eden,” I try to explain, but Ashán’s grip tightens.
“Can you come closer? She breathes. “I want to watch.”
Vresh, Ashán groans. Hear that, Sage? Our mate wants a front-row seat.
This feels wrong.
This is exactly what she asked for. Now move. Get closer to the bed.
My legs barely cooperate, but somehow I manage to stumble the few steps to the edge of the mattress.
Eden gets up on her knees, her eyes tracking every movement.
“How long have you been awake?”
A small smile curves her lips. “Long enough.”
Her gaze drops to where our hands are working in tandem.
“I really like this,” she says. “Seeing both halves of my mate get along.”
Told you, he growls triumphantly. Wait until she finds out you wanted to split us.
Don’t you dare! I snarl.
Why not? His pace increases. She should know how you really feel about me. About us.
That’s not… I was scared, I whisper.
You threatened to rip me out of our body, he says coldly. Pretty sure that’s relevant. Let’s tell her right now, together.
Please, I beg. Ashán, please don’t.
Don’t what? He squeezes harder. Don’t tell our mate the truth? That you wanted to cut me out? Wanted to keep her all to yourself?
I didn’t mean it, I whisper.
Then tell me, he demands. Tell me we can do this again.
This is— I gasp as his grip tightens. This is different—
How? He challenges. How is this different from anything else we do together? We share her body. Why not share our own?
Because it’s—
Because it’s uncomfortable? Too intimate? Makes you realize how much you actually need me?
Stop! I hiss.