38. Auden
My phone vibrates as soon as five o’clock in the morning hits. Storm is sound asleep beside me. Maybe sneaking out before he wakes will be a lot easier than having to force myself to say goodbye to him. All night I tried to think of ways we could make this work. But there aren’t any logical ways without spending weeks on end without seeing each other. Ending it and never looking back is the best way. Like ripping off a Band-Aid. A goodbye that’s going to hurt much more than I thought it would. I never came here to find something like this. I came here for answers. I found my answers, but now I’m leaving with more questions.
I sit up and slip out of bed, preparing myself for the long drive home. It’s only a ten hours, but with my luck, I’ll get there later than intended.
Parts of me aren’t ready to say goodbye to this town. When I said bye to Frank yesterday, it felt short. Half-assed, like this entire visit wasn’t as meaningful as intended. It means the world to me. I wish there was a way I could show how much it does. I wish I could stay.
I slip into jeans and a t-shirt, twisting my hair into a tight knot. Without questioning it, I take my lipstick from my purse and scribble a note for Storm on his washroom mirror.
Too many things are left unsaid.
With such little time to say them.
Yours forever,
Audenxoxo
My bags are already in my trunk, so I don’t have anything but my purse to bring with me. I stop at the threshold of Storm’s room, grinning as I see him facing the wall, asleep as if I’m still beside him. I tiptoe into his room and leave the softest kiss on his shoulder.
He’s awake because he grabs me and pulls me onto the bed, making me giggle. His eyes stay closed, but he curls his arm under me, forcing me closer to him and holding me so tightly that it’s making this harder than it needs to be.
“I have to get going,” I whisper.
“No.”
“Storm.” I sigh. “We said our goodbyes a lot last night.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” he whispers.
“Then pretend I’m not gone,” I say, licking my lips and facing him. “Pretend I never left.”
He sniffs. “How am I supposed to do that?”
“Just like this,” I say, staring at his closed eyes. “Whenever you close your eyes, you’ll see me. And when you see me, pretend I’m right here with you.”
I loosen his grip from around me and leave a kiss on his lips, which he deepens almost instantly. The kiss is a mixture of emotions, but it’s the right emotions. It’s not a goodbye, it’s an ‘I’ll see you around’ kind of kiss.
“Don’t go,” he whispers.
“Keep your eyes closed,” I tell him, slipping out of his bed.
He takes my wrist to stop me, his eyes stay closed, but I want him to open them. I want to look into his eyes one last time. He doesn’t, so I loosen my hand and walk away. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. But it’s expected.
There’s no explaining what Storm and I share. It’s unique, it’s beautiful. It’s once in a lifetime.
But in life, things happen that are out of our control. Life’s not a fairy tale with happy endings. Life is a bitch and it’s how we choose to live it that makes it worth living. I chose to live in New York and start my career. He chose to stay here to be with his family. Not all things have happy endings. Mine certainly doesn’t.