Chapter 10
My hand rests over my heart as I walk into Sip Savor, Donovan trailing behind me. There are high-top tables spread throughout the shop with violet-colored cloths that drape to the floor. Very fitting. Lillies stand in crystal vases that scatter throughout the shop. Pictures of my gran in dainty gold frames hang on the walls, her smile adding a warmth to every corner of this place.
The space is large, enough to fit at least fifty people. In high school, mornings here would buzz with teenagers drinking coffee before class, hurriedly copying each other’s homework. I’d watch Donovan and his soccer teammates laughing down Main from my study table by the window. Sometimes they’d be accompanied by a bunch of girls—that made my insides twist with jealousy. He always had this town in the palm of his hand. The Prince of The Valley, Oakwood’s very own hometown hero.
And now he stands behind me. Not in my dreams, but in real life. It’s beautiful what they did. What he did. It’s beautiful how this town came together to celebrate my gran.
I turn to face him and smile softly. “It’s beautiful. She would’ve loved this. You did all of this?” I spin around and take in the atmosphere.
“Yeah. I mean me, my brothers, and Josie.”
Donovan bites back a smile, but a dimpled grin slips, and I turn away quickly before he can see the burn on my cheeks.
I see Wyatt and Kerry sitting at the bar, their eyes darting back and forth between Donovan and I, smirking. Wow, they’ve really grown up. They all have the same olive skin and chocolate brown hair, but slightly different builds.
I approach them and they both stand up to greet me. “Wow, Wyatt and Kerry King. You boys are no longer boys, huh?”
They smile and Kerry lifts me up in a hug, catching me by surprise. I catch Donovan scowling in my peripheral.
“Audrey! Welcome home. I hope you love the picture of Violet. I’m sorry for your loss,” Kerry says with a soft smile. He’s always been so sweet, even as a kid. It’s easy to feel at ease around him. He slowly puts me down as I pat his chest.
“Thank you, Kerry. The picture is beautiful. You’re so talented, truly,” I beam. His chest puffs with pride in response. He gazes over to Donovan, whose scowl has disappeared, replaced by the kind eyes of a proud big brother.
“Audrey, hey. I’m also sorry for your loss,” Wyatt says quietly, giving me a sympathetic look and a gentle touch on the elbow—not as affectionate as Kerry, but still appreciated.
“Thanks, Wyatt. And thank you guys so much for all of this,” my hands lift, gesturing to the whole shop. “It’s amazing.”
Donovan steps in and waves his brothers off. I’m assuming it’s sibling telepathy for “fuck off now.”
“Kerry put disposable cameras out for the guests. We’ll get the photos developed before you leave so you can always keep a piece of home with you.”
I can’t hide my smile. It’s all so thoughtful—it almost feels like my life isn’t a giant mess right now. “That’s a great idea. God, thank you so much. Kerry is the sweetest.”
Donovan fakes a pain in his chest. “No, no, no, you got it all wrong. I’m the sweet one, remember?”
A flash of my eighteen-year-old self, crying on the front porch steps, appears behind my eyes. A naive girl, waiting for an empty promise. I tear my gaze from Donovan before he can see the emotions stirring in me and see Josie on the stage, setting up a mic stand.
“I’m gonna say hi to Josie. If you’ll excuse me.”
I brush past him, our shoulders grazing. I can’t deny the electricity between us every time we touch, but no. He’s not the sweet one.
I keep reminding myself of the way he used me, the way he changed everything in one selfish evening. So why the hell is it so hard to stay mad at him? I’m stuck between my head and my heart. My head is screaming, “stay away,” but my heart…Donovan King did always know the way to my heart. But I’m not ready to forgive him yet. Not until I give him a piece of my mind. Tonight, it’s about Gran.
Josie and I mingle as people flood in the door. So many people are here—many I recognize, like my high school principal, Mr. Frommling, and Mrs. Dickson from the diner. I’ve never hugged more people in the span of ten minutes. Jackson pours wine tasting flights at the bar while Donovan and his brothers set them up on tables. Pop and Frank walk in and everyone claps, a gesture that melts my heart. Pop just smiles and waves as Frank’s arm wraps around him, showing him off like a prized bass.
I excuse myself from Josie and walk straight into Pop’s warm embrace. Why did I ever want to leave? Twenty-four hours here and my heart feels like it’s slowly piecing itself back together, even if Donovan makes me crazy. Apparently, I’ve got a thing for crazy.
Pop kisses the top of my head and slings his arm around my shoulder, turning us to face everyone in the room.
