11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
Mazie
T he brightness of the early morning sun pulls me from sleep. I blink a few times at the intrusion of light, utterly confused.
Then it hits me. I didn’t close the curtains last night. Not in the bedroom, not in the living room. Did I lock the front door? What about the garage door?
My heart races, and my breathing rate picks up as I realize I failed to check all of my safety standards before going to bed.
The heavy arm flung over my waist tightens, and I’m pulled against a hard, warm chest. “Hey. You’re okay.”
For a moment, I completely forgot Zach was even here. That the events of last night even happened.
While a sense of safety washes over me, anger boils in my stomach. I know better than to ignore my routine. But Zach got me in such a tizzy that I lost my thought process. I can’t let that happen again.
I roll to face him and am greeted with slits instead of open eyes. “How’d you know I was freaking out?”
“I know you, Mazie. I could practically feel your mind overthinking. What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t lock up like I usually do.”
“You’re safe with me. I won’t let anything hurt you.”
“It’s not that simple.”
He sighs heavily and runs a hand down my curls. “I know. But try to find solace in the fact that nothing happened. And besides, who would you call in the case of an emergency?”
“The cops,” I mumble, knowing exactly where he’s going with this.
“Well, wouldn’t you know, I’m already here.”
“But you’re not armed. You’re barely even dressed.” I realize how ridiculous I sound. Juniper Grove is a relatively safe place. Zach handles Mrs. Henderson more than he does actual problems. But I know all too well that it only takes one bad person. It’s how I lost my parents. It’s how I almost lost my sister.
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do. But—”
“No. Mazie, I’m not going to convince you to stop doing your routine, especially if it makes you comfortable. But let last night go. You can’t change it. I don’t want you harping on it and worrying about it all day.”
I take a deep breath and rest my hand against his chest. His steady heartbeat calms my erratic one. My eyes flutter closed, and I give myself a minute to relax. The reality of the situation is he’s right.
Once I feel centered again, I open my eyes to meet his gaze. “Do you have to work today?”
“Off all weekend.”
“How’d you get so lucky?” While Zach has Fridays off somewhat regularly, he usually ends up working Saturday or Sunday, if not both.
“Bianca managed to convince Steve to go on a vacation. For an entire week.”
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. Steve is one of the other cops on the force with Zach, and he is notorious for not missing a single day of work. He and his wife, Bianca, went to the courthouse on one of his days off to be married. No big wedding or anything. And they never took a honeymoon.
It’s nice that she understands how seriously he takes his job, even if it does seem a little over the top at times. While Juniper Grove is a small town and not much happens here, the tragedy that struck my family has become a legend and something they talk about in the police unit.
Though it was a random occurrence, a harsh act of violence that came out of nowhere and hasn’t been seen by this town since, it’s still something to watch for. Especially when tourist season picks up. But just because I’m overly neurotic about my own safety, doesn’t mean everybody else has to be.
“Wow. I’m honestly shocked. Good for her, though.” An awkward silence envelops us. It’s not so much that I’m uncomfortable with Zach being here, in my bed and practically naked. It's more so that this situation is so different from any I’ve found myself in with him before. Because, well, he’s practically naked.
Not to mention, everything that transpired last night. Despite the bath, I’m sore in places I haven’t been since my first time, maybe ever. It’s both a good and bad feeling. Nobody likes to be uncomfortable or hurting, but the memory of what transpired between us makes me tingle all over.
Tipping my chin up with his thumb, he brushes his lips across mine before tucking a curl behind my ear. I don’t even want to think about what a rat's nest my hair must be. It was a mess last night, and that was before the sex and sleeping.
“Let me make you breakfast.” His voice is thick with sleep.
“I can cook, and you can rest more.”
His arm tightens around my middle as he pulls me closer. “No, no. I want to cook for you.”
Though I don’t want to ask, I am curious if Zach can even cook. While he’s my best friend, it’s never really come up before. He either comes here for dinner, spends the night and I cook breakfast, or we get takeout. He’s never cooked for me, and as far as I know, all he can do is grill hot dogs and burgers.
“Okay.” I hope it doesn’t come out as hesitantly as I feel.
A wide smile spans his face, and he hops out of bed, padding out into the kitchen in only his boxer briefs.
My brows furrow as I scramble out of bed, sliding into my house slippers and following him to the kitchen.
“You’re not going to get dressed?” I tug at the hem of my shirt as I ask. While it’s his and huge on me, it still doesn’t cover much more than my ass and an inch of thigh.
He lifts a single shoulder as he pulls out a frying pan. “Wasn’t planning on it.”
“So, what are you making?”
“My specialty.”
“And what is that?”
He glances over his shoulder at me as though I’ve offended him.
“What? You’ve never once cooked for me before. Not even a sandwich.”
His gaze darts up to the ceiling and his face scrunches as though he’s replaying a movie in his head. “Huh. I guess you’re right.” With another quick shrug, he turns around and grabs the eggs from the fridge.
