Chapter 17
‘So I’m meant to dig over this entire patch of land with a hand trowel?’ Alyssa asked Teijo, after ten minutes of trying and failing. She didn’t know much about allotments, but following a few hot gardeners on Instagram had told her there had to be better kit. ‘Haven’t we got a proper fork?’
Teijo scratched his head and consulted his notes. He did that a lot.
‘Here, borrow this.’ Devan arrived back at their patch after having skived for half of the morning, under the guise of ‘getting inspiration from other plots’. Alyssa had blatantly seen him lolling about under the apple trees, chatting and drinking tea.
He was carrying an armful of gardening tools and looking particularly pleased with himself.
‘I’m fine, thank you.’ She was far from fine, on her hands and knees in a pair of borrowed overalls, pretending she knew about horticulture. She wasn’t even sure what the word meant. But she wasn’t about to accept help from Devan cocky Shaw.
‘As someone who’s big on “tending to gardens, and things” you’ll know we need to dig this over and prepare the beds for sowing seeds in a month or two?
’ Devan swept his arm across the whole patch of land, which was the length of a good-sized garden.
‘And that you’ll need more than a tiny hand tool? ’
‘Yes, of course I know that.’ He was the only tiny tool around here.
She stood and brushed herself down. At least the overalls Jess had lent her were a nice shade of green and a reasonably flattering fit.
She could not have faced this in ankle swingers.
‘I’m just completing some … ground testing.
It’s intricate work. Not everybody knows about it.
’ She wiped an arm across her forehead in a way that looked like she’d been toiling hard.
She was blagging, of course. But it was better than being a tea-swigging shirker.
‘And what do your ground tests conclude?’ Devan asked, sagely.
‘That it’s about time you pulled your weight.’ She snatched the only garden fork from him and swapped it for her hand trowel. There. That wasn’t accepting help. It was simple fair trading.
When Alyssa got into the swing of digging over, she was surprised at how time flew.
She’d only meant to stick around to pose for photos and pretend she’d given gardening a go.
In fact, she’d only checked her phone a few times, having given up when her hands got muddy.
Devan had borrowed another fork and was digging from the other end of the plot.
Although at some point, they’d surely have to meet in the middle – and she wasn’t sure how she’d navigate that part.
‘You’ll need to cover that with a thick layer of compost,’ said Horace from the plot next door. ‘Have you got some?’
Alyssa looked to Teijo, who was sitting on a deckchair, scribbling notes. He checked another list. ‘We have some.’
‘We’ve got spare, if you run out,’ her mother called over. She was the ultimate nosy neighbour. Alyssa wasn’t even sure what she’d been doing all morning, other than smooching Alyssa’s father, posing for Teijo’s social media promo photos and eating cake.
‘We’ll be fine,’ Alyssa replied firmly. She knew she would have to woman up and face this predicament with her parents at some point, but she had quite enough on right then.
‘Do you have wheelbarrows?’
Teijo jumped up from his lounging spot. ‘Erm, I did order one. Though I think there’s something wrong with the wheel.’
Devan offered to take a look, but Alyssa scowled him down.
She marched to the shed and began shovelling compost into the wheelbarrow, unsure what she was doing but determined to style it out. The effort was making her out of breath, but somehow, the mud-slinging was satisfying.
From the corner of her eye, she could spy Devan leaning on his fork, watching her.
He was probably waiting for her to cock something up so he could rush in and save the day.
Well, he could bugger off. When the wheelbarrow looked full, she moved to lift it, bending sensibly at the knees like any good gardener would probably do, and took a deep breath.
She had to get this right, because she could not go looking weedy-armed in front of Devan and his monster pecs.
‘Heave,’ she whispered to herself. ‘Huh … ohhhh!’
Who knew she had such a strong right arm? The barrow tipped to one side, spilling half of her load and sending her cheeks a hot shade of mortified.
‘Yes, well that was what I meant to do,’ she said through a fixed smile, grabbing at the mess with her thankfully gloved hands and scooping it back into the barrow. ‘Aeration. You know. Getting air into the soil.’ That was a thing, wasn’t it?
