Chapter 37
When Liz and Casey entered the radio studio, Sam was already seated, a set of headphones clamped over his ears, a microphone on the desk in front of him.
He was sandwiched between the two hosts of the morning show, Kyle and Miri, who were enjoying some witty banter over the final fading notes of “Last Christmas” by Wham!
Casey’s heart was hammering in her chest. The whole radio show—she’d just been informed—would also be filmed and streamed on their website.
And she was rightly wary about being on camera.
She did, however, have the pleasure of witnessing Sam’s shocked expression when she stole quietly in behind Liz and took her seat.
An assistant handed them each a set of headphones, and through the glass wall, the producer gave them a thumbs-up.
Sam eyed the exit as though he was considering making a break for it, but Miri began introducing their segment.
“Well, folks, have we got a midmorning treat for you today! We are joined by reality TV star Sam Moon, whose memoir, Hopeless Romantic, is on a lot of people’s Christmas lists this year.
Also joining us today: Liz Barnard, who is celebrating the publication of her debut novel, Septic Nightmares, which one critic has called ‘a daring new vision of horror.’ ”
“Sounds cheery,” Kyle quipped, and he and Miri both laughed.
“And we’re also joined by a surprise guest, who many of you will know from a meme that went viral a couple of years back, Sam Moon’s ex-girlfriend Casey Smith!”
“Wow, I’ve got to say, Miri, it’s feeling like a Christmas miracle to have these three with us today.”
“You’re not wrong, Kyle.”
All the while, Sam was glaring daggers at Casey and Liz.
Sam—as the only celebrity among them—was given his chance to speak first. He rattled off a few well-rehearsed anecdotes from his reality show exploits, and then Liz talked a little about her novel and what inspired it, and then it was time to get to the nitty-gritty.
“Now, Casey, you and Sam were once an item before you famously turned down Sam’s proposal…” said Miri, leaving a gap for Casey to jump in.
Her mouth was drier than a sandy flip-flop and her heart was beating so fast she thought she might faint, but she replayed Margo’s pep talk in her head, took a sip of water, and said, “Well, actually, what a lot of people don’t know is that Sam and I weren’t actually together when he proposed.
We’d broken up acrimoniously some months beforehand and were not on good terms, which made his proposal something of a shock. ”
“Really?” Kyle exclaimed. “That’s a different account to the one you give in your book I think, Sam?”
Sam cleared his throat to reply, but Liz jumped in first. “For extra context, Casey and I were friends at that time. We’d met at a writers’ group, and she’d introduced me to Sam, and I’m ashamed to admit that we started seeing each other behind Casey’s back.
Hurting my friend in that way is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
What I didn’t know then was that when I dumped Sam, he began harassing Casey, and we all know what happened next. ”
Sam’s eyes bulged as though someone had stuck a pin in his bottom.
Casey too was shocked by Liz’s frank admission; she saw that her hands were shaking, and she placed one of her hands over the top of Liz’s and squeezed.
Liz looked at her gratefully. Kyle gasped audibly and Miri said, “Crikey! It’s all coming out now! ”
“That’s the idea,” said Liz.
Inside the booth, Casey saw the producer punch the air in jubilation and realized that they were giving the show one heck of a scoop.
“And so, Casey, have you and Liz made up?” Miri asked.
“We’re a friendship in progress,” Casey replied, smiling at Liz. She felt a thread of disquiet that had flapped wildly inside her these last three years lie down and be still.
“Listen, there’s no denying that the way things ended with Casey and me was sketchy,” Sam cut in. “But, Liz, I think people ought to know that we’ve split up again recently, and so some of this may be sour grapes rather than sisterhood.”
“Whoa there, Sam, let’s keep it civil, shall we? It’s Christmas, after all,” Kyle interjected.
“But I have to say that these revelations do put a different slant on your proposal and your whole ‘hopeless romantic’ thing,” added Miri. Through the glass the producer gave her a double thumbs-up.
Sam was visibly flustered. “The fact is that I was desperately in love with Casey, and I wanted to marry her and when she said no, I was heartbroken.”
Casey worried that things were getting away from her when Kyle turned to her and said, “Casey, can you tell us a bit about why you turned down Sam’s proposal? We’ve all heard Sam’s version, but I don’t think we’ve ever heard your perspective.”
She cleared her throat. “I hadn’t been happy with Sam for a while before he ended things.”
“That’s a lie!” Sam expostulated. “My ex had hurt me badly and I was working through some stuff; I’d thought that Casey was open to helping me heal. I guess not.”
“Now, Sam, mate,” said Kyle placatingly. “It would be great if you would let her speak.”