“Thank you all for joining us this evening to celebrate the most wonderful person I’ve…we’ve,” he looks down at me. “—ever known. Violet Winthrop was a force of nature and a gentle soul.” Pop’s eyes shift down towards Kerry’s picture of Gran, a tear streaming down his face. “She was the love of my life, and I am so proud to share this wine with you all tonight. And to make the night even better, my beautiful granddaughter is finally home.” I wipe the tears with my sleeve and kiss his cheek, his arm squeezing me tighter as everyone claps and cheers.
The night is lively and people are definitely getting tipsy—myself included. Every table has a variety flight with three of Gran’s favorite reds and whites. I’m two flights deep, avoiding Donovan like the plague. My goal with every glass of wine I consume tonight is to keep me away from that beautiful man who has my heart in a chokehold. My jaw ticks every time I see a new woman flirting and laughing with him, caressing his arm.
Hello, jealousy. Nice to meet you.
He’s friendly and smiles back, but he always excuses himself and leaves them hanging. He stares at me, his sexy, strong arms crossed over his chest while he leans against the bar.
Now whose eye fucking who?
I look away, because if I stare any longer, I will combust on the spot. He got me all worked up when he caught me staring in the parking lot with his shirt off. Yeah, I eye fucked the shit out of him. And by the looks of that ridiculous muscle-flexing routine of his, he knows it too. He doesn’t even need to try hard. It’s annoying how hot he is. I haven’t felt this turned on in a very long time.
I do my best to move throughout the room and catch up with everyone. High school classmates who have moved back home and started their own families give me their condolences. They ask how my life is in New York and I’m curt at best. “It’s great.” “I’m so busy all the time.” “I love the city.” If they only knew the truth.
“It’s awful.” “I’m going nowhere career wise.” “My boyfriend hurts me.”
I feel a tap on my shoulder and spin around to face Donovan’s parents.
“Audrey, honey, welcome back,” Grace beams at me. “You’re just as beautiful as ever.” She pulls me in for a deep hug. It takes a second for my arms to reciprocate. I can’t tell if it’s because of the wine or because when she hugs me, it’s a comfort I’ve been craving my entire life. A mother’s warm embrace. She has the same chocolate brown hair as Donovan and the same beautiful ocean-blue eyes. I’ve always known her to be incredibly kind, gorgeous, and charming.
Just like Donovan.
“Thank you. It’s nice to be back.”
I look over her shoulder. Caleb looks uncomfortable. He wasn’t exactly warm and fuzzy the last time I remember. His hand extends my way. “I’m sorry for your loss, Audrey. Violet was an amazing woman.” I shake his hand awkwardly.
Okay, not super cold, but not the warmest. I’ll take it.
“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. King. Thanks for taking care of my Pop.”
Caleb’s eyes break from mine, but Grace keeps her sympathetic gaze toward me and gives me another hug before walking away.
After playing a few songs, Josie slides up to the mic for an announcement. “Okay, ladies and gents. We have a special guest coming to the stage to perform for you all.”
My eyes get wide, looking around to see who this special guest is. Everyone else is doing the same.
“Oakwood Valley folks, please welcome Donovan King to the stage!”
My mouth drops to the floor. He strides past me, his hand grazing the small of my back as he confidently struts on stage. Josie passes him a guitar, and he slings it over his shoulder and sits on the stool next to her. Kerry and Wyatt make whistle noises at him. Jesus, he is so gorgeous. I sip the rest of the wine in my glass and motion Jackson for another. He juts his chin toward me as his eyes say, “I got you, girl.”
Good man.
“Uh, good evening, everyone. Josie here has been giving me lessons for the past year. I want to dedicate this song to Violet and Noah.”
I sit on a barstool and see my pop across the room at a table with Caleb and Grace. Pop’s eyes glimmer as soon as Donovan strums the first note. Josie follows, strumming alongside Donovan.
I know this song. I know this melody. I look down at my feet, trying to remember where I know it from. My chest squeezes the moment I realize. I look up and Donovan is staring straight into my eyes. Make It With You. The song we danced to the night at his graduation party. The night that changed my life.
It’s too many emotions at once. It’s anger, it’s heartbreak, it’s overwhelming happiness. My eyes fixate on him as he stares intently at his guitar strings. The moment he looks up, he finds me. His lips subtly curl at the corners as his eyes fill with longing. Before I can look away to catch my breath, he sings. My hands grip the edge of the bar, turning my fingers white. It takes everything in me not to faint.
He isn’t singing to everyone. He is singing to me.
The center of his night.
My eyes well with conflicting emotion as he strums his guitar, searing his deep blue gaze into my broken heart. I’m glued to the bar stool as his voice holds me against my will, pinning me down in this torturous moment. The words that escape his lips talk about making it work with someone and going the distance. A chance we never got.
