24. Never A Good Time
TWENTY-FOUR
NEVER A GOOD TIME
Halle
When I got back from Arizona, I had every intention of talking to him, but my embarrassment of running away won out. Especially after Ruby told me that Claire is Beau’s sister and she came to surprise him since she heard about the mini tour. I feel like an idiot. I let myself jump to conclusions. Again. And now I’m embarrassed about it. Again .
The release party shifted the energy of this entire weekend. So much happened that I still haven’t processed—Cade’s secret song about me, the EP cover being a photo of me, and the EP being called Valentine. I’ve found myself rereading the postcards Cade left for me with my coffee. I think I’ve been looking at those postcards a little too much because all of my recent doodles in my sketchbook have been “wish you were here!”-esque designs. Maybe I should ditch the whole merch idea and apply to be a Hallmark card designer. I laugh to myself.
“What’re you laughing about over here?” Cade saunters in wearing a smile.
“Oh my gosh, Cade. You scared me!” I gasp and hold my chest, willing my heartbeat to go back down to its normal pace.
“Oh, my bad. I was just coming in to get ready for practice early.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone to glance at the time. “I’m thinking about going on an adventure. You in?”
An adventure with Cade? Say less. “Lead the way.”
We close up the garage before getting in the car and drive the familiar route to our gazebo spot down the road.
We park in the small lot and he rushes around to get my door. More door points for Cade . He offers his hand to help me get out, I take it in mine and keep it even after the door’s closed.
I feel like everything might be falling right into place. I know we still haven’t finished our conversation from a couple days ago, but this all feels so right . Maybe I’ll get lucky tonight and we won’t have to talk about the ghost of Spring Break.
The gazebo finally comes into view through the tree branches and I notice how different the whole place looks since the last time we were here. Maybe it’s because we’re alone again this time, and without the rest of the band here to keep my attention pulled in a million directions I’m actually able to take in the scenery that’s usually hidden by the night sky. Rhododendron bushes surround the wooden structure, and as we get close enough to walk up the gazebo steps, I catch the sweet smell of the early summer blooms.
I look up at him and the golden setting sunlight is kissing his skin as I’m thinking about him kissing me. It’s almost like the universe created this moment just for us.
“So, uh,” Cade starts, and my mind begins to race with what he could be thinking about.
Before he can continue, his phone rings. He lets go of my hand to reach into his pocket and see who’s calling. The usually warm spring air suddenly raises goosebumps all along my skin at the loss of his touch. He declines it and opens his mouth to speak again when it rings again. Another decline followed by a third call.
“You should answer, it’s probably something important if it’s three in a row.”
His phone keeps ringing out as he looks back and forth between me and his phone, an internal debate taking place, I’m sure.
Cade sighs and pulls it up to his ear. “Hello?”
The voice on the other end is muffled and I can’t make anything out.
“Wait, what? Say that again.” Cade brings his phone down and puts it on speaker.
“ Eager Eyes asked us to open for them on the first leg of their tour!” Logan’s on the other end of the call, and I can hear how excited Beau and Zack are in the background.
“No way!” My jaw drops. This is amazing. I remember listening to them in high school with Cade during our rare alone moments and sneaking them onto our group playlists slowly trying to convert Mel and Abbott.
“Eager Eyes!” Someone in the back shouts.
“This is the best day of my life!”
“This is insane! I’m so proud of you guys!” I can’t help myself from squealing with pure joy.
In all the excitement, I feel Cade’s arms wrap around me, and before I know it, he has me off the ground and we’re spinning in circles.
“And we leave in a month!”
The spinning stops. “What?”
“Their original first leg opener had to drop out for whatever reason so they were scrambling and found us from a relative or something who went to a show on the Eastside and told them about us. Then with our EP’s release on Friday, we’ve been on the up and up. Tour starts in a month and the first leg goes through the end of August.”
Logan keeps talking and goes through all the details of the tour.
