23. Adore You
TWENTY-THREE
ADORE YOU
Cade
I flip through the postcards I continued to collect through the rest of the mini tour. The one I picked up at the coffee shop in Pullman, a pink Voodoo Doughnuts themed one from Portland, and lastly, a print of Stadium High School—an ode to one of Halle’s favorite movies—that I grabbed when we stopped for gas in Tacoma on our way home to Seattle.
The rest of tour was fine, though I never got out of my head enough to soak it in and truly savor each passing moment. The one thing I started to look forward to though, was finding more postcards and writing on them at the end of the day. Oddly enough, it kept me sane, though it’s usually the other way around of music being my choice for escaping reality.
My chest has been tight, aching ever since we got back home. The extra bout of anxiety over seeing Halle face to face has hit me like a truck. Pacing back and forth in my room, I re-read what I’ve written on the back of each postcard for what could be the hundredth time, and question if I should even give them to her. I know she loves notes, that much is for sure, but what if she doesn’t want notes when she’s upset? What if it makes things even worse? I should ask Mel if it’s a good idea to drop the notes off at her door, she’s always right about Halle.
But is it so wrong of me to want to start making decisions about Halle all on my own? To be in control of the destiny of my relationship instead of leaving the orchestrating to our closest friends? My stomach churns at the thought of Halle finding out about all the conversations happening behind her back to get me and her together. Maybe she already found out and that’s what she’s upset about? But then why would she choose to be around Mel and Abbott, two people she’d be upset with, and not just one—me. Cade, stop going down the spiral, it’s not going to help.
I need to be focusing on other things, like Tryhard’s EP release at the end of the week. Or the small release listening party at Jubilee on Friday evening, on top of the full blown party at The Pitch after. Who even knows if it will be possible to get all the prep done without Halle.
I don’t even know the status of the EP related merch, heck I don’t even know what all or how much she ordered for it. I always love talking through the designs with her, and getting to see the process as each piece is brought from a concept to finished product, but with being busy setting up gigs and getting the EP ready for release, I’ve left everything to her discretion. I trust her completely, I always have, and I love merch, but it’s the last thing I want to spend my week trying to problem solve. Not because it would be difficult to do, but because I’d be doing it without her.
I check Abbott’s location and see that he, Mel, and Halle just left the airport and are on their way home from their trip. It’s now or never. If I’m going to leave the postcards, I better do it before they’re back. I’ll have just enough time to run down the street to the coffee shop, wanting to leave them for her the way I always leave little notes—it would feel wrong not to.
I was glued to my phone the entire way to the coffee shop and back, making sure I was staying ahead of them. With about five minutes to spare, I set the iced latte and postcards on the girls’ doorstep. Not to be creepy, but if our apartment had a window with a good view of their door, I would be camped out at it to see her reaction. It at least feels good that I’ve done what I can, and now the ball is in her court. My hope is that she’ll text me after reading the postcards, then I’d hopefully be able to tell where her head is at. I don’t want to go this whole week wondering if or when she’s going to come around.
The guys and I just got to Jubilee for our EP release party and I still have no idea if Halle’s coming tonight. I’ve been scratching my head all week waiting for something from her. No calls, no texts, nothing. I went to the coffee shop early every morning and waited there for her, I camped out in my car extra long whenever I got home for a chance to “run into her”, I kept the garage door open during band practice, and there’ve been no Halle sightings. I feel like a conspiracy theorist in search of a cryptid.
I do know that merch is all taken care of. Ruby came into the garage on Wednesday with a few boxes. When we were in the middle of a song, she walked in with the boxes and just dropped them down. I brought it all on my own tonight, but I did make the other guys fold and set everything up because I didn’t want to do that part alone.
A heavy hand claps my shoulder and brings me out of my thoughts. I turn and see Beau smiling at me.
“Can’t believe the day’s finally here! So cool to actually be able to hold our music now.” Beau’s holding the CD in his other hand and I admire it with him. He looks at it with pride, simply appreciating the physical manifestation of our hard work. While I can share that feeling, I can’t pull my eyes off the cover art—a photo of the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.
We had a whole band photo shoot for the cover and other promo things a couple weeks ago. Halle was there, obviously, and Mel offered to be our photographer. We actually went to the gazebo I took Halle to that one night—she brought it up. I wasn’t going to offer up our spot, but then she said it would be the perfect location, and I couldn’t agree more. The guys and I goofed off the whole time, but it wasn’t to the point of being unprofessional or anything.
