12. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Zach
M azie’s hesitation is throwing me for a loop. She seemed sure. I tried to make sure she was ready before anything happened last night. I don’t want her to have any regrets, and now I’m wondering if that’s exactly how she feels.
Is this weekend going to end and is she going to let me go on my merry way before letting me know that’s it?
Where’s the confidence she seemed to have last night? She was so set in the fact that she wanted this, wanted us, yet this morning she seems…afraid.
But now I’m left not knowing what to do, how to act. Does she even want me here? While I know Mazie so well, I’m having trouble truly reading her and what her wishes are right now. She says she wants me here, and after insisting on cleaning up from breakfast, she took my hand and led me over to the couch, where we’re now snuggled up and watching a documentary about Earth. She loves these damn things.
Yet something still feels off. There’s an awkwardness that I can’t quite describe or pinpoint. Her legs are thrown over my lap while my finger idly trails up and down her thigh and her head rests against my shoulder. Everything should feel right. But it doesn’t.
It makes an ache settle in my chest because last night it felt like things were finally clicking into place. Like everything I have wanted for years was finally becoming a reality. And now I’m not so sure.
Though I try to contain it, a sigh escapes me as I lower in my spot.
Her shoulders go back in the slightest adjustment that most others wouldn’t notice.
Fuck this. “I should probably go, M. You don’t seem to want me here.”
Before I can even move and shift her legs off of me, she adjusts so she’s straddling me, her arms tight around my neck. “Don’t go. Please.”
I hesitate for a minute, my hands out in front of me before wrapping them around her waist. “Help me out here, M. I don’t know what to do.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know either. It’s like I don’t know how to act now.”
“I don’t understand why anything has to be different.”
“Because I feel like I have to be somebody different. Girlfriend worthy. Like you’ll expect more from me now or something. That boring, old, everyday Mazie isn’t enough for you.” Her voice trails off at the end and her forehead drops to my shoulder.
Gliding my hands up her back, I swoop them over her shoulders so I can take her face between my palms. I pull her back so that I can look into her gorgeous sapphire eyes. They’re filled with pain that I know is stemming from her self-doubt. Mazie’s had it rough, and she’s never been one who believes in herself. And she surely doesn’t realize how stunning she is, even right now in one of my old t-shirts and her auburn curls all over the place.
“I don’t want you to be anybody other than who you are, Mazie. That’s the girl I want. You.”
“But—”
I’m shaking my head before she gets any further. “There are no buts, M. I know you see yourself as complicated, that others have said you’re difficult. But you’re neither of those things to me. Yes, you’re…complex, but not in a bad way and not in any way I don’t feel I can handle.”
“What about this morning?”
My brows furrow, and I tip my head to the side, utterly confused as to what she’s talking about.
“The doors.” Her face pinkens. She’s embarrassed by her need to check things and have them be a certain way.
“It’s not about you being complex. It’s not about changing your routine. It’s that I want you to realize and trust that you’re safe with me. I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ve always been just a call away, and when I’m here, I just want you to understand that it’s okay to make mistakes. I won’t ask you to stop checking the locks and doors, in fact I’ll probably take over that responsibility the nights I’m here. But I don’t want you to fixate on it in case we forget or fall asleep on the couch and amble to bed at two in the morning.”
“It doesn’t bother you? That I check the locks three times, or have to leave for places a little early so I can double or triple or quadruple check that the door’s really locked?”
“No, Mazie. Because I understand it. You’ve been through so much, and that instilled a fear in you that makes perfect sense. Not to mention, you jumped right from sister in mourning to trying to be the best mother figure you could. And that took on a lot of concern for your sisters. I’m pretty sure you’ve spent the last twelve years living in nothing but a state of fear.”
She sits back slightly, her ass on my thighs, and I trail my hands down her back to rest around her waist. Her eyes dart between mine, and I’m wondering what she’s thinking, still not being able to read her, when she leaps forward and crashes her mouth to mine.
I’m stunned still for a moment, not at all having expected this. But then my mouth moves against hers, my tongue slipping between her lips as I try to lose my hand in her hair. It’s all piled up and pulled back and I can’t get a good grip.
With a slight movement, I stop the kiss and work to undo her hair.
Her hands fly up to cover mine and stop me. “What are you doing?”
“Taking your hair down.”
“It’s a mess.”
“I don’t care.”
The corners of her lips pull up in a slight smile, and she undoes her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders. Though it's a bit frizzy with curls sticking out at odd angles and much of the top has lost its curl pattern, she’s stunning. I run my hands over the top of her head and down her hair until they settle on her lower back. “You’re gorgeous.”
