Chapter 8
The hot spray of the shower runs across my skin, washing away another long training session.
It’s a few days before me and Carson’s ‘date’ or whatever I’ve been calling it, although I told myself that’s not what it is.
But no matter how many times I try to tell myself it’s not, my mind definitely feels like it is.
Every night after practice, I’ve been meticulously looking for the perfect outfit, and I’m driving myself crazy.
I almost think about this little date of ours as much as I do competing. That’s insane.
Even now, as I lather my hair with shampoo. Can’t even shower long enough without thinking about him. I rinse under the water, letting out a sigh.
The bathroom is filled with fog by the time I’m done my routine and begin to towel off my body. Padding back into my bedroom, I change into some night clothes and flop down to scroll on the phone for a bit. Which is code lately for stalk Carson.
I know he’s playing a game tonight, so there probably isn’t much to see on his page.
I don’t know why I haven’t stopped doing this.
I guess the floodgates are open. I’m also still curious about that girl with the pretty smile.
She’s still popping up here and there; the other day, they went to a friend’s birthday party, I guess. And I definitely wasn’t jealous.
Never.
Carson has also kept his word and has been texting me nonstop even while he’s at his away games, and it’s not helping my nerves about going out with him at all.
Carson: julie whatcha doing
Me: Nothing. I just returned from practice. Showered.
Carson: you’re so proper even when you text
Carson: sry for what the brits did to you.
Carson: and showered…mm sounds nice ;)
Me: You’re so ridiculous Carson.
Me: Wait aren’t you playing right now?!
Carson: we’re in break relax
Carson: but gtg back soon tho so *kisses*
Me: Carson! You should be focusing on the game!
Carson: gimme kiss back or its bad luck for me
Me: What! Carson! Get back to the game!
Carson: you know hockey players are superstitious pls
Carson: you want me to be a loser?
Me: Fine… *kisses*
This is so embarrassing. I can’t believe I just typed that; my face is burning. None of this is real, yet I’m rolling over, kicking my feet like a lovesick idiot. I need to get a grip before Carson Young consumes me whole.
Carson: aww you’re so sweet..thank you baby gtg win now see you soon!
Baby?
Ok, never mind, he’s literally insane. I throw my phone to the other side of the bed with a groan.
What am I doing? I’ve learned Carson might just be flirty, but I don’t know if I can take it.
I’m sure it’s my lack of romantic experience mixed with the fact I obviously think he’s attractive, I mean who wouldn’t?
But it’s starting to become really hard to keep myself in check with him.
He’s joking, but am I?
My phone dings with another message, and I sigh. How the hell does Carson focus on me and the game at the same time? I grab my phone and check to see a message from Liam instead.
Liam: Hey just wanted to let you know we might have a class coming up if you still wanna join, let me know! Also how’s skating going?
Me: Of course, I’d love to join and thank you for asking, its going great still.
Liam: Thats good! And ok I’ll let you know ok?
Me: Yes thanks Liam!
I smile up at my phone before turning it back off. Liam and I have been texting a lot too; mostly about mundane things. I don’t know why, but I feel really proud of myself for making a new friend, I mean, outside of Carson and all on my own.
* * *
I bite my lip as I fumble around with the hem of my shirt for the hundredth time.
It’s the night of me and Carson’s date that’s not a date.
I’m definitely not freaking out. I did a little makeup tonight; just a little face cream, light blush, and I lined my eyes lightly, but it makes a difference.
Still, it’s nothing super noticeable. I usually only do it for my programs.
I gave up denying that I want to look good for Carson a while ago. My reflection in the mirror is finally satisfying. The long black sleeve button top and black slacks should be fitting enough for tonight, I think.
My hair lies perfectly fluffy and soft around my face; I think I look pretty cute right now. Carson better like it, the only thing I’ve put this much effort into is skating.
The ring from my phone fills the room. He must be downstairs waiting. I take a long, deep breath; it feels like there’s no air in this room suddenly. My throat might close up, and we’ll be spending the night in the emergency room instead. What a nice date that would be.
When I reach the lobby doors, Carson is outside his car. And god…Why is this happening to me?
This man looks like the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced.
“Hey.” He says, looking a bit stunned.
His hair is down again.
He absolutely knows I love it.
He’s also wearing the most well-tailored pants I’ve ever seen on a man and a dark cherry red polo that perfectly fits around his biceps. I swallow, hoping it’s not obvious how much I want to touch them. Touch him. Any of him.
“Uh, hey…” I stammer.
