18. Somee #2
“Be right back, don’t leave,” I signed before I took the washcloth back to the bathroom. When I returned, I was relieved to find him sitting on the side of the bed right where I left him. His clothes were back on his body.
“What’s going on?” I asked after I sat beside him.
It took him so long to respond that I assumed he wouldn’t, but eventually he leaned back and motioned for me to take the place that had become mine. I grinned because this was our thing. Me straddling his waist had become our position and a way to be close but free up our hands to communicate.
“Part of me getting permanent custody of Rylee means making sure no one else has custodial rights. That meant I had to find our father. My agent hired someone to search for him. She told me today they know where he is.”
My mind raced with all the reasons that could be a bad thing and possibly the reason Ryland was so out of sorts when he came home.
“Is he going to try to get custody?” My heart clenched with the thought.
In such a short time, Ryland and Rylee had become a family.
They loved each other. This was her home and although she hadn’t been thrilled about the idea of being here at first, I had a feeling she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else if it meant leaving her brother behind.
“Don’t know yet. Haven’t talked to him.” I frowned, not understanding what the issue was until he added. “They also found F-E-L-I-C-I-A.”
Well, shit…
“She wants Rylee back?”
He shook his head before his hands were moving. “She was found in a hotel room with a bottle of pills…”
My heart dropped into my stomach. “Did she…”
Ryland nodded.
“Are you okay?”
His face tensed and he just stared at me for a minute. I lifted my hands to assure him that he could tell me whatever he wanted. I could see the struggle, like he wasn’t sure what to say. “You have the right to feel how you feel, whatever that is.”
Ryland placed his hands on my thighs, brushing his fingers over them and closing his eyes. He needed a moment and I gave him that.
When he responded, his motions were harsh and filled with anger. “I fucking hate her with everything that I am. I hate that she wasn’t a mother to me. I hate that it was so easy for her to just give me away, and more than anything, I hate that Rylee had to experience the worst parts of her…”
“But…” I signed and his jaw clenched.
“Sovoya thinks I should bury her and take care of all the arrangements. No matter how much I fucking hate that woman, a part of me feels like I should. I don’t owe her a gotdamn thing. If it were me, I truly don’t know that she would do the same.”
I now understood. He was conflicted. With all the emotions and negative feelings he had for Felicia, at the core of it all, she was still his mother.
As much as he hated her, the little boy who was never loved properly was longing for things Felicia refused to give and now couldn’t.
His desire to be loved properly by his mother would never be fulfilled.
“You’re a good person, Ryland.”
He snorted and his jaw tightened before his hands were moving. “That’s what Sov said. Told me I need this for closure and to not let how she treated me change the person I am. It’s fucking bullshit.”
“It’s not and I agree with her. You feel something, and no matter what those feelings are, they’re valid.
You need a place to put those emotions. I don’t know if handling the arrangements for your mother will bring you closure, but doing so will give you a way to process your feelings, or at the very least, acknowledge them.
It also shows that regardless of what she was or wasn’t for you, you’re still a good person.
An amazing, sexy, and handsome man with a great heart. ”
He smiled sexily. “I’m dealing with some heavy shit and you’re trying to get fucked again.”
I laughed. “I’m actually not.”
“Talking about how sexy and good hearted I am means you want to get fucked, Somee.”
“For the record, I was the one who fucked you.”
He tossed his chin, delivering a smile. “You got that, which means I owe you one.”
My eyes rolled playfully. “I’m not keeping score. Now, can we focus? I’m trying to help you with your heavy shit. Will you let me do that?” He smiled sexily and nodded before his hands were moving.
“You already did. I’mma hit Sov and let her know I need to start the process. We’ll have to fly to Chicago. I need to call Sovoya so she can start making plans to deal with this shit.”
He sat up, gripped the back of my neck, and brought me into a kiss, resting his forehead against mine when he pulled away. We sat there for a minute before I had his eyes again.
“Let me go make this call.” He spoke the words without signing them and I nodded and climbed off his lap, watching as Ryland lifted from the bed. He pulled me into him as soon as he was on his feet and kissed me once more before signing, “Never fucking leaving.”
