Chapter 19Hailey
CHAPTER 19
HAILEY
“And no funny business anywhere in this house, on the rigs, or while on duty, you got it?” Nate says to both Luke and me.
It’s my first day back to reality. At least that’s how it seems. After an impromptu week off, it’s my first shift back at the firehouse. I took last shift off because everyone seemed to think it was a good idea to take the extra day and relax. Relaxing was not something I needed to do, though, so I spent most of the day with Savanna rather than sitting around idly with my thoughts.
We’re standing in Nate’s office after having filled him in on our new relationship status, something we didn’t do on Luke’s last shift when I wasn’t working. I made it very clear to Luke last night that I wouldn’t go one working second in this house without reporting things to Nate, though. If we’re going to be together, we’re doing it the right way. I’m not sneaking around behind everyone’s back only to get caught and in trouble later. I’m good with never being in trouble again after the talk I got from Nate the first time around where Luke was concerned.
I look at him, aghast. “Do you know who you’re talking to?”
Nate looks at me pointedly, his bright blue eyes buzzing with amusement. “I don’t know that I do. He," he points at Luke standing beside me, “got you to participate in Tree Toppers. I’m not sure who you are anymore, or what he might be capable of talking you into.”
Luke snickers which triggers me to elbow him in the side.
“Aye, aye, Lieutenant. No funny business while on shift. I’ll make sure she stays in line, and keeps her hands to herself,” Luke declares, saluting.
I swivel my head to glare at Luke, unsure which one of them is more entertained—him or Nate. They both know damn well I would never do something like that.
“I’m sure,” Nate replies dryly. I can hear the eye roll in his voice without seeing it. “Now get out. I’ve got paperwork to do.”
I’m still scowling at Luke when he pushes me towards the door, a hand at my hip so I don’t fall. As if to validate all of Nate’s warnings, Luke gives me a little smack on the ass as we cross the threshold into the hall outside of the office. I yelp in surprise, turning to fling my hand at his chest, but he’s quick to wrap his arm around my torso and pull me into him so I completely miss.
“You’re so bad,” I hiss at him, squirming in his arms. I may not want to get into trouble, but I secretly love the way he’s got hold of me right outside the boss’ office. “You’re gonna get us into trouble.”
“Just don’t get caught. Problem solved,” he grins at me, those dimples deepening with his enjoyment.
Things with Luke have been nothing short of magical. They were amazing when it was just the two of us holed up at his house, but they’ve gotten even better since he took me on our first date. I know I’m falling for him. Hard, fast, and deep. I suppose it’s not difficult to believe since I never got over him, but we’re also not the same people we were ten years ago. It’s been fun learning about present day Luke, instead of remembering what he was like, or imagining what he might be like. Which I did. Often.
He's better than my wildest dreams. I know I thought I wanted the safe option, but he’s the reason I wanted it that way. Now that I have him back in my life, I want nothing more than to be with him, and only him. Even if that means dealing with all the daredevil interests he has. Like jumping out of airplanes. Ugh, I don’t even want to know what else might be on the list.
“I think they fucked,” Liam’s voice comes from down the corridor.
We both glance down the hall to find him and Quinn standing there. He’s got an arm hanging over her shoulder, and one of her hands is planted on a jutted out hip. They both look thoroughly satisfied while they stare at us.
“Oh, I know they fucked,” she counters with the utmost confidence.
My eyes narrow as Luke and I meander towards them. I haven’t talked to Quinn much in the last week, other than to tell her that I’ve been staying with Luke. That seems to be enough for her to make assumptions. She’d be right, but that’s not the point.
“You don’t know anything,” I tell them.
“Oh really?” She smirks while raising a perfectly arched eyebrow above vibrant green contacts. I hate that she knows me so well. She can see right through me. “So, you’d deny it if I ask? Would you lie to your best friend?”
I lift my chin in defiance. I am not going to answer her on this. Beside me, I can feel Luke trying to contain his laughter. I want to elbow him again, but he’s got me pinned tight to his side, so I can’t. I settle for a poke in the back of his ribs.
“Did you two fuck?” Quinn pressures when I don’t respond. I can see the amusement dancing in her eyes, just as I can see it in Liam’s.
When her eyes land on Luke, he puts up a hand to stop her. “First, I don’t use that word if I can help it. Second, I don’t kiss and tell.”
He may say the words, but when I glance at him, he’s wearing a shit eating grin that says everything his words don’t. This time I poke him harder in the ribs. When he throws his weight in my direction with a little yip, I feel rather pleased with myself.
