22. Chapter 22
Chapter 22
Zach
T he pounding on a door has me bolting upright. I look around quickly before it registers that it’s coming from the front door.
“What’s going on?” Grogginess is thick in Mazie’s words.
“I don’t know. Stay here.” Climbing out of bed, I grab a pair of shorts from the floor and pull them on, running a hand through my hair as I pad out to the living room. The bangs start again. “Alright, alright. I’m coming.”
I swing the door open and squint as the sun assaults my eyes. It takes a second for them to adjust before I take in Eli’s big dumb smile.
“Eli? The fuck are you doing here so early?”
He pushes past me and waltzes right in. “We’re replacing a door today. No?”
“Uh, yeah. Later. It’s the ass crack of dawn. What are you doing up?”
One shoulder lifts, and he looks around the apartment with his hands on his hips. “Dunno. I was awake. Figured I’d get the day started.”
My eyebrows pull together. “You okay, man? That’s…not like you.”
He walks past me into the kitchen and smacks my arm. “Yeah, totally fine. Had somebody in my bed who had to go, and then I was just…awake.”
“Zach? Who’s he—” Mazie stops short as she reaches the end of the hallway and sees her brother standing in my kitchen.
My hand covers my eyes as she pulls on the hem of my shirt. Thankfully, it’s so big on her it could be a dress.
“Oh. Eli. Um. Hi.” Her stilted words show her embarrassment more than her red face.
His eyebrows raise to his hairline as he gives Mazie a once-over and looks incredibly uncomfortable. “Mazie. What are you wear—You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know.” He holds his hands up in front of him before resting them against the edge of the counter and leaning forward. “Man, this is weird. Not what I was expecting for the morning.”
“Does it…does it bother you?”
My hand drops as I scowl at Mazie. Who cares what Eli thinks? He gave his blessing, so now it’s too late.
“Bother me? Not exactly. It’s just a little weird. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it. Just need some time to adjust is all. Besides, it’s my own fault for not assuming you’d be here. I mean, where else would you have slept last night?” I can practically hear the rest of his thought. Besides naked in bed with my best friend.
To end the discomfort this is causing, I clap my hands together. “Okay. Eli, you’re way earlier than I thought you’d be. Steve said I could grab the truck around nine. So why don’t we go out for breakfast? Mami’s?” It’s the best local eatery for breakfast. Small-town charm, cheap prices, and the greasy food you want to start your day.
Mazie’s eyes light up. I know how much she loves their waffles. “That’d be great.”
“Okay. Mazie, how about you go get changed. I’ll entertain Eli for a few minutes.”
“I’m a big boy. I don’t need to be supervised.”
“Would you rather I go get dressed in my room with your sister while you stand out here alone?” I cock an eyebrow and tip my head to the side to give him a minute to think about it. For a really smart guy, sometimes he’s an idiot.
“Oh. Yeah, no, you’re good out here. But be quick, Mae. I’m starving.”
“Are you ever not?” She smirks and skips back down the hall. The door shuts with a click.
I turn back to Eli and give him a solid once-over. Though he looks tired, nothing else seems to be off. His behavior lately is what has me concerned. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
“Mazie getting dressed first? Yeah.”
“Dumbass, you know what I mean. Me and Mazie.”
He hangs his head and shakes it from side to side. “I have no issues with you dating my sister. The other things? Hard to swallow, but it’s the same with all my sisters. The only difference here is you’re my best friend.”
“Will you be able to get over it?”
“There’s nothing to get over .” He uses finger quotes as he says it. “It’s just an adjustment I haven’t made yet. If you’re happy, I’m happy. Actually, no. Fuck your happiness. If she’s happy, I’m happy.” He points down the hallway toward my room.
“Ouch. My happiness doesn’t matter to you?” Of course I’m just giving him shit. I completely understand where he’s coming from.
“Dick.”
“Glad to hear you two are playing nice.” Her melodic voice echoes down the hallway before she enters. And, of course, she’s so stunning my breath halts. Even with her hair thrown up in a ponytail, her auburn curls cascade down and the teal shirt she’s wearing makes the blue in her eyes pop.
“Don’t we always?” Eli shoots Mazie a wink as she rolls her eyes.
I walk past her, planting a kiss against her temple, and head to change. Quickly. While Eli says he’s fine with this, I don’t need him getting into Mazie’s head again and having her pull away.
It couldn’t have been more than five minutes by the time I’m back in the living room and Mazie slides into my side the second I’m next to her.
“You guys ready?”
“Always ready for food.” Eli pats his nonexistent stomach.
