I Killed a Man
Just as Dayson finished redressing my leg and getting it wrapped in a clean bandage, Abbott and Cole entered with three other people behind them, carrying trays of steaming bowls and fresh bread.
Soon, all the table space was filled with food and drinks, making the room smell amazing and causing my stomach to grumble, sharing my excitement for the food.
Abbott grabbed a tray and set it in my lap, making sure it was stable before he let go.
“Just so you don’t fret, I made sure to drop a tray off to Gavin, but he’s already passed out. It’ll be there for him when he wakes up,” Abbott shared as he filled my cup with water.
Reaching up, I grasped his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.”
“Of course, Cassarah. I’m happy to help, and he seems like a decent guy for a prince,” Abbott teased, remembering when we met and how formal and stiff he’d been, thinking I was a noble woman. “Now eat so we can get you in bed before you sleep in your soup again.”
“That happened one time! It also was at the beginning of my training when you had me do the obstacle course four times, then I had training with Becka,” I grumbled.
Becka laughed, hearing me. “Oh, you mean back when it was learning how to fall off a horse since you couldn’t keep your seat?”
“Having no stirrups and expecting me to be able to do all those maneuvers is just torture. Inali almost didn’t let me ride her again after that week. I had to bribe her with apples and sugar cubes before I could put the saddle on,” I shot back before shoving a spoonful of stew into my mouth.
“Everyone goes through hell the first month of training but look at you now. No one would ever know you didn’t grow up here,” Becka announced proudly. “That is something you should be proud of.”
“Trust me, I’ve seen her fight, and she is no novice. Didn’t even hesitate to do the deed,” Jade interjected. “She also went head-to-head with Lord Everett and won.”
Becka, Abbott, and Cole gaped at him, then looked at me in shock.
“You bested the king’s captain of the royal guard?” Abbott asked as if he didn’t believe Jade.
“Fuck that… you killed someone?” Cole demanded; his brows creased. “Are you okay?”
I moved to set the tray of food down since I was no longer hungry, but Izel stopped me. “No, they can wait. You need to eat so your leg will heal.”
It was becoming clear to me my guardians were all naturally overprotective of the people they were responsible for.
I’d never had people hovering over my well-being like this, and it had only been twenty-four hours.
The dark side of my brain warned me it wouldn’t last because everyone wanted something, and when they got whatever I could give them, they would leave me.
Then my heart told me to listen to what May told me—they care and want to be my family.
But the only family I’d ever known would sell me out to the best option for them.
What would they think when I told them I forgot I’d killed people?
I’d never once had a single moment of sadness about what I did to free Gavin.
Could it be that there was evil in my blood deep inside me like mother always told me?
A hand caught my chin and forced me to look up to meet light green eyes that seemed to see right into my soul.
“Little bird, what you did in that camp saved Prince Gavin, me, yourself, and gave our people time to devise a plan. Don’t you dare feel ashamed.
We are going to war, and every war has casualties.
Those men will not be the last to die by your hand.
You are a strong queen, and I am honored to be at your side as we enter this battle. ”
Jade’s words hit me in the heart as if he had stabbed me with his own knife. How could he possibly know what I was feeling so perfectly? I’d seen him fight, and that alone told me many people had died at his hands.
“Know that I will be here when you need me. With so much going on, it might not affect you now, but eventually, it will. It’s how you know you still have a soul.
Don’t force it. Your mind will tell you when you are ready to deal with it and not a moment before,” he murmured, keeping his voice soft.
“Promise me you will find me when that time comes. This is not something you want to do alone. Promise me.”
I could tell from the look in his eyes he wasn’t going to let this go without an answer. “I promise.”
“Good. Now finish your stew so you can get settled for bed,” Jade ordered.
“You are all worse than a hen sitting on her eggs,” I groused as I broke off some bread and scooped it into the bowl.
They chuckled at my words, grabbing their meals and settling comfortably around the room.
