33. Nostalgia
THIRTY-THREE
NOSTALGIA
Halle
Vancouver . I think my parents brought me and Abbott up here a few times when we were kids, but I was too young to remember it. Walking around the city, it feels a lot like Seattle, except there’s something different in the air and there’s the occasional Canadian flag spotting. It looks more like fall here than it does in Seattle and I love it. The orange and brown leaves all over the ground, and the plenty of parks and streets we’ve walked through are lined with color-changing trees, too.
We’ve only been here for a few hours, and have been walking the streets of downtown, popping into all the storefronts that pique our interest.
A flashing neon sign catches my attention in a window a few stores away. The words become clearer to my eyes as we get a few steps closer.
“Vintage clothes! Let’s go!” I latch on to Cade’s hand and start pulling him to the store.
A bell rings above us as we walk in the door and 80s pop music meets my ears. The whole place is retro-fied, kitschy signs line the walls, the clothing racks separated by aesthetics and decades instead of categories or color. “Is this real life? I mean, what is this place?” I laugh out in disbelief.
“I’ve never seen anything like this,” Cade responds, walking a few steps ahead of me. He spins around to face me with a sly smirk plastered on his face. “What if we ditch whatever we brought to wear to the concert tonight and pick out new outfits for each other here?”
His suggestion immediately takes me back to Valentine’s day all those years ago. The same night he started calling me Valentine, the night we kissed for the very first time, and the night he picked out the jacket I’m wearing right now. Gosh, so much has changed since that night, but I also feel like so much is the same.
I finally got Cade to crack a few days ago and found out he got us tickets to see The Band Camino and I couldn’t be more excited. They’re my favorite band and I’ve seen them almost every time they’ve come into town, so I was really bummed when they announced their dates and saw that Seattle wasn’t on the list. I had been thinking about maybe getting a ticket to the Portland show, but I’m glad I didn’t—a weekend in Vancouver with Cade sounds a lot better.
“I love that idea, but I also love the outfit I packed, so you’ve got some tough competition,” I tease him.
He pulls out his phone and turns the screen around showing me the timer he’s pulled up. “Bring it on, Valentine.” He winks and takes off toward the racks.
My heart pounds and I’m frozen in place for a few beats before I snap myself out of the lovesick daze and get to hunting for Cade’s outfit.
It almost feels like we’re a real couple, walking down the street hand-in-hand, without a care in the world who sees us. I could get used to this. I look down at our hands swinging between us and take in our new concert outfits. Cade found me a little black dress to wear with my maroon leather jacket, and I added a pair of black tights to wear with my chunky black Dr. Martens. I smile to myself as I notice Cade’s black converse falling in sync with my steps. I trail my gaze up his loose black jeans and vintage hockey crewneck I picked for him.
We queue up with everyone else waiting for doors. I was expecting more people to be here, but I’m not complaining. Security makes their way out and starts letting people through. My heart flutters and I squeeze Cade’s hand. I’m so excited for this, probably more than any sane person should be.
We head straight to check out the merch when we get in and end up getting tour shirts (with dates), the Vancouver night’s poster, and a tote to carry all our stuff in—I don’t think I’ll ever have enough totes. We shuffle away from the crowd around the merch table and start looking for the perfect spot to stand. The floor is filling up quick, but me being the General Admission expert that I am, I pull Cade close behind me and snake through the crowd. I manage to get us a good spot just left of center, five rows back.
Cade’s standing behind me with the tote bag on his arm. How lucky am I that I don’t have to deal with holding a bag all night? I feel his chin graze my hair as he leans over my shoulder before he talks directly into my ear. “Hal, I know I’ve already said it a lot in the six hours we’ve been here, but I’m really excited to be spending the weekend with you.”
I turn my head to look at him and smile back. “Don’t you worry, I’ve been thinking the exact same thing this whole time, Rockstar.” My grin seemingly taking up permanent residence as I throw my head back and laugh.
“What so funny, Valentine?”
“I’m just thinking back to that Valentine’s Day all those years ago when you were so adamant against me giving you a nickname.”
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but is still beaming back at me. Something comes over him and he gives me a quick peck. I’m caught off guard by it; I stand there blinking up at him. Cade chuckles at me before dipping his head and meeting my lips with his for another chaste kiss.