I lose a hand in the mess of her hair like I had been trying to do before, pulling her mouth back to mine as I lift my hips to press against her. I’m already hard and straining against my boxer briefs.
With a tug, her head tips back, and I lick from the base of her neck to her ear, pulling her earlobe between my teeth.
Her fingers fly to my chest and flutter against my skin.
“You ready to take me again?” The words rumble out of me, against her cheek.
She digs her nails into my chest and nods silently.
Gentle. I have to remember to be gentle. Not only because she told me she’s sore, but because I promised her I wouldn’t be rough every time. I need to show her that I’m listening, that I heard her.
Making sure I have a solid hold on her, I rise from the couch, and she loops her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck. She’s clinging to me like a baby monkey.
While I happily know next to nothing about Mazie’s sex life, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that nobody has ever treated her the way I will. Like the Goddamn princess she is.
When we get to her bedroom, I sit her on the edge of the bed, quickly reaching down to pull my shirt from her body. I toss it over my shoulder and rest my hands on either side of her, leaning in until she falls back against the mattress with a giggle.
Bending at the waist, I kiss along her lower belly, from hipbone to hipbone before lowering. Pushing her panties to the side, I lick straight up her pussy. Her back arches off the bed with a moan.
I dive in for more, wrapping my arms around her thighs and pulling her closer as I kneel on the ground before her. I devour her like she’s my last meal, slipping my tongue up and down her pussy, around her clit, and pushing it inside her. She’s writhing and moaning beneath me, and I can’t believe I waited so long to make her mine, to hear the incredible sounds she makes when my face is between her thighs. The good news is that Mazie tastes even better than I could have imagined.
She’s like the sweetest, most delectable drug, and I’ve already become an addict.
Her fingers dive into my hair, yanking at the roots as her body starts to tremble. That’s when I close my lips around her clit, sucking hard and flicking my tongue against it. Her legs wrap around my head and her body practically levitates off the bed as she screams and trembles, filling my mouth with deliciousness.
Once she stops moving, her legs fall to the side and her fingers loosen in my hair. I kiss along the insides of her thighs, pulling her panties from her legs and tearing off my boxers.
I slide my body over hers, gliding my parted lips up her torso. Her breathing is hard and erratic. I lay lingering kisses along her collarbone and jaw while hovering over her.
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes remain closed.
My brows pull together, and I wipe a stray curl from her forehead. “For what?”
“For…what I just did.”
“You mean for very sexily coming on my tongue?” I bend to flick my tongue against her nipple. “Is that what you mean?”
“Yes.” It comes out breathily as I continue to swirl my tongue on her breast.
“Mmm. Don’t ever apologize for that.”
Her eyes pop open and she tries to lean up on her elbows. “You mean…you mean you liked it?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
Pink rushes to her cheeks. “It’s just…I’ve done that before and the guy I was with at the time thought it was gross.”
My jaw ticks in irritation, and not just because of the thought of Mazie with another man. “Well, that guy’s a fucking idiot. It’s sexy as hell. Especially knowing that I can make you feel that way.”
The corner of her lower lip is pulled between her teeth. “How else can you make me feel?”
With a smirk, I pull her nipple into my mouth and flick the hardened peak with my tongue. She arches against me, and I slide my hand down her body to settle between her legs. A moan pulls from my chest as I feel how soaked she is.
With a quick graze of my teeth, I release her nipple and ease my cock into her. A tiny whimper bleeds through her lips as her hands latch to my shoulders.
Her breath hitches once I’m firmly inside her. She feels so fucking incredible.
Slowly, I pull out to the tip, and then lower my hips to glide back in. While I typically prefer hard and fast, there’s something to be said about slow and steady with Mazie. I don’t want it to be over as quickly, as there’s not just the end goal I’m trying to reach. The intimacy that I’ve always felt was lacking in relationships is here. It’s strong.
It’s in the way Mazie’s fingers grip my skin, the way her eyelids flutter as I thrust, the tiny moans she makes every time I plunge back into her. The way her breathing deepens the more I continue.
“Zach.” And absolutely in the way she pants my name.
It does something to me, and I have to stop myself from getting out of control. From flipping her to her stomach and shoving her face into the mattress while I slam into her. Or hooking her ankles behind my head and railing her so hard the whole bed moves.
That’s not what she wants right now, and I promised I’d be gentle. So instead, I swallow down the urges and close my hand around her hip, my fingertips digging in a little harder than they should. Some part of me feels proprietary over Mazie, that she’s mine and I can brand her with my body.
The more I pump into her, the more pleasured sounds come from her parted mouth. While Mazie’s voice has always had a calming musical quality to it, I never knew it could be so fucking sexy. Things between us haven’t just shifted, they’ve completely altered course.
