Chapter 33
EARLIER IN THE EVENING
JINX
There’s nothing like physical labor to keep a man distracted.
At least that’s what I’m telling myself as I unload retaining wall block from my trailer into the Pruitts’ backyard.
It’s more torture than distraction, if I’m being honest. Across the street, Rachel’s house is quiet and dark, and to make things worse, I passed her and Jamie on my way over. She was laughing in the passenger seat, so caught up in their conversation, I don’t think she even noticed me or my truck.
In that instant, I was hit with the urge to throw up, and it hasn’t left me yet.
I thought I was okay with the dating thing. I was sure it was what she needed. But what about me? Is it wrong to want to say fuck it all and make her mine regardless of the circumstances? Because right now, tonight, I don’t give a damn about the risks. If I get hurt, I get hurt. It’s a possibility no matter what I do. So why put myself through hell now? She’s already told me she wants me. Maybe I should believe her.
“You need help out there?” Mr. Pruitt calls from the patio door.
I situate another block on the pile and wipe the back of my hand across my brow. “Nah, I’m good, but thank you.”
The older man dips his chin. “All right. We’re headed into town. We’ll be back in a half hour.”
“Sounds good. I’m almost done here anyway.” Then I’ll have to find something else to do to keep from going crazy. Maybe I’ll go for a run.
A few minutes later, I hear their car back out of the garage out front, and I stand back and survey my progress. I only planned to unload the blocks tonight, but taking my frustration out on my body has made the process go faster than expected. Maybe I should start digging out the embankment, too.
The sound of a truck approaching on the street grabs my attention, and I straighten, listening carefully. It’s only been an hour since I passed Rachel and Jamie on the road, so I doubt it’s them already, even if a selfish part of me hopes it is.
It takes everything in me not to stalk around the house to investigate. That would be some creeper level shit, and I’m already straddling the line by working across the street tonight.
A minute later, I wish I had gone to scope things out. Then I could have stopped Jesse in his tracks. But he’s already halfway across the backyard by the time I notice him.
“Kinda late to be working, isn’t it?” he asks as he strolls over a little too casually, his hands tucked in his pockets.
“Since when do you check up on me?” I turn my back on him and grab a couple blocks from the trailer, then add them to the stack on the ground. “Or are you here to bitch me out some more?”
“I’m here to apologize, asshole,” he grunts out. “So maybe dial back the attitude.”
Apologize? Jesse? I’ll believe it when I hear it. With a huff, I turn for another couple of blocks.
“Can you stop for a minute and at least look at me?” The hint of regret in his tone takes me aback.
“I want to get this done,” I grumble, sloughing off the curiosity building in me. “Could get it done faster if you helped.”
He makes a throaty sound but steps up to the trailer and grabs a couple of blocks. “I heard you talking to Craig the other day in the storage yard.”
My chest pinches, but I don’t stop my movements. “Yeah?”
“You really do care about her.”
I turn to him with a scowl. “Of fucking course I do. I told you that.”
“I know.” He nods, keeping his focus set on me. “And I should have listened to you.”
With a huff, I shake my head. “Why is it always like that with us, man?”
“What do you mean?”
“You question everything I do, and instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, I have to prove myself to you.” Blood heating, I tear off my gloves and toss them onto the trailer. “It’s bullshit, and I’m sick of it.”
A crease forms on his brow. “I didn’t realize—”
“Because you never listened when I tried to tell you.”
“It wasn’t intentional, Jinx. I honestly didn’t know.”
Seriously? He’s a smart guy. How could he have not known?
“To be fair,” he says, “I don’t think I’m that hard on you about everything.” He tips his head. “In fact, sometimes you’re the one who gives me hell. So this isn’t completely one-sided.”
I scoff. “The difference is that when I give you shit, it’s for good reason. You, on the other hand, shoot first and ask questions later.” I run a hand around the back of my neck. “I’m not a kid anymore, man. You can stop assuming everything I do is based on hormones and stupidity. I outgrew that shit a long time ago.”
His jaw tightens. “I know. Now, I mean.”
I regard him for a beat, frustration coursing through my veins. “And overhearing my conversation with Craig did that? I don’t buy it.”
He lifts a shoulder and gives me a contrite smile. “Hayden helped.”
I give a laugh. “You’d be so fucking screwed without her, man.”
“You think I don’t know that?” He shakes his head, then gives a heavy exhale. “But the truth is, I’d be screwed without you, too.”
Damn right he would. As far as the landscaping side of the business goes, anyway.
“Look, man, I’m not really good at this apology shit, but I owe you a big one.” He cups the brim of his cap and rounds it, ducking his head. “I’m sorry that I failed to realize you’d grown up and that you actually turned out to be a pretty decent guy.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because you say it like you’re surprised.”