I watched as they all chatted, talking about their training and the horror stories that went along with it.
It was comforting to sit back and watch, seeing them trying to find common ground with each other.
Dayson was loud and expressive with his body gestures as he got into stories, most of them being about his competitiveness.
Cole would try to one-up him with a story of his own, being he was equally competitive.
Payson followed the conversation, adding in a joke or two at the right moment to send everyone into fits of laughter, making him smile wide, pleased with himself.
Abbott had no trouble flowing in and out of the conversation but didn’t share anything too personal and avoided anything to do with before he came to the Raven Rose clan.
Thinking about that, I didn’t even know what clan he’d been born into.
From what little I knew of them, my guess was between the Hell Hawks and Bronze Reapers, yet neither seemed to quite fit.
“Oh yeah, well, I’d like to see you do a job where you had to hide on a horse in a stampede to get away.” Becka challenged Dayson, her green eyes flashing at the assumed slight at her abilities.
“The thing is, Red, I wouldn’t have been caught, therefore never needing to pull such a ridiculous stunt.” Dayson grinned, crossing his arms.
May burst out laughing. “You big idiot, you never would have been able to do the job. Killing a man in a brothel is women’s work, and you know it. Who would want to fuck your hairy ass?”
“Watch it. I haven’t had any complaints with the ladies I blessed with my prowess,” Dayson growled.
“Hard to have someone tell you how bad it was when they’re not there in the morning,” Payson chimed in. “My guess is that you pass out like a bear in the winter after the first eruption.”
Dayson lunged at Payson, but Izel grabbed the man’s arm, stopping him. “We are not in a pub. Do not brawl like animals in the queen’s chambers. If you morons are going to be like this, then leave and settle this in your own space.”
Dayson and Payson muttered under their breath about being scolded, but they settled back into their spots as if nothing happened.
It would seem that Izel was the peacemaker, rules follower, and mother hen who valued order and civility around him.
He was extremely levelheaded and seemed to be able to notice when to step in or to leave it to someone else better suited to the issue.
Jade was the only one out of the group who kept to himself, simply watching and observing, much like I was.
The only difference was that none of the others tried to include him, whereas they would occasionally ask my opinion on a matter they were discussing.
Cole’s words came back to me as he asked Jade if he told me who he was.
Then there was the matter of his half brother, telling me he’d disowned Jade.
Vasin knew what his secret was and didn’t seem bothered by it in the least, giving me some peace about the matter.
I trusted Vasin above all others to keep me safe from harm and to do what was in my best interest.
“It looks like someone is falling asleep in her chair. Might be best for us to let her really go to bed,” Abbott announced, cutting off the conversation and jerking me out of my introspection. “Who do you want to stay with you tonight?”
I frowned at him, cocking my head. “Why would I need anyone to stay?”
“Well, after having torn some of your stitches, there is no way in hell we will let you walk on it. Plus, I’m thinking you might need help getting ready for bed. One of the girls can deal with that, and whoever you pick will sleep on the couch,” Abbott informed me.
“Wasn’t I crowned queen? What you just said sounds a lot like you’re ordering around your student. Surely you wouldn’t do that to your queen?” I teased, knowing he was falling into his old habits.
It was now Abbott’s turn to scowl at me dramatically. “I believe it was you who told us to keep you grounded and remind you you’re one of the ‘people.’ ”
Rolling my eyes, I turned to Becka. “Would you mind helping me get ready for bed?”
“Ah, just like old times. I was wondering when you would put on your royal airs and demand your personal maid back,” Becka answered with a wink and smile.
“Now, who’s going to stay?” Abbott pressed.
“I vote for Cole since he’s the one who caused her to damage her leg more. He should be responsible for the consequences,” Jade suggested.
“Fuck you, Shadow,” Cole snapped, glaring at Jade. Abbott coughed and gave Cole a pointed look. “Little mouse, if you want me to stay, I would be more than happy to do so.”
