Chapter 5 #2
“Relax, I know, I know.” Sam laughs. I don’t have any right to feel any way about what they’re implying, so I try to ignore it completely. Carson and I make eye contact, and I give him a tight smile.
“You ok?” He asks, voice low when the guys get distracted talking about other hockey teams, “Of course.” I smile, a real one this time.
The party moves along, Carson had to step away to help with Dillan. I guess he had too much to drink, so they’re laying him down upstairs. I’ve slowly backed my way into a corner of the kitchen. There’s less people here. I just need to catch a quick breather.
“Hey.” I jump at the voice.
“Oh, hi,” I mumble. It’s Kane; his form seems so much bigger this close. He reaches over and grabs another beer from the counter next to me.
“Where are you from?” He asks. His voice is deep, and he has an accent as well, different from mine.
“Uh, South Korea. Where are you from?” I ask.
“Russia.”
“Oh? Lots of figure skating there.” I chuckle nervously.
“Yeah. There is. Do you miss home?” He asks.
“All the time. But it’s ok here.”
“Same,” Kane says, tilting his head before taking a sip of his beer.
“There you are!” Carson says, stepping into the kitchen, his eyes lingering on Kane.
“Captain.” Kane nods.
“What you guys talking about?” Carson asks.
“Not much.” Kane chuckles.
“Hm, well, I think Sam’s gonna start on his bullshit soon, so I came to find you, Julian,” Carson says, filling the space at my other side, opposite Kane.
“Oh, uh, yeah ok.” I say, “It was nice talking to you, Kane.” He gives me a small nod.
Carson grabs my wrist gently, taking me to Sam’s family room, “Kane doesn’t usually talk to people.” He says.
“Really?” I ask, pinching my brows.
“I guess he likes you,” Carson chuckles, his words flat.
“I guess?” I shrug.
Kane seems nice enough.
* * *
The night goes on, and Sam does, in fact, yell that we should get into a drinking game.
I can definitely see how he and Carson are close friends; they’re two peas in a pod.
I think it must be nice to have a friend that’s there for you and just to have in your company.
I never really had that, nor do I think I ever had the time to think about whether I even wanted it or not.
I guess I really did just become content with being a lone in my career.
But this is really…nice.
“Come on, Julian!” Sam smacks my back lightly, and I laugh, already feeling slightly buzzed on my third beer. My head lighter.
“Sure. Let’s see who’s the better athlete,” I joke, rolling up my sleeves. Carson and Sam both laugh, cheering me on.
“Well, look at you!” Sam grins.
“Let’s team up.” I nudge Carson with my shoulder.
“Obviously.” He smirks, “We gotta kick their ass.”
We both burst into drunk laughter.
I’m having so much fun.
* * *
Either the party came to an end, or I just got drunk enough for Carson to declare we should start heading back to my flat. We’re stumbling into the chilled night when he says, “See, wasn’t so bad?”
I’ve never seen him drunk before, but he definitely is because he trips, making me giggle.
“You wanna see me fall so bad, don’t you?” He laughs.
“Kinda.” I tease, giggling again. I’m pretty drunk myself; hockey players definitely know how to throw them back. They sparked my competitive side, I guess. I felt like I couldn’t let them outdo me. So I didn’t back down when it came to the drinking games. We make it to the doors of my building.
“Well, I’m glad you had fun,” Carson says quietly, his eyes a little misty but firmly focused on me.
“Oh, Carson, do you…want to come inside for a while, you know, and sober up…” I shift around nervously, tugging at my sleeves.
“I mean…sure. If that’s ok with you, Julian, I can definitely chill in my car.” He starts.
“No, no, don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to,” I say.
“Aww, see you do care about me. Thanks, Julie.” He smirks at me, and I can’t believe I really like his stupid little nickname he has for me.
“Oh god, let’s get inside, goofball, it’s a bit chilly.” I groan as I start off in the direction of the front doors, and he follows behind me.
We step into the lobby, and we’re greeted by the woman at the desk with a nod. We both politely nod back before stepping into the elevator, holding in our laugh, trying not to look like two drunk idiots. I’m not even sure what’s so funny.
“Can’t believe I’m gonna see your apartment.” He chuckles.
I glance at him with a little wonder because why does he want to see my flat?
“Well, believe it, I guess,” I say as we exit and head to my door. I open it, kick my shoes off, and start unraveling my scarf, letting out a little sigh of relief. It’s been a long night. My social battery is definitely in the negative. I’ve done enough socializing tonight to last me for decades.
“Wow…” Carson says, looking around while also removing his shoes and placing them next to mine.
“A loft, that’s so you.” He says.
“And how would you know?” I laugh.
“I know enough. Also, the pink?” He smirks, “You’re adorable.” He adds, and I turn away, blushing.
I lead him over to the kitchen and grab two bottles of water for us. I hand him one and start to drink mine.