The overwhelming sense of loss crashes through me as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying everything in my power to forget the pain that courses violently through my veins. My head spins, dizzying me into a dark shadow of my mind where Donovan left me. He abandoned me. He hurt me and broke my heart in half. I can’t recover fast enough as I feel myself slipping, my breaths becoming erratic. I can’t keep looking at what could’ve been. His voice taunts me with every beautiful word that leaves him. I can’t sit through this anymore.
I need to get the hell out of here.
I chug the rest of my wine and rush out toward the back door, stumbling into a couple of shoulders as I frantically shove my way toward the exit.
The moon shines bright above me. Cool air hits my face as I wipe my tears away. I lean my back against the wall with my hands on my knees.
Take a deep breath, count backward from five.
Heavy sobs assault my throat. I couldn’t stop it if I tried. I sit on the pavement with my head between my knees, grieving for so many things. My gran, Donovan, my whole fucking life. I think about Kellan and how terrified I am of going back to New York. But I have to go back. I can’t stay here. The hole I’ve dug myself is too deep.
Oakwood Valley is a fantasy that is too far out of my reach. I don’t belong here anymore.
I hear muted clapping and cheers, when suddenly the back door swings open and Donovan is there. He hesitates by the door, observing my mascara-streaked face with sad eyes. I gaze down between my legs, letting silent tears fall. I hear his footsteps softly as he slowly walks towards me, stopping when the front of his boots touch mine. He bends down in front of me and reaches for my face, gently lifting my chin with his finger.
“Mouse,” he whispers.
I silently nod and cry harder. His hands tuck under my arms and he lifts me to my feet, pulling me into an embrace. Heaven. I let my sobs soak his shirt, and we hold on to each other like if we let go, we’d fall through the earth and never come back. He kisses my hair and squeezes me tighter, his hands rubbing along my spine. He cups my face between his large hands, wiping my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
“Was I really that shitty of a singer?”
And for the first time in years, I let out the loudest belly laugh. I mean, really loud and not at all cute. There’s nothing I can do to control the fit of laughter taking over my body. This laugh is coming straight from my soul, and damn, it feels so fucking good.
Donovan holds me up as we both lose ourselves in a frenzy of uncontrollable hysterics. I throw my head back, but no sound leaves me. When I look through teary eyes, Donovan doubles over as he clutches his stomach, silently crying. We collapse to the ground, holding onto each other as if it’s second nature.
When we finally catch our breath, he pulls me into his lap as he leans back against the wall. I turn to straddle him, taking him by surprise. His hands rest on the small of my back while his thumbs stroke up and down. I love being touched by him.
“I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard in my life,” I breathe, smiling at him as my fingers lace around his neck.
He softens his gaze with the most knee-buckling smirk on his lips. “I think I remember a time where you did.” I bite my lip in response, a crimson blush appearing on my cheeks.
“If I died this second, and that was the last thing I heard before I go, I’d die a happy man.” He presses his forehead to mine. We sit as if in meditation, breathing each other in, holding on to this version of reality. It feels so natural with Donovan. The fire between us clearly has never gone out, and right now, I don’t care that what I’m doing is wrong.
“I’m a little drunk,” I hiccup and let out a giggle. He laughs and strokes my hair. “And you made me cry,” I whisper. His face turns sad, and he searches my eyes for answers. “Your song…our song. You did that on purpose,” I say quietly, lightly scratching his nape with my fingernails.
“Audrey, I was trying to express to you how sorry I am. How fucking sorry I am for everything. I…I just—” I put my finger to his lips.
“No, not now. I’m too drunk for this. And you are too sexy right now for me to have this conversation.” My head spins as I stare at his delicious lips.
“You still find me sexy, Mouse?” His voice is low. His hands lightly scratch the outside of my arms, giving me goosebumps. I lean my head back and moan before I can stop myself.
“Donovan…” I whimper. I feel his hard cock through his jeans as I straddle him. My hips grind slowly along his length, and his hands go down to my ass, helping me along. “More,” I growl, not giving a fuck about anything else but him. Us. Right now.
He lifts me up in one swift movement, his strong arms whisking me into position, legs wrapped around his torso. He’s running through the parking lot, and I throw my head back, laughing into the night. This feels familiar.
He unlocks the tailgate with one swipe of his hand and sets me down on the edge. His arms clamp down on either side of me, caging me in. My hands snake up the back of his shirt, needing to feel his skin beneath my touch.
“Audrey, you’re playing a very dangerous game,” he growls. I smirk and wrap my legs tight around him, using my heels to drag his bulge straight into my heat.
“Last I remember, you liked games. Don’t you?” I buck my hips into him, feeling how hard he is for me.
“God damn,” he groans. My hands find their way along his chiseled abs, feeling the V-cut that leads down past the waist of his jeans.
