18. Somee #3
My mother and Marlee were the two people I loved most in the world and not even the thought of leaving them was enough to make me feel bad about wanting to be in Crescent Falls with Rylee and her brother.
The thought made me both sad and anxious at the same time because I would have to face the reality of what all this truly meant at some point.
At the moment my focus was on the broody and emotional man sitting next to me. We landed in Chicago less than two hours ago and were driven straight to Green and Family Funeral Home to finalize details for his mother.
Ryland was swiping through a catalog of available coffins to bury Felicia in with a detached expression and a body full of tension. I hated this for him. Couldn’t imagine how on earth I would navigate such a task.
Not only was he having to navigate the task of handling a funeral for the woman who gave him life but refused to nurture him, but also acknowledging that he had unresolved emotions that would never get addressed because she was gone.
Felicia would never get to explain why she didn’t love her children enough or that she possibly loved them the only way she knew how, by allowing someone else to give them what she couldn’t.
Seeing Ryland in this position broke my heart because this man was physically stronger than anyone I knew but physical strength could not compete with debilitating emotional scars.
Ryland’s hand tightened on the tablet seconds before he tossed it on the funeral director’s desk.
He brushed a hand over his head and yanked it down his face.
“I can’t do this shit,” he signed and slouched deeper in the chair.
“What do you need?” I locked eyes with him, waiting.
“For all this shit to be figured out so I can move on.” His anger came through in his hand motions.
I nodded, leaned forward to grab the tablet he just discarded, and swiped the screen, scanning the incredibly high priced coffins.
They were all overpriced. There was no doubt that everything presented to Ryland today was premium.
He was a pro athlete who had more than enough money to pay for an elaborate funeral. The director treated us like celebrities. Dexter Green, the Director of Green and Family Funeral Home, rolled out the red carpet treatment from the time we walked through the door.
The only reason he didn’t currently have his head up Ryland’s ass while making promises about how he planned on providing a thoughtful and elite service for Ryland’s mother was because I asked him to give us a minute to take a look at the service packages in private.
When Ryland interpreted for me, Dexter gave me the most hateful stare, possibly fearful that I would sway Ryland from deciding on one of the premium packages he not so discreetly kept motioning to on the tablet.
A tablet he handed over to Ryland before his ass even hit the chair in front of Dexter’s desk.
The man had a job to do, which I understood, and while his intent was to make this process as painless as possible, his goal was also to line his pockets.
Not that I felt that Ryland cared. He had the money, and although he was conflicted about spending it on a funeral for the woman who abandoned him, money was not the issue. I wanted to help in any way I could because he was struggling.
“Let me help. You’re going to get another migraine.”
“If you’re going to put your hands on me again that will damn sure be better than this.” His eyes moved to the tablet and I ignored his comment and decided to take the stressor away. He could definitely get my hands on him, but I didn’t want it to be for migraine relief.
With the tablet in hand, I moved through the offered packages that had everything wrapped in one—flowers, casket and service—and selected what I thought was tasteful and simple.
I placed the tablet on my knees and motioned to it. “This one is nice and for what it is, nice is probably not the best word but I feel like it’s a good choice.”
His eyes lowered to the tablet. With a stiff nod, his hands were moving. “Yeah, we can do that.”
We…
He used it so freely the reference made my heart feel full.
No matter how I attempted to detach from the situation so as to not overstep, Ryland connected me to him with those two letters.
I decided not to fight it, however, I did not read too deeply into it, but my body was attached to the idea of Ryland and me being a "we".
Dexter joined us a few minutes later and all the details were finalized. Private ceremony with just us and Ryland’s parents held graveside. Ryland declined to have a viewing and service. The funeral was scheduled for tomorrow morning since we were only here for the weekend.
Ryland agreed to allow Rylee to spend the weekend with Areena, but only because I convinced him that a funeral wasn’t the best place for Rylee.
He also wasn’t sure how things would go with their father and didn’t want Rylee anywhere near him until he had a clear idea of whether or not he would pursue custody.