I settle into a seat at the table to watch him. All the muscles in his body aid him in his cooking, rippling in exactly the right ways as he cracks and scrambles the eggs. While I was initially concerned about his lack of clothing because of the neighbors, I’m now extremely appreciative he opted to skip the shirt.
Watching Zach move through my kitchen so seamlessly is both unnerving and somehow comforting at the same time. He definitely seems at home here, but nobody else has ever cooked in my kitchen before. Not even Alina, aside from maybe heating up a premade meal.
Within just a few minutes, he’s setting down two plates and cups of coffee. The only thing on the plates are eggs. No potatoes, no toast, not even bacon. Hm.
He sits next to me with a wide smile on his face, clearly very proud of himself.
Hesitantly, I take my fork and prod at the eggs. They seem both undercooked and overcooked at the same time.
I take a small bite and choke it down, turning to Zach with a smile on my face.
But his drops. “You don’t like them.”
“What? No. I—”
“M. Don’t lie. I know you too well to know when you’re not telling the truth.”
“Fine. They’re not very good. Is this just eggs?” I raise one eyebrow and point my fork at them in the process.
His face crumples in confusion. “Um. Yeah? Is it not supposed to be?”
Fighting a laugh, I rest my hand on his thigh. “Eggs by themselves don’t taste great. You typically want to add something like milk or cheese or seasoning.”
His cheeks flush pink. “Oh. I didn’t know that. I’ve always done just eggs. We don’t all have a chef sister to teach us these things, you know.” There’s a touch of irritation in his voice, and I know he’s trying not to point out the glaringly obvious, which is that my mother taught us the basics, and his was barely around.
“Can you cook anything else? What do you have for dinner most nights?”
“I eat a lot of pasta.” The words come out somewhat ashamedly. “Or do takeout. Or eat with you.”
I turn in my chair to face him, and he does the same, putting his legs on the outside of mine. My arms loop around his neck, and I press my lips to his. “Hey. It’s okay. I don’t mind cooking for us. And maybe we can teach you a thing or two in the process.”
“Or you can do the inside cooking, and I’ll handle all the grilling.”
“That works too.”
“Well, if we’re not going to eat this, what are we going to eat?” He pushes the plate away.
“What are you in the mood for?”
“Eggs.”
I hang my head and giggle. “Okay. I’ll throw together some new eggs. With some additions, if that’s okay?”
“Absolutely.”
With another quick kiss, I collect our plates, empty them into the trash, and get to making new scrambled eggs, with a dash of milk and some shredded cheddar cheese this time.
Grabbing a second pan, I get it warm and lay some bacon in it before popping four pieces of bread into the toaster.
I’m about to mix the eggs when strong arms loop around my waist. Zach’s nose runs up the side of my neck and along my jawline before he nips at my earlobe.
“Have I told you yet that you look incredibly sexy in my shirt?” His fingertips glide along my thigh and slide up under the hem of my shirt, trailing along my stomach until he closes his hand around my breast.
My head tips back against his collarbone.
“How do you feel this morning?”
I don’t have to ask him to elaborate. “A little sore.”
Without another word, he pulls his hand from my shirt and backs away.
I spin around so quickly I nearly drop the spatula. “Where are you going?”
“I have to stay away from you before I can’t control myself anymore. The floodgates are open now, M.”
Taking a step closer, I run my free hand down his chest and lean my pelvis into his. “Then why are you stopping?” Though I try to use my sultry voice, I’m not sure it reads. I’m way out of practice and never thought I’d talk in such a way to Zach. I’m sure I sound ridiculous.
His fingers wrap around my wrist and pull my hand from his body while his other hand closes around my waist and he takes a step closer, effectively pushing me backward a touch. He’s standing so close that every breath has my breasts brushing his chest and my head is craned back so I can look into his eyes.
Lust and primal need dance through his irises and never before have I felt so small in comparison to him.
“Because I’m not going to hurt you.”
“What happened to taking some things slow and steady?”
“I’m a big man, Mazie. I’m not sure your spindly little legs can handle me being between them.”
My brows crunch together, and I move from his embrace. “So, then what is this? Hey, thanks for a solid fuck last night. How about some breakfast, and I’ll go?”
“Did I say that?”
“Well, if you’re not willing to have sex with me, then…”
“I didn’t say that either. I don’t want to hurt you. So right now is not the time. Besides, I’m starving. I wouldn’t be able to perform at my best, and that’s what you deserve.”
When I continue to stare blankly at him, a smirk pulls up one corner of his mouth, and he leans in so his lips brush my ear. “There are many other things that don’t involve penetration, M.”
A chill rushes down my spine as I think about him using that incredible tongue of his again.
“Let’s have breakfast, and then I’ll eat my midmorning snack.” He nips at my earlobe before pulling away.
For a moment, I’m stunned still, but then a crackle from the pan behind me has me turning around to check the food.