“Yes, it’s a compliment.” He sighs. “But no, I’m not surprised. We were raised by the same people, and I think they did a pretty damn good job with all of us.”
I can’t argue with that. Ma and Dad long ago mastered the skill of giving us the right mix of unconditional and tough love. I might’ve thought differently as a kid, but these days, I wouldn’t change a thing.
“I’ve been tougher on you than I should have been, probably because you’ve always looked up to me. In a way, I’ve always believed that how you turned out is a reflection of me and the example I set.” He lifts his ball cap and shuffles a hand over his hair. “And I’m only now realizing that I don’t need to do that anymore. You grew up. A long time ago. You’re not looking at everything I do anymore. You’ve become your own person.”
I get it. I figured out his reasoning a long time ago. Even so, it pisses me off that, no matter how many times I tried to call attention to it, he refused to hear me out. If he hadn’t been so damn stubborn, we could have addressed this years ago.
I stuff my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “I’m always going to look up to you, man. No matter how old I get.”
He gives his head a brief shake. “See, that makes me nervous.”
I chuckle. “Why?”
“Because I’ve fucked up plenty. Especially these past few years.”
“If you’re talking about the situation with Hayden and Jett, you didn’t fuck up. You did what you needed to do. I know you wish you two could’ve worked your shit out sooner, but things happen for a reason. It wasn’t your time before.”
Thinking about it like that hits home. It’s like a punch to the gut.
Maybe the timing for Rachel and me is right. Because the only thing that’s been holding me back is fear.
Jesse glances off toward the tree line. “Why is Rachel with Jamie Stroud right now?”
My stomach sinks at the reminder. “How do you know that?”
“I saw them in Copper Crossing before I came here.”
So that’s where they were going.
I scrub a hand over my jaw. “I thought her seeing other people would be good for her, but I’m starting to wonder if it was a bad idea.”
He snorts. “You think? If you want to be with her and she feels the same, then why are you playing around?”
I clench my hands at my sides, then stretch my fingers out again. “Like I said, I thought it was the right thing to do.”
He shakes his head. “Sounds familiar. And it sounds like something you’re gonna regret.”
“I already do.”
“So fix it.”
How do I do that without going back on my word? “I told her I’d be okay with this.”
He nods. “I get it. But do you have any idea how much I regret not trying just one more time with Hayden? If I had, everything would have been different. We wouldn’t have lost four goddamn years, Jinx.”
The pain in his expression and in his voice is palpable. As stubborn as he can be sometimes, he’s always worn his feelings about Hayden on his sleeve.
“Is this pep talk part of your apology?”
He shoots me a sidelong glance. “This is me telling you not to follow my example. If you’re serious about Rachel, stake your claim. Don’t let someone else move in and keep her from you.”
That’s the last thing I want, but what if the way she feels about me now doesn’t last? Will she give months or even years to our relationship, only to realize she was wrong?
“How does she feel about you?” he asks.
Yanking off my hat, I rake a hand through my hair. Then I blow out a breath. “She thinks seeing other people is ridiculous.”
He laughs. “She told you that?”
My chest tightens at the incredulity in his tone. “More or less.”
“So she’s doing this to appease you?”
Jesus. When he says it like that, it makes me sound like an asshole. Makes me feel like one, too.
“You’re not a kid anymore, Jinx. I’m sorry that it took me so long to acknowledge that. But if there’s any part of you that’s holding back with her because of the way I’ve made you feel…” He breaks off, shaking his head. “Stop, man. Stop second-guessing that you’re enough for her. If she says she wants you, believe her. And believe me when I say that I am really fucking proud to call you my brother.”
Holy shit.
Emotion builds in my chest like a damn bomb, threatening to explode right here in the Pruitts’ backyard.
He slings an arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug. “Go get your girl, man. And once you get that shit figured out, we’ll talk about the partnership. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere. But she may be if you don’t set things straight.”
Maybe.
Probably, if she spends any more time with Jamie fucking Stroud.
Fuck. The idea makes my gut twist painfully.
“All right?” He gives me a shake.
“Yeah,” I say hoarsely and then clear my throat. “Thanks for this.”
He grins. “I can be something other than a pain in the ass sometimes.”
I snort. “You’re still a pain in the ass. But a little more tolerable. Like a cramp instead of a hemorrhoid.”
With a laugh, he shoves me away. “Get the hell out of here, man. I’ll finish unloading the block.”
I scan the dozen or so remaining and then the dirt that needs to be dug out.
“I planned to dig out the wall tonight.”
He follows my gaze and sighs. “I guess I’ll do that, too, then.”
I bite back a smirk.
After that ice cream shop incident, damn right he will.