38. COMPLETE MESS
THIRTY-EIGHT
COMPLETE MESS
Halle
Cade is in love with me? Of all the things I was thinking he would say to me, that thought never crossed my mind. Despite all of the sweet things, and knowing his feelings about being “just friends” the last few months, I started to doubt the truth behind it all after learning about their operation.
I feel ridiculous for doubting Cade’s feelings. Especially considering the fact that I have my own operation with Mel, and now Ruby. How could I even blame him? He managed to find a way around me constantly running away from any potential of us. I know I ran—literally, and figuratively—but I don’t want to run from it anymore, from him, from us .
After sitting in the cold for twenty minutes together we decide to go back home. Luckily, he drove himself here, so we’ve got the heat as high as it can go on full blast and both of our seat warmers are on. I pull down the visor and flip open the mirror and I am a complete mess. My favorite blue mascara stains my cheeks, my eyelids, my whole face honestly.
“Do me a favor, pretty girl?” Cade’s smooth as butter voice snaps me back to the present.
It takes me no time at all to notice that he’s holding his aux cord out toward me. The new nickname replays in my head, and as much as I want to blame my fumbling around with the cord on my still freezing fingers, I can’t. I finally plug my phone in and put on my best night drive playlist.
A soft indie rock song starts to fill the space around us in the car, creating the perfect background for this moment—it feels like a coming of age movie. I think I’ve been waiting for this feeling for a long time. Thankfully, Cade has been patient with me . With everything swirling around my brain like this, a small sniffle escapes.
Cade looks over at me, but I keep my attention on the phone in my lap. “What’s going on?”
“N-nothing. I just—you just caught me off guard with that, is all.” I return his gaze.
He takes his right hand off the wheel and reaches across to hold my hand in reassurance. “Just look at yourself, Valentine. That’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
My cheeks may be hotter than they’ve ever been before.
“Even like this?” I can’t help but point out the horrific state of my makeup. I should’ve known to avoid mascara on Thanksgiving of all days, considering the holiday’s history.
“Like what?” He smirks, and it makes me feel a million times lighter. He makes me feel like I don’t need to be ashamed of my emotional reaction tonight. Like all my feelings have been reasonable and valid. I lace my fingers with his and rest our hands on the center console. I want to stay in this moment forever.
We arrive back home and Cade puts the car in park. I don’t move a muscle because I’m scared. I’m scared to go back in there. Scared to confront the things I’ve been running away from. Scared to talk to Mel.
I stole a moment that was supposed to be all about her and made it about me. Instead of celebrating her, I ran away and cried like a little kid. I’m supposed to be her best friend, but I feel like the villain.
Cade soothingly runs his thumb over my own, and my nerves are already subsiding from this simple gesture. “You okay? What’s going on?”
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to go in there. I ran. I literally ran from the people I care about most in this world all because I didn’t want to talk about what’s going on. I mean, who does that? Ugh, I’m just—I’m so embarrassed.” I feel tears make their way down my face, surely carving their way through the mascara streaks.
“Valentine…” He reaches all the way over with his left hand to wipe my face, and when he pulls his hand back, streaks of blue coat his palm.
I laugh. “And now I’m making a mess of you.” I look around his car, opening up the glove compartment hoping to find tissues or napkins or something to wipe off his hand and my face, but all I find is a stack of postcards. “What are these?” I ask, pulling them out.
“Oh, um. I’ve actually been collecting them since high school. Whenever I’d go somewhere or if a store had a cool looking one, I’d get it.” He glances down at his lap then back up at me. “It started as an easy way to get paper so I could write down some song lyrics, but then I realized that every lyric I was writing was about you. So, I guess they’re like my own little love letters to you,” he says sheepishly.
I flip through the postcards; there’s not that many considering how long he’s been doing this, maybe twenty at most. My mouth slowly opens, searching for words, but I can’t seem to find any, so I’m sitting here in the passenger seat gaping at a guy that I never thought I’d ever actually have a chance with.
“Cade, I-I don’t—” I’m frantically going through my mental dictionary, trying to find any words that would do the job and tell him how special this is.
The few words I managed to push out of my mouth were clearly not the right ones though, because his face drops and he turns away to look out his window.
I quickly attempt to right this wrong and drop the postcards from my grip. I lean over the center console and reach up to turn his face toward mine.
“I’m sorry, that clearly didn’t come out right. Cade, this is the sweetest thing. I’m not the most eloquent or articulate, especially when it comes to you. That also doesn’t sound right. I just mean that I can’t think properly when I’m around you. You somehow jumble all of my thoughts and scramble my brain and I feel like a blubbering idiot.” I chuckle and he lightly does as well. “But you also give me the biggest butterflies that I’ve ever had in my life. You help me make sense of what I’m feeling. You bring clarity to the situations going on. I’m able to go about and experience life and all it has to offer because of you. Unfortunately, I’m not a songwriter, so you’ll have to be patient with me always trying to find the right words to do my feelings justice.”