Teijo hadn’t been joking about the dodgy wheel. When she got herself going again, it squealed and wobbled, coming to another juddering halt and spilling yet more compost.
‘She’s just aerating,’ she heard Devan shout to her mother, using actual air quotes as he said it.
Earthworm.
‘Here, duck. I’ve got a spare wheelbarrow,’ said Horace.
He’d kindly offered them tea earlier and seemed like exactly the sort of man you’d want to adopt as a granddad. Not that she was one for getting too attached to people.
‘No, it’s fine, I …’
‘It’s OK to accept a bit of help,’ Horace said, discreetly. ‘I can tell you’re one of those independent sorts, like Beyoncé sings about. But life’s hard enough. When someone offers you a hand, grab on to it and don’t sink.’
And though she had no idea who he was, beyond an old guy in a floral print twill jacket and bumblebee wellies, his words touched her.
Then somehow, she was welling up. She blinked a few times.
No. It had been a long morning – that was all.
Trying to prove she was a brave-arsed coach who could deal with this love app’s horseplay felt like a lot.
Especially with half of social media gawping.
Horace winked at her, the skin around his eyes crinkling, and she decided to follow him.
She wasn’t going to make a habit of accepting favours, but perhaps this town wasn’t as bad as she’d remembered.
Jess had said people meant well. Perhaps that was a thing.
‘Do you think ’Appy Together is bringing more love to Hartglove?’ Teijo asked her, during a quiet moment.
‘It’s bringing more heart-shaped bunting,’ she replied with a wry smile, pointing at the white picket fences.
And when he asked her if she was falling for her BUM, she simply laughed.
The next couple of hours floated by, with Alyssa wheeling backwards and forwards with compost, and taking out her troubles with a rusty old fork.
In fact, as long as she stayed at least five metres away from Devan or her parents, she might even describe allotment life as relaxing, and a surprisingly nice change from fiddling with her phone.
Perhaps Devan’s app should focus on matchmaking people with new hobbies and leave the relationship fixing to her.
Alyssa was curious about a nearby plot of scruffy land, complete with a shed that had been painted with the words Tea and Sympathy.
Outside it were two large purple wingback chairs that looked suspiciously like something from the Big Brother diary room.
She hadn’t yet worked out who presided over it, other than there were rumours of upside-down apple cake on a good day – because apparently this town could still grow and store enough apples to bowl Aphrodite over, even if they couldn’t harvest a decent love story.
As for the chairs, she’d decided to keep a safe distance.
Nobody had bugged her too much about whether she’d once been Beryl today, and that was the way she liked it.
‘I’m just going to collect lunch,’ said Teijo, interrupting her thoughts. Now she stopped to notice, her stomach was rumbling again. ‘I’ve ordered greasy, doorstop bacon sandwiches. I’ll bring plenty of ketchup, hot coffee …’
Heaven. She could taste the salty sweetness already.
‘Not for you, of course,’ Teijo clarified. ‘What with you being extremely nutrition-conscious. I’ve ordered your favourite. Quinoa with mung beans, and a pea and pineapple smoothie.’ He beamed at her.
Pea and pineapple? Did that even go, unless gammon was involved? The thought of it made her belly clench. Though she’d definitely posted about quinoa salads at least five times on Instagram.
She held in her sigh and smiled her thanks, briefly considering the thought of posting the odd photo of food she actually liked, before swiftly dismissing it.
‘You’re so healthy and inspiring. I’m proud of you,’ her mother whispered, having barged over at the mention of food.
Alyssa blinked and looked away, because there it was.
Her mother had only ever been proud of the version of her that didn’t exist. Neither of her parents had ever thought Beryl was worth spending time with – well, not as much as their extramarital shag partners.
At least as Alyssa she was vaguely respected, even if she didn’t always believe in the good vibes she advocated.
‘Swap you,’ said Devan, coming to sit next to her on a bench, when the food had arrived.
His bacon sandwich was still wrapped in its paper bag and the smell that wafted from it was divine. She could feel the heat from it, and from him too, as he adjusted himself like his gym thighs needed more room.
