Chapter 5
Ireturn to my flat in perfect time to get ready.
What should I wear to something like this, with a bunch of hockey players?
I should have probably asked Carson. Setting my keys down on the kitchen counter, I head to my closet, staring at the contents for way longer than I usually do.
I grab an oversized black sweater and some black jeans.
I wonder if this is good enough? Or is it too much?
Wait, why do I even care?
I roll my eyes and flop down onto my bed, sighing.
I can’t believe I even agreed to go to something like this, especially the night before training.
And we’ll definitely be drinking. What was I thinking?
I should probably tell Carson I changed my mind, but I don’t even have his number to let him know, and I did say I would already.
I try to never go back on my word. It’s just… I shouldn’t be doing this.
But maybe Carson is right; I should loosen up a bit?
I groan and try to push these thoughts to the back of my mind; maybe I can just do this once, to say I’ve done it before.
That’s all, just to get it out of my system.
I grab the clothes off the bed and start to change.
It’s a little cold out, so I add a big black scarf that covers half my face too, and put on a light jacket.
How am I supposed to know if he’s here or not?
Why haven’t we exchanged numbers yet? I mean, I guess we’re not really friends. Are we?
I decide to just head down. I’ll wait in the lobby where I can see him until he gets here. Thankfully, just as I’m coming off the elevator, I spot him at the front of the building. I walk out and meet him as he’s getting out of the car.
“Hey…” he stammers, raking his eyes over me slowly.
Why is he looking at me like that?
“Actually, I noticed you’re kinda close to Sam, so I was wondering if you’d be down to just walking together from here since I wanna drink a little. Is that okay?” he says with a swallow.
“That’s fine. Thanks for coming to get me.” I say, burrowing my face into my scarf.
“Of course. You look great, by the way.” He bites his lip and wipes his palms lightly on his dark jeans.
“Oh, thanks. You too.” I say, playing with my sleeves.
I really mean that because tonight he has his long hair down, and I think this is the first time I’ve seen it like this.
It perfectly frames his sharp, handsome features.
He’s wearing a white t-shirt and a nice black leather jacket.
He looks so good, I’m definitely starting to think I should’ve stayed in tonight. Away from him.
“Also, sorry, I should have brought something. I didn’t have time to…” I start.
“Nah, you’re good, it’s ok.” Carson chuckles.
“Should we get going…” He asks, gesturing toward the direction I guess we’re going to be walking in.
“Yeah.” I breathe.
* * *
Sam really does live super close to me. I’ve actually walked by his house a few times on my way.
I’m starting to think we all must have opted to live as close to the rink as possible.
The trek here was pretty quick and rather quiet, and honestly, thank God for that because I think my nerves are starting to kick in as I’m realizing that I’ll actually have to socialize tonight.
With people other than Carson. I pinch my brows together as we reach Sam’s place, and he looks over at me.
“Are you ok?” Carson asks, gently touching my arm. I realize this is the first time he’s ever touched me, a wave of warmth washing over my body at the thought.
“Yeah. Of course.” I try to give him as good of a smile as I can, but his frown tells him he doesn’t believe me.
“Julian, if this is too much, you know I was joking earlier, we don’t have to…” He starts, and I feel bad; he looks so worried about me. I hate having someone worry over me. Especially when this is something that seems to come so easily to everyone else.
I feel silly.
“No, Carson, I’m sorry, I’m just nervous. I’ve never really been to a party before,” I say quietly.
“It’s cool, think about it like this; they’re just the same ole guys you see at the rink, a bunch of donkeys.”
I can’t help but laugh at the way he’s trying to ease my nerves because I do think they’re a bunch of donkeys.
“See. You’re gonna be fine, just be yourself.” He says, “If it’s too much, just pinch me.”
My breath catches as he gently pushes a few strands of my hair that’s gotten in my eyes away. Before I can even register what just happened, he’s already headed to the front door, holding his hand out for me to take. I grasp it, his palm warm and firm. Grounding.
When we walk through the door into the foyer, the party is well underway, and there’s players and their significant others all over drinking, and enjoying each other’s company. The music isn’t playing too loud, so that’s great; there’s enough overstimulating things going on already for me.
“Hey, man! I grabbed your drink!” The red-haired man says, who I see Carson with often on the ice and on his social, and who I’m assuming is The Sam.