My shoulders slump and corners of my mouth tick down as I note that half the bacon is, at the very least, extra crispy. I pull all the pieces out and lay them on a paper towel to soak up some of the grease. The bottoms of the eggs are slightly overdone as well, but not beyond repair.
I flip off the burner and get everything situated on the plates, trying to ignore the burning heat on my neck that’s radiating from Zach’s stare. The toast must have popped during our exchange, and the butter is barely melting.
“Sorry for the mediocre breakfast,” I grumble as I set the plates down.
He leans over and kisses my temple. “Not a problem. Besides, I like crispy bacon.” A smile spans his face as he pops a piece in his mouth and crunches it loudly.
Without a second thought, he digs in, a small ‘mmm’ escaping. But I’m not as eagerly devouring my breakfast, mostly pushing it around on my plate. My eyes keep dashing to the side, glancing at Zach as he consumes his breakfast.
“You’re right. These are way better with some things added.” His fork points to his plate, and he talks around a mouth full of eggs. But when he looks over at me, he swallows harshly, and his gaze darts from my plate back to my face a few times. “You’re not eating.”
“I am. A little.”
Taking my chin in his fingers, he turns my face to his. “What’s wrong?”
“This isn’t weird to you?”
His face loses all of its color and his shoulders droop. “Uh, no. Is it bothering you?”
My heart races as I realize he misunderstood my meaning. I rest my wrists on his shoulders and run my fingertips through his hair. “It’s not weird in a bad way, Zach. It’s just…different. I mean, we’ve had breakfast together before. But you’re not usually almost naked and not after a night of…what we did.” My cheeks burn at the memory.
While I choose not to know too much about Alina and Liv’s sex lives, they’ve always made fun of me for not being able to “girl talk” without blushing. And talking to Zach about it has never once happened. Though he’s the one I was with, it still leaves an uncomfortableness settled in my bones. It’s not how I want to feel, especially not about this. But I can’t seem to get the feeling to go away.
“Do you want me to leave?” He raises an eyebrow and hikes his thumb over his shoulder.
“No. I definitely don’t. My mind just needs a little time to wrap around this. What it is, what it entails. We’ve been so close for so long, and it's just, it’s a whirlwind.”
“How can I help?” The thing about Zach is that he knows me so well. He seems to understand how my mind functions, better than my siblings sometimes.
“Just be patient with me. I want this, I want to be with you. It’s just taking my brain a little longer to make the switch from friends to friends with benefits?” I ask the last part hesitantly. We haven’t exactly discussed what we are aside from the fact that we’re now sleeping together.
“Try again.” His head tips to the side, and his eyes narrow.
“Um…” I don’t want to put words in his mouth. I don’t want to make any assumptions for what we’re doing here.
“Boyfriend and girlfriend.” He says it so surely, like it’s the only possible option.
“Are you sure?”
“Where’s the doubt suddenly coming from, Mazie? I thought we were on the right track, that you wanted this.” Though he’s trying to mask it, I can hear the hurt seeping through his words, his shoulders tensing to recoil from me.
I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. “I’m afraid I’m not expressing myself clearly.”
“I’m afraid that you are.” He straightens and pulls out of my space, my hands falling to my lap.
Shit. I’m fucking this all up. I’m getting in my head too much about it, and I don’t even know how or why. “I feel like I don’t know how to act around you now.”
“Why? Nothing’s different.”
“ Everything is different.”
“Mazie, the only thing that’s changed is that we’re sleeping together. Literally and figuratively. I don’t understand why you’re getting so in your head about this.”
“Because what if you realize you don’t like me anymore once we’ve been dating for a while? Then I lose my boyfriend and my best friend.”
“I know you better than most people. Why would I suddenly stop liking you? The only difference between before and now is that we’ll be having sex and spending nights together in the same bed instead of separate rooms.”
“What if you don’t like who I am? Maybe you only spend just enough time with me to not be turned away.” My chin drops to my chest as my eyes burn.
With a firm finger under my chin, Zach raises my face until our eyes meet. “Hey. I like you for you. I know you, Mazie. On a deep and personal level. I’ve been through what are arguably the worst times of your life with you. And also some of the best. Is it possible that we’ll find out we don’t work as a couple? Sure. But that doesn’t mean our friendship has to burn down in flames because of it.”
“You think you’d still be able to be my friend if our relationship failed?”
“It’d be hard initially, but we were friends first. I don’t see why it’d be impossible to go back to that. Maybe a little weird or awkward at the beginning, considering we now know what the other person looks like naked, but not out of the realm of possibility.”
It’s as though that was the last string holding me back. The last thing that was weighing heavily on my mind. Suddenly, I feel light and free. A smile takes over my face, and I bite my lower lip.
Because he’s right. He does know me. Exceptionally well. And despite all of that, despite my pitfalls and neuroses and self-sabotaging ways, he still wants to be with me.