Teijo had disappeared somewhere and most of the locals had little interest in what she ate. And she could almost taste that sandwich in her mouth. The softness of the bread, the ooze of the tomato sauce …
She bum-shuffled away. ‘No thank you. This quinoa is …’
‘Dreadful?’ Devan leaned over to eye it. ‘As dry as a bag of old toenail clippings?’
‘Ew.’ Now he’d really put her off. She would definitely have got into it if it wasn’t for that. Well, probably.
‘Your Instagram food pics are just for show, right? Nobody actually enjoys eating cucumber couscous sprinkled with galangal root.’
Galangal …? She narrowed her eyes. Well, that was ridiculously specific. Had he been memorising her Instagram posts?
She was sure she could see his cheeks reddening. He had been paying extra attention to her words. Ha! And as for making his perfectly chiselled cheeks turn crimson. Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut and took a big spoonful of her quinoa, making an mmm sound that could have won her a BAFTA.
‘All right, Meg Ryan.’ He gave her a curious look and shifted away a little.
Then he opened his bag, took out one half of the sandwich and wrapped the other half up again.
‘I’m just going to leave this here,’ he said quietly, standing and placing the bag next to her.
‘If you feel like indulging, be my guest. I’ll never know.
’ He winked at her. ‘And if you want to fling it in the bin.’ He gave a nonchalant shrug. ‘Your business.’
What was his game? Was he about to hide behind a gooseberry bush and take photos of her pigging out on a pig sarnie, with grease dripping down her chin?
He held up his hands as though he could sense her train of thought. ‘No tricks – I can just hear your stomach rumbling. They don’t call me Good Old Devan for nothing.’
Did she sense a tinge of resentment when he said the last bit? If she did, it was quickly replaced with his trademark grin.
He turned and began to walk away.
‘Thank you,’ she heard herself mumble, before she could think better of it. ‘Not that I’ll need it, or anything. I’ll just … feed the birds a few crumbs.’
‘Of course.’
‘And Devan?’
He stopped and turned to look at her, his eyes strangely hopeful.
‘I hope you’re not keeping your old toenail clippings in bags. That’s kind of gross. Surely your wife has taught you better?’
His forehead creased, but he didn’t have time to answer. Cole came over to let him know there was no rush to return the overalls, leaving Alyssa to ponder the sandwich situation and to feel not at all disappointed that Devan wouldn’t have another excuse to strip.
With a quick sweep, she scooped the brown bag into her handbag, because it wasn’t good to be wasteful or to litter public benches. She wasn’t going to openly accept favours from Devan. But if she did find herself feeling absolutely starving …
‘You coming to The Rat and Raspberry, love?’ her dad asked, when she’d finished stashing her swag.
‘We still need to catch up properly,’ her mum whispered, putting her arm around her husband’s waist and pinching him on the bottom.
Urgh. Alyssa tried not to pull a face.
‘No thanks.’
If she was honest, a small part of her had enjoyed having people around and remembering how it felt when the town pulled together – but she wasn’t ready to embrace everything. These two were a step too far.
‘You sure?’ asked Devan. ‘I didn’t get much chance to catch up with you either.’
Oh, she was sure. She’d seen far too much of him today.
‘We could talk about that exclusive for the media?’ Teijo suggested, as he joined the circle. ‘I keep hearing the odd whisper from residents that you have history around here. Is it true? And why did you leave?’
‘Busy night!’ said Alyssa, pulling out her trusty phone and waving it. ‘Social media jobs, plus a whole list of online house shopping.’
The Cow Shed was still quite empty, even though Jess from the shop kept trying to offer her everything from beaded fly curtains to front garden gnomes.
‘We can lend you …’
Alyssa cut her dad off. ‘I’m all good!’
And that was exactly why she should get herself back to the barn. She could do without other people’s interfering or her parents’ cast-offs.
She had half a cold bacon butty with her name on it, and plenty of Instagram friends to catch up with. She would be just fine.
Private message from @agent_rufusdiamond to @alyssaheart_thelove coach:
@agent_rufusdiamond – Sorry I couldn’t make it to your latest love task. Was getting my eyebrows done. I can highly recommend ‘barbed wire’ as a facial hair look.