There was a chance he would fight Ryland’s petition to become Rylee’s legal guardian, but considering their father’s name was on both of their birth certificates yet he wasn’t present in either of their lives, there was hope that he wouldn’t.
Once everything was finalized, we left and were met in the lobby by Des and Rich, Ryland’s security, and escorted to the SUV they were chauffeuring us around in while we were in the city. We also elected to stay at my house instead of a hotel to minimize drawing attention.
When I asked why he brought security, Ryland let me know that was all Sovoya’s call.
This visit was different. He had no idea how things would go with his father and the announcement for his mother’s funeral would be made public, which meant the potential for the media to invade this private family moment.
Lord knows they didn’t give two shits about privacy.
Like it or not, Ryland was a human commodity and a business.
There were millions attached to his name and ability to play football.
Yet another reality check. Des and Rich were who he typically kept on his payroll on the rare occasion that he needed security but Ryland also noted that he wanted to have someone on his team who was fluent in ASL for when Rylee and I would be out without him.
He was so intentional with every decision concerning us, which I loved. His protective nature was always present but also subtle enough to not feel suffocating.
We made the drive to my house, and as if there needed to be one more thing to worry about, the universe decided to open the floodgates.
My mother’s car was parked in my driveway.
I was dreading the inevitable but there was no way of avoiding the conversation I didn’t want to have.
Especially not with Ryland here. I had no idea how he would feel about any of this, but it was happening.
“Whose car?” he signed with a frown as soon as our SUV pulled into the spot beside it. Based on the tracks in the snow, it was evident she had just recently arrived.
“My mom.”
“You want me to meet your mom?” He smirked, arching a brow, and I shook my head.
“So she can pick apart everything we’re doing and tell me all the reasons why being with you is a horrible idea? No. Hard pass.”
His eyes were on me for a minute like he was gauging his words before he responded. “She’s your mother and I respect the role she has in your life but how she feels about me or you being with me is irrelevant in my decision to have you in mine. You think this is a horrible idea?”
I quickly shook my head before I confirmed, “I don’t know what I’m doing half the time because it feels too fast and too damn good to be real, but no, we are not a horrible idea.”
He smirked and leaned into my personal space. “You’re living your life and making mine better. That’s what you’re doing.”
My door was opened by Des and I sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”
Ryland caught my hand and pulled me back to him. His mouth was on mine for a kiss that had me prepared to risk it all to keep this man and these lips for as long as I could.
I saw exactly how this ambush was going to go when I stepped into my house and was greeted by my mother with a huge smile until she noticed Ryland behind me. I decided not to focus on her reaction.
“Hi.” I hugged my mother and squeezed her tightly. As soon as we separated, her hands were moving.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming home today.”
“It was last minute. I didn’t have a chance to.”
“Well either way, I’m glad you’re back.”
I cringed because I wasn’t back. At least not in the way she meant or was hoping for.
“This is R-Y-L-A-N-D.” I spelled his name, then followed it up with his arbitrary name and my mother frowned.
“You gave him a name sign?”
“No, ma’am. It was given to me in college when I took ASL. My teacher was deaf. Nice to meet you, M-S-C-O-L-E.” He stepped beside me and my mother’s eyes narrowed slightly, bouncing between us before she responded, brushing right past his greeting.
“It was nice of you to fly back with Somee but I’m sure it wasn’t necessary.”
Well shit. Let’s get right to this then.
“Can you get our things from the car and give me a minute to talk to my mother?”
Ryland nodded and stepped outside and the minute the door closed my mother was going in.
“Why is he here?”
“Because I’m not staying.”
“What do you mean you’re not staying?”
“Ryland’s here for personal reasons and I’m here to support him.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“Somee, what are you doing?”
“Figuring out who I am and what I want.” I looked her right in the eyes and hers rolled.
“Because of him?” She scoffed. “You knew who you were before you ever met that man.”
“I’m learning who I am now, what I want for my future and what my life looks like outside of just this.”
“This…” She paused dramatically. “You mean your house. Your job? The people who love you?”
“And what you mean is outside of you and what you want for me,” I returned in frustration.