“I knew you were in there somewhere, Mouse. Tell me, what do you want?”
His voice is raspy and full of desire. His lips are inches away and I can smell his masculine cologne mixed with red wine and musk. I’ve never wanted him more than I do right now. “Kiss me. Now,” I demand, my hands coming out from under his shirt and grabbing his collar.
“Fuck it,” he growls out. His lips crash into mine and the years of heartache, loss, and anger quickly melt away. His tongue swipes my bottom lip, and I open my mouth to invite him in. He tastes so good. I dreamed of kissing him every night, what it would be like to drink him in again.
His hands cup my face and he grinds his cock into me. I let out a moan while he groans into my mouth, devouring me and kissing away the pain between us.
I rake my fingers through his thick locks, something I’ve done over and over in my dreams. His hands move down to my breasts, squeezing them with need as our bodies move against one another. We fall into a rhythm, as if we memorized each other’s bodies after all this time.
After what feels like hours, he breaks the kiss and I whimper, not wanting him to stop. His forehead presses against mine as he works to catch his breath.
“Audrey, I’ve been dreaming about this kiss every day for the last ten years. I dreamed of the day when I could taste you again, feel your body against mine.”
I bring him closer to me and nip his bottom lip, my hand dragging down to his zipper. He grabs my wrist and stops me. Hurt flashes across my eyes.
“What are you doing? Why are you stopping? Don’t you want me?” I whimper, slightly offended.
There’s pain in his eyes and he lets out a groan, taking a half step back to put some space between us. Well, fuck that, I don’t want space. I take my heels and drag him into me again, making him laugh. I smile at his beautiful face and those irresistible dimples.
“I’ve never wanted you more. You’re so fucking beautiful. I missed these lips so much.” His thumb swipes my bottom lip, and he tips my chin up to meet his gaze. “Tonight, we will have this kiss. You’re drunk, and I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Oh, now he wants to be a gentleman? Take the high road?
Fuck that. I’m pissed now.
“Donovan, I’m begging you to fuck me and now you’re trying to be the good guy and not take advantage of me?” I say the last part sarcastically with air quotes. Rage floods my senses. I let the word vomit flow before I can stop myself. “You know, you fucked me before and got what you wanted. At least this time, if you never speak to me again, I won’t be so fucked up about it. I expect it,” I seethe. I know it’s mean, but I’m mad and drunk and Donovan King won’t give me an orgasm.
“Audrey, you’re angry with me and I deserve that. But please, let me take you home where you can sleep it off. I’ll explain everything tomorrow, if you’ll let me?”
I scoff and push him off of me, sliding off the tailgate of his truck.
“I don’t believe a word you say, Donovan. You’re a liar and a fake. You missed your chance to get in my pants and that’s the last opportunity you’ll ever get.” I’m walking in a not-so-straight line back toward the coffee shop when he grabs my wrist, gentle but firm.
“Mouse—”
I grunt in frustration and push him in the chest.
“Ugh! Don’t fucking call me that anymore! You hurt me, Donovan. You took away my virginity, and you fucking left me there thinking that night meant something more to you!” He opens his mouth to say something, but I hold my hand up to his face. “No! I’m talking. You used me and then never spoke to me again. I waited for you and you didn’t even have the decency to call or text or, god forbid, break it off in person! You told me you wanted me. You wanted the summer together. You said all of those things. And you FUCKED up!” I’m yelling and crying, letting the wine fill me with liquid courage as I empty the anger I’ve had towards him for the last decade.
“What was it, Donovan? Huh? Was I just one of your trophies to brag to your friends? Did someone dare you to fuck me? Did you lie about your virginity too?” My thoughts are like a fast-moving train, obliterating anything in the way, no brakes.
I can see him grind his molars as his jaw flexes. His eyes shimmer under the reflection of the streetlight above us.
“It wasn’t just a quick high school fuck for me, Donovan. That night changed my life. You took my innocence. And you were too much of a pussy to man the fuck up and tell me the truth.”
He just stands there, hands on his hips, taking every word I spit at him like a knife to the heart.
“So, no. You will not get the opportunity to explain because you’re ten years too fucking late. I’m done, Donovan. Stay away from me, I mean it.” I stand there, crying, trying to catch my breath after unleashing this swirling whirlwind of rage I’ve kept locked inside me for too long.
His silence is so loud. I thought I’d feel relieved, but I feel worse than before. When his eyes lock onto mine, a single tear falls down his cheek, shattering my heart into tiny fragments all over the parking lot. He trudges to his truck, the gravel crunching under his boots, ignites the engine and pulls away.
I’m nothing but a reflection in his rearview mirror, crumbling to the ground as sobs rack my entire body.