“You’re right,” Liam says with a nod. “They definitely did.”
Lifting a hand, palm up, in front of Liam, a sly smile crosses Quinn’s pouty lips. “You owe me twenty bucks.”
For a second, I just stand there, trying to understand what I’m observing. Then my jaw drops in disbelief. “Excuse me? You guys had a bet going whether we’d sleep together?”
I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s Quinn and Liam. But I am.
While Liam pulls his wallet out, Quinn waves her hand dismissively. “It wasn’t a bet on if you’d sleep together, it was a bet on when .”
Beside me, Luke can’t contain his laughter anymore. I’ve been feeling his body gradually grow in shakiness while he tries to hold it in, but now the rich sound expels from him, and would probably warm me from the inside out if I wasn’t so outraged over this conversation. I can’t believe they bet on my sex life, especially with Luke, given how they knew I felt about him.
“Who bet what?” Luke asks curiously.
I turn my glare on him, incredulous he’d feed into this.
“I took you for plus three months to seal the deal,” Liam explains, slapping a twenty in Quinn’s hand. “Quinn took you for less.”
I want to stomp my foot like a child throwing a temper tantrum at the absurdity of it all. When Luke holds his fist out for a bump with Quinn, I have thoughts that may border on murderous. I thought they were hard on Nate before he and Savanna got together, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it worse than he did. He should thank his lucky stars Luke wasn’t around for that, given that he seems quite pleased and okay with our sex life being the subject of a bet.
“Now do you think it was angry, hateful sex?” Liam asks Quinn, glancing at her. “Or the mushy, I love you kind?”
Quinn turns her attention to Liam with a smirk. “You really think Hailey is capable of the angry, hateful sex? Annoyed, maybe. But the angry, hateful stuff?”
They’re acting like we’re not standing a few feet away. Liam’s eyes are still directed at Quinn while he nods emphatically. “Before Luke got here, I didn’t think she had it in her. But I’ve learned she’s mean.”
“I’m gonna show you m?—”
The alarm tones interrupt me, signaling a call. We all pause, listening carefully to the announcement. It’s for a car accident on Hillsboro. Both fire and EMS are being requested which means we’re all out of here.
The second we’re in the ambulance with the doors shut, Quinn’s eyes dart towards me. “I want all the details! Is he good?”
“Quinn!” I admonish, my eyes rounding in exasperation at her. First she bets on my sex life, now she wants the details of it? It isn’t happening.
“Oh Hails, don’t be such a prude. If he’s not good, then he’s bad. Is he bad?” she questions, eyebrows furrowing in concern as she glances at me. It’s just like Quinn to want these kinds of details, and to be completely worried that sex isn’t good between Luke and me.
“No!” I exclaim, immediately slapping my hands over my face. I can feel my cheeks burning. A little more quietly I add, “He’s an absolute dream. But that’s all I’m telling you about our sex life.”
“I knew it,” Quinn says in triumph, giving a small fist pump in the air. “He has that look. Okay, start from the beginning. Leave out any details I already know.”
There aren’t many details she does know. Everyone knew about my car going over the mountain thanks to the group text, but besides that, she only knew about me staying with him. Not the why. Not what my mom did. Not our history.
I don’t get very far into the story before we’re on scene. The call is for a two vehicle collision with possible serious injuries in one of the vehicles. Dispatch communicated that the caller didn’t know how bad it was because they couldn’t get the car door open, but when I lay my eyes on the vehicles after jumping out of the ambulance, experience tells me it looks bad.
A wave of nausea hits me out of nowhere. The vehicle that took the brunt of the damage looks eerily similar to mine. I know it isn’t my hatchback because mine was just pulled up from the bottom of the mountain yesterday, and isn’t drivable, but it’s the same make, model, and color. There’s a ton of them around.
Nate asked me yesterday if I was okay. We had a long talk about it because he wanted to ensure I was good to go. Physically I felt good after a week off. Mentally, I didn’t think there was any problem. The accident was over and done with. I was alive. End of story.
Except looking at the car that looks so close to mine brings up every memory from the other day. How close I was to dying. It makes me think of my first accident. The one that changed my life forever in so many ways. Ways that I’m only starting to discover.
I need to turn this off. Logically, I know that. I need to stop the reel that’s playing in my head, shut the emotion down, go to work. People in the car need me. Other victims at the scene may need me. I can’t make my feet work, though. They’re rooted in place like they’re cemented into the asphalt.