I’m not usually one for PDA, but there’s something about being in a different city, different country , away from anyone we could possibly know. The anonymity of it all. As if on cue, the lights go down and cheers erupt, as if it’s all for us.
The opener’s really good. Their songs are super catchy and get us pumped for the main attraction. Cade and I are jumping and dancing around, singing along to the few songs we do know, and I’m making a mental note to add the ones we don’t know to our driving playlist.
For as much as I love live music and live for things like this, I haven’t actually been in the audience of a show in quite some time. It’s refreshing, and I almost forgot how fun it is to be part of a crowd and not have to work or worry that I’m getting too lost in the music and accidentally ignoring someone. And to experience a live show like this with my favorite guy is a dream come true. Didn’t even know it was a dream I had until this very moment, but to be fair, anything with him is a dream come true.
After about thirty minutes, his set comes to a close and the crew takes his stuff down and changes it out for The Band Camino’s. I start making predictions in my head about what time they’re going to come on. Their drum kit, stage decorations, fog machine, and lights are already out on stage. The crew is just rolling out the finishing touches from backstage to make the set full and complete before the band comes out.
My Tryhard brain never switches off, so I note the stage’s set and everything the crew’s doing, maybe the guys could get cool stage decorations for their shows. They could get a whiteboard and the set could be like a classroom or something. Or they could decorate the stage like a dorm room, take it back to where Tryhard began.
“Whatcha thinking about over there?” He brings me out of my thoughts, I turn around and he draws me into his arms.
“You,” I say simply.
“Oh yeah?” He looks caught off guard, like that was the last thing I should be thinking about.
I have a sudden surge of confidence and bring my hands around his neck.
His surprise at my comment is washed away and he’s back to his usual charming and charismatic self. “What about me?”
Certainly not how much I want you to kiss me right now . “Just how I can’t believe you planned a whole weekend alone with me.”
“Ah!” He slaps a hand to his chest. “I can’t believe you think so lowly of me, that I wouldn’t be able to plan a weekend away for us. I’m hurt, Hal.”
I giggle. His theatrics remind me of the night when we snuck out of a Pitch party and he took me to the gazebo for the first time.
“You have a point. But, we still haven’t gotten to the bottom of if—” I stop and look around before lowering my voice “—if you’re a murderer or not.”
He brings his hand up to cover my mouth like an instinctive reflex.
“Hal, that’s not something we should be joking about. Let alone in public. And in another country.”
I lick his hand and he yanks it away and wipes the slobber off on his thigh.
“Gross, maybe I should’ve given Mel my ticket instead. Make her deal with you for a whole weekend.”
I can’t help the burst of laughter that comes out of me, I throw my head back again and if he wasn’t holding me, I’m sure I would’ve toppled over.
I compose myself enough and look back up at him. “C’mon, Cade, you know that’s not true,” I innocently tease.
“Definitely not,” he says as he delicately places a kiss on my forehead.
He squeezes me tighter to him, and when I’m wrapped safely in his arms like this, it feels like home. The overhead lights suddenly dim and the familiar riff of Know It All starts to play. One last look in his eyes before Cade turns me around in his arms. The crowd gets even louder when the band walks out and I lean back into his hold, taking everything in.
It’s not long before we’re dancing and singing along. Every time I see The Band Camino, I grow more and more amazed. They’ve perfected the art of putting a setlist together, it’s unreal. Each song flows so well into the next, it’s like they’re telling a story all night long. At some points I feel like the band sees me and we’re making eye contact, but then I remember that everyone around us is probably thinking the same thing too, but only one of us can be right—and it’s definitely me.
I’m racking my brain for a time that I’ve seen Cade like this—focused on the right here and right now, not worried about what he’s doing, how people are going to react. He puts on a brave face, and I know the past few years have pushed him to grow and stop overthinking so much, but I can always tell when he’s up on the stage and the audience doesn’t respond the way he thought they would. The almost imperceptible wrinkle in his brow, the bobble of his chin, the twitch in his neck—I always spot it, even from the back of the room. No matter how wrapped up I am in merch, he’s always my focal point. Despite music being the reason we initially bonded, this is our first concert together—just as fans.
