15. Storm
It’s five past four and Auden isn’t here yet. I’m already on edge because of Frank and because of the fucking letter I sent out to Denny this morning. I should never have sent that letter. Now he knows what I almost did. He knows that I won’t have my angel anymore. He knows too much.
She knows too much and barely knows anything at all.
I text her three times, asking where she is. But not a single one of those texts is responded to. Just my fucking luck to find my angel, my savior, and she’s just like the rest of the sluts in this town.
I toss back a shot of vodka and suck my teeth, the burn moving down my throat. My idea to push Auden away is still alive and well in my head. It was too easy for her to lie to Frank when he walked in on us kissing. I hate it, but my trust in her is almost nonexistent at this point.
I want to change for her, to be a better man for her. But why? Why be a better man for someone who never says what she’s going to do? She promised she’d be there the morning we first met, and she wasn’t. She didn’t leave her number or anything. She vanished.
And now it’s fifteen minutes past the time she promised to be here.
The door of the bar opens and I look up; a smile spreading to my lips, but it’s not Auden. It’s Desire wearing that skirt I used to ask her to wear whenever I rammed her from behind. Now it just sickens me.
She saunters over, biting her bottom lip as she does. “Hey, Storm. What time do you get off tonight?”
I grunt, moving to the other side of the bar, ignoring her shrill voice, and wipe down the counter. But that doesn’t do me any good. She follows, smiling as she does. “Leave me alone, Desire, I’m not in the mood.”
“Oh, c’mon, you’re always in the mood for me,” she says, tracing her finger on the veins on my hand. “Meet me out back for a smoke?”
My heart is screaming at me, telling me to tell her to fuck off. But my head is saying otherwise. It’s telling me to let it happen, what does it matter anymore? This is who I am, isn’t it? I use women to numb my pain. How is this any different? I’ll use Desire because Auden fucked me over like all the other girls in my damn life.
I glance back at the clock, 4:21 PM. Ross walks toward the bar holding a crate of freshly washed glasses. “Hey, I’m just going for a quick smoke before the place gets crowded.”
He eyes me, then looks over at Desire twirling a lock of hair around her finger. “You sure about that?”
No, no, I’m not.
“Y-yeah.”
I place the rag in front of me and take my cigarettes from under the bar. Desire follows me through the kitchen to the back door and we step outside, still no sign of Auden. The logical side of me is worried something happened, but she would’ve responded to my texts. Her phone is always within reach. I bet you she’d reply if it was Sean, wouldn’t she?
“You look miserable right now,” Desire says, lighting a cigarette and blowing smoke away from me.
I lean against the side of the bar, the cool brick sending a chill through me, and light a cigarette. “Maybe I am.”
“How’re you and the redhead doing?” she asks. She probably heard us going at it like rabbits last night and this morning. “Does Frank know what you’re doing?”
Word around town spreads fast in Campbellton. I’d be surprised if the reason Frank warned me to leave Auden alone was because he heard from Gerri and Stacy that I’d been with her. “Does it matter?”
Desire lifts a shoulder, stepping closer to me. “Just miss having you to myself.”
I suck my teeth, blowing smoke in her face. “You never had me, Desire. You’re nothing but a fucking lay.”
Anger seeps into my words as I look at the time on her Apple Watch. Auden’s over half an hour late. The thoughts of hurting her and pushing her out of my life are screaming at me. It’s easier to get over someone if they hate you.
“Oh, c’mon, Storm. It’s not like you’ll ever be off the market. Let me come over tonight and have another round with you.” Desire’s index finger moves down the middle of my chest. “I’m sure your little redhead won’t mind sharing you, hmm?”
People think the worst of me. Always will, won’t they? Even if I choose to change, I’ll always be this player who sleeps around for the fuck of it.
If only they knew my torment.
I scoff, pulling from the cigarette. “Why are you here tonight?”
“Dee invited me to come play some pool,” she says, stepping closer, her fingers walking along my chest. “Figured I’d hit two birds with one stone.”
“Not tonight.” I stare down at her, lip curling up in disgust.
She tilts her head to the side, thinking I’m lying. “Let me take that misery away like I did so many nights when Leah left. I’m good at numbing your pain, aren’t I? It’s not like that redhead will give to shits about you when she bucks it out of town. She’s only booked at the BnB until Friday. So come Friday, you’ll be hitting up my phone for a release, no?”
I growl, hating how not even this slut thinks I can better myself in life. She thinks I’ll be back to my old ways by the time my angel leaves. Fuck, maybe I will. What good will bettering myself do for anyone? I step forward and give her what she wants. I cradle her head, slamming my lips on hers as bile rises in my throat.
I’m sorry, Auden. I’m so fucking sorry.