16. SIXTEEN
SIXTEEN
“No, no, no…” Finn’s distraught voice pulls me out of the wonderful beach dream I was having. My body feels extra light, and if it wasn’t for the rustling of whatever the hell he’s doing I’d probably already have fallen back asleep. “Crap…”
“Finn.” My voice is hoarse but not unkind. “What are you doing?”
The black blob that makes up my friend stills in the darkness.
“It’s… I have work. I’m going to be late.
God…” Even without seeing him it’s obvious that he’s two seconds away from ripping his hair out.
“I-I had a really nice time last night, but I shouldn’t…
Ugh… I don’t even have any fresh clothes.
I s-sweat all through this shirt. My boss is gonna think I’m disgusting… !”
“Don’t panic. You can borrow something of mine.” The little switch on my lamp clicks before the room is bathed in a pale yellow. “Sit down, and I’ll go grab you a shirt from my bedroom. You guys have spare shirts there, right?”
Finn sniffles, and only now that the room is lit up do I realize he was crying. “Y-Yeah… Thank you, Duncan.”
“It’s the least I can do after falling asleep on you.” Leaving it at that, I slip into my room. Chalupa is sleeping on the corner of the bed, or at least he was sleeping until the door clicks and he slowly opens his eyes to glare at me. “Yeah, hi to you too.”
Making haste to my closet, I rummage through my stuff until I find the perfect thing: my oversized college sweatshirt. It’s a horrible shade of blue with the emblem of a school I went to for approximately five months before dropping out.
God, I really forgot how pathetic my life has been up until this point. With a frown on my face I snatch the sweatshirt and return back to the living room, only to find Finn sitting with his knees up on the couch and his body slumped across the arm.
Poor guy is so sleepy, and I really hate the fact that I have to wake him up. “Hey,” I gently nudge him, “Finn. You gotta get up.”
He groans so softly, hazel eyes fluttering open to find my face. “S-Sorry… I… I didn’t really sleep that much. I was nervous, with you on top of me…”
“Sorry,” I frown. Am I really that damn selfish? “I got you this sweatshirt. You were worried about what your boss would say, right?”
Nodding, Finn takes it and weakly smiles. “Thank you. I… Now I feel extra bad. I’ll take good care of it, okay?”
“Don’t even worry about it.” I say while standing up straight, stretching my tired limbs. “It usually sits in the back of my closet anyway.”
Without speaking, he shoots off the couch and pulls me into a tight hug. “Thank you, Duncan. Thank you so much! I’m gonna get going now… I-I think I’ll just barely make it.”
I want to tell him to have a good day, but that feels weird for some reason. The words sit on my tongue while he slips on his shoes, waves at me, and then disappears out the front door. It takes a minute, but Chalupa meows his way into the living room once he realizes that he’s gone.
“Hey,” I say as though the cat gives a fuck. It feels so much emptier without him, like a light has been turned off that I can’t reach all on my own. How did I become so dependent on other people to be happy?
Oh crap. Did I ever respond to Haley?
im sorry. ive been busy. I started hanging out more with gas station guy
It’s six in the morning, but she manages to reply almost instantly. That probably—no, definitely—means she’s been worried about me for who knows how long. You can’t be dependent on other people if you push away all your friends, Duncan.
Haley
thats great but thats not an excuse. you really had me worried, dunk.
im sorry. ill try not to do it again.
gonna need a little bit better than a “try”
like im not kidding that was genuinely scary. what would i do without you?
She’d do a lot without me. Have a normal life with her normal friends, and her normal family who care about her. I’m just a blip in her life that serves as a reminder that things could always be worse, because they really could—right?
Of course it’s not her fault things turned out this way, but she’d never understand it in a million years. No one would. But again, it’s not her fault. I can’t be mad at her. That’s stupid.
i promise, haley.
okay. i have to get ready for work now. l love u dunky poo
i love you too lol
And I do. I really do. I wish I wasn’t so prone to negativity all the time.
I'm predisposed to feeling so awful about everything and anything at the drop of a hat. She starts typing, but before her response comes through my phone screen flashes with a picture I sure as hell wasn’t ready to see just yet.
My mom’s happy face. Bright brown eyes sparkling with adoration while I awkwardly stand there in my oversized graduation gown. She’s so proud of me that it’s etched into the wrinkles of her tanned skin. So unlike how she was the last time I saw her, fuck—you'd swear she hated me.
Everything becomes a blur as my stomach lurches forward. The red decline button is so appealing, but if I don’t answer it she might not ever call me again. What does she even want? To apologize? To yell at me some more?
Only one way to find out.