Chapter 14
FELIX
She pushes away from me, my hands falling from her waist. An emptiness rushes in where she stood, the air feeling heavy around me.
My snakes hiss at her sudden movement, at the change in the way she reacts to me.
Something has shifted in her demeanor, her aura. The iciness that had melted away seems to be rapidly refreezing.
My heart feels like it’s seconds away from shattering as she grows distant—both physically, and emotionally.
I could feel her heart racing, and the way she leaned into my touch was borderline desperate. So why does she want this to end?
I thought that my puns were lightening the mood. Maybe they were just pushing her away…
Shaking her head, she continues to walk away from me. “This is done.”
“The puns?” I ask, but I know what she’s saying.
I just don’t want it to be true. It can’t be. I can’t be losing her before I even have her.
“Us.” Her steps falter at the end of her front hall. Her shoulders are tightened, and she runs her fingers through the roots of her hair.
I shake my head, even though she’s turned away. “Holly, this isn’t… hasn’t been just a holiday fling for a while now.”
She takes a deep breath, her shoulders still holding tension as she lets it out. “Well, it has been for me.”
“You’re lying to yourself, dollface.” I try out the nickname I’ve given her. The one that always makes her eyes sparkle when she hears it.
Her head turns, as if she’s about to look over her shoulder at me. She doesn’t, though, the cold still radiating from her all the way to where I stand.
Then, she speaks, her voice softer than I’ve ever heard it, a waver in it that’s never been there before. “Stop.”
I take a step toward her, her head nearly turning again at the sound of my footstep. “This is real, what you and I have.”
She shakes her head hesitantly, her voice quiet. “Felix, please.”
“Why are you pushing me away?” I practically beg, taking another single step.
She whirls around, those dark eyes gleaming with the tears that dare to break free.
My heart aches knowing I have something to do with it, that I’ve pushed her to this point.
But my heart also breaks at the thought of losing her before she knows how I feel. In our short time together, I’ve fallen in love with her.
Because I see what’s beneath the icy exterior she shows the world—I see the warmth and love that she tries to pretend isn’t there.
“I don’t want anyone to know me deeply again, Felix,” she barks, approaching me with a finger pointed in my direction. “I used to yearn for someone to understand my soul, to understand me, and then someone did. And then they tore me apart.”
She stops just short of me, finger raised at my face. “I don’t get torn apart—not anymore. I’m strong, things like that don’t happen to me.”
“Opening your heart, having emotions, none of that means weakness.” I gently bring my hand to her chin, cupping her face. “You are strong, but with that strength comes emotions—and that is the way it should be, Holly.”
Her eyes dart around my face, wide and showing me more than they ever have before. My snakes let out soft hisses, the gentlest they’ve ever sounded.
There’s hope that’s dwindled by fear, and love that’s stifled by resentment.
She’s been hurt before. Badly.
“I’m never, ever going to hurt you, Holly,” I promise, dragging my thumb across her cheek to wipe away a stray tear.
She lets out a weak, scoffing laugh. “I’ve heard that before.”
“Not from me you haven’t—and I mean it. Like it or not, you are never scaring me away, dollface.” I move my free hand to her waist, pulling her against me. “This fling was never a fling to me. It’s been the start of my forever. Our forever.”
I lower my head, resting my forehead against hers. All I want to do is pull her closer and comfort her.
Hell, that’s what I’ll do.
Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her into me. To my surprise, she just melts. Her shoulders shake as she lets silent tears seep into the fabric of my shirt.
I squeeze her tight, moving my head so that my chin rests on top of her soft curls. She always seems so put together, so strong. This is a completely different side to her.
This is the emotion that I knew was in there. I hate seeing her this way, but I knew she had it in her.
“Make my Christmas wish come true, Holly, and be with me. Not just for the holidays, but for the rest of time,” I say softly, swaying slightly where we stand intertwined.
She shakes her head against me. “Even if I wanted to… Felix, I’m older than you. If I want kids, it has to be, like, now.”
“And do you want kids?” I ask, my mind racing.
While I didn’t have intentions of having a baby anytime soon, for Holly, I would do just about anything. The question now is, is that what she wants?
With a shrug, she lets out a tiny laugh. “I don’t know. I don’t think so…but I don’t know.”
I dare to tease her, pulling back slightly and making eye contact. “Well, I thought you always knew everything, so this is a shock.”
She gives me a playful shove, but it’s weak with my arms still wrapped tightly around her. “Felix, I’m serious. Are you sure this is what you want?”
“A life with you?” I clarify, pretending to think for a moment. “Absolutely.”
Her voice wavers as she asks, “Really?”
My heart pounds in my chest, so loud I wonder if she can hear it being this close. It’s now or never. I have to tell her how I feel, or risk losing the woman I love forever.
“Holly, there is only you. No one else even exists in my mind. You consume my every thought. Everything I do, I do it thinking about you.” I need to cut to the chase. “I am so madly in love with you that it hurts. The thought of losing you, of never seeing you again…it’s terrifying.”
As her eyes dart all over my face, I hope she can see that I truly mean every word that has left my mouth. My snakes are the most silent and still they have ever been.
Waiting for her to say anything has turned us to stone, in essence. Her gaze has always pierced into my soul, but in this moment, it has the power to tear right through it.
“I’m scared,” she says weakly, but a gentle smile graces her lips.
That smile alone is enough to flood me with a wave of relief. I move my hands from her arms, scooping her ass and lifting her.
She wraps her arms around the back of my neck, her legs gripping my waist as she presses her lips to mine. This kiss is different than any of the ones we’ve shared before.
It’s the first one that signifies our forever.
When she pulls away, her fingers make their way up into my snakes, who let out the strangest hiss. It’s almost as if…they’re trying to purr? They’ve never done this before.
“Does that mean you’re willing to really give me a chance?” I tease, holding myself back from just smushing my lips to hers again.
Her head tips back, a laugh floating through the smile she dawns. “It means I love you too.”
The words go straight to my heart, replaying on a loop in my mind. A track that I could listen to for the rest of eternity.
One I hope to keep playing for the rest of my life.
“Even my Christmas puns?” I wink, giving her a devilish grin.
She tilts her head, those eyes sparkling as she says, “Even your Christmas puns.”