13. Storm
We arrived at Frank’s house after a very hard time leaving the BnB. I can’t keep my hands off her. She’s sexy especially when she doesn’t try. Although, truthfully, the reason it took us so long to get here is because I couldn’t get the thought of someone telling them they loved her out of my head.
Okay, whatever, they’re friends, but I don’t tell my friends I love them. Fuck, I don’t even say it to my brothers. I’m not a jealous guy, but I need to know I can trust that this dude isn’t going to get in our way. When Auden is my girl, no one will be allowed to touch her but me. She’ll be mine and I’ll be hers.
For now, I have to deal with the jealousy swimming through my veins. She has a past that doesn’t include me. Just like I have a colorful one that doesn’t include her. But I’ve never cared enough about anyone like I do with this angel I met a couple of days ago. Soon enough, my past will evaporate and the void will fill with memories of that gorgeous face.
Auden lets me drive her to Frank’s, our excuse is I saw her walking and offered her a lift. Of course, it bothers me that I have to hide this thing we’re testing out, but I’m blessed with happiness that she let me be with her. I held her hand on the drive, too—even though she retracted it four times—it felt right. Why does everything feel so right with her?
I wasn’t lying when I told her she saved me. I’m not proud to be known as the town’s whore. I’m not a whore. I’ve been with ten women including her. I also wasn’t lying about that. That doesn’t seem like a lot. There are men out there with ten times that amount. But that’s not what made Auden save my life. Many of the women I’ve been with have used me to prove a point that I would screw anyone. I was used like a piece of meat. And that made me realize that this is probably how all the women I’ve been with feel. Like a piece of meat I use to numb my pain. The longer that weighs on me the more I despise myself. I hate that feeling. I hate how people talk about me. How they view me.
The night I met Auden was supposed to be my last night on this earth. I was going to end my life for far more hurtful things than the women I fucked. But seeing Auden walk into the bar, wet, and shivering; those blue eyes met mine and I knew I couldn’t go through with it.
She needs me like I need her. That’s why I call her my angel. She saved me from doing something stupid. Something that would hurt my family. She saved me.
I kill the engine and smile at Auden as she opens the passenger door. “Thanks for the ride, babe.” She laughs when she steps into the sunlight; her hair shining like a halo. She’s my dream, my fucking reason to get better.
I take a cigarette and light it, exhaling the smoke as she tilts her head to the side, waiting for me to get out. “I haven’t had a smoke in almost twelve hours, leave me alone.”
I kick open the door and squint; the bright sun harrassing.
“Uncle Storm!” Heath calls, running across the lawn and jumping into my arms. I toss my cigarette before he gets to me and I blow the smoke in the other direction. The longest I’ve gone without smoking has been because of her. I desperately needed this one.
“Morning, big guy,” I say, walking with him toward the front of the house. Auden winks at me over her shoulder and walks ahead of us, eager to see Frank again and learn more about where she came from.
My heart dances wildly in my chest as I watch her walk away. I’m infatuated with this redhead who has the most gorgeous smile that pops out her dimple, and eyes as blue as the damn sky.
“That pretty girl is here again,” Heath whispers.
I stick my tongue out. “I know. Isn’t it exciting?”
“Wanna hear something cool?” Heath asks, wiggling out of my arms.
“Tell me,” I say, following him through the house.
“I had a dream I was a dragon with gigantic teeth and three horns and a tail that has seven spiky things and fire breath,” he says, eyes wide and full of imagination.
“A dragon, huh?” I nod, chuckling. “I betcha you didn’t have wings.”
“I had four wings! They made me fly all over the world,” he explains. I chuckle again. “I wish you coulda seen me, Uncle Storm. I was unstoppable.”
“I’m sure you were, bud.”
“Guess what else?” He takes my hand and bobs in place. “My eyes made things freeze. Instead of breathing fire, my eyes breathed ice. It was so cool.”
I laugh, walking into the kitchen. Auden is with Stevie and helping her make waffles. My angel is dancing to Prince’s “Kiss” and it’s the most beautiful thing seeing her in this light. She’s radiant today. I never have to remind myself of that. Her hair is in waves, twisted into this high ponytail that makes her hair look so much longer than it is. And the dress she has on, fuck! It’s tight to her body, looking like a guy’s short-sleeved dress shirt.
“I bet you your dragon’s wings wouldn’t be able to fly through rain,” I say to Heath as he sits at the table next to Lloyd and gasps. I love teasing him about his stories.
Heath frowns, waving his arms at his sides. “My wings were so gigantic they would blow the rain away.”
“He talking about his dragon dream again?” Lloyd asks, his focus still on his phone.
“Yeah.” I laugh. “I thought I was the first person you told.”
“You’re not the first person but you’re my favorite person,” Heath says, taking an apple from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.
He makes my heart flutter. “Aww, thanks, bud.”