Quinn calls my name, but I can’t seem to look at her. All I can do is stare at the damn car. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced. All these things going on around me, but I can’t refocus my attention on any of them. It makes me lightheaded.
Hands grab my head and tilt it up. For half a second I’m sure I’ll find Luke staring back at me, but when I concentrate on the man in front of me, I realize it’s Nate.
“Talk to me.”
I blink at him, unsure what I’m supposed to say or talk about. It probably wouldn’t matter because my tongue feels like it’s made of lead. I’m not sure it would work even if I could figure out what to tell him.
“I was driving back to the house when I heard about the accident. Came to see if I could offer anything.” A strange, but familiar voice comes from my left. It takes me a moment, but then I realize it’s our Captain, talking to Nate. Captain Bernard. In a surprised tone, he continues, “Hailey? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think she was ready,” Nate tells him.
I’m focused solely on his face, now that he’s interrupted my view of the crash scene, and all I see is concern.
Ready for what?
“Deal with the scene,” Captain Bernard says. “I’ll deal with Hailey.”
Why does anyone need to deal with me?
Nate nods, taking off towards the crash with one last glance at me. I frown, thoroughly confused. I know that I need to go help too, but I still can’t seem to make my feet work.
“Hailey let’s go sit in my truck,” Captain Bernard coaxes in a calm tone.
Turning my head, which seems to take minutes to do, I blink at him, my frown deepening. My arm feels like it’s full of rocks as I lift it to point at the scene. “I… I need to help Quinn.” My frown intensifies when I realize the words sound slow in my ears.
The Captain gives me a smile that I recognize. It’s the type of smile we use with patients that aren’t quite with it. Compassionate and empathetic. I don’t like it, but I don’t stop him when he places a hand on my shoulder and gently guides me towards his vehicle. I stumble once, my feet and brain uncoordinated, but manage to catch myself before I fall. Or maybe Captain Bernard catches me, I’m not really sure.
“We’re going to let the boys help Quinn. She’ll be okay.”
My eyes stay on the flurry of activity for as long as possible, looking over my shoulder at it. It’s changed drastically since we arrived, I realize, but I don’t know when that happened. I know I’ve been staring over there, minus when Nate blocked my vision, so I should have seen Liam pulling out the jaws of life, or Brody holding a safety shield over the victim. I don’t recall any of it, and I’m sure they couldn’t have done it all in the moments that Nate was in front of me.
When I turn back to Captain Bernard as we get to his truck, I ask, “What are we doing?”
“That depends on a phone call I’m going to make,” he tells me, helping me into the passenger seat.
The frown I’ve been wearing expands. It’s not just a facial feature anymore, but something I can feel seeping deep into my bones. Somehow, I manage to wait patiently while Captain Bernard gets into the driver’s seat and dials a number in his phone.
“Hi Alyssa. Does Dr. Rinkins have any availability today?”
My head whips in his direction, my eyes rounding in surprise. My stomach starts to sink with a leaden feeling. The department psychologist?
“That’s great. Thanks, Alyssa.”
He hangs up the phone and finds me gawking at him. Captain Bernard is a patient, caring man who’s gone grey around the edges, and has warm brown eyes. He’s been the Captain at the firehouse since I started six years ago, and I’ve always thought fondly of him. He’s fair, compassionate, a great listener, and doesn’t take any shit.
“Why did you call Dr. Rinkins?” My voice is dripping with trepidation. I’m not sure I want to know the answer. There’ve been times when a scene has been so horrific and traumatic, that we’ve debriefed with the aid of counselors, but I’ve never had to go to Dr. Rinkins. I’m not sure what this means for me, or my job.
The older man gives me the same smile as before. “Because you need to talk to someone before you come back to work, Hailey.”
I shake my head at him, refusing to believe I need to talk to anyone about anything. “But I’m fine.”
“So then what happened when you got out of the ambulance?” he questions, raising a wise eyebrow.
“I—” I start and then pause, frowning. Taking a breath, I look down at my hands which, to my surprise, are trembling. Clasping them together, I push them between my legs so that he doesn’t see them shake. “That car looks like mine. It made me think of the accident the other day.”
“And then you froze,” he says gently. There’s no judgement in his tone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it from myself. “It’s okay if you’re not alright, but it’s not okay to be on duty while you’re not okay. For the safety of everyone.”
Swallowing a lump of emotion rising in my throat before bringing my gaze back to him, I still don’t know what this means for me. Besides the fact I need to see Dr. Rinkins, and I can’t work until she gives me the green light. But what if she never gives me the green light?
“I thought I was okay.”
