11. Hush Hush
ELEVEN
HUSH HUSH
Halle
Our sleepover last night was much needed. It was a total reset, and I feel like I got the clarity I needed to get through this weekend without overthinking my not-so-love-triangle, love-triangle drama. Thankfully, I don’t even have time to think about the woes of my dating life right now because of the Tryhard show tonight.
It’s the first time they’re playing this venue. Every time they play a bigger venue, it feels so surreal. It’s a physical reminder that they’re making it and turning their dreams to reality. The place we’re in tonight has an actual auditorium, it’s not just a big room once you walk in the front doors. So, tonight the merch table is not in view of the stage, but I have no problem hearing them.
The time between each show is somehow just enough for me to forget the thrill of working the merch table. I almost feel underprepared for the number of people coming by tonight. Despite the rush I had right after doors opened, the line is somehow never-ending. As soon as I think I’m done and have a few minutes to take a break, another face walks up and buys a shirt or something.
“Hi!” I smile brightly at the teenage girl who just walked up to the table. “What can I get you today?” Even though the auditorium doors are closed, I still have to raise my voice a little bit for her to hear me over the music.
“Um, can I try a medium hoodie please?”
“Yeah, of course,” I say and turn around to the various boxes behind the table. I find the hoodies and pull out a medium and hand it over to the girl.
She holds it up to herself. She looks at me then back down. “What do you think?”
I purse my lips in thought and look at her before replying. “I usually get a medium for myself unless I want it oversized. And these are cotton, so it might shrink a little in the wash.” I know the struggle of deciding what size to get, especially when there are no refunds or exchanges, so I do my best to help people out when they’re nice about it. “But I will say that these hoodies usually hold up, so unless you do want it oversized, a medium should be fine.” I give her a smile, showing her my sincerity.
“Good to know, thanks. Yeah, I’ll take this then.”
I nod and read the total as I ring her up. And then up comes another customer. He buys a shirt and a poster. The two girls after him each get a shirt, a hoodie, a poster, and a tote—to carry everything, of course.
The night continues, and with the end of the show comes another flood of customers. I’m rushing around trying to get people taken care of quickly and efficiently. The line is long, it’s not like while they were performing and people would just trickle in. The wait time is insane and I can only do so much alone. Luckily, Mel comes to my rescue and she recruits Abbott to help out too. Baseball had a rare day off, so he and his teammates were able to make it out tonight.
After what feels like an eternity, we help the final customer and close up shop. It’s almost 11:30 p.m. by the time we make it out, which, in all honesty, is way earlier than I was expecting. It did help that we ran out of totes and posters halfway through the show, so then all we had to sift through were the various sizes of shirts and hoodies.
I’ve got all the empty boxes crushed up for the venue staff to recycle and the remaining shirts and hoodies are packed up and waiting for the boys to carry back to the van for me.
The band and I just got back to The Pitch, but I’m wiped and am considering just going over to mine and Mel’s unit and crashing after the night I’ve had. That is until we get inside and see that the place is already packed with people waiting to celebrate Tryhard’s biggest show yet.
I don’t know what it was, but tonight, they were on another level. Maybe it was because there were more people there than they’ve ever played for before. Each of them somehow have the opposite of stage fright. The more people that show up to a concert, the better they perform.
And, as a little bonus to me, I made more merch sales than ever before. Even with a higher stock than usual, I almost sold out. So, we’re celebrating the best way we know how: with a Saturday night party at The Pitch. But the party was going to happen whether they did well tonight or not. It would be a little weird coming home to an empty and quiet house after being hyped up all night.
The party’s in full swing, people are in the kitchen refilling their drinks, others are sitting out on the moonlit terrace, some are stripping down to go in the pool, and everyone else is just walking around mingling or sitting in the living room talking about tonight.
I plop myself down on a couch and start chatting with the people around me, but I honestly don’t know what this conversation’s about. The usual suspects are here: the band, the band’s entourage (me, Mel, Abbott, Ruby), half of the baseball team, and a couple other friends and fans.