“Thanks, I think I’m gonna need this.”
“Of course.” I make my way back around to the side of the counter where Carson stands and seems to be taking everything in with curiosity. He walks over to my vase full of flowers and runs one of the petals between his fingertips.
“So you like plushies, huh? I knew you were a little softie inside.” He pokes at my cheek drunkenly, biting his lip.
“I am not! I just like them, and a lot of them are from fans ok.” I swat his hand away, but he’s just standing there laughing.
Fans would always give us gifts like these and other small items. I guess I just grew to really love collecting them on my own, too over time.
It’s one of the only things from home I had to have come along with me wherever I go.
I don’t know why I’m so attached to these stuffed animals.
It’s the little things like this that keep me sane, I think.
Or maybe insane because sometimes I do talk to them.
“It’s ok, it suits you,” Carson says before walking over to my bed. Which shares the open space with the rest of my flat, so I’m glad I made my bed this morning, or else I would be embarrassed. I wasn’t expecting to have a man over, let alone Carson Young.
“Shit. I feel so tired, probably shouldn’t have tried to save your ass during all those drinking games. Can I lie here for a bit?” He asks with a breathy laugh. His cheeks are kind of flushed, his lids low. He does look like he’ll pass out any minute now.
“Excuse me? Save me? And no, because I wanna lie down myself, I’m drunk off my ass right now, and if I keep standing I’m gonna fall over.”
I can tell by the sway of my body as I try to make it to the bed that the water is clearly not helping either of us.
“We could always just lie together.”
“Carson, you’re literally a huge hockey player, going to take up all the space.”
There already wasn’t much space left in the first place because of the shit ton of stuffed animals that also occupy my bed. I can’t help that I like to feel cocooned at night. Ok, maybe I have too many, but still. If we both lie down, we’d definitely be almost on top of each other.
Warmth blooms across my skin just thinking about it.
“We’ll be fine, a little cuddling can fix that, friends cuddle all the time.” He says, and we’re both definitely drunk.
“But we’re not friends.”
“Oh? Then why am I in your room?” Carson laughs and pets one of my stuffed animals.
“Well, because my flat is obviously one big room, goofball.” I shake my head and walk over to him.
“And I’ve never cuddled before.” I blurt out before I can stop it. Clearly, intoxication is getting the best of me. Because what am I even saying right now? He doesn’t need to know that. It’s embarrassing enough how inexperienced I am compared to him, probably.
“You’ve never been hugged before?” Carson laughs.
“I didn’t say hug, I said cuddle! Stop it.” I squeak.
“I know I’m just teasing you, come here.” Carson lies down on the bed before pulling me down right into his arms.
“Relax a little, you’re always so wound up all the time. Is this ok?” He asks, nuzzling softly into my fluffy hair. I washed it this morning with a peach shampoo.
I hope he thinks it smells nice.
“Yeah.” I feel my entire body heating up and my mind fading into bliss, and I’m pretty sure it isn’t the copious amount of alcohol we had at the party. But I’m still going to blame it on that for my sanity.
“Julian..” Carson mumbles into my hair as he wraps his arms around me tighter. They’re so strong.
“Hmm?” I hum, feeling somewhere in between wanting to run away and wanting to never leave this man’s arms again.
I can’t believe we’re doing this right now.
I sigh and let my body relax into his. I’m sure if I were sober, I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy this, so might as well feel good while I still can.
“What’s your name?” Carson says, breaking my thoughts up.
“Are you that drunk idiot?” I chuckle.
“No, your Korean name, you never told me.”
“Juyeon, Song Juyeon. Happy?”
“Juyeon…” He says my name like he’s tasting it, and I like it on his tongue.
“That’s pretty.” Carson teases, pausing with a laugh before continuing, “It suits you so perfectly.” He says softly, sounding like he’s drifting to sleep.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Carson?”
“You know what I mean.” He says quietly.
“I don’t.”
“Carson?” I ask, but when I turn to face him, he’s asleep. Oh, and he’s even more handsome up close like this. I have to resist the drunken urge to touch his face, to trace my fingertips lightly along his nose and lips, so I can try to remember what it felt like later.
I need to restrain myself.
“Juyeon…Will I see you at the rink?” He startles me, I can’t tell if he’s caught me staring, seeing as his eyes are closed.
And he used my actual name for the first time.
Getting hot because a guy used your name?
I’m so pathetic, seriously. But right now I couldn’t care less. That’s for sober Juyeon to overthink.
“I…I was actually supposed to have a little break from training tomorrow.” I say softly. Our lips are so close, I can feel his breath over mine.
They’re so nice, and they look so plush.
“You should definitely take it,” Carson says, and I hear his breath even out as he drifts into slumber for real this time. Now I can admire him in peace a little more before I wake up from this night. This night, which is probably the best night I’ve ever had since becoming an athlete.
I fall asleep wondering what it’s like to have a boyfriend like Carson.