Chapter 7 Mia
Ifelt like I was in a bad dream.
All I could hear was gunfire.
Then there was a sharp pain in my stomach, followed by wetness seeping through my fingers.
“No… no, no, no, no, no!”
My baby… my innocent little girl.
“God, please let her be okay. Let her be okay!”
Bright lights blinded my vision. I couldn’t see in the distance, but it was calling me. Telling me there was peace beyond the lights and a future with my child. Behind me, I could hear distinct voices.
My mom.
Titan.
My father… daddy? When did he get here?
I could hear them crying… begging… praying.
I looked back toward the light, confused as to where I should go.
“It ain’t your time, baby girl,” I heard.
My head snapped around and standing before me was my grandfather. He was just as handsome as I remembered. It had been so long since I’d seen a genuine smile on his face or he remembered who I was.
“Grandpa!”
I ran into his arms, allowing him to embrace me fully. He chuckled as he kissed my forehead. I didn’t know what it was about his hug, but in this moment, it made me break down in tears.
“It’s okay, puddin’” he said, stroking my back. “Let it all out. Grandpa’s got you.”
“I don’t know what to do!” I wailed.
“It’s not up to you, baby. It’s not your time to go.”
“But my—”
“She is fine. She’s at peace and you’ve got your old grandpa to look after her.”
I sniffled as I pulled back and looked at him. “Is she really gone?”
He gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Mia.”
“But… I never got to… she was just…”
I couldn’t form the words to express what I was feeling or thinking.
“It’s not fair,” I whispered. “I was just getting used to carrying her. She can’t be gone.”
“It’s not forever. She’s your angel now, and she’ll always be with you. I’ll just be taking care of her until you two meet again.”
He kissed my forehead and pulled me back into his arms. My heart hurt. This was all my fault. If I hadn’t been so stubborn, if only I’d stayed home and faced my problems instead of running away, my baby would still be here.
“I don’t wanna go back without her, Grandpa,” I whispered.
“I know, puddin’, but you have to. You aren’t done.
I didn’t raise no quitters, and neither did your daddy.
Your last name might be DeLuca now, but you are and will always be a Dillinger.
We don’t take shit laying down. Go back.
Heal. And when the time is right, fuck shit up the way only you can.
” He cupped my chin and smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“One more thing… give Titan a break. That man loves you… let him.”
I nodded. “I’ll try.”
He kissed my forehead and gave me a slight push back in the other direction. I was slow to make my way toward the voices, scared of the reality of what waited for me on the other side.
My eyes fluttered open, and my ears tuned in to the sounds all around me.
I could hear hushed whispers and sniffles.
I could smell my mother’s perfume and my father’s signature cologne.
Trying to sit up caused me to groan, and several footsteps rushed toward me.
“Baby… you’re awake,” my mother said, cupping my face. She smothered my cheeks in kisses. “You’re awake.”
“Hey, Mom.”
She moved so my father could see me.
“Baby girl… you scared me.”
Looking into his handsome face, filled with worry, made me feel even more like shit. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and his eyes were red.
“Daddy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest. “You’re here. That’s all that matters.” He kissed my temple and rubbed my back. “I’m gonna make sure this shit is handled.”
“Senior!” my mother warned.
“Nah, Maddie. A muthafucka shot one of mine. This shit is personal now.”
“Where’s Titan?” I whispered.
No sooner than the words left my lips, did the door open and Titan walked in with his parents right behind him. When he saw I was awake, he sprinted over to me, cupping my face and kissing my lips.
“Baby, you scared the fuck outta me,” he said, sitting on the bed. “You were out for five days.”
“Five days?”
He nodded. Hurt filled his eyes as he looked at me. “Mia… I… the baby—”
“She’s gone,” I whispered touching my stomach.
He bit his lip. “Shit fucked me up, man.” Tears brimmed his eyes as he looked away from me. “She was so tiny.”
“You saw her?”
Again, he nodded. He covered his face and for the first time since I met him, he cried. My father reached out and gripped his shoulder.
“She’s really gone, man,” he said through his tears.