I glance out the sliding glass door to the back terrace and see Sean sitting with a couple of his teammates and they’re stargazing. I smile to myself taking in this sweet sight of a group of college guys bonding over how beautiful the night sky is. Lucky for us all, The Pitch is far enough away from any big street lights, and the backyard is a bit more secluded and covered by trees, so this is everyone’s go to spot whenever we’re all feeling stargaze-y—which is most nights. I see Sean’s mouth lift up into a smile as he points something out to his buddies. I duck my head a little bit to see better and see it’s a shooting star. I take this moment to close my eyes and make my own wish.
I wish for my own great story .
I exhale, and remember that I need to break things off with him sooner rather than later. Do I do it tonight? Do I wait? I wish I was better at this kind of stuff. I finally open my eyes, and I look around to find my new target to watch. And whose eyes do I catch? None other than Mr. Cade Walsh’s. Sitting on the couch opposite mine, across the living room, he gives me his cute little crooked smile, so I obviously return the favor.
I don’t want him to think I’m staring at him so I look around again and see some girls in the kitchen. Mel’s there with Ruby, and I’m thinking about going over to refill my snack supply but look down at my lap and realize I’ve barely made a dent in what I have.
I’m startled out of my thoughts when I feel someone sit on the arm of the couch next to me.
“Pumpkin, how did I know exactly where to find you?”
“Aww, how cute. I was just thinking about you, schnookums.” I look up at Mel as she slings her left arm around me and gives me an awkward side hug and slides down into the small space between me and the arm of the couch.
“What’s going on? Who are we watching tonight?” Ruby asks and looks around as she sits on the floor between my knees and squints her eyes, looking up at us.
“Unsure, you were actually my previous interest before I got distracted thinking about the snacks. I already spent some time looking at the terrace boys. You two should’ve been here, there was a shooting star, you missed out on a wish!”
Mel’s big into wishes. I don’t really believe in it, but I make wishes anyway because it’s fun thinking about the possibilities.
“Hal!” Mel swats me with her food-free hand; I should’ve expected that. “That’s so selfish. I hope your wish doesn’t come true. Hmph.” She crosses her arms and turns away from me in faux offense.
I follow her lead and gasp while bringing my hand up to my face. “You hope my wish doesn’t come true?! Mel, surely you cannot mean that!”
“Was it at least a good wish?”
“Objectively? Maybe. Personally? Absolutely.”
“That’s acceptable, I’ll forgive you. Now I just have to find a four-leaf clover or the big half of a wishbone or something to get a wish without you, then we’ll be even wished.”
All three of us laugh at that. I look up around the room, still chuckling, and Cade’s eyes meet mine once again. Oh gosh, he’s going to think all I do is stare at him. I mean, I would if I could. He’s attractive. Objectively hot. Anyone with or without eyes knows it. Does he use that to his advantage? Probably too much, but he’s Cade, so I can forgive him for it.
I feel like I’ve been looking at him for too long so I turn back to Mel and only kind of pretend to listen to what she’s talking about. She’s going off on something about marine biology maybe? Or sports medicine? Or podcasts? Ruby’s scrolling on her phone, and taking some bites of her crackers. Honestly, I am the definition of lights are on but nobody’s home right now, staring at Mel emptily as she talks. But, this is our party routine. I think she knows I don’t really listen.
We’ve got a good routine, the three of us. We’re made for each other in that way. Mel’s moved on to yet another topic so I have myself another look-see around, and Cade and I lock stares yet again. Whoever said three is a magic number was right, because this time he subtly nods his head toward the hallway, then he gets up and walks away.
“Uh, I’ll be right back. I have to, um, go to…the…hallway?” Why did it come out as a question? Why didn’t I just tell them that I’m going to talk to Cade? So many questions that I don’t have the energy to answer for myself.
I get up from my spot and Mel makes herself more comfortable and instantly starts yapping to the people on the other side of me. Ruby’s still on the floor, engrossed in something on her phone. I walk the nine steps to the hallway where Cade is waiting for me, perfectly out of view from everyone else at the party.
“How’s your night going, Valentine?” I scrunch my nose because Cade Walsh is calling me Valentine. Ugh, I can’t believe he’s using this little nickname for me again. Actually, I can. I’m like his little sister, which is so unfortunate for me, because this affection I’ve had for him my whole life is anything but sisterly. Hopefully, Operation Hoodie will work this go around.