And then he was gone.
It looked like I was going home, so I decided to make the most of it.
I grabbed my phone and sat on the foot of the bed to text Marlee.
If I was coming back to Chicago, I was definitely going to see her.
I had no idea how long we would be in town or what the plans were, but at the very least, I was hoping to grab dinner or something.
Me: Hey heaux, you miss me?
Marlee: New phone, who dis???
Me: Oh it’s like that, okay bet.
Marlee: I mean… you left me
Me: I mean… you basically forced me to, now you want to see me or not?
Marlee:
Me: Ryland has some stuff going on, so I’ll be home for a few days. I don’t have the details yet, but if you can get out of your feelings, maybe we can do lunch or something.
Marlee: *dramatic sigh* Let me see if I can move some stuff around since you’re begging for my time.
Me: Bitch, let me read these texts again because I don’t recall any begging but maybe I missed something.
Marlee: It’s basically what you said but I can’t wait. Let me know when you get here and I’m all yours
Me: I’ll text you. Love you, heaux
After I locked my phone, I tossed it on the bed and went to find Ryland who ended up being in his room. He had the blackout shades down, which darkened the entire space, but he also had the lights dimmed, on the green setting he told me was for his migraines.
When I reached the bed, Ryland’s legs hung over the side and he was on his back with his arms at his sides, fists clenched and his face tight. I stepped between his legs and touched his hand, which granted me access to his barely opened eyes and I saw the strain in his face from doing so.
“Migraine?”
“Yeah, I’m good though.”
“You’re good but your freak lights are on?” I arched a brow and motioned toward the green hued lights. He smirked, not acknowledging that his room was dark and those lights were on for a reason, and instead brushed it off, signing the same thing again. “I’m good.”
“You’re not. You’re angry and stressed. I’m sure that’s not making things any better for you right now. How can I help?”
“I took something. I just need to lay here for a minute.”
Each time his hands lifted, his jaw clenched more. The way simple movements were a struggle contradicted his “I’m good” stance.
“Stop signing. It hurts for you to move. Are you sensitive to touch?”
He shook his head. “It’s not that bad yet.”
Stubborn ass. Yet, which means you’re in pain.
I climbed on the bed, straddling his waist. “My mom gets migraines. Sometimes the pressure points help. Can I try?”
He frowned a little but nodded. I started with his hands.
First the left, then the right, applying pressure between the thumb and index fingers.
One minute on each side. He watched me through hooded lids until I moved to the center of his forehead.
He closed his eyes when I began applying pressure to the spot just between his eyebrows.
I kept going when the tightness in his jaw relaxed some.
I had gotten pretty good at the process because I used to stimulate my mother’s pressure points to release tension when she was on the cusp of a migraine.
After I perfected my rotation, she would immediately feel relief while waiting for the medicine to kick in.
Sometimes, if we caught it early enough, she could bypass a migraine altogether.
I moved to the two small indentions at the bridge of his nose between his eyebrows and used firm movements upward, applying pressure for a few minutes, then shifted to the base of his neck where the muscles met his skull, digging my thumbs in, firmly moving them with upward motions at the same time to release the pain and tension in his neck.
Ryland’s shoulders relaxed and the tension in his face visibly eased while I moved through the same sequence back to back.
He eventually drifted off to sleep and I grinned, leaning over him to press a kiss against his lips, climbing off the bed, and leaving to shower and dress so I could pick up Rylee.
He currently had a lot on his plate and anything I could do to make his life less stressful was granted without hesitation.
Even if he refused to ask. Ryland had this determination to be Superman.
His sole mission in life was to be the person who had all the answers and fixed the problems of the people he valued, but unfortunately carrying everyone else’s struggles meant there was no one to carry yours.
I refused to let him break, because like it or not, this man already had my heart.
My life wasn’t in Chicago anymore.
I had no idea how a couple weeks could change everything about me but it happened. Being home only confirmed what I had been feeling since I left. Everything about my world changed and there was no way to go back to the woman I was before meeting Ryland.