Auden looks over her shoulder at me, we lock eyes for a second before she pours more batter into the waffle maker. How did she change everything about me with nothing more than a shivering look on a stormy night?
Heath drops the apple on the table and runs off. I swear this kid has ants in his pants. He’s just like Rick when we were kids. I sometimes wonder if Heath’s got ADD or something, he’s always eager to learn and experience new things. Shit, he can never sit still. But I think we’re all like that. Even now, I can barely sit in this chair. I have this urge to do something with my hands. One of the reasons I took the bartender gig was because I knew the job wouldn’t be boring.
“Can I ask you something?” Lloyd looks up and shrugs a shoulder, lowering his voice. “Girl related.”
I nod, taking Heath’s half-eaten apple and finishing it. “Shoot.”
“So, I really like Ashley, Dee’s sister, but I don’t know how to ask her out without her rejecting me,” Lloyd says, looking at me with a desperate stare as if I have all the answers to women.
I lift a shoulder. “Just straight up ask her.”
“Bring her flowers,” Auden interjects, taking a grape and eating it.
Lloyd raises his eyebrows in confusion. “You think flowers are a good idea?”
“The best,” I reply, looking at Auden. I should buy her flowers. I’ll buy her the whole fucking flower shop.
Her phone rings and she wipes her fingers on a dish towel to look at who it is. With a clearing of her throat, she excuses herself and steps into the hallway to answer it. Is it Sean? I want to follow her. I have to follow her. I’m aching to kiss those lips again and remind her how good we are together.
“Flowers it is.” Lloyd claps his hands. “Think she’ll agree to the movies on Friday?”
“Give her a bouquet of flowers, and she’ll agree to it,” I tell him, rising from the table.
Lloyd wipes his brow as he stares at his phone. “Want to double date? In case I get too nervous or she ditches me.”
“I’m not dating anyone,” I say apologetically.
Maddison rolls her eyes. “I’m sure you can call someone to be your date.”
“Ask Auden and Heath to join you,” Stevie suggests, a little hesitation on Auden’s name in her tone. “She’ll love the drive-in.”
Maddison laughs. “She’s too smart to fall for him.”
“Fuck off,” I scoff and ready to leave the kitchen, but stop and turn back. “Wednesday is my night with Heath. If Auden wants to join, she’s more than welcome to.” I glare at Maddison. “I’m not a fucking asshole, y’know. I can be friends with a girl without sleeping with her.”
She snorts, nudging Lloyd’s shoulder to help her take out the plates.
I don’t need my sister-in-law’s negativity right now. I want to be a man that Auden could fall in love with. And if she doesn’t, I want to better myself so she can one day. I want to be everything I can for my angel.
Auden is pacing the hallway, nodding and mhm-ing with whoever is on the phone. She looks aggravated and worried and stressed. I don’t like this look on her. I want to take it away and keep all her burdens on my shoulders.
“No, no. It’s okay. Thank you. Yes, whatever you need on it, it’s yours…oh, thank you. That’s very kind…okay, yes. That’s fine, thanks…yes, bye,” she says and hangs up the phone. She groans softly, placing her hand on her shoulder, and drops her head back with her eyes closed.
“Hey,” I say, startling her.
She jumps, opening her eyes. “Oh, hi,” she says, forcing a smile on her face. She hides all the worry, but I see it in those baby blues.
I take her hand to pull her closer to me. “Everything good?”
“Don’t worry about it,” she says, taking a breath.
I kiss her knuckles. “You can tell me.”
“It’s just the car, it’s fine.” She arches an eyebrow and I grab her face, chuckling as I lean in to kiss her. “What’re you doing?”
“No one’s here. Just a quick kiss.”
She tastes like cinnamon and grapes. My two new favorite combinations.
The quick kiss turns into a small make-out session. She’s so fucking good at kissing, the best I’ve ever had—
“Storm? Auden?” Frank asks.
Auden opens her eyes with me and we’re staring at each other, our lips still locked. She pulls away slightly, licking her lips. “Did you find it?” I frown, what is she asking me? “Whatever’s in my eye?”
I play along and release her head, bothered by how quickly she was able to come up with a lie. “I don’t think there’s anything in your eye.”
She rubs one of her eyes and looks over at Frank. “I think I have allergies, then. My eyes are so itchy it’s like something is clawing them,” she lies, looking at me and smiling. No, why is she so believable right now? My angel isn’t supposed to deceive me. “Thanks for helping.”
I nod, stepping aside so she can go back to the kitchen. “Yeah, no problem.”
Once she’s out of sight Frank nods at me, rubbing the back of his neck. “She’s my daughter. Please don’t do anything with her, Storm,” he says. “I know I have no right to say anything since I haven’t been in her life, but with your track record—”
“I’m not a bad guy,” I scoff. “Everyone always thinks the worst of me. And it’s not the fucking case.”
“You sleep with women and never call them again, if you do that to Auden, she’ll never come back and visit me,” Frank says, lowering his stern voice.