“It was a lot better when I had my snacks in my lap and I was doing my nightly debrief on the couch. But then, for some ungodly reason, some weirdo wannabe rockstar decided to drag me away from that.” I draw out the fake annoyance, but can’t help but smile as I look at him.
“Disrespected in my own home, I wasn't expecting my night to go like this.” He looks down and shakes his head, and I can’t help but watch his curls as they move. His curls always get me and I think he knows it, unfair advantage . “Especially after that show we just did! Hal, you’ve gotta admit, there hasn’t been one like that before. It was awe-inspiring.” He looks back up and his eyes seem to shine in a way that they don’t usually. Maybe he’s still riding the high of the show they just put on.
Unfortunately for me, again, he’s right. But obviously I’m not going to give in so easily, he has to work for it.
“It was good, but I couldn’t even see you guys tonight. What was that one song you did, Cherry Crush ? Sounded better in the garage the other day.” I grimace and suck in a breath. “I think you were holding out on the audience tonight. Didn’t feel as…what did you say? ‘Awe-inspiring’ as it could have.” If it were anyone but Cade, I’d be gushing about tonight’s show, but I can’t contribute more to his already giant ego. But in all reality, it was incredible. Cade was incredible.
He holds his hand up to his heart, like it’s been poked and prodded. “Ouch. Two in a row. In my own home, in my own hallway. I’ve been verbally shot. If we were ten, I’d ask if you had a crush on me.” He winks.
Oh, my. If he asked me right now, I don’t know what I’d say. I’m like putty in his hands.
“But I know you better than that, and I know insults are your way of telling someone you love them,” he continues.
Blood rushes up to my cheeks, a lump forms in my throat, and a rush of adrenaline courses through my body at his insinuation. The adrenaline forces beads of sweat to trail down my body, and I suddenly have the urge to run to my room and apply more deodorant. Before I have to respond, he puts me out of my misery and speaks again.
“I’ll be taking this whole conversation as your way of saying,” he clears his throat and moves his hand to my jaw and his thumb under my bottom lip like I’m a puppet, then he uses a really high pitched voice as if to imitate me, “‘Cade, you are the hottest, rockiest, most amazing and incredible lead singer and guitar player ever. Oh, am I so lucky to know you and to design your merch?! Wow, you were so sexy tonight, I’m going to make you another custom thing to wear at your next show, I just love you that much.’”
My jaw drops and I jokingly smack his hand away from me.
“Shut up! I do not sound like that!” I am holding back my smile with everything in me, but this is a battle I lose. “But fine! Tonight’s show was probably the best I’ve ever seen you guys. From the small glimpses I was able to steal, you were all just so…so on tonight. Everyone in the building could see how into it you all were and that made everybody else stoked about it. You all looked like you were exactly where you’re supposed to be. Cade, it was phenomenal.” I want to tell him more, but that would be too much, so I leave it there and keep the smile on my face, remembering back to just a few hours ago.
“See? Now was that so hard to say?” Of course he turns a nice moment into a gentle stroke of his ego. I smack him in the chest and start to turn away, but before I get too far, he catches my wrists in his hands and says, “Halle, I was kidding. Thank you. You’ve been here since the beginning, your opinion truly means the world, and the fact that you still come and show up for us? I have no words other than ‘thank you.’”
“‘See? Now was that so hard to say?’” I mock him and jokingly stick my tongue out.
He just laughs and lets my hands go.
“Rockstar, you should know that I’ll always be in the front row of your shows. Well, if I’m eventually not selling merch in the back, but you know what I mean. I’m beyond grateful you guys let me do this with you. You know it’s my dream to do this kind of stuff, so I really appreciate all of it.” I truly mean this. I don’t think they’re handouts, not at this point anyway. Maybe at the beginning. I didn’t know what I was doing but neither did they, all we knew was that they needed help and I needed experience.
He just smiles at me, and I know him well enough by now to know that he feels the same way about all of this music stuff as I do. Something else flashes across his face for a moment, like maybe he’s just as grateful for the time we spend together as I am.