“Thanks, Sam. By the way, you know Julian,” Carson says and turns to me a bit. I grab Sam’s hand, he’s holding out to me, and we shake.
“Yeah, I see you around the ice, but we never got to chat. Nice to meet you, and sorry about us leaving the gym a mess.” I turn to glare at Carson, who’s laughing. I can’t believe he told them I was fussing over that. But I mean, they were leaving it a mess.
“Oh no, it’s absolutely fine,” I say, and he smiles at me. He seems really nice, and I can see how he and Carson would become close.
“Well, let me get you a drink too, actually!”
“Why, thank you, that would be amazing,” I say before we start for the living room, where most of the players are chatting.
“Hey, you! Good game!” One of the players says, grinning at Carson.
They all greet him when he walks further into the room, some of the players tapping their beer bottles against his. I find myself smiling at how loved he is.
“Sup, guys, good job out there, everyone,” Carson says with a little smirk before raising his beer and taking a long sip. The room erupts in cheers, and I chuckle, watching them follow suit with their drinks.
“Here you are, don’t know if you like beer.” Sam returns, holding out an open bottle for me.
“No, this is great, thank you, Sam,” I say before taking a sip.
Carson walks back over to Sam and me, some of the players following behind him to join us around the couch.
Here we go, the part I’ve been dreading, I have to speak.
Carson comes and stands next to giving me a small smile.
I think he’s checking on me. So, I try not to look like I’m three seconds from passing out.
“Hey, I’m Dillan! This is Kane!” One of Carson’s teammates grins down at me, his smile is bright. He gestures to another player. His hair is jet black, his eyes dark and sleepy. Carson is the most handsome, but Kane definitely comes in a close second.
They’re all so tall too.
Is this a requirement for hockey?
“Hi, I’m Julian,” I mumble, giving them a little wave.
“So Julian, how long have you been skating for?” Sam asks, and the rest of the guys turn their interest to me.
“Oh, since I was a kid. I started competing shortly after hitting the ice, just local competitions though.”
“Shit, that sounds amazing, I watch figure skating sometimes, it’s cool you guys go out there and do it all alone on the ice and all those jumps!” He replies, nodding.
“It’s insane when you think about it, how the hell do you get off the ground, let alone spin?” Dillan chimes in, “Yeah, actually, I don’t think I’ve ever played a sport that wasn’t a team sport, gotta be a little lonely…” Sam adds.
“Oh, sometimes…I guess it’s a little lonely, but I’m used to it cause that’s the way it’s always been, I suppose.” I stammer.
I feel warmth at my lower back. It’s Carson’s hand; he’s drawing small circles against my clothed skin there. The touch creates a path of heat that spreads through the rest of my body.
I lean in, the contact comforts me.
“I think that’s even more admirable, no?” Carson says, giving me a small smile, and I feel so elated hearing this for some reason.
“Takes a lot of grit,” Dillan says, Kane nodding a little next to him.
“Um, hell yeah, I’d probably be shit at figure skating. No, I know I’d be shit.” Sam chuckles before sipping his drink. The rest of the guys laugh and nod in agreement with him.
“I mean, yeah, but you guys are amazing too. I had never been to a hockey game. It was really exciting.” I say, “and I always see you guys working hard, I don’t think I’d be a very good team player.” I chuckle, and surprisingly, the rest of the guys laugh with me, making me blush.
“Thanks, and thanks for coming too!” Dillan beams.
“Yeah, thanks, and hey, we’d love to support you too sometime, so let us know when your next competition is. Not sure we can have the entire team show up, but we’ll host a watch party for you!” Sam says, and I smile. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone have a watch party for my skate.
“Oh sure, of course, I’ll….let Carson know.” I take another sip from my beer, my hands shaking a little. I smile, hoping I’m not coming off as a complete nervous wreck as I feel. Carson’s hand is still at my lower back. I nibble at my lip when he smiles down at me.
“You going out after this, Carson?” Sam smirks against the rim of his beer bottle, “Yeah, I’ll join you if you are.” Dillan says, laughing.
“Nah, you guys know I’ve been good lately.” Carson chuckles.
“Right.” Sam drawls, “Or has someone settled you down?” He laughs.
I can feel Carson’s body tense next to me. He did look like he went out a lot; from what I’ve seen on his page, nightlife knows him well. Maybe it stopped recently because he’s getting serious with his girlfriend?
My jaw clenches.
“Shut the fuck up, Sam.” He says, glaring at him.