7. Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Mazie
W hat just happened? How did the night turn so abruptly?
My lips are still tingling, and my heart is still racing from that kiss. Who would have guessed Zach is such a good kisser. I mean, my God. My fingers graze along my mouth, remembering the pressure of his lips.
But they fall when I remember he’s my best friend. I can’t risk losing that bond, that connection. Relationships never go right for me. I always fuck them up or they can’t handle my oddities and obsessive compulsions.
That can’t happen between me and Zach, because I need him in my life. And I wouldn’t be able to go back to being just friends with him. Especially not after a kiss like that. I can only imagine what else he can do with that tongue.
I can’t honestly say that I’ve never thought about it. In fact, when I was younger, before he and I became as close as we are, I used to dream about being his girlfriend. He’s always been a looker, with that dirty blond hair, those piercing green eyes, and toned body. Back in high school, I fawned over him.
But then everything changed. Life changed. He was there for me during the hardest part of my life, when I lost my parents and had to become somebody my siblings could rely on. I had to be strong, while letting them be weak. Zach became my safe space. My space to have my breakdowns, to get my emotions out without my sisters seeing. Eli knew I was bottling it all up. He kept telling me it wasn’t healthy, but I felt like I had no choice.
Has Zach been thinking about this for a while? Nothing has ever been different in his demeanor or our exchanges. What was his end goal?
Zach’s not really the premeditative type. I don’t think he came over tonight planning to make a move. It just sort of…happened. When he leaned in, it’s like I was stuck in place and couldn’t pull away. I didn’t want to.
Even still, where did his mind go? He asked if I’ve ever thought about us, but does he mean as part of a relationship? Or just friends with benefits?
No, it doesn’t matter. We can’t cross that line.
Grabbing my phone from the entry table, I send a quick SOS text to Liv and Alina. I know they have their own lives—Liv has a baby, for fuck’s sake—but this is important.
My phone pings back in rapid succession that they’re both on their way. Which means I can confidently pace the house while I await their arrival.
That’s one thing I love about having my sisters so close. It’s part of the trauma we went through. We rally around each other without question.
Alina’s the first to burst through the door. She takes one look at me pacing, chewing on my cuticles, and walks right over to me and puts her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes track over my face, looking for something. Some giveaway of what happened and why I messaged them.
Liv comes barreling through the door next, kicking off her shoes, and coming right up to where Alina and I are standing in the middle of my house.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” There’s a touch of panic in Liv’s voice. Ever since she became a mom, she’s been a lot more concerned about the rest of us, not needing to be babied anymore, but often doing the babying.
Pulling my lip between my teeth, I wring my fingers as I look between both of them.
“Zach kissed me.”
Their shoulders noticeably slump, and they look at one another for an intense moment before smiling and looking back at me.
But I don’t like the look they just exchanged, and my eyes narrow. “What? What is it? You know something.”
“How long have we been saying that Zach’s in love with you, Zee?” Liv cocks her head to the side as she asks.
“Yeah, but you guys are crazy. Picking up on things that aren’t there.”
“Or maybe you’re the one who’s been blind this whole time. I mean, come on, Mazie, there has to be something that we see that you don’t.” Alina sounds frustrated with me, which is unlike her.
Though, they have been telling me for ages. I always thought it got into one of their heads and then they planted the seed in the other. I wonder if Eli’s in on this thought process too.
“But…why wouldn’t he say anything?”
“Probably for the same reason you texted us. You’re scared and don’t know what to do now.” Liv’s perception is something I’ve always been jealous of.
“Well, what do I do now? I told him I couldn’t.”
“What do you want to do?”
I walk away from them and flop onto the couch, resting my elbows on my knees and hiding my face in my hands. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, Maze. You’ve really never thought about it before?” The couch dips next to me as Alina sits and puts a hand on my back.
The couch dips on the other side a moment later.
“Honestly? I think I’ve tried to keep my mind from ever going there. He’s been such a source of comfort for me, I wouldn’t risk ruining that.”
“What makes you think you’d ruin it?”
“The fact that not a single relationship has ever lasted beyond a few months.”
“But he already knows you. He knows your idiosyncrasies and quirks and still hangs around. He’s less likely to leave because of them.”
I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or bad thing that Liv knows why my past relationships haven’t lasted.
“That doesn’t mean he wants to take them on full time.”
“You’re not as hard to handle as you think you are, Mazie.” Alina runs her hand down my back, trying to soothe me.
That may be so, but that doesn’t mean I need to be anybody’s burden. I haven’t been since the second my parents died. I won’t become one now.
“The two of you certainly think I’m a bit much.” I look between the two of them and catch the way their eyes lock on one another’s.
“It’s different, Mazie. You’re our sister and often act like our mother, which neither of us really needs anymore.”
“And don’t you think as a significant other, it could be too much?”
“I don’t know. It’s a different dynamic than siblings. But Zach is used to you. And if he loves you, like we’re all pretty sure he does, then he fell in love with you despite those things.”
“And let’s be honest. You could certainly do worse than Zach. He’s sweet and caring and strong. He’d protect the hell out of you, which I know is a fear of yours.” Liv tucks a curl behind my ear.
How did my baby sisters end up comforting me? I asked them to come more to talk the nonsense out of me, but instead they’re taking care of me.
The roles don’t often reverse for us, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. A little out of control, at least.
“The only thing you have to decide now is if you want to take it to the next level or keep things the way they are.” Alina’s voice is calming.
“What happened when you told him you couldn’t?”
My eyes meet Liv’s and they’re that soft shade of purple. “He left.”
“Maybe give him a few days to cool down and then touch base. It gives you time to think about what you want too.”
I nod relentlessly. That sounds good.
Now the only question is, what do I want?