There was a moment when Halle was almost lying down in the middle—her legs stretched out, she was propping herself up on her elbows with her head tipped back looking up at the gazebo’s ceiling. Mel got the perfect shot and the guys and I decided to use it as our EP’s cover art. Some of the other shots of us made it inside the booklet, but Halle’s the shining star of the project.
As much as I’d love for her to be my muse and only my muse, the rest of Tryhard also really admire her. There have been many times when she’s believed in us more than we have in ourselves. In a way, this is just a small token of our collective gratitude for her and everything she’s done for us. None of us have told her, so if Halle shows up tonight this’ll be the first time she sees the EP in all its glory.
“I’m so stoked for this. I need to find Jerry, thank him for letting us use this place for everything,” I excuse myself from Beau and my thoughts, on a mission to find my favorite former boss.
I catch sight of him across the room, his shiny bald head makes him easy to spot. I snake through the aisles of records and CDs galore. He brings me in for a hug when I reach him, who knew a hug from Jerry is just what the doctor ordered?
“Proud of you kid.” He pulls back and looks around the place, and then back at me. “How’re you doing? How’re you feeling?”
I look around too, but for a different reason than him. “I’m good, really good.” I feel my face fall a little bit but mentally shake it off. “Jerry, I seriously had no idea what I was signing up for when I first started working here a couple years ago. Some of my best memories were made here, and I can’t thank you enough for all of the wisdom and encouragement that you’ve given me. Especially after I stopped working here.” I feel tears prickling my eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how grateful I am for you, for everything,” I open my arms wide, gesturing to the space around me, “for letting me use this space for the party, for letting us record here. If you let everyone use this place for free, I don’t know how you’re making money.” I joke with him to lighten the mood a little, but I hope he knows how much I mean every word.
“Ah, Cade. Don’t tell anyone, but you’ve always been my favorite. This is your place as much as it is mine, couldn’t have done a lot of it without you.” He looks over my shoulder as the bell over the front door rings.
I turn around and see her making her way to Mel’s group in the front corner of the shop, her hair bouncing as she walks. She came. I feel the weight lift off my shoulders, my worries over her attendance disappear into thin air.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve got to go do something…not here. Go talk to some of your fans, kid.” Jerry winks at me, and I have an inkling that he knows that all I want to do is go talk to her. I nod back at him in thanks and we go our separate ways.
I’m a few steps away from her and a new set of nerves wash over me. We haven’t talked in two weeks, I mean I texted her a few times and wrote her those postcards, but she hasn’t talked to me in that time. I halt and contemplate turning around, but take another deep breath and remember how badly I want this.
I’m right behind her, and before I can feel like a creep just standing behind someone, I notice her outfit. She’s wearing the maroon leather jacket I picked out for her all those years ago.
A warm feeling resounds in my chest. Maybe I haven’t totally messed things up .
Before I know what I’m going to say, Mel smiles and Halle turns around and finally sees me. All of the air leaves my lungs as I stare into her eyes.
“Hey, Valentine,” I manage to get out.
“Hey, yourself, Rockstar,” she quips back. I didn’t know it was possible, but she looks more beautiful than the last time I saw her. Her skin is sunkissed, she’s got a natural blush, and her summer freckles are starting to make an appearance early. Arizona was clearly good to her.
“How was Arizona? Watch a lot of baseball?” I scratch the back of my neck.
“We watched a lot of baseball, that’s for sure.” She lets out with a breathy laugh. “The boys got a series sweep, I watched practice everyday, and we all went to a Diamondbacks game. I think I’m a real baseball fan now. Mel even let me take a few shots on her camera.” She turns to look for Mel behind her, and I follow her eyes until we track her down. She’s now across the room with Abbott at the dessert table.
I laugh. “Of course they’re over there. In all honesty, I’m surprised that wasn’t your first stop.” My hand lifts, almost making a move to jokingly poke or nudge her arm, but the reminder that I don’t know where I stand with her resounds in my head and my hand drops back down to my side.
“Had to make sure I looked like I was here for the right reasons and not just dessert.” She lifts an eyebrow at me and the corners of her mouth wobble, as if trying to hold back a smile. “But let’s be honest, dessert is a right reason. Let’s go.” She starts to grab my arm but then quickly retracts her hand back to herself, as if she remembered she’s been ignoring me for two weeks.