“I… like your makeup, it’s cute,” Carson says.
“Oh, thanks,” I say, biting my lip.
He noticed. My ears burn at the thought.
“Of course.” He says, and when he swallows, I definitely catch it.
Is Carson…nervous too? Maybe he’s just thirsty, that’s what I’m going to tell myself. Because I can’t fathom anything otherwise.
“You’re probably cold. Let’s get inside.” He says, opening the door for me to get in.
“Thanks,” I mutter.
After I get comfortable, Carson closes the door and rounds to the other side.
“I think I forgot to ask, I’m sorry, but I hope you like Italian.” He chuckles.
“Oh, it’s ok. I do.” I give him a small smile.
“So how’s practice been? Still focusing fine?”
I don’t know why his tone sounds a bit off when he’s asking this.
“Oh..well yeah, it’s been good. Excellent, honestly, I think the training is really worth it so far.” I say, Carson taking off from my building.
“That’s good, you’re going to kill it at the worlds, and all the boys and I can’t wait to watch you.” He hums.
“Ah, really?” I ask, my cheeks running hot.
It feels nice, them being excited for me or having friends to cheer me on?
“Yeah, we watched a few of your old skates in the locker room some games.” My blush deepens even more at this. Because the thought of Carson showing his team, his friends, my programs feels…oddly intimate? Like he’s showing me off.
“You sound kind of obsessed with me, you know.” I tease.
“Maybe I am,” Carson says rather shamelessly. I know he’s just joking, but it still feels really good to even think he could be obsessed with me.
“Glad you’re admitting it, but I didn’t know I was going out with a sasaeng.” I smirk at him, and he just pinches me; we both laugh.
* * *
We arrive at the restaurant, and it’s really beautiful. Once again, I feel like Carson just knows what I would like. Flowers and greenery hang from the ceiling. The decor is warm and inviting. It looks unreal. It must be a busy night for them; there are people at almost every table.
“Hello, Mr. Young, we have your private space ready for you.” One of the hostesses says and starts to lead us away from the rest of the dining hall to an area separated from the main floor. It’s quiet and secluded, there’s a bouquet lying on the table.
“Your waiter will be right with you in a minute.” She says before nodding and heading off.
“These are for you,” Carson says, giving me the flowers and pulling my chair out. Right, so we’re definitely not on a date? I sit down and put the flowers in my lap. Carson sits on the other side of the table.
“Thanks…” I mumble, my eyes softening, looking down at the flowers. It’s the most beautiful bouquet of alstroemeria I’ve ever seen. I fiddle with the bow that’s wrapped around the stems.
“You can never have enough flowers besides…I really am sorry, Julian.” He says, snapping me out of my trance of everything that’s happening right now.
“No, Carson, it’s.. It’s honestly ok. We’re both athletes, I should have known…How busy we can get. I didn’t mean to be clingy.” I say, looking away, embarrassed.
“Clingy?” He chuckles, “That’s the last word I would use to describe you.”
And how would you describe me?
Is what I would ask if I wasn’t already running too hot right now.
“Anyways, so what do you like? Red or white? Sauce and wine,” He asks before I can get too lost in my thoughts.
“Oh…I usually like white sauces, red wines.”
“I figured that. You seem like the red wine type.” He laughs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I scoff.
“It fits your broody moods.”
“Broody? Well, we can’t all be as unserious as you, I suppose.” I retort, rolling my eyes and settling the flowers down next to me in the booth.
“I suppose not.” He says, imitating my accent, “The world would implode if we did.” We both share a laugh at this.
The waiter comes over and introduces himself; he asks what drinks we would like to start with. I bite my lip nervously, pausing.
“I’ll have prosecco, and he’ll have your best cabernet sauvignon,” Carson says firmly.
“Of course, sir.” The waiter says before heading off to put the ticket in.
Warmth pools in my stomach while he scans the rest of the menu. I guess that does it for me; learning a lot about myself these days.
“Oh, I meant to ask, do you speak Korean?”
I noticed we only converse in English.
“Yeah.” Carson chuckles.
“You never speak it to me…” I mumble, shyly.
“Do you want me to? Sorry, it’s probably more comfortable for you, right?” Carson asks in Korean.
On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t have asked.
“Oh, don’t be sorry, I…Yeah, I was…I was just wondering, and I forgot to ask about it before.” I stammer back in Korean.
“Do you like it?”
“Yeah..” I say quietly, my cheeks hot. I think I like it way more than I should. As if I’ve never heard a man speaking our language before.
But it’s…Carson.