Chapter 16
JINX
What the hell did I just do?
I went to Rachel tonight because I respect her opinion, and then, like an idiot, I jumped the fucking gun and disrespected her as a woman.
“Fuck!” I climb into my truck, guilty blood rushing through my veins, slam the door, and throw my head back against the seat.
I offered to be her friend, and then I crossed the damn line.
“So fucking stupid.” I scrub my hands over my face, then pound a frustrated fist against the steering wheel.
And how the hell am I supposed to go back now? Now that I’ve tasted her and touched her and smelled her?
“You are fucked, man. So fucking fucked.” I turn over the engine and pull out of her driveway.
The worst part is that the regret I’m feeling probably isn’t even half of what she’s feeling.
She’s still married. She has kids to think about, one of which I friggin’ mentor. And I know damn well she’s battling some pretty heavy internal shit related to her mom.
My entire intent with her has been to help her out, not make shit harder, because I really like this woman.
And god dammit, I do not want to be her fucking rebound.
When I should go right to head home, I turn left instead, and three miles later, I find myself in the driveway of my childhood home. It’s almost ten o’clock, but there’s a dim light on in the kitchen, and inside, I find Ma sitting at the table with a puzzle book and a cup of tea.
“What are you still doing up?” I ask quietly, hoping not to wake Dad, who’s probably been in bed for an hour.
“Eh, it’s summer, and there’s a storm coming in.” She glances at the patio, where the warm night air is filtering in through the screen door. In the distance, the sky lights up in shades of silver and blue.
I was so distracted on the drive over that I didn’t even notice.
“Sit.” She nods at the chair across from her. “Can I get you some tea?”
“Nah, I’m good.” I’m pretty sure I’ve never had a cup of tea in my life.
“Suit yourself.” She picks her cup up off the table. “What brings you over at this time of night?”
I blow out a breath and lock my hands behind my head, unsure of what to tell her or if I should say anything at all.
“Oh boy,” she says. “I know that look.”
Dropping my arms, I frown. “What look?”
“The lady-trouble look.”
Great. Not only do I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I wear my stress on my face.
“You obviously came over to talk about it, so tell me what’s bugging you.” She tips her head, and her eyes twinkle in that sweet, motherly way they always do.
“I really don’t know how I ended up here,” I admit.
She presses her lips into a smile. “Something inside you knows you need to get it out. So you came to your momma. That’s what momma’s boys do.”
“I am not a momma’s boy.” I totally am, but denying it comes with the title.
“Yes, you are. You and Jesse both.”
Awesome. Yet another comparison between us.
“I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a situation,” I finally tell her. “I tried not to, but… it sorta got the best of me.”
She hums. “With a woman.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“What kind of situation are we talking about, Jinx?” The sudden seriousness in her voice catches me off guard.
“Not that kind of situation.” I laugh, a little uneasy. “This isn’t a Jett 2.0 kind of thing.”
“Phew.” She sits back in her chair and blows out a breath. “Not that I don’t want more grandchildren, but I’d rather see you fall in love first.”
“Me, too, Ma.” I laugh lightly and rub a hand over my head, only now realizing I left my ball cap in Rachel’s living room. “It’s just… I really like this woman. And I might be rushing things a bit.”
“Is she on the same page?”
I lift a shoulder. “It’s possible, but things are complicated. She’s not really in a place in her life where she should be thinking about seeing anyone.”
“What makes you think that?”
I press my lips together and lower my focus to the table in front of me. “That’s not my story to tell.”
“Ah. I see.” She regards me for a moment while sipping her tea. Then she says, “But she seems interested in you, too.”
“If the way she blushes every time I’m around is any indication, then yeah.” And like the sap I am, just thinking about it makes my face heat up.
Ma sighs again. “Listen, baby, we can keep being cryptic if you’re not ready to say more, but if it’s advice you’re looking for, you’re going to need to give me a little more than that.”
“I can’t.” I wish I could, but I can’t say anything now when I don’t even know what’s going on myself. “Let’s just say that she’s different. Getting involved with her isn’t something I take lightly. Which, to be clear, I’m not. Getting involved, that is.” Or am I? We did cross into new territory tonight.
“She must be special if you’re this conflicted and you’re not even seeing her yet.”
“She’s definitely special.” One of the strongest women I’ve ever met. But she’s fragile, too. “But, like I said, things are complicated.”
Ma frowns. “Maybe I’m reading this all wrong, but, Justin, is she with someone else?”
A knot forms in my stomach, and I swallow hard. “Yes and no.”
“Baby,” she sighs, her expression pained. “I can’t tell you that’s okay.”
“I know.”Getting involved with me, or anyone, for that matter, right now isn’t the kind of thing a woman like Rachel would take lightly. No matter that Craig has already moved on.
Ma reaches across the table and covers my hand with hers. “I’m sure there’s more to this story, so I’m not saying it isn’t okay, either. You’re smart, and it’s clear you’ve already been thinking about this. So I’m certain you will make the best decision possible for yourself and for her.”
I hope so. It’s what I’ve been trying to do all along, but the more we talk and text and the more time I spend with her, the harder it becomes to deny the pull between us.
Part of me wants to say fuck it all and jump straight into the fire.
But another part knows that’s just asking for trouble.
I need to give Rachel the space she needs, first and foremost. And when the time is right, if the connection between us is real, then it’ll happen.
If it doesn’t… well, then it doesn’t. I’ll still have helped her through this the best way I know how. And at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.