Grabbing my keys, I hold them up, and Eli nods. A silent acceptance that I’m driving. As we pile into the car, Eli dives into the back seat, which means as soon as we’re all settled, I link my fingers through Mazie’s.
The drive over to Mami’s is short but silent. There’s an intensity in the air, and I can’t quite tell who it’s coming from. For all I know, it’s me.
“Morning, all. Have a seat anywhere. Penny will be right over.” Susan’s pleasant demeanor is welcomed any given morning, but it feels extra nice today.
We find a booth, and Eli and I each sit on one side, leaving Mazie standing at the edge of the table, looking back and forth between us like she’s unsure which side to take.
Eli rolls his eyes before putting his hands on the table. “If you don’t sit with him, I’m going to.”
Her shoulders relax as she slides into the booth next to me, tucking an imaginary hair behind her ear as her face turns pink.
Sometimes the nice thing about a small town is that when you frequent an establishment, they know you. Which I appreciate this morning as Penny walks over carrying three coffees.
“Sorry it’s not as good as Three Sticks, but it’s what we got.” She sets the mugs down in front of each of us, a nervous smile on her face.
I’ve heard this exact statement any time I’ve been here with any Baker.
And Mazie being Mazie, she responds exactly as I’d expect her to. “Oh, nonsense. It’s just as good.”
Penny noticeably relaxes, and her smile widens. She’s a good kid who was dealt a rough hand. She was primed and ready for college when her dad got sick. He was the breadwinner for the family, and while her mom picked up a job, it wasn’t enough to cover the medical bills and keep the house. So she stayed home and took the first job she could that paid decently and was within walking distance.
She pulls her pad and pen out, ready to take our order, though I’m sure she doesn’t need the paper. “Mazie? Waffle?”
“Yes, please. What kind of fruit do you have today?”
“The usual strawberries or blueberries, but we also have some fresh peaches too. There’s no sauce or anything with them, but they’re pretty tasty.”
“Hmm. I think I’ll stick with the strawberries. Thanks, though.”
I smile to myself, knowing that was going to happen. She always sticks with her favorite.
“Zach? Eggs and pancakes?”
“Absolutely. Thank you.”
The only somewhat wild card here is Eli, and only because it depends on how hungry he is at this given moment. When Penny looks his way, he rubs his hands together.
“French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and home fries, please.” He counts each thing off on his fingers.
Penny nods as she jots it all down and grabs the menus that we didn’t even lift from the table as she heads toward the kitchen.
I loop an arm over the back of the booth behind Mazie and start twirling a curl between my fingers.
Though the tension is still palpable, breakfast goes smoothly, with flowing conversation, and Mazie seems at ease the whole time.
But it’s not until we drop her off at Three Sticks and grab Steve’s truck that I feel like I can really talk to Eli.
I’m about to say something when he cuts me off.
“If you don’t marry my sister, I’ll kill you with my bare hands. And yes, I realize I just threatened a cop, which is probably some level of illegal.” He turns to look at me, stone faced.
“We’ve only been dating for a few months.”
“What is with all you people and your timelines and age gaps and blah blah blah. Excuses. Problems. Might I even say fear. You love her, yes?”
“Yes.”
“And she loves you?”
“Also, yes.”
“Then what the fuck is the hesitation for?” He smacks his hands on his knees and lets out a frustrated huff.
“It’s not typically socially acceptable to marry somebody you’ve only been dating for a few months.” Though honestly, I don’t know why. He’s right. If you love somebody, then so be it.
“Don’t give me that bullshit. You know I don’t buy into that. You know my parents. And look how in love they were. Would still be if things hadn’t happened. And I know that for a fact.” His hand finds his mouth as he looks out the window, and I give him a beat to mourn. “Besides, you and Mazie have known each other for basically your whole lives. You just added a component to your relationship. I’m assuming.”
My eyebrows bunch together, and I glance over at him. Is he asking if we’re sleeping together? Or is he asking if we’d already been doing that over the years. Never mind, doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to know, nor do I think he wants to.
“And you really think, that if I proposed to Mazie tomorrow, that she’d say yes? You don’t think she’d feel it was too sudden?”
He tips his face toward the sky as he considers for a moment. “Mazie’s hard to pinpoint in a lot of ways. Never really know how she’s going to react to…well…anything. You two could date for three years and she could still feel it was too sudden. That’s just how she is. But, yeah, I think she’d say yes.”
The silence of the rest of the drive allows my mind to wander. But it doesn’t really have to go far. There’s not much to have to think about in terms of proposing to Mazie. It’s like some part of me always knew it was an inevitability. I don’t have to take the time to wonder about what sort of mother she’d be, because I know what kind of mother figure she was to her sisters, and the way she was raised.
