Chapter 13
HOLLY
It’s the twenty-third. The last day of work until the new year. I don’t regret my decision, though, I’m not sure what I’ll do with myself.
The last time I had more than two days off in a row was… actually, I don’t know if I’ve ever taken a full week of holidays.
My mind has felt heavy today, and my heart has had a constant ache in it. As much as I try to push the thoughts away, reality can’t be ignored so easily.
It’s almost Christmas Eve.
It’s almost time for this fling with Felix to come to an end. Which it needs to…I think. I mean, it only makes sense for it to end.
He’s so cheerful, so perfect. I may be perfect too, but in different ways. I don’t see the world the same way as him.
I don’t find the joy in all the little things.
There’s no way I could make him happy for the rest of our lives. I told him this from the beginning—in less words and detail, but I did.
But if it’s the right thing, why does it hurt so much?
There’s a knock at the door, Joy opening it moments later. “Hey boss, just wanted to say bye before I left.”
“Okay. Have a nice night.” I nod, but for some reason, my stomach twists slightly.
She takes a deep breath, her lips thinning as she begins to close the door. “You too.”
Ah, fuck me.
“Joy,” I call out, and she opens the door wide again. “Happy holidays.”
Wide-eyed, she looks over her shoulder, her mouth slightly agape. “You too, boss.”
I swallow the slight lump in my throat. “You can call me Holly.”
With a smile, she nods. “See you in the new year, Holly.”
She gives me a wave before exiting the office, leaving me alone with the faint electrical hum of the lights above.
I should get going too. There’s nothing more for me to work on until the new year, since everyone and every business is also off.
I guess it’s just time to relax.
And spend the holidays alone. A thing that never bothered me before, but leaves a faint twinge of pain in my chest.
No, it’s not that. It’s probably something I ate, or heartburn. I’ll just sleep it off, and I’ll be fine.
I turn off my computer, hitting all the light switches as I make my way out of the office. There’s a certain peacefulness to the silence and emptiness, but it also feels…not right.
Shaking my head and pushing away the looming thoughts, I lock up and head home.
There’s a knock at my door, and I frown. I’m not expecting anyone today. It’s Christmas Eve, and I spend it alone.
By choice.
Even now is…by choice.
Hesitantly, I make my way to the door, opening it a crack. Felix stands on my porch.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, pausing for a moment before moving to let him in out of the cold.
Taking a few steps back, I give him room to close the door. As he does, I turn around, glancing into my living room.
Things are clean…but not as showroom-ready as I normally have them. Is he going to notice?
Why do I care so much?
“Well, you texted me ‘it’s been fun,’ and haven’t been answering any of my calls or messages since, so I thought I’d come check on you,” Felix says, his usual smile nowhere to be seen.
He…was worrying about me?
My stomach twists, a storm of feelings crashing about, one that’s brewed from the guilt of stressing him out. All for what? Because I’m…scared?
I shake my head slightly. “Well, I’m fine, as you can see. So…you should probably go.”
Even though I tell him to leave, he stays put. His eyebrows furrow as he stares at me, and even his snakes look confused. Sad, even. For the first time, I avert my eyes.
I can’t bear the look on his face right now.
His hands trail down my arms tenderly, sending shivers through me. “Spend Christmas Eve with me, and I guarantee you that Santa Claus won’t be the only one coming.”
He uses his head to nudge mine to the side, trailing kisses down the side of my neck. A small gasp leaves me as he grips my waist, pulling my back against him.
Our clothes do little to suppress the boners I can feel against my ass.
“I told you I don’t do the holidays, Felix.” It’s hard to be convincing as he and his snakes pepper me with kisses. “The holidays are here, so this fling is over.”
“Are you Christmas? Because I can’t wait for you to come.” His tone is irresistible. “I can keep going, dollface.”
While the Christmas puns still bring a slight boil to my blood, they’re much more tolerable for some reason.
Maybe it’s because of the way he touches me, gentle but still dominant, with a neediness that I reciprocate—unwillingly.
Or maybe it’s because Felix is the one saying them.
Oh God, all of this is because of Felix. My tolerance for the holiday season, the flutter in my chest when he’s around, even the decorations in my living room.
They’re all because of him.
And yet…I don’t hate it. I don’t hate any of it.
The things that used to make me want to push carolers into the road now don’t even make me bat an eye. He’s changing my view of the season, the holidays.
No, he’s changed my views already.
And I don’t like the way that he seems to see right through every wall I’ve put up. I don’t like the way he’s slipped through the barricades I placed around my heart.
The thought of loving and losing…again…it’s too frightening.
I need to end this now, before I fall further than I can catch myself.