18. Auden
I’m crying. Like a stupid idiot. I’m crying over a boy who was supposed to be a fun ride.
“It’s okay, kid,” Sean says, sighing. I’ve been on the phone with him since I left the bar. We ate dinner together, took a bath, then watched a movie all while I was crying and babbling about how stupid I was to believe Storm could change.
A man like him will never change.
I sniff, shaking my head. “Is it?”
Sean tilts his head, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, it is. For the millionth time, he’s just a boy. You’ll get over him.”
I shake my head again, turning onto my side and propping the phone up in front of me as a fresh tear rolls down my cheek. “I don’t think I will,” I whisper. “This connection I feel for him is so different from anyone I’ve ever been with.” I take a breath. “When’s the last time you saw me cry over a boy?”
He yawns, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry over a boy.”
When he smiles sleepily at me, I bite my lip and realize I’ve kept him on the phone all evening. He works in the morning and I’m taking up his much-needed sleep. “It’s getting late—”
“It’s fine, Char. I’ll stay on the phone all night if it means you’ll smile at the end of it,” he says, winking.
I roll my eyes, wiping the tears from under them. “Shut up.” Sniffling, I adjust the comforter on me and sigh. “Thank you, Sean, for always being there when I need you.”
He smiles, tucking his arm behind his head. “I’ll always be here, kid. You know that.”
“Really, though. Get some sleep. Call me when you wake up,” I say, blowing him a kiss.
He yawns again, nodding. “I will. Love you, kid. And don’t worry, men are assholes. One day you’ll find your diamond in the rough and he’ll keep you smiling for the rest of your days.”
“Lemme guess, my diamond is you?” I tease, sniffling again.
He sticks his tongue out. “One day, I will be.”
“Goodnight, Sean.”
He flashes me a peace sign and smirks. “’Night, kid.”
I hang up the FaceTime and plug in my phone, noticing it’s almost midnight. I won’t be getting much sleep tonight.
I lie back in bed and flip through the channels, finding nothing but a series of commercials. This is why I love Netflix. There’s always something to watch.
I stop on the shopping channel and fluff up my pillow, staring at whatever they’re selling. Ugly ass dragonfly brooches. Who the fuck will buy this tacky, sparkly thing for three easy payments of 9.99$ plus shipping and handling? I hate this channel so much that I turn the volume up and continue watching.
After about ten minutes, there’s a knock at my door. Maybe I’m not supposed to use the television this late? It is a little loud given that it’s passed midnight.
Turning the television on mute, I tiptoe to the door and unlock it, forgetting that I’m in nothing but my bra and underwear. I usually sleep naked. I have since I was a teenager. I’m most comfortable that way. And Sean always said it was his favorite outfit on me. The stupidity of that comment stuck with me since we were teens and I’ve slept as such since.
I open the door to flowers. Storm brought me flowers. He’s standing there like a guilty puppy dog with his head down and his eyes on me. Desperately aching for my affection. I stare at the flowers, then look at him, shaking my head. There’s this pull. I feel it again as I did our first night together. I don’t owe him anything. Just like he doesn’t owe me. This isn’t supposed to mean anything. Yet here I am unable to let him go like our relationship matters.
He hands them to me, but I don’t take them. I don’t know that I want to.
No, I do. I want to take them and thank him with a kiss. I don’t know what comes over me, but I step backward, letting him into my room.
Maybe it’s how good the sex is. Maybe it’s the stress of meeting my birth father that’s had me desperate enough to need a fix like this. Maybe my heart is speaking for me. Maybe I feel bad for him and want to know why he is the way he is. I saved him for a reason. I need to know what that reason is.
He places the flowers on the decorative table by the bed and drops his duffel bag, kicking the door shut. He walks with me until my legs hit the bed. His breathing his heaving, shaky. Tears well in his eyes, but he blinks them away. That connection we have keeping us together. “Sorry,” he whispers.
His fingers tangle with mine and he leans forward to kiss me, but I turn my head away. Mint and cigarettes. At least he brushed his teeth before trying to kiss me. He whimpers, leaning his forehead on my head. I’m breathing just as jagged as he is, hating every breath I’m taking that isn’t mixed with his.
But he hurt me, showing me that he isn’t that stability I crave.
And I hurt him, proving I’m not to be trusted when broken.
“Look at me,” he says quietly.
I blink rapidly, trying to erase the wetness that was in my eyes moments before he came over.
“Do you still feel it? Did I lose that, too?” he whispers.
I push my lips together. He didn’t lose anything, that magnetism is alive and well.
His lips meet my cheek and a growl rumbles through him. In one swift move, he lifts me and puts me down on the bed, still standing at the end of it. He’s scanning me. I like it when he scans me. I wore these for him so he could scan me in them when he was supposed to take me home.
His lips meet my stomach, biting at my panties and pulling them down. I help him and he flings them away staring between my legs now. A smirk touches his lips right before he goes in. His tongue slides up my pussy, lapping on my clit before he spreads me open and slides his fingers into my entrance. His tongue works wonders, making my back arch and moans spill free. Holy moly, I have to hold a pillow over my face to stop my moans from waking up the neighbors.
He’s sorry. I know he’s sorry for the way his tongue laps at my clit.
And he’s forgiven when my legs start to shake and I buck forward. Oh, fuck is he ever forgiven when I release and toss the pillow off my face. I cum and my entire body tingles for this man. Only for him.