All too soon, the band is walking off stage and the whole crowd is begging and shouting for an encore. After a minute or two, they walk back out and Cade’s favorite song of theirs rings out in the auditorium.
I turn around to face him and he looks beyond excited.
“Daphne Blue! They’re playing Daphne Blue!” I yell at him, as if he doesn’t recognize his favorite song.
I turn back around to face the stage and let out a quick “Woo!” to show my enthusiasm and we’re once again singing and dancing along to the music.
This song’s a crowd favorite and the perfect way to close out the show. When the house lights come back on, we wait a second for the room to clear a little bit and I drag him with me to make our way to the barricade where we get some pictures in front of the stage.
As we’re leaving the venue, I see some girls look our way and whisper to one another. Weird . We keep moving toward the exit but then I feel Cade pull back on my hand a bit, signaling me to stop. I’m standing slightly behind Cade, but can see it’s the two girls that I saw looking our way a minute ago.
“Um, this might be a random question, but are you in Tryhard?” girl number one asks.
Cade turns his body toward her. “Yeah, I am.” He reaches out to shake her hand. “I’m Cade.”
She takes his hand and holds it for a beat longer than she needed to. “Chelsea. And this is my friend Brit.”
Cade, being the nice guy he is, shakes Brit’s hand.
My grip on his hand tightens. The joy I’m feeling dissipates almost immediately, my face surely sporting a deep scowl.
“We’re big fans of Eager Eyes and we saw that you opened for them on the west coast leg of their tour. Big bummer that you didn’t open for their show up here.” The only way to describe the look on Chelsea’s face is that of a predator trying to catch its prey. And I’m sure Cade’s her prey tonight.
I clear my throat and hold Cade’s hand even tighter . My eyes narrow at the girls as I pull his arm back for him to move and stand beside me—effectively creating space between Cade and the girls. Chelsea has the audacity to look me up and down.
“I’m Halle.” I lock eyes with them but don’t offer anything more.
They pay me no attention as they both take a step closer to Cade. “You’re from Seattle, right? So, what’re you doing up here in Vancouver?”
Cade takes another step back, putting some distance between them again. “Yeah, we’re from Seattle. It’s actually not that far of a drive.”
I jump in, as if I’m part of the conversation that they so desperately wish I wasn’t here for. “Just thought we’d see our favorite band together and spend the rest of the weekend alone.” I rest my head on Cade’s shoulder.
Cade turns his head to look down at me. I give him my best puppy dog eyes and a sweet smile. His expression is lightly confused until a thought of revelation crosses his mind. His dazed smile turns knowing and I know that I’ve made a mistake.
I turn my attention from Cade back to the girls.
I look down at my nonexistent watch. “Oh, well, it’s getting late and we should get back to our hotel. Lovely meeting you girls.” I smile politely at them and put my other hand on Cade’s arm and lead him away down the street.
We walk a block before he can’t hold it in anymore and bursts into laughter.
“What’s so funny?” I ask.
“What was that back there?”
My cheeks heat, but I can blame it on the cold Vancouver air. “What do you mean?”
“I mean when we were talking to Cheryl and Bethany. You got sassy with them.”
I gasp. “I did not! And their names were Chelsea and Brittany, not Cheryl and Bethany,” I correct.
“You so did!”
I have to remind him that it’s eleven at night and shush him to keep his voice down. The whole city of Vancouver doesn’t need to know our business.
“Were you jealous?” he teases me.
My cheeks continue burning hotter than the sun and I look away at the fall scenery around us.
He stops walking and grabs my other hand so that he’s holding both and I feel his stare but I can’t bring myself to make eye contact.
“Valentine, I couldn’t even remember their names. They’ve got absolutely nothing on you. No one does.”
I know this is silly, and now I’m feeling embarrassed about it.
“Hey,” he reaches one hand up to cup my cheek, “you’ve got me wrapped around your finger. Ever since the day we met. Nobody compares to you. I mean it.”
This moment is all I need to know that we’re on the same page. I lift up onto my toes and land a soft kiss on his cheek.
“Cade, for the record, me too.”
The weight on my chest from holding this in for so long feels like it finally lifts and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in years. I’ve never felt more free than I do right now with Cade in the streets of Vancouver.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have that talk we’ve been avoiding.