I follow her across the room and listen to her talk more about her week away. Right now I’m wishing this wasn’t an event that I have to be at, all I want to do is talk with her outside of the prying eyes and ears of our friends.
“Okay, way enough about me, how was the tour? I’m so sorry that I no call/no show-ed and sent Ruby. Everything happened so fast, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to go.” Halle looks down at her feet, like there’s more she wants to say but can’t quite get herself to. “The postcards were really sweet, thank you.”
“Honestly, tour was a lot of fun. Obviously, it would’ve been more fun if you were there. And I don’t know how much Ruby’s told you, but I don’t think I can allow her to sell merch ever again.” My eyes find Ruby talking with Jerry, and though she doesn’t see me, I squint my eyes at her. “She ‘sold out’ of totes on the first night?—”
“No way! That’s incredible, Cade!”
“Hal, she didn’t sell them. She gave them away with every purchase. She said she ‘thought they were the bags to put the shirts and sweatshirts in.’” Remembering this makes me want to scream, but I see Halle holding back laughter and that’s all it takes to bring me back to right now with her.
“I promise I didn’t think she’d be bad at it. She’s been to so many shows that you’d think she’d know.” Halle’s still chuckling, and it’s making me realize how much I’ve missed her. But is she just going to pretend that nothing happened and everything is normal between us?
All the thoughts from the past couple weeks creep in and I can’t stop myself from asking, “Why’d you stop talking to me? Why haven’t you texted me back since before Spring Break, Hal?”
Her smile falls and she looks anywhere but at me.
“Cade, I?—”
Logan runs up, planting himself right between us. “Cade, we’re gonna start playing the EP. We’ve gotta make an announcement to everyone, c’mon.”
Thank you so much , Logan for interrupting. Actually, maybe I should really be grateful. My words slipped out and I don’t know how ready I am to have that conversation with her in a room full of people.
“Uh, yeah. Let’s go. See you later, Halle.”
I pat her on the shoulder before following Logan through the crowd to the makeshift stage.
“Thank you all for being here.” I’ve never been nervous behind a mic, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. “Each of you have played a crucial part in Tryhard history, can’t begin to thank you enough for it.”
I hand the mic over to Zack and he starts talking, we practiced our big crowd address beforehand so I know what they’re all saying. I’m not paying close attention, just nodding my head at what I think are appropriate times. My attention is on the one girl who has always had it. She locks wistful eyes with me, and I know our conversation is far from over.
“And, without further ado, here’s our debut EP, Valentine. ” Beau closes us out, and since my eyes are already on Halle, I have the pleasure of seeing her reaction as he says it and the cover art is projected on the screen.
Watching her see it for the first time is a memory I’m storing away and keeping forever.
It’s a six song EP, so it doesn’t take long to get through all the songs. These are all songs most everyone has already heard countless times before. The only surprise is the final song. We last-minute recorded and added it, literally the day we got back from the mini tour.
Halle’s face contorts in confusion as Distract Me starts to play. By this point, everyone’s off in different parts of the store, lightly chatting but still listening to each song. I make my way over to Halle, and when I reach her she just looks at me and points up at the speaker.
“What song is this? How have I never heard it before?”
“Umm, I don’t know?” I don’t really want to bear my soul to her right now, but I also know that with her next words I’ll be putty in her hands.
“Cade, honesty hour. What’s going on?” She crosses her arms over her chest.
I let out a sigh and look down at my shoes. “It’s called Distract Me, I’ve been working on it for a while now and wanted it to be perfect before you heard it.” I shove my hands into my pockets, and my guitar riff that I’ve slyly played around her rings out.
“Wait, I have heard this before.” Realization crosses her features and she starts putting all the pieces together. “Cade?”
I nod.
“At the risk of sounding extremely narcissistic, is this song for me?” She looks straight into my eyes and I feel myself falling even deeper.
Before I can answer, the whole place is erupting in cheers and applause, echoing through the room. People are clapping me on the back and congratulating me on a great EP. I take it all in and it hits me that we really are making it. Music isn’t just some faraway dream, it’s real and it’s happening. None of this would’ve happened though if it weren’t for a special green-eyed, blonde-haired girl.
I turn back to Halle and give her a look that answers her question. She grins and joins in the group hug that’s taking place with all of my favorite people.
Everything in my life finally feels like it’s truly starting to fall into place.