Chapter 29
KADENCE
The remnants of fall and early doses of winter made this road look like a photoshopped picture.
The trees were gorgeous and vast, some of them changing colors with fall, but others still green with hints of brown.
How would it look in the snow? Snow in the west and east were two different things, and where we lived in New York didn’t have this vast amount of trees. It was beautiful out here.
I wrapped my arms tighter around her, resting my head on her shoulder as the fall wind whipped past us. It was easy to get lost in her and the beauty that surrounded us. Where was she taking us? We’d been driving for thirty minutes, but there was nothing out here but trees and endless roads.
She pulled to a secluded area where the trees fanned out, revealing a cliffside.
She pulled her helmet off, and her hair fell down her back like a black, silk waterfall.
All I could think about was how beautiful she was.
Blaize looked at me over her shoulder and smirked.
And goddamn, did she look like sex in leather.
My legs were like jelly, my hair was probably a mess of blue, and I didn’t know what my face looked like, but she looked at me like I was the most gorgeous person she laid eyes on.
She kicked her leg over flawlessly. I knew I would have stumbled and fallen on my face if I tried that.
I kicked my leg over, but before I could stand, Blaize nudged herself between my thighs and gently removed the helmet from my head.
She brushed my frizzy hair from my face as her index finger slipped under my chin, lifting it upwards towards the sky.
My pupils must have been huge as her lips curved into a smirk.
She leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss on my lips.
I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her in tighter, deepening the kiss.
When we pulled away, we were both breathless. I pressed my forehead to hers, taking her in. “So what is this?”
She smiled as she ran her hand up my arm before stopping at my neck. “This is how I show you another part of myself. I never bring anyone here.”
She released me and grabbed my hand, interlocking her fingers with mine before pulling me off the bike.
My legs buckled, but Blaize caught me in her strong embrace.
She walked us towards the cliff. Panic set in my bones, but I pushed it away.
She wanted me to be here with her so I was, but I was terrified of the ocean.
I knew with one wrong move, and I’d tumble off the cliff into it.
“This is serenity,” Blaize started. “I found this place not too long after Olivia and Charlee died. I was in a bad place. I can’t tell you how many times I thought about ending it all when looking over these cliffs. One move and I could rejoin my family.”
“Blaize, I’m s—”
She squeezed my hand, cutting me off. “I’m content now.
It was hard, and every day I will still remember the family I had.
You came into my life and you ignited something inside me I haven't felt in years. I’m not an easy person to love.
” A shudder rolled down my spine, and I wasn’t sure if it was from her confession or the fear petrifying me, but I gave her a small smile.
“I’m falling in love with you, Kadence. And out of all the threats and dangers hanging over my shoulders, that terrifies me more than anything. ”
“You brought me to a cliff to confess your undying love for me?”
“It wasn’t the intention, but I want to show you a part of me that people never get to see—except maybe Hunter, if I’m drunk enough.”
I sighed, stepping closer to the edge of the cliff, looking down at the water crashing into the rocks below as I took a deep breath. Images of Nathan flashed through my mind as I closed my eyes. “I hate the ocean. It’s a constant reminder that I should be dead, instead of my brother.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I told you my brother died, but I never told you how he died. I was six. We went to the beach for a family vacation. Nathan got to do more because he was older and knew how to swim, but I wanted to be with my big brother.” I bit my lip, feeling the tears well in my eyes.
“My dad didn’t watch me, and my mom hated the beach, so she was in the hotel room.
I started following him. He didn’t realize I was out so far with him until it was too late.
I got hit with a lot of water. There were rocks and he swam us there, putting me on them for safety, but a bad wave hit and slammed his head against the rocks.
He was bleeding and I was crying, but when people realized what was going on, it was too late.
Nathan died protecting me because I didn’t listen. ”
Blaize came behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling my back into her. “You were a child.”
I wiped my eyes, sniffling. “It didn’t matter.
Nathan was dead, and I was alive. My father was shattered, and when he told my mom, I could see the disgust on her face.
She and my dad argued a lot after that. Called me a devil child.
My dad drowned himself in his work and alcohol.
It’s why I rebelled so much. I wanted an ounce of the love he never gave me. ”
“And your mom?”
I shrugged. “The bitch could be dead for all I know. She left after the funeral. She and my dad had a big argument the night before, and I remember her calling me horrible things and said she couldn’t love me because I got Nathan killed.
My father kept custody of me, but he hired a live-in nanny to watch me because he buried himself in his job.
He never cared about me, even before Nathan died.
I tried to be a good daughter. I drew pictures of us, even some with Nathan.
When he was home, he drank.” I took a deep breath and looked at the sky.
“It got to a point where I thought he would shoot me. I was thirteen, about to start my freshman year of high school. I had already gone through the hair dying phase and the cutting. He didn’t realize how angry I was with myself.
I came home late one night. I’m almost positive I hooked up with one of my friends, but it’s a blur now.
He was drunk, sitting in his recliner, waiting for me to come home. He had his pistol in his hand.”
I rubbed my hand across my neck. “He slammed me against the wall and shoved his gun down my throat. He said Nathan should be here instead of me, and I heard the gun click. I think that click cleared the mental haze, and he pulled away. That night, I cut really deep so I could feel something besides fear. I thought about sitting in the bathtub and slitting my wrists. He wouldn’t care, and if anyone found me, it would be too late. ”
“Your father is an idiot. He never realized how perfect you really are.”
I laughed. “He is, but he’s also the same fucker who save my life. When I met Dominic, I was twenty-one. I had just dropped out of nursing school and was in the middle of a three-day drinking binge. Met him outside of a bar. He screamed bad boy, and I knew my father would hate him, so I fucked him.
“I fell in love with him,” I admitted. “I don’t know why.
He wasn’t that hot, and his dick game was trash.
He enjoyed the fact that I was bisexual, so I was able to sleep with girls.
I enjoyed it a lot more than being with him, but I don’t know why I stayed with him.
” I took another deep breath and sank into Blaize’s touch.
“He became mean and aggressive, but ya know, an absent mother and a distant father that almost killed me—I didn’t see it as a red flag. My dumbass thought it was a carnival.”
“We all have those bad relationships before a good one.”
I smiled as she tucked her head into the nape of my neck. “I should have known something was wrong because my dad actually cared. He warned me that Dominic was bad news, but I kept chasing him because it pissed my dad off. It was the only thing I cared about.”
Talking about my trauma got easier every day, but it still hurt knowing I’d never have the ideal family dynamic or life.
Blaize was the first person I’d told about my brother besides Dr. Williams, but that didn’t count when it was therapy.
Talking about Nathan felt like this sinking weight had been lifted off my chest.
I looked down at the crashing waves hitting the rocks at the bottom of the cliff before turning around and looking at Blaize.
“Blaize, your love feels like the crushing waves of the sea, pulling me under slowly, then all at once. I know I should swim, but I want to drown in the depths of your soul, where parts of you remain hidden.”