17. Storm
Ross grips my shoulder right as Auden kisses Dee. She kisses him. In front of me. Like I did to her. I’m aching. Betrayal swarms me and I hate myself as much as I hate what I’m watching. But I can’t fucking look away.
“Cool it, man. I do not need a bar fight to break out. I’m still paying off the damage from the last one,” Ross says, squeezing slightly.
I grit my teeth. “I don’t like her here.”
He scoffs, letting go of my shoulder. “You invited her here, dumbass.”
“Not to flirt with Dee,” I growl. “Not to kiss him.”
Ross laughs. “Weren’t you and Desire out back making out, too?”
“I fucked up.”
I’m completely ashamed of myself. I might’ve lost my angel tonight. I did it on purpose to hurt her so she’d leave me alone. But it was wrong. Even though everyone is wrong about me, but I wanted her to believe they’re right. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve her to see the good in me. She deserves the best. I am not that. I want her to see how much everyone sets me aside like some ratty-ass doormat.
“If you were serious about this chick, you wouldn’t have let Desire kiss you at all,” Ross tells me.
I’m making up any excuse I can. “I was vulnerable.”
I don’t believe it as much as Ross does. Pathetic. That’s what I am. I lost my angel because of a stupid comment Frank made. I’m an asshole. I’m sorry, Auden. I’m so fucking sorry that everything everyone said about me turned out to be true. I hurt you and I broke my promise. I deserve to see you happy. I deserve to see you kissing and laughing with Dee. His hands on you, his crotch rubbing all over you.
I’m fucking fuming. I hate this.
I watch her laughing and fixing the straps on a dress I’m sure she wore for me. Dee thinks he won. He believes he’ll take her home tonight. But he won’t. She’s mine. I’ll prove to her that she’s mine. I’ll apologize. I’ll explain to her how weak I am. If she’s my angel, she’ll forgive me. She saved me once, she can do it again.
I fucked up once, and I’ll fuck up again. But I want to be better.
I will be better.
Save me, Auden, please.
Dee is behind her again, showing her how to hold the pool cue. He’s pressed up against her and it’s taking the willpower of God himself not to break the pool cue over Dee’s head and jam it into his neck. How dare he get so close to her? And she’s letting him! My angel is letting another man touch her, kiss her. I deserve this, I know. But I don’t fucking like it.
Her drink is still sitting on the bar so I grab it and walk it over to her, placing it right in front of the ball she’s about to hit with the pool cue. They look up at it and Dee smirks.
“Thanks,” Dee says, taking her drink and moving it. I stare at her, my nostril flaring and hands clenched in fits at my side.
“Go away, Storm,” she says, her face has turned red. I upset her. Of course, I upset her. But we need to talka botu this.
“We should talk.”
She glares at me. “No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Auden,” I growl.
“The lady said no, Storm,” Dee interjects.
“You gonna fuck him?” I ask her.
“You gonna fuck her?” she jeers.
“You walked in on something that wasn’t what it looked like,” I spit out.
“Fuck you, Storm,” she scoffs, taking her drink and forcing a smile at Dee that pops her dimple. “I just have to use the restroom, and then we’ll finish the game?”
“Sure.” He nods and downs his drink, going to Ross for another.
I could hit Dee right now. Break his fucking nose. But instead, I follow Auden. The bathrooms are single stalls. One for men and one for women. It’ll give us the privacy we need to talk about what I did to make her do this.
She doesn’t have time to shut the door when I barge in. She gasps, spilling her drink all over her and onto the floor. “Jesus Christ, Storm. What the heck is your problem?” she barks.
“You’re my fucking problem,” I shoot back.
“Excuse me?” She widens her eyes. “I’m your fucking problem? You came onto me, remember? You followed me home last night and forced yourself into my bed. You stayed and slept with me until we couldn’t breathe. You did that. I didn’t run after you, remember that.”
“Were you going to fuck him?”
“No.”
“You kissed him.”
“Yes, just to fucking spite you,” she spits, but I don’t care.
I shake my head. “I didn’t kiss her.”
“So that wasn’t you holding her head with your tongue in her mouth!” she yells.
“I fucked up!” I yell back.
“At least you’ll have someone to fuck tonight because it sure as shit won’t be me.” She tries to get by me but I stop her, pushing her into the door and staring at her. I keep my hands on either side of her shoulders. She has this intimidating gleam in her eyes. It’s sadness. I made her sad. But she’s hiding it as much as she can with her frowning.
“I’m sorry,” I say, angrily.
“Let me go,” she demands.
“No.”
“Let. Me. Go,” she enunciates.
“No.” I bang my hands on the wall, making her jump.
She shakes her head. “Let’s just end this now before it gets too hard to end come Friday. Because once Friday comes you’ll never see me again.”
“It’s already too hard.”
“Let me go,” she whispers.
“I can’t,” I whisper back.
“Why be an asshole to me, then?”
“It was an accident. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking stupid.” I shake my head quickly. “Frank…he said some things and I felt like I wasn’t good enough for you. I wanted you to see us kissing. I wanted you to hate me so we could end this now. But seeing you here wearing this, it’s not ending. We’re not ending. I am not finished with you. I’ll never be fucking finished with you.”
“I want to go home,” she says quietly.
“Then let’s go home,” I say, even though I’m working until midnight.
“No, I want to go home alone,” she says, stabbing me in the heart. “This was a mistake.”
She pushes me off and I don’t stop her. I let her put the glass on the floor and escape the washroom. And from what I believe, the bar.
I’m poison. Toxic. I hurt her for my selfish needs because I wanted her to get jealous. Now I lost her. I fucking lost her.
I pick up the glass from the floor and down the rest of the drink, staring at the empty glass in my hand. Without a second thought, I toss it at the walls, glass shattering all over the place, but I don’t care.
I walk out of the bar and see Dee alone, playing pool with Matt and Desire. Fucking bitch made me ruin my chance of happiness. She ruined everything.
No, she didn’t. I did. I fucked it up because that’s who I am. A fuck up that will continuously be a fuck up. But not anymore. No, starting now, I’m changing. This will no longer be who I am. Come Friday, I will be the man my angel needs.
I’ll change. I’ll be better. I’ll find a job in New York to show her I mean business. If I show her progress, she’ll smile again. Because when she smiles that dimple pops out and it’s my favorite thing in the world.