Chapter 30
BLAIZE
Kadence looked at me with her big, forest-green eyes, waiting for me to say something, but for once in my life, I was honestly speechless.
I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t hurt her because that was what I did—I made them hurt.
I killed people. I made them regret the day they met me.
But with her, I wanted to cherish her, kiss the physical and emotional scars that littered her body, showing her the true definition of love.
I wanted to wring the bastard’s neck who ruined her life and watch the life drain from his eyes as I fucked her senseless.
“I can’t promise you anything, Kadence. I’m not a good person.”
She cocked her brow at me and lifted her arm, showing me the marks left from the chains.
“I know. You kill people. You torture them—and who knows what other demons live in your closet, but I don’t care.
I want to love every damaged part of you.
As long as I am not in the position of torture or death, unless it’s related to kink and you are screwing my brains out, that is.
I just never want to be on the receiving end that sends me into a panic attack again. ”
I grabbed her wrist, rubbing small circles around the semi-healed lacerations. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for causing you such pain. The look in your eyes when you went back to that place made my heart shatter. I have demons, Kadence. Loud, screaming, and demanding.”
“We all have demons, Blaize. You can’t let them constantly control you.
You can’t let them prevent you from caring.
From loving someone. I love you, Blaize.
Everything in me is fighting it after that night, but my heart longs for you and my soul needs you.
You make me feel complete, like I’m not fucking shattered into pieces. ”
She took the breath from my lungs with that four-letter word.
Love. The greatest weapon on this planet that could alter anything.
I put my lips to hers in a soft kiss. Passionate.
Caring. Loving. I pushed my insecurities out of the way and pulled her deeper into the kiss.
I captured her soft moans with my mouth as my hands roamed her beautiful body.
“I don’t want you to be afraid of loving me,” she breathed as she pulled away. “I want to know that I can rely on you to hold me when I break, to catch me when I fall, and to love me like I deserve. I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life, Blaize.”
“I know. I haven't dated or been in love since Olivia. This is new territory.”
She took my hand before crossing her legs and falling gently onto the grassy cliffside.
“Tell me about them.” I arched my brow, and she smiled.
“I’m not going to be upset or angry because you talk about the woman who was taken from you.
Keep her and your daughter’s memory alive.
Besides, I can learn more about you. Dating is learning everything about your partner. ”
“Is that what we’re doing, princess?”
“Yes. You never answered me, so I’m answering for you. I never got proper dates or was treated well. I love you. You’re falling in love with me, and I want to know about you other than you owning a BDSM club, killing people, and being a badass. Now tell me, how did the two of you meet?”
I dove into the story of meeting my beautiful, chaotic, and abused wife.
The two of them really were alike in many ways with their similar home lives and their shared history of abuse, just different fonts.
Olivia was an innocent child, hurt by her stepfather and thrown out by her mother.
Kadence was neglected her whole life simply because she was alive, before turning to other people to feel the void her father left behind.
Neither of them allowed their upbringing to change how genuine and pure they were.
Life never gave either one of them a chance, but they still rose through the trials and tribulations.
Kadence snuggled into me, resting her head on my chest as I continued to talk.
Talking about them got easier and easier, but the pain would always be there.
Charlee was a heavier topic. I knew bringing a child into this life would lead to consequences, but we were ready for that step.
Seeing Charlee for the first time made me feel like I could change for her, throw everything away and be the mother she deserved while giving her the brightest future.
“Do you want more children?” Kadence asked, curiosity in her tone.
I looked at the afternoon sky, imagining Olivia and Charlee looking down on me. “I don’t know. I never thought I wanted to be a parent until we held Charlee and everything was perfect. Do you want children?”
“I don’t know.” Her face fell. “I’m not the embodiment of a fantastic childhood.
I’m terrified I’ll be just like him. I’m not sure if I have a maternal bone in my body, and I'm afraid I’ll hurt my child.
Sometimes I dream of a perfect life where I am married with kids, but I don’t know if I want it. ”
“Your childhood won’t affect the way you raise a child.
It might even shape it to be something magnificent.
Olivia was scared, too, y’know. She thought because her mother allowed her stepfather to hurt her, she would do the same thing to Charlee, but she gave our little girl the world and would kill anyone who harmed her.
We aren’t our parents,” I said, even though I was exactly like my father.
“We’ll leave the door open. I know I don’t want any now. Besides, I want to be spoiled first.”
“I will spend the rest of my existence worshipping the ground you walk on, princess. I know I said it already, but I’m sorry. I’m not a good person and I won’t change, but I will never hurt you again. I’ll spend my days figuring out how to make it up to you.”
“Just talk to me, Blaize. That’s all I want—and orgasms. Lots and lots of orgasms.”
I tucked a strand of faded, turquoise hair behind her ear. “I promise to do my best.”
She kissed me. “Take me home, Blaize.”