Chapter 14
The cheers from the crowd bounce around the arena as the guys make the very last score to win.
I’ve been trying to go to more of Carson’s home games since returning to America.
I hadn’t gone to one since the first time, and I admit I felt bad about that.
Training for my new program has been grueling, but I still wanted him to know I support him too.
I jump up in time with them at the sound of the buzzer, no longer shy about my cheerleading Carson on.
The more I go, the more I learn about the game.
I almost know what’s going on now, and that makes it even more fun.
He skates over to where I am, blowing a kiss at me before grinning. My body flushes with heat.
He’s so ridiculous.
I come down to meet him in the standby area, where I wait until the team finishes up their media runs and locker time. Carson peeks his head into the hall, waving me over. He looks so beautifully worn, his eyes low, his face still wet and flushed from his shower.
“Thanks for coming again and waiting up.” He smiles.
“Of course,” I say, playing with my sleeve.
I can’t believe he still makes me nervous. Maybe it’s because I’ve prepared a little something for him. I hope he likes it.
I pull out the box from my bag and hand it to him, “These are for you and the team. They’re good for after games. Just something light. I know you guys are probably going to go drinking or whatever.”
Carson looks down at the snacks, a grin spreading far across his face, “You’re such a sweetheart.”
He pulls me into him, the touch of our bodies brief but still all-consuming.
“Hey! It’s Julian! We won! You coming out with us?” Dillan yells from down the hall. Me and Carson turn to him.
Carson, already shaking his head.
“Oh, uh, maybe not tonight, I have a really crazy session in the morning. Sorry.” I say, my brows furrowing. I really wish I could, but this time it really is because I’m still getting back on track.
“Aww man, that sucks! It’s ok though, maybe next time!”
“Oh, but I brought you guys something, actually. Carson give Dillan one of the snacks.” I say before trying to grab the box back from him, but he pulls it away.
“What snacks?”
“There’s snacks?” Dillan exclaims, getting the attention of the rest of the team as they’ve started to trickle into the hall. I guess their showers are done.
“No, not for you.” He smirks.
“Yes, they are. Carson. Share them.” I scoff.
“He brought these just for me.”
“I did not. They’re meant for you to share with your team.”
“Yeah, captain, you need to share.” Sam laughs, joining us, Kane lingering behind him. Silent as always.
“Nah, I don’t think I will. I share enough with you fuckers.” He laughs.
“See how he treats us,” Dillan whines, “Julian, do something.”
“Carson, give me that!” I say, snatching the box back and passing the snacks around to each of them.
“Aw, thank you, Julian. You’re so kind,” Dillan grins.
“Thanks,” Kane says.
“These are good. Thanks, man!” Sam mumbles while chewing.
“I’m glad you like them. Here, take these for the other guys too, before Carson hides them all.” I say, glaring at him.
He’s watching me, his lips pressed into a soft smile.
* * *
Carson has come and watched my sessions up until very recently.
As the hockey season grows more intense, he can only take me back home here and there.
I feel the new program is almost perfected, and the extra training was absolutely worth it.
My landings are cleaner, and I’m flowing into my next move much more gracefully and skillfully than before.
I really need to send Coach Peters a nice gift after this, whether I win or not.
Speaking of winning, this bet or whatever we’re calling it between me and Carson has added another level of anxiety to the stakes.
I still don’t even know if I want this to happen or not, despite me liking him and him liking me.
But I have been working on these thoughts in counseling, and I’m starting to understand why I might be feeling this way.
My feelings for Carson are something I can’t control or measure.
I’m sure it will take time for me to understand I can have both too.
But what I have learned is, I want both.
I want Carson, and to keep performing at the highest level I can.
I want to enjoy the feeling of both. Being with Carson won’t bring my performance down; it won’t get in the way of me taking care of myself or my family.
If anything, he’s done so much for me.
He was my first real friend.
Even if that’s all we ever are, I hope I can be better to him.
“You ready to head out?” Carson says, sneaking up on me in the locker room.
“God, you scared me, I thought you guys didn’t have any gym today.”
“Oh…” He looks away, running his fingers through his hair.
Carson rarely gets nervous, how cute, “I have something to tell you.” He laughs a bit.
“What? You guys break the damn machines or something?” I laugh.
“That would be a good deduction. Actually, can’t say it’s never happened.”
Now we’re both laughing.
I love these moments between us.
“So what is it?”
“I’ve always just kinda been waiting for you.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, brows pinching together.
“I didn’t have any gym today or yesterday when I took you home or any of those other times. The team has schedules for that already.” He laughs.
“You’re such a creep!”
I throw my shirt I’ve just changed out of at him, the sound of our laughter echoing through the room. He’s such a sweetheart. I wish I were ready to tell him those kinds of things, but it’s still awkward for me.