“Fucking hell, Mazie. You’re so damn sexy. It makes me so hard.” Sometimes painfully so. I give a few quick thrusts that cause her head to tip back and her nails to dig into my biceps.
“God, Zach. How do you know all the right things to say?”
I lick up her neck and nibble her earlobe. “Because I know you, M. Better than anybody else could, and now on every level.” My hand latches onto her chestnut headboard, and I use it to drive myself deeper inside her while she moans and writhes beneath me.
Her breaths become shuddery and her fingers twitch against my skin. She makes the most amazing face when she comes; crumpled in ecstasy, her perfectly pink plump lips wide apart as she takes a deep breath. When her pussy clenches around my cock, she moans loudly, body trembling.
My hand slides from her hip to cup her ass, and I squeeze her flesh while driving my cock into her a few more times before I come deep inside her, my face pointing skyward. Being with Mazie is like nothing else. Even the orgasms feel more intense. And I’ve only had two so far.
Staying inside her, I keep my grip on the headboard and drop my forehead to hers. Her heavy breaths caress my face all I want to do is feel her mouth around my cock. Especially while I hold a handful of her hair.
“Still not sure how to act around me?”
“A little. We can’t just have sex all the time.”
“Are you sure about that?”
She swats at my shoulder while I chuckle and ease out of her, grabbing some tissues from the nightstand to clean her up with.
I flop to my side and rest my cheek on my elbow. “Just be you, Mazie. There’s nothing else I want.”
She mimics my pose, turning to face me. “Okay, I get that, but what are we supposed to do?”
“Anything you want. Don’t change your routine or schedule just because I’m here. What do you usually do over the weekend?” Though we’re best friends, we don’t exactly know what the other does every waking hour of every day. I know she gets some work in seven days a week, even if from home and not the café. But what she does in her spare time isn’t something I’m overly familiar with. Sure, I know her hobbies, but not how often she entertains those. I used to be a lot more familiar with her days before I became a cop and started working crazy hours.
“Usually a little work. I’ve been having Alina change the specialty sandwich every week, and she’s trying to come up with a new pastry each week too. So on Saturday, I usually head over to Three Sticks to update the signs.”
It’s one of the homier touches of their café. Mazie has hand-written and doodled on all of the chalkboard signs that they have as menus. She’s always had a bit of an artsy flare, and I was worried it’d be squashed when she went to college for her MBA. I’m happy she found a way to still keep her artistic side alive, at least a little.
“Okay. What else?”
“I usually do grocery shopping on Sunday for as much of the week as I can so I don’t have to go back to the store. Otherwise, I mostly just hang out. I often take a nap because my anxiety meds make me sleepy. Read a little, maybe paint a bit. Clean.” It’s hard to believe there’s anything left to clean, but I’m sure that’s how it stays so spotless.
“Alright, well, you can do all of those things with me if you want. I don’t mind helping you clean or tagging along to the café or grocery store. I’m perfectly fine entertaining myself around the house if you want to be alone while you read or paint.” She doesn’t look convinced, the corners of her mouth pointing down. “All I’m saying, M, is that you don’t have to do anything differently. You don’t have to work me into your routine. I’m here to be with you. That’s it.”
“You won’t get bored?”
“I don’t bore easily. Besides, I like watching you. And definitely don’t mind zoning out to some TV.” I wouldn’t exactly say I have a stressful job, especially not in Juniper Grove. But it’s nice to be able to take off the uniform and not have to be on alert for a few hours.
Her fingers pick at the sheet for a few minutes, and I know she’s contemplating what to do. And then it suddenly hits me. Mazie’s not uncomfortable that I’m here. It’s that she doesn’t want me to feel pressured to stay.
“What—” I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath, not sure I really want to be asking this question but may as well. “What did you do with other boyfriends?” One of my eyebrows rises.
Her eyes widen and her cheeks flame. “Honestly, I never spent a ton of time at home with them. Maybe a quick date or brief night together, but never just spending a weekend together unless we went on vacation. Which happened once for a short weekend getaway. But they were mostly just guys I was dating, not something I’d necessarily consider a relationship.”
Hm, the fact that she makes this distinction is interesting.
“Listen. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to make you uncomfortable, so if it’s better for me to leave, just let me know. My feelings won’t be hurt. Well, not too terribly. But if you want me to be here, that’s plenty for me. Because I just want to be around you, Mazie.” I reach out and brush a curl behind her ear before trailing my fingers along her jaw.
The smile that spans her face is enough to make me want to quit my job and never leave this bed again.