I look up at Cade, and see he’s already looking at me. Right here, in this moment, is the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He reaches to move a stray hair out of my face. His hand cups my cheek and I nestle in to his touch. He begins to lean in and this feels extremely reminiscent of what happened three years ago, but in a new location.
As if on cue, we hear Logan’s voice boom through the phone. “Hello? You guys still there?”
It almost feels like we were caught doing something we shouldn’t be doing and now another moment is over before it could even truly begin.
Cade picks his phone back up and tells Logan that they’ll talk later and hangs up.
“You’re coming with us, right?”
My heart flutters. It always does that when I’m around Cade.
As much as I want to go, I can’t just up and leave everything for three months. Well, maybe I can. It would take a lot of coordinating and convincing of Ruby and Jerry. But even then, what’s going to happen with me and Cade? We can’t try to start something up as he’s starting his career and out on the road. And this would be a huge opportunity for me with merch and design too. As much as I want to try things out with Cade, I can’t leave my own goals and dreams behind. I want Cade but I also want a real shot at a career like this. And I don’t want to be a distraction and be the reason why his dreams don’t work out. Everyone always says to never mix business and pleasure, but maybe we could be the ones to beat it.
Who am I kidding? Nothing can happen between me and Cade. At least not right now. We both need a chance to be able to focus on our careers, especially right now when things are just beginning for each of us. The timing isn't right. It’s like the age old saying— right person, wrong time .
I shake out my thoughts and put on a brave face and smile. “I’m so stoked for you guys. This is such an incredible opportunity! If I can manage to talk Jerry into letting me go, I’ll go.” I smile up at him and he’s already beaming right back at me.
“Halle, this would’ve never happened without you. You are one of the best things to ever happen to this band—to me.”
I feel a lump in my throat and I don’t know how I’m going to manage to get out what I know I have to say next.
“I am so proud of you. This is going to be the one to do it for you guys.”
He pulls me back toward him and I’ve never felt more at ease than I do when I’m wrapped in his arms. My thoughts and worries fade into almost nothing, but the little bits that remain remind me that instant gratification doesn’t actually last.
“There’s no one I’d rather be with right now than you, Valentine.” He breathes into my hair, and then he pulls away and we lock eyes. Cade opens his mouth to say more, but I cut him off.
“These next four months are going to be so crazy, and fast, and fun. I think we should take this time to focus on our careers. Right?”
“Yeah, of course.” Cade’s face turns pensive, like he’s considering his next words carefully, leaving me wondering if he’s thinking through the same things I am. “Hal, I think we’re both old enough to admit that there’s something here between us. Or maybe I’m crazy and have been misreading things and moments between us.”
“You haven’t been misreading things, but?—”
“What’s the ‘but’? Wouldn’t this be a good opportunity to explore that? New cities, new experiences, more music, more memories, more time together.”
I want to agree with him and the look on his face makes me not want to utter any word I’m about to say, but I know that if something goes wrong then it’ll change everything. “You’re never going to have a real first tour experience again, we need to make sure we’re all focused on that first and foremost. There are other people involved, I don’t want this—whatever this may be—” I gesture between us “—to affect them. I don’t want to get in the way of your experience. I don’t want to be the reason it doesn’t go well or get in the way of your dreams. I don’t want you to resent me or our time together if something bad happens. I think it’s best if we just stay friends right now, figure out our futures and careers.” I’m trying to reason and get him to see my side. I want him to understand that I have thought about this, about a potential us . That I’m trying to protect and preserve what could be.
All emotion from Cade’s face falls away and his jaw tightens. He drops his arms from around me and takes a step back. “If this is really what you think, then fine.” He swivels his head around then down at his phone. “It’s getting late, we should get going.” He turns and walks down the gazebo steps and back toward his car.
My head is telling me I did the right thing for us, that I’m giving our future chance a better shot at making it. My heart is screaming that I just sabotaged another opportunity.