12. Swimming in the Moonlight
TWELVE
SWIMMING IN THE MOONLIGHT
Cade
I feel like a spy, I’ve got my head on a swivel looking around the place before I slip out the front door—Halle was adamant about making sure that nobody notices us slipping out because Sean’s here somewhere. I made it out of the house with only a few glances my way, one of which being Abbott’s. I just winked at him, which earned a knowing grin, and he turned his attention back to the people he was sitting in a conversation with.
“So, are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?”
My ever so curious girl.
I’ve already turned on the car and buckled up, so I used the time that she’s taking to get her own seatbelt on to just look at her. Her blonde hair is illuminated by the moonlight flooding the car, her skin looks porcelain from the lack of sunlight from this Seattle winter, and her lips are sparkling under her vanilla lip gloss. When she turns her gaze back to me, I see the corners of her mouth oh so subtly turn upward.
Does she like the attention or does she like my attention?
“No, dummy. Telling you would defeat the purpose of the word ‘surprise’. But I can promise you that you’re going to love it.” I smile at her. “But I also can’t tell you because I’m not entirely sure… But I’m mostly sure where it is! If anything, we’re in for a fun adventure tonight.”
I do know where the gazebo is, I just need to remember where the turn off is because it’s been a while since I’ve gone there at night. I find myself there whenever I’m stuck on a song or need to clear my head.
I shift the car into reverse, and to get a better view to back out of the driveway, I put my hand on her headrest and turn around— not because I know most girls think it’s attractive when guys do that, I would never take advantage of something like that. Who am I kidding? I absolutely did it because Mel told me Halle loves it.
“You’re kidding. For all I know this could be your excuse to take me out into some secluded spot in the woods to murder me.”
“Well, you’re not entirely wrong,” I murmur.
She turns and looks at me, horrified.
“No, no, no, not the murder part! You’re right about the secluded spot and only the secluded spot! There will not be any murders happening.” I’ll protect her to the ends of the earth and then some. “I, Cade Walsh, am NOT a murderer, and I vow to never be.” I know she was joking, but you can never be too careful when promising not to murder. Lucky for me, Halle just giggles.
“Okayyy, Mr. I-Am-Not-A-Murderer… What kind of music are we in the mood for tonight?”
“Hmm, the question of questions. This is what’s going to set the tone for the whole night. But the first song is probably going to be the only song, it’s not a far drive. We’ve got maybe five minutes, at most.”
“Wait! I have the perfect one, and if it’s still going by the time we park, you know the rules.” She looks over at me sternly, as if I’ve forgotten.
“Valentine, of course I know the rules. Have I ever let you down?” I turn my head to face her and look her in the eyes as I continue down the long back road. If she doesn’t start this song soon, we’re not going to have a song to listen to before we get out of the car.
“I’m just making sure, it’s been a while since we’ve been on a solo drive, Rockstar.”
Let’s go on more adventures together , I want to tell her. Instead, I gulp down my feelings and keep my mouth shut as I focus back on the road.
Halle turns the volume dial to the right so that we can hear the music. It’s the familiar guitar riff, drums, and synth that we know so well. Before I know it, Halle’s window is down. Despite the cold, I roll mine down too and look back over at her to take a mental snapshot so that I never forget this moment; her hair wild and flowing with the wind as she blasts the volume all the way up. I love seeing her like this. So carefree, totally lost in the music. I store this moment away in my mental archives to come back to later.
I start singing along with her, and this starts to feel like a moment that we’ll tell our grandkids about. Grandkids? Focus on getting the girl first, then you can think about what comes next .
In the height of my nervousness about being with Halle, I always seem to forget that I’m most comfortable and feel most myself when I’m with her—even more than when I’m on stage. With her being a part of Tryhard’s team, we spend so much time together, but I guess it’s kind of rare for us to really be one-on-one together. If we are alone, it’s only for a couple of minutes, or there are other people around, but in their own worlds or conversations.
This last week of recording at Jubilee was the first time in I don’t know how long that we've actually spent time alone- alone, and have it be planned. I feel so alive right now, even more than I did during our set tonight, the spontaneity of this adventure with Halle is reigniting something in me.
I see what I’m pretty sure is the turnoff coming up. I flick on my right turn signal, and get off the road and park in the empty ten-spot parking lot. I’m not even sure that Halle’s noticed we’re not moving anymore, she’s still belting out the lyrics with her hands out her window. A part of me is itching to stop watching her because I probably look like a creep just staring, but like a magnet, she pulls at my attention, and I can’t look away.
My heart is ablaze inside my chest and it’s taking everything I have in me to not lean over and take her face in my hands and crash my lips against hers.
“Glad you remembered and stuck to the rules.” She breaks the newfound silence as she unplugs her phone.
I scoff. “Even when I’m alone… If a song’s on when I get to my destination, I let the whole thing play before I get out of the car. Doesn’t everyone?” It should be criminal to cut a song off like that.
“You would think,” she mutters under her breath, like she’s had a different experience recently.
“C’mon, I’ve got something I wanna show you.” I unbuckle and hop out of the car and make my way over to Halle’s door before she has the chance to open it.