“Whatever.” I sighed, my tiredness rushing over me, making me unwilling to fight the issue any longer. “Abbott won’t let this go, so I hope the couch is comfortable. Otherwise, you could bring in an extra mattress or cot, since I’ll clearly have people sleeping in here for the next week.”
Abbott gave me a bright smile. “That is a wonderful idea, Cassarah.”
“All right… out, the lot of you and take those fucking dishes with you. The queen needs to get ready for bed,” Becka said, clapping her hands and shooing everyone out the door. “Thank God. I never thought I would get a moment alone with you.”
“That was never a problem before. I was always alone,” I murmured as she helped to pull me out of the chair and hop over to the bed.
I made sure not to put any pressure on my bad leg since it ached bone-deep after everything. Once I was seated, Becka rummaged through my trunk at the foot of the bed. Someone must have thought to take it from my room back at the clan lodging.
“Cassarah, you know, with me around, there was never a chance you were alone. You’re my best friend, practically my little sister.
The only change in this is that you finally get the chance to make other friends.
If I’m being honest, you’re doing better than I thought you would.
I was worried you’d be too shy and timid to open up to anyone else,” Becka commented as she helped me undress and slip on my nightgown.
“I’ll have to take your word for it because I do not feel like that. The only reason they’re spending time with me is because they’re my guardians, and I’m their queen,” I countered.
Becka scowled at me with her hands on her hips. “Right, and Jade wasn’t crazy overprotective before you put your mark on him. Hell, Cassarah, he pulled a knife on Cole faster than I’ve seen anyone do. Whatever you two went through on your little journey totally made you friends.”
“In fairness, I wanted to stab Cole many times… I still might on occasion.”
Becka tossed her head back and laughed. “Oh, girl, if that isn’t the God’s honest truth. I’m surprised that man has survived this long with so many trained killers around. My money’s on the fact it’s out of respect for Ballard.”
“What do you make of the others?” I asked, curious, as she handed me a basin of water and a cloth to wash my face.
A silence fell between us as she collected her thoughts.
“After meeting their fathers, I have to say I feel better about the men you picked. I totally approve of May. She is amazing once you get past the tough bitch exterior. Whenever we had gatherings of the clans, she and I always liked to see who could do better in the friendly events they would set up to test our skills. From what I know of the others, they are kind of the most desired men of our generation. The only one you missed out on was Payson’s twin, Paxton, but he left the clan a few years ago after a huge fight with his father.
No one will talk about it. I’m not sure he will even tell you if you ask, but it had to be something major if he up and left without even saying goodbye to Payson. ”
“So everyone knows each other?”
“Would you say you know people at court if all you could do is pick them out of a crowd? All the boys cared about was whether they could beat each other. Past that, they didn’t waste any time on getting to know one another and shit like that.
Especially since the Wind Fist clan is very particular about who they let their people around.
The fact they gave up Abbott still blows my mind.
I don’t think for a second it was because they couldn’t feed him.
No, his mother, a respected clan member, married a Hell Hawk.
They are known for being the wild child of the clans.
They pick all the jobs we think would be too risky to get involved in.
Being on the border of Utros, there isn’t much for them to do with that country staying neutral and never picking sides but their own in battles.
When Porvan said they took in King Edward’s son, I was completely shocked. That is very unlike them.”
The amount of information that Becka just unloaded on me made my head spin. “I think we’re going to need to pick this up in the morning. I’m not remotely able to process all that right now, and some of it sounded important.”
“Well, then, m’lady, I wish you goodnight. I’ll let Cole know he can come back over if you really want him to stay tonight?”
“It would be him or Abbott. I’m just not as comfortable with the others yet, and Izel slept on the floor last night. He deserves to sleep in his own bed tonight,” I answer, flopping back on the bed and wiggling around until I maneuvered myself under the covers.
“Sleep well, Cassarah. I’m really glad you’re back with us and safe.”
I didn’t even hear the door close. By the time my head hit the pillow, I was out.