Chapter 19
KADENCE
Iwas a goddamn mess, and I knew it. Everyone knew it.
Annika was being nice because she was my best friend, but I knew she was tired of dealing with me and my issues.
While she was taking care of me for the last month, I knew she wanted to enjoy time with her men.
I was asking too much of her, and I knew something had to change.
I had to get out of the house before insanity consumed me.
For the last month, I didn’t leave unless it was to go to the gym or to go to therapy.
Other than that, I was in bed or on the couch.
It was time to stop lingering and allow myself to start living again.
Blaize hurt me, but she didn’t destroy me.
I needed to stop hurting myself because I wanted to hurt her.
It was time to talk to her. But just because I would talk to her, didn’t mean I wouldn't make her work for my forgiveness.
The weather was chilly, but the cool air would feel amazing on my skin.
I zipped the black hoodie Annika let me borrow halfway, letting the top of my red V-neck show.
Annika told me to be careful and Theo gave me a switchblade, just in case I needed it.
I think they were paranoid, but I was also attacked walking home from Roadhouse before, so the knife would be useful if something like that happened again.
But I wasn’t far from the apartment, so I wasn't anticipating trouble. Besides, sparring with Drew helped me a lot. I think I’d be able to defend myself if someone tried to hurt me.
My heart was a punching bag for so many people.
I wanted Blaize to know the sorrow she caused me, and from what Hunter and Drew told me, she was withering in pity and guilt.
She killed and handled shitty people, but I was innocent.
Yes, I didn’t fall to my knees and confess my trauma to her, but that was because it was my choice not to tell anyone.
Was it a mistake on my part? Maybe. But it was my choice.
No one was going to take away my choice from me ever again.
I was Kadence Hayes. I might not of been born her, but she was the woman I was meant to be.
For the first time in a long time, I had a choice and no one, not even the woman I was enraptured with, could take that away from me.
The moon danced off the water as I made it to the pier.
Annika’s apartment was still a few blocks away, and if it was a last resort, the clubhouse was up the street.
I let my guard down knowing that if anything happened, I had a safety net.
I kicked my shoes off and dip my toes in the icy water.
It was a little chilly outside, but it wasn't cold enough for me to get sick.
This peace was the exact thing I needed to calm my muddled thoughts, even if the proximity to the water scared me.
Water still terrified me. It took my family away when my brother vanished into its endless, unfathomable depths.
But it was also comforting; the rhythm of the waves, the gentle lap against the shoreline, the beauty of the dark abyss.
How could something that caused so much despair be so beautiful?
It was a paradox that made no sense. Maybe it was because I was thinking of my brother and knew the water would help.
Nathan should still be here with me, and maybe my life wouldn’t be shit.
If I had my guiding light, maybe I would’ve been the daughter my parents wanted.
Time passed, and I glanced at my phone to see 11:58 p.m. screaming at me.
Annika would be worried if I didn’t come back soon; she’d have a search party out.
I sent her a quick message before pulling my feet from the water.
I let my feet dry as much as they could before slipping my socks back on and tying my sneakers.
The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention when I heard a board creak.
My fists curled at my side, fear dancing down my spine.
Carefully, I stood up, prepared for a sneak attack.
I spun on my heel, throwing my fist blindly.
I hit someone, but they grabbed my hair and white hot agony danced from my skull to my toes.
I kicked my legs out to no avail as he pinned me between a pier beam and his hard body.
My mouth opened, a pending scream on the edge of my lungs, but he covered my mouth with a gloved hand.
He was in a ski mask, his eyes covered by the darkness of the night. Who the hell wanted to kill me now?
“Scream and I’ll fucking kill you, bitch.
” His voice was gravely and harsh as he pulled out a switchblade.
My breath got caught in my lungs as I tried to keep my breathing even when I felt cool metal pressed to my throat.
The blade glided down the skin of my sternum, and now I wished I zipped my hoodie up all the way.
I gasped when I felt the sting of the blade cutting into the swell of my breast. This was the moment I was going to die, and no one was going to find my body.
Water was my tormentor for years, and now it would be my grave.
The knife was brought back to my neck, and I latched onto the man’s arm with wide eyes.
I attempted to stomp on his toes so I could get away, but it was useless.
Training and sparring with Drew was useless when I couldn’t use it the moment I needed it most. “Don’t worry.
I won’t kill you yet.” He dug the blade into my neck until I felt crimson dripping down.
I think it was the same spot Blaize nicked in the basement, only more prominent and maybe even a little deeper?
“Tell that bitch I’m taking everything she loves,” he whispered into my ear, shoving me forward with enough strength to cause me to stumble and hit one of the pier posts.
His heavy footsteps disappeared as I took broken, stuttering breaths.
I touched my throat, trembling as a concerning amount of blood coated my fingers.
My fingers trembled as I typed the code on my phone.
My breathing was erratic and tears were streaming down my face.
When my phone was unlocked, I applied pressure to the cut on my neck with one hand as I held the phone to my ear, calling Annika with the other.
I silently pleaded that she answered, but she didn’t, and neither did any of the guys.
A sound behind me caused me to snap my head towards it, only to see nothing but an empty street.
Fuck, why did this part of town have to be quiet?
I tried calling Everly, Hunter, and to my dismay, Hawke, but no one answered me.
As my last resort, I sucked it up and hit Blaize’s contact.
Please let her answer. I sobbed when her voice broke through on the first ring. “Kadence? What’s wrong, baby?”
“I-I n-need y-you.” My words came out broken as I clutched my neck tighter to stop the bleeding. I stumbled until I collapsed next to one of the pier’s posts, a sob ripping from my lungs.
I heard keys jingle and heels hitting the ground as she ran. “I’m coming, where are you?”
“P-pier,” I muttered. “S-someone attacked me.”
“I’m coming, princess.” I heard her say something to someone else, but I couldn’t make it out. “Stay there. Stay with me.”
The cut was deep enough to scare me, but I knew it wasn't fatal or I’d be dead already.
Whoever he was, he wanted to use me as a message—a living, breathing reminder of how easy it was for him to cause misery to the people Blaize cared about.
Blaize stayed on the phone with me, reassuring me that help was coming as I cried harder.
Someone tried to kill me. Why did people keep trying to fucking kill me? Who did I piss off to deserve this?
I jumped when heavy boot steps walked onto the pier, and I clutched my knees to my chest knowing he’s come to finish the job. “Kadence.” I think it was Cross. Or maybe it was Sin.
“Don’t.” The voice was familiar, but fear clouded my brain as I sank into myself.
There was talk all around me, but I blocked it out until I heard her.
She was the only one I cared about. When her heels hit the wooden pier, I lifted my gaze from my knees to see her running toward me.
The whole motorcycle club was gathered around, except for a few—Hawke being one of them—who were missing.
They waited for Blaize because they knew I wasn’t comfortable.
“Kadence.” Blaize dropped to her knees in front of me, her eyes examined the cut on my neck and the blood coating my fingers. “Fuck.” She removed her jacket and pulled her t-shirt off her body, leaving her in a tight, black tank top, using it to apply pressure to my neck. “Who did this to you?”
“I-I don’t know.”
Blaize pulled me into her arms, and as much as my brain was protesting, I knew she was the only person I wanted holding me right now.
She answered and came to me without hesitation.
One of the guys opened the door to an SUV as she helped me crawl into the backseat, sliding in next to me and holding me as I sobbed into her chest. Blaize yelled for Sin to get in the driver seat, and then we were moving.
Blaize soothed me, not drilling me for questions as we rode in silence.