I scoff again, shaking my head. “I’m not even doing anything and already you peg me for an asshole.”
“You are an asshole when it comes down to it,” Frank jeers, strutting past me into the kitchen.
That hits hard because Frank is like a father to me. He barely knows Auden, I barely know Auden, but I know her a helluva lot better than he does.
I charge out of the house. I want to leave, but I can’t leave because of her. I should leave.
Fuck!
I plop myself on the porch swing and light up a smoke. When that finishes, I light up another. I’m not a bad guy, I fooled around too much and got a bad reputation. That’s it. But I’m not a bad guy.
Have I slept with women and never called them back? Yes.
Have I taken advantage of some women because I needed a release? Yes.
I made mistakes. I’ve stolen from the general store. I’ve driven drunk and recklessly. I’ve cussed and argued. Shit, I cussed out my mother.
I’ve done wrong, so much wrong. But I want to right my wrongs. All of them. I want to do right. My angel deserves to see me right. She also deserves to know I’m not a bad guy.
I’m human. Humans make mistakes.
Yet the man I look up to as a father doesn’t seem to see that. All he views me as is a guy who will ruin his daughter. And you know what, maybe I will. Fuck, maybe I already have.
I want to change for her, but what’s the damn use? No one will care, no one will see my progress. All they’ll see is the fuck up that I am.
Who gives a shit anymore. I certainly don’t.
I inhale the rest of the cigarette, grinding my teeth as Auden’s laughter moves through the house. All they care about is her, which I absolutely love. All they warn her about is me, which I absolutely hate. I don’t need to change, then. If that’s how they view me, that’s exactly what I’ll be.
Fuck it. I’m leaving. I flick the cigarette and jog to my Jeep, revving out the driveway and down the road with all of me telling me not to go. But who fucking cares, right?
I’m sorry, Auden. I had to.
***
I make it home in a jiffy, jogging up the stairs to my room. I want to be alone. I’m my best when I’m alone. It’s crazy how in a split second I can go from being so damn happy, to hating myself once again.
I go to the kitchen and take out a blank paper, writing to Denny like I said I would do. It’s how I vent all my troubles. I write to my brother, begging for his forgiveness and letting him know what’s going on in my life.
He was the first person who knew the truth about Leah. He was the first person to know about my suicide—even though I never sent it. And he’ll be the first person to know about my affection toward Auden.
I snag a beer and take the paper and pen with me to the living room, setting myself up at the coffee table. After lighting my third cigarette in the span of twenty-five minutes, I start pouring my heart out.
Dear Denny,
I know you still hate me. I know you probably want to kill me. But before you do that, can we try to mend this part of our lives? Can you forgive me once and for all?
I know you’re not going to write back, this letter probably won’t even be read, but I have to tell you about the woman who saved my life.
My angel, Auden. A gorgeous redhead with the brightest blue eyes, the most perfect tits smile. And her dimples make my heart melt. If only you could see her, Denny, you’d see how stricken I am.
Two nights ago, I was going to take my life. I had it all planned out. I even wrote to you, a secret letter I would have sent out right before I did it, too, so that when you received it, it would be too late. Your baby brother would already be gone.
But I didn’t end up doing it. Nope, instead, the night I was supposed to kill myself I ended up finding an angel who saved me. We danced to “Tennesse Whiskey”, too, your favorite song.
I wonder if you have someone like that. An angel who you want nothing more than to better your life for, but can’t? No, I know you can’t. You’re locked up because of me and my stupidity.
I’m sorry times infinity for that.
But karma sure had a way of coming back and biting me in the ass when Leah killed my babies, then God granted me the wickedness and I gave myself a shit reputation. Now, no one thinks I’m good enough to go anywhere near Auden.
She doesn’t even believe I’m good enough.
I mean, why would she? Everyone I love warns her to stay away from me. And she should. It’s better if I stay away from my angel and not tarnish her with my dirtiness.
But God, do I ever like her.
I hope you read this Denny, and when you do, I hope you know I’ve paid the price for putting you in prison, tenfold.
See you soon,
Storm.
I swallow thickly, put out my cigarette, and reread the letter three times. But nothing about it is satisfying.
The only thing running through my mind is the thought of hurting Auden so that she’ll stay away from me. I’m a fucking idiot, but if she sees me for how everyone perceives me, maybe she’ll stay the fuck away and it’ll be easier for me to let her go. Why better myself if no one will believe I can? Letting her go will be easier than proving to her I’m a good man.
This will be easier. She’ll be fine. She has Sean and her job out in New York.
She’ll be fine.
Goddammit, I never thought I’d have to let my angel go to save her from tarnishing her reputation.
I sniff, wiping the wetness from my eyes, and tuck the letter into an envelope. I’ll mail it to Denny, he should get it within the next couple of days, and by the time he receives it, my angel will be gone, and who knows, maybe I will be, too.