Cade flashes his pretty smile at me, and despite the freezing November temperature, he has me melting.
“How about this… Not only are we upfront and honest about what’s going on, no more secrets, but we also give each other the space to collect ourselves and talk out how we feel?”
I stretch to meet his lips in answer.
“Now, as much as I’d love to keep fogging up the windows with you,” he says and waggles his eyebrows at me. I roll my eyes and playfully shove his shoulder away, earning me a giggle out of him. “We should probably head inside. I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving, but they probably all assumed I was going out to find you.” He brings my hand up to his mouth to place a soft kiss. “And we should also get you inside and washed up before the Blue Man Group comes looking for their newest member,” he adds. And before I’m able to say anything, he’s out of the car.
“Cade!” I can’t help but burst into laughter. I get out of the car and look at my reflection in the window. “Oh, gosh.”
I make my way around and meet him by his door. He’s still chuckling but puts an arm around my shoulder and kisses the side of my head.
“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up.”
We walk in and no one’s in the entryway, thank goodness, so I take the stairs two at a time and make my way into the bathroom and wash my face clean. Within ten minutes, I’m looking and feeling a lot better.
I walk out of the bathroom and see Cade standing guard right outside the door.
“How’re you feeling? Ready to face the others?” He means Mel.
I don’t know that I am, but I know that I have to.
I nod my head and he takes me to Abbott’s room.
Two knocks on the door before we walk in.
Mel and Abbott are sitting on his bed. They look as if they’ve been waiting for us to walk in.
“Hal.” Mel looks up and I can tell she’s been crying.
“Mel.” I’m going to start crying again.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cade nod his head at Abbott, signaling toward the door. Then, it’s just me and Mel in his room.
“I’m sorry.” We both say it at the same time.
“Hal, please. Let me go first.”
I nod at her to continue.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the operation with Cade. I knew that once you found out, you’d be upset, but I still took the risk because I knew how fun it would be to help you guys, and I really, really wanted you two to be together. And as much as I want to regret it and regret the consequences with you that it led to, I can’t.”
“Mel—”
She cuts me off. “No, please, I’m not done.” She inhales a deep breath. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you about the internship, that I didn’t tell you that I actually got it. I’ve been dreading that conversation with you, Hal, because I’m terrified to leave my best friend.” Her voice breaks and more tears well up in her eyes. “I am so excited for this opportunity, and I knew you all would be nothing but proud of me. But I can’t fathom leaving all of you. It’s literally just an internship, it’s not forever, but Hal, we do everything together. This summer was the first time we’ve ever been apart for longer than a month ever since we met. I don’t know how to do life without you.” She’s full-on crying now.
I’m full-on crying too.
“Mel.” I’ve only said her name and yet my throat feels like it’s full of gravel. I reach my arms around her and envelop her in a hug.
We sit here, wrapped in each other’s arms, soaking in our remaining time together.
“I’m sorry, too. I haven’t made it easy on you all. Obviously no one likes being lied to, but I also know you guys better than anyone and I know none of you would keep secrets in order to hurt me.” I pull away from the hug slightly to look her in the eyes. “And I’m sorry I freaked out on you about the internship. I am so proud of you. And this is the opportunity of a lifetime. You’ve worked so hard for this and I know it’s going to be so good for you. We’ll always be best friends and obviously I’m going to come visit you in California.”
I pull her back in and hug her tight before we separate and wipe at our faces. I blubber out a laugh, imagining what we must look like to a fly on the wall.
“I’m sorry I made it so that you couldn’t tell me things. I more than forgive you for your operation with Cade and Abbott, I was literally doing the same thing, so it would be awful for me to be mad at that. And, ultimately, it’s what brought me and Cade together, so I really can’t be mad at it. Or you.” I look at her with what I can only assume are best friend hearts in my eyes. “Mel, you have always been and will always be my best friend. I’m not going to throw that away over something like this. You are it for me.”
She wraps her arms back around me. “What did I do to deserve you? You are one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, Halle Cooper.”
“And you, me, Melody Gray.”
Two gentle knocks rap on the door and then it slowly opens. I crane my neck to look at Abbott who’s poking his head in. And it’s only now that I realize we’ve commandeered his room.
“Hey. Uh, everything okay?”
I lock eyes with Mel and take her hand in mine then turn back to Abbott and nod at him. “We’re good. We’ll be alright.”
She squeezes my hand in reassurance and for the first time in four years, this Thanksgiving is ending on a good note.