“So, are you finally going to tell me where we are?” she asks as she climbs out of her seat.
I shut the door and lock the car, making sure it beeps as we walk toward the trail that leads to the gazebo. I doubt anyone’s going to come around here in the middle of the night, but can never be too sure.
“I was driving around one night a couple of months ago and stumbled across this place. There’s a lake with a trail around it that people walk and run and ride their bikes around. It reminded me of our spot we had back in high school. But I’m not taking you for a stroll tonight.” The gazebo comes into view. I gesture toward it for Halle to see.
She gasps. “A gazebo!”
I lightly chuckle at her reaction. It’s not like gazebos are revolutionary or anything. But I wonder if she’s thinking back to the memories we made in our gazebo back home on the peninsula.
“This has been my safe haven when I can’t get out of my head. Thought I’d finally introduce you to it.”
“So, when you said you didn’t know where you were going it was a lie,” she bites out.
The heat of her stare turns ice cold.
“It was a misleading truth.” I clear my throat.
She rolls her eyes. I do my best to always tell her the truth, or at least as much of the truth as I can. “Cade, you know how I feel even about ‘misleading truths.’” She holds up her fingers to do air quotes. “I’ll forgive you since I’ve been missing our old spot.”
Our old spot . Hearing her call it that brings a smile to my face. I’m glad I brought her here. I’m glad she’s out with me tonight and not Sean .
“You won’t regret it, Halle Cooper. I’ll make sure of it.”
It’s a cold February night and she shivers. I immediately shrug off my hoodie and hand it to her. Our fingers brush against each other as she tries to push it back to me and that immediately sends my temperature into fever territory.
She reluctantly accepts it, slides it over her head, and I swear I hear her inhale deeply. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to return it.”
Feeling a bit brave, I simply take in the sight of her in my hoodie and smile as I tell her, “No need, you look so much better in it than I do. Consider it yours.”
The moonlight shines bright enough for me to see a blush creeping its way onto her cheeks. Maybe she’s just warming up? Or maybe my words mean more to her than I thought they would. She’s extra done up from the show tonight, her signature blue mascara keeps drawing me back to her eyes, and her hair is curled into loose waves. She looks great all of the time, but something about her curled hair does something to me.
I walk across the creaky wood paneled floor and sit against the sturdiest looking post. I motion for Halle to come and sit next to me; she does.
“So, any new songs that you’ve been keeping to yourself?” I ask.
“Maybe.” She smirks. “What about you? I heard you playing something the other day. Is that yours or something you found?”
“Oh, that?” I clear my throat and readjust my position to sit up a bit straighter. “Um, it’s nothing. It’s just something that popped into my head that I wanted to try.”
She eyes me skeptically, like my answer wasn’t sufficient and like she knows that I’m lying. I don’t know why I keep doing this, little white lies here and there. It’s like I’m a glutton for the risk of punishment.
“Hm. Well, it was good. I liked it. Maybe if you start writing songs, you could start playing guitar and singing or something. Then you can start a band and get famous and get all these girls to fall in love with you and make signs and T-shirts that say things like ‘barriCADE is my favorite place to be’ or ‘Cade marry me!’” Sarcasm oozes from every word dripping off of her tongue. She can’t hold in her laughter anymore and it bursts out of her like Old Faithful. Her head tilts back and eyes screw shut. She falls over onto my lap in her fit of laughter.
I smile to no one but myself since she’s in her own little world. My Halle . This is the version of her that I picture every night before I fall asleep. This version of her that is unapologetically herself—she’s not performing for anyone, she’s not trying to impress, she’s just simply and completely herself. A girl who laughs harder at her own jokes than anything anyone else has to say. With each laugh that rings out, I feel myself fall deeper, and deeper, and deeper for her.
Halle finally comes to and wipes the tears from her eyes as she sits back up. “Y-you have to admit. Th-that w-was, that was really funny.”
“Maybe you should be a comedian instead of a merch girl,” I say.
“Maybe I should?—”
I grimace before continuing. “Except you’d be the only person in attendance.”
Her jaw drops. “Cade!” She hits my shoulder with the sleeve of her hoodie. “That is so rude! You know Mel would at least buy a pity ticket! And she’d also force you all to come to my shows with her!” She pauses and her face goes blank. “Except Ruby. Ruby would only come to heckle me and Mel wouldn’t allow that.”
“Oh, we definitely have to get you up on a stage then.”
We spend the next few hours talking about everything and nothing. Sitting, standing, lying down and stargazing. We exchange music recs, talk about my roommates and the rest of Abbott’s baseball team (thankfully, Sean’s name doesn’t come up once), her and Mel and Ruby’s plans for this next week, and things I can’t even remember talking about because all that matters when I’m with her is that I’m with her.
Sometimes I make her laugh, and that’s one of my most favorite moments ever, but then she starts talking about ideas for merch, and that becomes my new favorite thing. And eventually she goes quiet…and just looks at me and smiles before looking up at the stars, and then that’s when I start to think that I’m in heaven.