We go through Lowes on autopilot, and while Eli continues talking, I barely register what he’s saying. I feel like shit about it, especially because I think he’s going through some sort of identity crisis right now, but I can’t get out of my head enough to listen.
It’s not until we’re at Mazie’s, pulling out the old door, that my attention comes back. And mostly just because he calls me out again.
“I’m serious, though. Are you going to marry my sister? Because if not, if you don’t have any plans to do that, you need to let her go before it gets even more serious.” He folds his gloved hands over the top of the frame and leans against it.
“I hadn’t put much thought into it. Not because I don’t want to marry her, but because it just never seemed like an option not to. But…you’re sure you’re okay with it? I don’t want any sort of change of heart and then she has to choose.”
“Nope. All good here. You’re good for her. You understand her in a way many don’t. As I’ve said she can be difficult and —”
“She’s not difficult.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. Complex. Sheesh. She’s my fucking sister, and I love her till the day I die, but she’s a pain in the ass sometimes. And I’m allowed to say it.”
Though I grumble at his exclamation, I don’t argue again.
“All I’m trying to say is that you get her. On a deep level. Things that drive other people crazy don’t seem to bother you. And it’s a good fit because you’re basically her bodyguard anyway. She probably sleeps better at night knowing you’re with her.”
I nod in agreement, and we carry the broken door and frame to the curb. It’s not until we have the new door on the deck that he talks again.
“Just…just don’t try to change her little idiosyncrasies too quickly.”
“I wasn’t planning to change them at all. If she wants to check that the door is locked three times, she can do that.”
His face pales as he looks at me. “She still does that?”
“Um. Yeah. You didn’t know?”
“She told me she stopped. Years ago. That she had worked through it with Dr. Raylinsky. Fuck, I can’t believe she lied to me. To me . Of all people.” He looks at the ground and shakes his head, hurt clear on his face and in his words.
“I bet she just didn’t want to worry you. You know she hates feeling like a burden.”
“I don’t understand how her grief is a burden for me. You know I don’t think she’s ever properly mourned their loss? I don’t think she’s ever let herself truly feel it, though I know she struggles in various ways daily. She just went right into mom mode and never looked back.” He scoffs at the thought.
And I give him a minute to level out, before asking a question that I’ve been dying to know. “Have you? You basically did the exact same thing as Mazie, jumping right into dad mode. I’m not sure you ever truly mourned either. The only ones who seemed to have mourned are Liv and Alina because you two let them. But did you ever let yourselves?”
His head droops as he shakes it. “Probably not. At least not as much as I should have. But it’s been over a decade. Feels a little late. At this point, there’s so much change going on without them here, that it almost seems like another lifetime.”
We start to move the door into place when he laughs. “You know, Dad would be busting our balls for talking instead of just getting the damn door in.”
A smile pulls up the corners of my lips. “He was never one for conversation until after the job was done.”
“And then it was usually over a beer.”
“Even at fifteen,” we both say at the same time.
Despite the underage drinking, Paul was a good man. When Eli brought the drinking to his attention, he said that he’d rather we get a taste for it young than go buck wild when we were older. That a little bit while under his supervision was very different than being out at a raucous party.
It mostly worked too. Very rarely did Eli and I over imbibe, and we knew our limits far better than most of our classmates. Enough that when the girls started wanting to party, we were able to supervise and still have a few drinks. It really wasn’t even until college that we both let ourselves lose the control we had.
“Well, beers on me when we’re done. I appreciate you helping me out.”
“Dude, she’s my sister. I should be thanking you.”
“Guess this is life now, huh?”
“At least we know she’ll always be taken care of.” He points a finger at me and lowers his gaze. “But if you fuck up, you are not welcome on my couch.”
“Got it, no couch. That’s okay, I’d rather stay at Mansion Penshir anyway. Probably get a whole room to myself.”
I laugh and shift out of the way as he throws one of his gloves at me.
But I know the importance of staying and working it out. Of not going to bed angry. It was a conversation we had with Paul before heading off to college. Some of what he called his final words of wisdom before we went out into the big world. It’s part of how he and Jenna stayed married for so long. He said if you truly loved each other, nothing was ever worth staying mad about, because neither of you would do anything truly unforgivable. And if you did, then it wasn’t a deep love with mutual respect.
It’s why I’ve always taken relationships seriously. And it’s why, when I do propose to Mazie, she’s going to know that even though loving her isn’t a choice, it’s one I plan to make every single day for the rest of my life.