Sam rolled his eyes and muttered something about reverse sexism. Kyle turned to Casey. “Please continue.”
She took a deep breath, feeling like she’d been running.
Sam glared at her. Now Liz squeezed her hand.
“When we broke up, he seemed suddenly to be very much in love with me. Things got intense and he didn’t seem able to move on.
I think he proposed out of desperation, perhaps he felt lonely, I don’t know.
I turned Sam down because I simply didn’t want to marry him, and surely, I have the right to not marry a person who will make me unhappy.
Shouldn’t I be allowed to say no and have my wish respected?
That meme has garnered thousands of opinions, and all of them are skewed in Sam’s favor.
I’m a laughingstock, I’ve had death threats, not to mention the threats of violence and sexual assault, but the one thing that nobody considered was that my refusal of Sam might have had something to do with him. ”
There followed a stunned silence before Kyle said, “Honestly, I’m ashamed to admit that I never even considered that there might be an alternative explanation.”
Miri mmmm-ed her agreement and added, “Me too. I kinda feel like I should have my feminist badge revoked. Sorry, Casey.”
Liz faced her, her eyes brimming. “I should have reached out,” she said. “I’m sorry too.”
Sam blustered. “What is this? Gang Up On Sam Day? I’m the one who got jilted and I still offered an olive branch.”
“Yeah, I saw your social media poll, Sam,” said Casey, feeling suddenly powerful, buoyed by the solidarity in the room. “But you need to understand that we are never, ever, ever getting back together.”
Kyle and Miri were open-mouthed and the only defense against the dead air was Liz’s laughter. The producer was gesticulating wildly, and Miri recovered herself first. “Let’s take some calls from our listeners. We’ve got Gemma on line one. Hi, Gemma, who’s your question for?”
Gemma’s voice crackled as though she was calling from her car.
“Yeah, hi, Kyle and Miri, I just wanted to say that I was with Sam for nine months in my early twenties and he was manipulative the entire time we were together. When I broke things off with him, he became obsessive. So, yeah, I’m Team Casey all the way. ”
“Okay! Thanks for calling, Gemma,” said Miri quickly. “Um, Sam, do you have anything you’d like to say to that?”
“Well, she’s clearly a fantasist; I don’t remember going out with anyone called Gemma.”
“We’ve got Philipa on line two. Philipa, welcome to the show, what would you like to say?” asked Kyle.
“Yeah, hi, um, I met Sam when we did the Cupid Cabin show together last year. We went out for a few months. I never felt like I was good enough for him, he was always pining after his ex. I was starting to fall for him, but when he chucked me over for someone he’d met on another show, I was also kind of relieved.
So, Casey, I believe every word you said. ”
“Bitter!” Sam burst out. “Her career’s going down the toilet—she’ll do anything to stay in the public eye. You know what women like that are like…”
“I’m not sure I do. Maybe could you enlighten us?” Miri asked sweetly.
“Boy, this is turning into a ‘ghosts of girlfriends past’ situation for you, Sam!” Kyle quipped.
Sam was sweating. Liz was snickering into her jumper.
“Okay, we have Dr. Margo on line three, let’s hope this isn’t another one of your exes, huh, Sam?” said Kyle.
Dr. Margo? It couldn’t be. Could it?
“Oh, hello, yes, this is Dr. Margo Present here. Am I on air?”
It was. Casey covered her mouth with her hands to stop a nervous laugh escaping. Sweet Lord of Misrule! Margo was a loose cannon at the best of times; heaven only knew what mischief she could cause on a live radio show.
“I’m Sam’s physician,” Margo went on. “Samuel, you’re a tough man to pin down—all that gallivanting around the country—I’m so glad I managed to get hold of you, as this really can’t wait.”
Sam was struck dumb with perplexity. Casey was wondering where this was going.
“Now, I’ve prescribed a new cream for your foot fungus; the last one was clearly no match for a fungus as virulent as yours! Poor old you, only the Grinch should have green toes, am I right?”
Casey gasped behind her hands. Beside her she felt Liz tense as she tried to suppress a laugh.
“I haven’t got a foot fungus,” said Sam. “This is a setup. I don’t know who she is!”
“Don’t be embarrassed, dear, we’re all friends here.
I’ve also prescribed you an odor-reducing talc,” Margo went on.
“Hopefully it’ll help, but you might want to wear extra cologne until it starts taking effect.
The main thing is to get it under control; the last thing you want is fungus climbing up to your nether regions—fungi love warm, damp places.
The cream and talc will be ready for you this afternoon. Toodle-pip!”