His tears made me cry again. Even with him telling me, I underestimated just how much he wanted this baby. I didn’t think we were ready. I was terrified, and just when I was getting on board… she was gone.
“This is one of the hardest things you will go through,” Mrs. Deluca said.
“I’ve been there. You’ll be angry. Bitter.
You’ll place blame because someone has to be responsible for this kind of pain.
It hurts like hell and it’s so unfair. I know you don’t wanna hear it, but this is gonna test your marriage like nothing else.
When that anger sets in… things will get ugly.
You’ll get through it, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Your families will be right beside you.”
“That’s right,” Daddy said. “Once we get you back home, everyone will be there to take care of you. Both of you.” He turned to Titan. “I guess you should start calling me Pop now too, huh? We’re gonna talk about how you went and married my daughter and not even ask for my blessing.”
Titan nodded. “I hear you.”
He turned to me. “And you. Where gonna talk about why you thought it was a good idea to bring your happy ass over here in your condition.”
“I know, Daddy.” I rested against the bed and blew a heavy sigh. “Did… are there any pictures of her?” I whispered regretfully.
Titan pulled out his phone. “You um, you were under anesthesia, but they allowed me to take a couple.”
He passed the phone. With a trembling hand, I took it from him. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I looked at the photo of my baby on my chest. There was another of Titan and one other by herself. She was so tiny, so helpless.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I whispered. “I didn’t get to hold her or anything.”
My lip trembled as I touched the picture.
Why hadn’t I listened? Why hadn’t I stayed home?
I was so dead set on running away from my problems that I put myself and my child in harm’s way.
I was so sure I was being careful, that we had covered all the bases.
I’d underestimated JacQues Dupont. In my mind, his attraction to me would be his downfall, but my cockiness was mine.
My baby was gone, and it was all my fault.
I wasn’t sure I could forgive myself for that.
“We can have a memorial for her,” my mother offered. “Something small and intimate.”
“I’ve arranged for her to be sent home,” Daddy said. “She’ll be right where she belongs. Quaid volunteered to handle everything for you two.”
The mention of Quaid made me think about my brothers. Surely, this whole thing would cause beef between them and Titan. They hadn’t been on good terms that long, and now the drama was about to unfold.
“Your brothers are worried about you, not how we got here,” Daddy said, as though reading my thoughts. He was always good at that.
“I can’t face them.”
“You have to. They’re gonna be waiting at your house when you get home. They wanted to come with me, but it would have been a madhouse. They didn’t like it, but they listened when I told them to stay behind.”
I shook my head. “I don’t wanna see anybody when I get home. I just wanna be alone. Please. I just… I just need some time.”
It grew quiet, and my father nodded his head and motioned for everyone to leave the room.
“We’re gonna go get something to eat and give you some privacy, but we aren’t going anywhere.”
He kissed my temple, then walked out of the room. My mother and Titan’s parents did the same. I looked over at my husband, regret and shame etched into my face.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.
Gently, he slid me over so he could climb into bed with me. An arm came around my shoulder and he pulled me against him. Lacing his fingers through mine, he kissed my hand. Tears streamed down my face as silence fell upon the room.
“Titan?”
“Yeah?”
“Did the bullet hit her?”
“No, but the impact was too traumatic for her to survive.”
“I fucked up so bad,” I whispered.
“We both fucked up. This isn’t just on you. I should have said something to put a stop to all this before it got this far.”
I shook my head. “Our daughter is gone, Titan. I can’t forgive myself for that.”
“You will, in time.”
My hand went to my stomach. “I feel so empty. She was just here and now… she’s gone. I felt the first flutter last week. I won’t feel that ever again.”
I couldn’t help but cry again. All the time I had to bond with her, I should have valued it more. I should have spoken to her more, sang to her. I should have loved her more because now, I couldn’t love on her at all.
“We have to name her,” I whispered. “And it has to mean something.”
Titan was quiet for a while before finally speaking.
“I was thinking Eden… it means paradise or delight.”
I thought for a moment. “Eden Amani DeLuca.”
He kissed my forehead. “Our baby girl.”
I settled into his arms and closed my eyes. If it was the last thing I did, JacQues Dupont was going to die a most violent death.