He nods in understanding. “We all have different triggers. There’s no shame in that. But that’s why you’re going to talk to someone before you come back to work. Deal?”
There’s not much I can do besides nod, even though I don’t feel like agreeing.
“Deal,” I whisper because if I speak any louder, I’m scared my voice will crack.
I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t be a paramedic. Logically, I understand what he’s saying. I know I can’t be a hazard on scene. But telling that to the gnawing sensation in my chest and the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, is a different story.
As he starts the truck up and begins to pull away, I get a glimpse of Luke. He’s helping wheel a patient towards the ambulance. As if there’s an invisible connection between us, he suddenly looks directly at me. The look of concern that flashes across his face has me simultaneously melting and aching for him. I don’t want him to worry, but in this moment all I want is for him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it’s going to be okay.
Lifting a hand in a wave, I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile before Captain Bernard turns the truck, and Luke is gone from my sight.
The ride back to the station is short and silent. Probably because I’m lost in my own thoughts of what this means for me, and what might happen if I can’t pull it together. Besides being a doctor, I’ve never seen myself doing anything else. Medicine is where I’ve always wanted to be. Then again, the last time I was in an accident was when I changed my life path. Maybe I’m supposed to do something else. Maybe I’m not meant to be a paramedic anymore.
The thought makes my heart hurt.
Captain Bernard pulls up at the front of the building, instead of the side door where employees park. This isn’t unusual for him since his office is up front, but it means I’ll have to go through reception to get to the living quarters and locker rooms. I figure I’ll get changed into my street clothes and then curl up in the rec area until everyone is back, or I need to go to my appointment.
As if he can read my mind, he says to me, while we walk through the doors, “Appointment is at eleven, Hailey. Let me know if you need a ride.”
I nod at him. “I will.”
If Luke is back by then, I’ll ask to use his Jeep for the day. I know he won’t have a problem with it as long as I’m back to pick him up tomorrow morning.
Letting out a deep sigh, I scrub a hand over my cheek which is hot to the touch. This isn’t something I was prepared to deal with. There's already a lot going on in my life that I haven’t dealt with, I don’t need to add more to it. Unless this is life’s way of saying I can’t ignore things forever.
I’m caught up in my thoughts when a lady calls out, “Excuse me, miss?”
I slow my stride and look around. The front of the building is reserved for a few offices, reception, and a waiting area. There’s a row of chairs along one wall which is opposite a counter. The walkway between the two leads you to the back living quarters and engine bays, which is where I was headed. Until this woman grabbed my attention.
“Yes?” I plaster a smile onto my face that I don’t feel, nor do I really want to give. Working with the public, however, I learned to master faking it a long time ago.
Her hair draws my gaze. It’s raven colored, beautiful and thick, but it’s the length that astounds me. If she were standing, it would be past her butt, I’m sure. She smiles at me, deep red lipstick pulling across lips that look too big for her face. If not for those, I think she’d be drop dead gorgeous.
“Are you a firefighter?” she asks. I’d guess her to be right around my age.
I shake my head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m a paramedic. Do you need one? I can go grab Captain Bernard. He may be able to help you.”
“Oh.” A disappointed air envelops the woman who sighs heavily before the smile returns to her lips. She seems like the type to be perky in all situations, so the frown was odd. Or it could just be the lips. “No, thank you. I thought maybe if you were a firefighter that meant they were back. I’m waiting for someone.”
I have to force myself not to roll my eyes at this woman. I would bet almost anything this is someone Liam took home. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it won’t be the last. The guy uses his firefighter status to get women in his bed all the time. This is probably some conquest of his who has tracked him down, thinking she can change him. Or maybe she’s just looking for another round with him.
“Let me guess,” I say, lifting my hand to about Liam’s height, “This tall, brown hair, brown eyes?”
The woman cocks her head, perplexed. There’s a line that appears between her eyebrows as she gives me the odd frown again. “No. Taller than that. Blond hair. Blue eyes that look kind of green. His name is Luke.”
My first reaction is surprise. The second is dread as my stomach churns in the worst way.
“Oh. Sorry, I thought…” I shake my head and wave my hand dismissively at my Liam assumption. “How do you know Luke?”
The woman lights up with a happiness that radiates from the crown of her head to the tips of her toes. “I’m his fiancée,” she says in a bright voice, waving her left hand for me to see the ring on her finger. My jaw doesn’t even have time to drop before she’s on her feet, thrusting her stomach towards me. Now I realize why I noticed her hair. It was camouflaging a very pregnant bump. “And he’s my baby daddy.”