“Just wanted to double check that you’re still free to help me out with recording at Jubilee again this week? Or if you even want to. I know that it’s already been a lot, so no hard feelings if you’re out.” Cade looks away right after he finishes his sentence and bites his lip, like he thinks I don’t want to spend time with or help him out.
“Cade, I’m in for the long haul. I knew what I was signing myself up for, and it’s already been a blast. Can’t get rid of me that easily.” I joke with him, but I mean it. No matter if anything ever happens or doesn’t with him; Cade’s a part of my life for good. There’s never been any going back when it comes to him.
He chuckles and finally looks back at me. “What if we sneak out of here? We do this pretty much every Saturday night, let’s try something new, just us.”
Butterflies. Butterflies. Butterflies.
He wants to go somewhere? Just us? Alone? High School Halle would be freaking out right now, but 20-year-old Halle is playing it cool, calm, and collected.
“What do you have in mind? You know I like my Saturday night people watching routine at The Pitch.”
“Do I ever.” He laughs. “But it’s now or never. You either agree and come with or you don’t and you’ll never know.”
“Well played, Walsh, well played.” I pretend to think it over for half a second and tap a finger to my chin. “I’m in. But we cannot be seen leaving together. Sean’s here and I don’t want to make him feel bad.” I crane my neck around the corner and see that he’s still sitting out on the terrace. “I like my car more but I don't want to drive. You leave first and I’ll be down in five. I’ll get my keys from my apartment and will see you out there.”
“Five? That’s so long. How about one?”
One thing about me and Cade is that he can try, but I’ll always win the negotiations.
“Do you want people to think something’s going on? Secret rendezvous are more fun.” I can’t help the smirk that takes over my face for a moment before composing myself and putting on a serious face. “It’s five, or not at all.”
“Aye, aye, Captain. I’ll see you out there in five.” And with that, he walks away with a salute and a wink and somehow slips out his front door without a single person noticing.
I smile to myself as I shake my head and make my way back over to Mel and Rubes, but Ruby’s nowhere to be seen. A little weird, but knowing her, she could be anywhere.
“Hey, stranger, where’ve you been? The hallway, was it? What was so interesting in there that you’ve been gone for—” Mel checks the watch that she doesn’t have on her wrist. “Three hours and had me worried sick? I was about to send out a search party.”
I playfully roll my eyes at her dramatics.
“Well, Mom , I was just looking around, enjoying a quieter setting. But I think I’m gonna head out. Tonight’s show was incredible, but also incredibly tiring. If you see Ruby, tell her I said bye!” It’s not a flat out lie, all of that is true, I just didn’t include the part that involves Cade. So, maybe it was a total flat out lie. My stomach turns at the very thing I hate most.
Mel narrows her eyes at me. “Hmm. I won’t ask any more questions. Tonight, at least. We can talk more tomorrow. Love you! Have fun, get back safe!”
She sends me off and I’m free. I slip out the door and rush over to my apartment to get my keys that I somehow forgot before the show tonight. I see the maroon leather jacket hanging on the coat rack and almost take it, but decide against it at the last second.
As I step out onto the front porch, I take it all in.
Cade is leaned up against my Jeep, scrolling on his phone, running one hand through his hair. I latch the door behind me and start walking down the drive, he looks up and smiles like he’s been waiting for this moment all night.
“Took you long enough! Thought you decided to bail and leave me stranded out here.”
“Cade, this is literally your house. You have your keys. The door’s not even locked, you could’ve just walked right back in.”
“Yeah, but then people would’ve noticed that I left and would start to ask questions. I’m more of a question asker than a question answerer.”
I don’t even know how to respond to that so I just let out a short laugh and toss him my car keys so we can get in and head to his mystery destination. But instead of getting straight in the car, he holds open my passenger side door and waits for me to get in before closing it and jogging to the driver’s side and getting in himself. I smile to myself and keep my head down so he doesn’t see. Door points .
When Cade’s around, I lose all track of my senses.
It’s like I blackout around him sometimes. One minute we’re in the hallway talking about a late night rendezvous, and the next, we’re in my car. He smiles at me and shifts the car into reverse and does the hot guy thing where he puts his hand on my headrest and reverses out of the driveway. Cade, stop doing attractive things. I already have a hard enough time keeping you off my mind.